Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Little Britain or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They are the property of Joss Whedon, Fox, ME, BBC, etc., and I borrow them for non-profit fun only.
AN: In response to Monday’s Mini Challenge #13, Giles meets another ASHBLF. Sorry for the obscurity of the crossover, but for those who’ve seen Little Britain…heheh. (Written in a bizarre fashion. Apologies to all.)
VOICEOVER: Back at 10 Downing Street, The Prime Minister meets with Rupert Giles, an unlikely National Hero.
(The Prime Minister and Mr. Giles are in the Prime Minister’s office. The Prime Minister hands Mr. Giles a framed medal and shakes his hand.)
PRIME MINISTER: I do apologise for the lack of ceremony, Mr. Giles, but I trust you understand that the general public isn’t ready for the public decoration of a hero of your…erm…standing. There would be too many questions that we couldn’t possibly answer.
GILES: Please, no need to explain, Prime Minister. In my line of work, one hardly expects recognition of any kind. I’m honoured just to be here.
PRIME MINISTER: Not as honoured as I am to have you here. When it came to my attention that the Council had been destroyed, I honestly feared the worst. Then to hear that one lone Watcher and a handful of potentials had averted the apocalypse…Well, I realise that a medal is hardly thanks enough, but I wanted to meet you and thank you personally.
GILES: Of course, Buffy was primarily responsible for…
(Sebastian enters carrying a tray with tea and little sandwiches; he blatantly sizes up the PM’s guest, and squeezes himself in between the two men.)
SEBASTIAN: Here you go, Prime Minister. I’ve brought your tea.
PRIME MINISTER: Thank-you Sebastian.
SEBASTIAN: And your little sandwiches.
PRIME MINISTER: Yes, thank-you, Sebastian. (Pauses, waiting for Sebastian to leave, but he doesn’t.) Was there something else?
SEBASTIAN: (Looking hungrily at both the Prime Minister and Giles) I don’t know why, but right now I really fancy a sandwich. A nice, tasty sandwich. (Eyes them again) With meat.
PRIME MINISTER: That will be all, Sebastian.
(Sebastian doesn’t move.)
PRIME MINISTER: (Coughs) You can leave now.
SEBASTIAN: (In a snarky voice) Fine.
(Sebastian sets the tray down on the PM’s desk. He makes a show of pouring out the tea and arranging the little sandwiches on the tray, bending over them provocatively as the two men talk.)
GILES: As I was saying, it was mostly Buffy and the others who brought down the First. I merely brought them all together.
PRIME MINISTER: I think you’re being too modest. I’ve been told that you played a crucial part in the final battle.
GILES: (Modestly, and with much stammering and blushing.) Yes, well…I did take down a number of the, uh, enemy. As did the others I fought alongside.
(Sebastian, finished with his refreshment fiddling, turns to leave, but ‘accidentally’ trips and knocks the Prime Minister into Giles. The three men fall to the floor in a heap, with Sebastian somehow miraculously wedged between the other two.)
SEBASTIAN: I’m so sorry, Prime Minister. I’m all thumbs today, honestly! (He helps them up, his hands squeezing the muscles of Giles’ arm in the process. He looks into Giles’ eyes admiringly.) Ooh! Somebody’s been working out.
PRIME MINISTER: Sebastian!
SEBASTIAN: All right, I’m leaving. (Spots a piece of carpet fluff on Giles’ trousers, which he then brushes off, coming dangerously close to over-familiarity with the PM’s guest.)
PRIME MINISTER: NOW, Sebastian.
(Sebastian jumps, and scurries out the door.)
PRIME MINISTER: I apologise for Sebastian. He means well.
GILES: It’s all right, I’m used to it. My young friend Andrew is very much the same way.
(Sebastian re-enters, peeking around the door.)
SEBASTIAN: I’ll just be outside. If you need anything. Anything at all.
GILES: Thank-you, Sebastian. That’s most kind.
(Sebastian gushes vocally and flips his unruly hair out of his eyes before ducking back outside.)
GILES: He’s really very sweet. I’m sure you’re happy together.
PRIME MINISTER: As happy as you and Andrew, I dare say.
(They exchange looks, and then hastily busy themselves with the tea and sandwiches.)