Everything I Do
Title: Holding Out for a Hero
Author: Kristy Marie
Genre: so it's a two shot/one shot Song Fic
Disclaimer: Of course Joss has the BtVS stuff and Bryan Adams has this
song. I just own my nice little iMac computer, and a shiny new iPod Mini (it's
Distribution: TTH, FF.net, let me know where else it travels to...
Author's Notes: Xander didn't go to Africa, he actually traveled with
Buffy and Dawn to Rome, he didn't want to leave his Summers girls... This is
my first song fic so hopefully it will go okay. I decided to try to wrap it
up with a little Xander/Buffy interaction with a song in the background....
Feedback is greatly desired as it boosted my day from mediocre to a 'oh happy
Everything I Do...I Do It For You
Dawn looked up from the dusty old demon book she had been looking through all
day. She watched as Xander knocked lightly on her sister's door and then entered
the slayer's room cautiously when he heard the okay. At this site, Dawn's hopes
sky-rocketed. She knew that this was the make or break moment of any romantic
possibilities between Xander and Buffy and she was going to give it all the
help she could muster. She sat the book down and turned on a song she had been
waiting for the opportune moment to play. She turned the volume up just enough
to be heard in the other room and then grabbed her purse to head out for an
unscheduled night of sight-seeing in Rome. Hopefully there would be a new couple
when she returned...
Buffy looked up at Xander as he walked into the room. His remaining eye was
mixed with so many various emotions, Buffy was unable to read any of them. Although
he had always been a hard one to judge. The apprehension between seemed so thick
that she could almost see it forming a wall between them. She knew that this
was the culmination of her weeks of planning, and could only hope that the outcome
would be a positive one.
Xander swallowed nervously as he looked at Buffy, no, correction, his Buffy
laying on the bed. She, and all of the girls, had always been his. His to protect,
his to comfort, his to always be there for. He swallowed one more time hoping
to force the lump in is throat down so he could actually say more than his first
words of 'can I have you' that he had spoken to her all those years ago. One
more swallow made him capable of speech. "Hey Buff, umm," he swallowed
once more, where was his capabilities of Willow babble when he needed it, "think
we could talk, talking would be good right now, you know, me, you and the mouths
moving, forming words and such..." Buffy smiled up at him and then they
both heard a familar song filter in from the other room..
Look into my eyes
You will see, what you mean to me
Buffy smiled at him. "Hey Xand. Your babbling. You know, you've always
meant the world to me," she swallowed trying to form her next words carefully,
"all the guys in my life always left. Merrick, my dad, Angel, Riley, Giles"
she pauses and looks down towards the floor and barely whispers, "Spike..."
She then looks back up and meets his steady gaze, "But you never did, I
was always afraid you would leave me, that you would decide to have a normal
life or you would get killed by something. I always wanted to keep you away
from the dangers that being a part of my life entailed because I didn't want
to lose you because of it.." She looked back down at the floor again.
Search your heart, search your soul
And you find me there, you'll search no more
Xander filed what she had just told him away so he could process it later,
right now he needed to switch to comfort Buffy mode. He walked over and placed
a hand on her shoulder causing her to look up. "I'll always be here, whenever
you need me. You don't have to look anywhere for more. I've always been behind
you and I always plan to be. If I had wanted out of the slaying gig, I would
have left years ago when you were all afraid of me getting hurt. If you couldn't
get rid of me then, you certainly can't get rid me now."
Don't tell me it's not worth trying for,
You can't tell me it's not worth dying for,
You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you
Buffy tugged on his arm so he would sit down next to her. "I never understood
why you helped, you didn't have any super powers, any need for redemption, a
destiny, but you fought alongside all of us. You would have died for all of
Xander looked at her with slight shock on his face. After all these years,
someone had finally asked him why. "At first, it was because of Jesse."
At the puzzled look on Buffy's face, he went on to explain. "He was the
third in our trio, Willow, me and Jesse, the founders of the 'We Hate Cordelia'
club," he gave a slight laugh at the distant memory and saw realization
dawn on Buffy's face. "He was the first vampire I actually staked. It was
at the Bronze that first night, he was talking to me, trying to pretend he was
still my best bud, telling me all the joys of being a vampire, when something
hit him from behind and he fell into my stake. I..." Xander paused as the
long ago feeling resurfaced.
Buffy looked at her Xander and realized she had overlooked so much about him.
"Oh, Xand, I never.."
Xander turned to her and cut her off, "Don't say it, I know that he has
been in a better place, you're proof of that, I didn't really kill him, I just
put his body to rest." He got silent again.
"You said that that was why you did it at first, what changed?" Buffy
placed her hand on the small of his back, and began to move it in comforting
"After watching all of the ups and downs that everyone around me went
through, you had a destiny, Willow found magic, Angel had redemption, Oz was
a wolf, Giles was a Watcher, Riley was military guy, Dawn was an ancient ball
of energy, Spike, hell I don't know what he was, Anya," he voice caught
on her name, "she was 1000 years old and trying to fit in, all of you were
part of the supernatural. I decided I needed to be there for all of you, remind
you what the human thing was. Keep you all grounded in the world, crack a joke
here, deliver some doughnuts there. I just wanted to be there for all of you.
I decided the moment I brought you back in the Master's cave that I would always
be right there with you."
Look into your heart, you will find
There's nothing there to hide
Take me as I am, take my life
I would give it all, I would sacrifice
Buffy looks over at her unsung hero, "You were never a normal one. You
stayed with us even though you could have been killed, you stayed when we pushed
you away, you stayed even after the long string of demon girls that you always
seemed to attract, you stayed even after your own life fell apart. You could
have left, found a normal girl, someone who didn't know about vampires and demons
and death, but you never left me..."
Xander cut her off as he reached his hand up to brush a strand of her hair
from her face, "I know all of us have thought about what our futures hold.
We could never open ourselves to some unsuspecting stranger. I think deep down
we don't want to bring anyone else into our world, we don't want others to be
burdened with the pain. And we could never fully be with someone without telling
them the truth." He keeps his hand resting gently on her face and wipes
a tear that falls down her cheek. "I know what your past holds, I was there
and saw it all. You know what my past holds. We don't have any secrets left
to keep from each other."
Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more
You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you
There's no love, like your love
And no other, could give more love
There's nowhere, unless you're there
All the time, all the way
Buffy leaned slightly into the caress on her cheek. His hand was strong and
calloused from his carpentry work. It felt good. "Xand, I've been fighting
for so long. I've been looking for a reason to live ever since..." she
paused, it still pained her to think about her time in heaven, "ever since
I came back from heaven. I've never had a normal relationship, I always based
my relationships off of someone who could side with me in a fight, someone who
was as strong as I was physically. None of my relationships had an emotional
connection with the Buffy side of me, I always let my slayer side choose a match.
I think, no I know, that I always had you there to be my sounding board. To
listen to me, to joke with. I just always thought I couldn't base a relationship
on that. But, I think I want to try it now. I think I'm ready to fight the slayer
side let it know I need someone to love who will love me back, who will love
all of me, both the slayer and the girl."
Xander continued to caress her face with his hand and leaned into the slow
circles she was still making on his back. She had just told him something he
had only dreamed of when he was a teenager. She had just told him that she wanted
someone to love and that he was the one she wanted it with. His breath was but
a whisper when he looked deep into her eyes, "There's nothing I want more
than to be one, I've always loved you Buffy."
Oh, you can't tell me it's not worth trying for
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more
Yea, I'd fight for you, I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you, yeah I'd die for you
Buffy moved her face within inches of Xander's. Her heart was racing as she
was about to venture into uncharted territories. She reached her free hand up
to his face and lightly traced her fingers over his eyepatch. She had shied
away from looking at his horrible wound since it happened, she still felt responsible
for up. She looked into is chocolate colored eye, "You know I will always
fight for you..."
Xander encompassed her tiny hand with his, "I've lied for you..."
Buffy moved closer to where she could feel the brush of his lips ever so slightly
against her. "I'd walk the wire for you."
With one last breath, their eyes held each others gaze as they both said, "I'd
die for you..."
And their lips joined together for what would be the first of many kisses to
come, as the last words of the song filtered through the room.
Ya know it's true
Everything I do
I do it for you
Dawn slipped back into the house about 4 hours later. She wasn't sure what
to expect but she hoped it would be good. She looked around and saw that everything
appeared as it had when she had left. She saw that Buffy's door was still slightly
cracked open and decided to see if either her or Xander were still home. As
she peeked through the door, the site she was met with would make her happy
for the rest of her days. A fully clothed Buffy was cuddled up like a little
child with Xander's arms wrapped firmly around her and both were sleeping with
smiles planted on their faces. Wiping a tear from the corner of her eye, Dawn
retreated to her room and pulled out a paper from her nightstand drawer. "Should
have figured...," she mumbled. Then she preceded to call Willow in South
America to let the witch know that she had won the betting pool. Giles was going
to be miffed when he found out he missed it by a day.