Doctor Rupert Giles, Anarchist
Doctor Rupert Giles, Anarchist
*** Follows 'Ghost,' 'Anchor' and 'Coffee Break.' The things doctors should learn during a routine physical. ***
*** Disclaimer *** I'm nicer to the characters then their creators, i.e. Someone else created them and gets money for the idea. I don't.
*** Distribution *** Twisting the Hellmouth
*** Warnings *** They're already dead. How much worse can it get? Smirk.
"Dr. Giles, phone!" The young girl yelled in a singsong fashion. It was obvious that Dawn was teasing her father figure.
Janet Fraiser looked up from the books she was researching with Willow. They had been discussing the negative effects of magic on a human body. "Doctor?" she asked.
Willow smirked. "Somehow, none of us considered that Giles would be required to have a PhD to have been hired by the British museum. You should have heard Buffy's reaction the first time she took a message for 'Dr. Giles.' Since he returned to London he has all kinds of people asking him for advice on research."
Said Slayer happened to walk in to hear Willow's comment. "Yeah, and now he gets more phone calls than I do! They're all geeks so they don't count but . . ." Buffy trailed off when she saw her best friend was mildly affronted. She hurried to correct herself. "You're not a geek, Willow, you're a kick-ass techno-pagan. I'm talking about Andrew-type geek. You were never really a geek so your phone calls always counted, well, you were a little bit of a geek but your phone calls counted . . ." Buffy suddenly realized that she was merely digging herself in deeper. "You know, I think I hear Faith calling." And she slithered out of the room with enhanced speed.
Willow raised an eyebrow in Janet's direction and Janet laughed. "I do believe Faith's in Florida picking up two Slayers," said the witch piously.
Janet laughed all the harder. She sobered up enough to comment, "The wonders of Slayer hearing. I do believe I should test that."
Willow started giggling.
Giles jumped slightly but smiled at the ghost. "Janet, please call me Rupert or Giles. No need to be so formal." He paused. "I would prefer it if you entered the room by way of an open door, though."
Janet steeled her gaze. "You've locked the door, unnecessarily. I'm taking advantage of my condition. It concerns your physical and those of your main staff, Dr. Giles. I have finished with the younger Slayers, the new Watchers, Andrew, and Willow, but Faith, Buffy, and Dawn are all procrastinating and hiding from me." The petite doctor glared at Giles. "Something they learned from you. I finally got Xander to sit still for me this afternoon. Considering we're joined at the hip, he put me off far longer than I expected."
"Oh, dear." Giles took off his glasses and started wiping them off. "Well, it's just a physical. I'm sure they are very busy."
Janet brooked no argument. "I need a baseline of their, and your, abilities to know how to help them when they get injured."
"Ah, yes . . ." A pounding on the door stalled Giles' retort.
"Giles! Doc!" Janet recognized Buffy's worried voice. "Vi just came back hurt! She's not sure what she came up against!"
Both adults hurried to the door. While Giles fumbled with the lock, Janet slid right through the door. Janet was already hurrying to her infirmary, yelling for Xander, when Giles came face to the face with his Slayer, who looked far less concerned than circumstances warranted.
"Well? How bad is Vi?" he asked.
Buffy shrugged. "Sprained wrist, some second-degree burns."
Not an emergency; she would probably be healed in a day or two. "And the demon?"
Buffy shrugged again as she led the way to the library. "It's that blue-fire demon. We must have missed one when we cleaned out the nest. Those things were hot. As in hot-hot and not cute-hot."
"Harni-bleu," Giles absently corrected. "Where shall we start tracking it down?"
Buffy shrugged a third time. "Vi won. Threw the Mr. Bluey into the Thames."
Giles was slightly annoyed. "Then what's the emergency?"
Buffy grinned. "You stuck in the same place as the Doc when she's in that intense-mode. Rival only to Willow and her Resolve Face."
Giles looked rather embarrassed. "Oh."
Buffy pushed Giles out the door gently. "Vi and Xander are going to stall her in the infirmary. Hopefully Doc won't catch on. You owe us one."
Giles nodded. "Indeed." He loathed the thought of explaining the effects of his unconventional youth to the magically inexperienced doctor.
"You guys are rather blasé about your experiences," said Doctor Fraiser. Janet was trying to start a non-threatening conversation. She swore that the Scoobies were worse about their medical physicals and needs than Colonel O'Neill ever was.
Buffy said nothing and continued to stare out into the dark night, searching for the wayward Ethan Rayne. Willow was bored with the stakeout and her eyes darkened. "Some," she answered softly. Others were so painful that they could not be forgotten.
Janet expanded her thoughts. "I mean, Xander was possessed by an hyena spirit, but didn't consider it worth mentioning during the physical. He mentioned it in passing just hours later." Xander had thrown a fit when he realized that Janet wanted to do a another physical now that she had the additional information.
Willow nodded. She took care to keep her voice quiet. "That was a long time ago. Did he tell you about the soldier?"
Janet knew that Ethan would not be able to hear her, so she allowed her voice to reveal her alarm. "Soldier?"
Willow nodded. "One Halloween, Ethan made every one turn into what their custom was. Children became monsters, I became a ghost," Willow shot a sly look the blonde's way, "Buffy became a fainting Lady of the 1800's. Xander was soldier."
Janet blinked. "You were a ghost, like me?"
Willow shook her head. "Not really. It was only for a couple of hours. Buffy had dressed me up as some sort of biker momma, but I chickened out at the last minute and put on a sheet. The sheet stayed behind and I ended up being a biker momma anyway."
"So, no ill effects," asked Janet.
"Not for me, no," said Willow.
Janet leaned back against the wall. She had to do it carefully or she would fall right through. "I know it's just asking the right questions, but your experiences are so far outside of my normal realm."
Neither girl answered.
Janet decided to try some minor manipulation. "Take Dr Giles for example." Both girls were suddenly paying attention. "He's been avoiding me for some reason, but beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know that if I don't ask the right questions during the physical, I'll never know why." If Janet had observed correctly, the girls would be willing to dish some dirt on the egmantic Briton.
The girls exchanged a smirk and took the bait. Buffy finally spoke. "If we catch Ethan tonight, you can ask him. He knows more about Ripper than the rest of us put together. He'd be more than willing to spill."
"Ripper?" Janet was confused.
The girls had another bout of silent communication. Buffy slowly started to talk. "That was Giles' nickname during his . . . wild-oats planting."
Janet blinked. "Giles had a rebellious streak?"
Buffy nodded emphatically. "He earned the name Ripper."
"O-kay." Janet shook her head. Rupert Giles was just so calm, so British. "Things I should comment on during the physical?"
"Tattoos," was Buffy's immediate response. Janet filed it away, definitely a story in that one.
"And of course question every last scar," added Willow.
Janet eyed the two girls. "You know that you will not be able to look in the medical files." The girls looked a little guilty.
Buffy piped up. She grinned engagingly. "But what if we take you out for coffee?"
Janet shook her head. "Patient confidentiality."
Willow pouted. "But we're helping you."
"Tattoos and scars are normal questions," Janet reminded them. "I was asking about things that I would not know to look for."
Buffy objected. "But tattoos and scars mean more in our world."
Janet shook her head. "I would have already asked."
Suddenly Buffy's head swiveled in the other direction. "Rayne," she murmured. Willow and the Slayer were off like a shot. Janet tried to follow but soon realized that she was at the end of her tether. Xander was stationed a block in the wrong direction. He would not have seen the mage yet. Janet had yet to set eyes on the mysterious man. She could hear sounds of a scuffle though. She waited impatiently.
A few minutes later Willow and Buffy came sauntering around the corner. Buffy was dragging a man by his shirt collar. Janet made an instinctive move to check his vitals but Buffy brushed her away, not that Janet would have been able to touch the man anyway. "Willow kicked his ass. All magic. Well, I did get a couple punches in but it was all Willow," said Buffy.
The red head blushed.
Buffy led the way back to the other stakeouts. "Anyway, back to embarrassing Giles? Did the smoking, drinking, lots of women, some drugs, and a bit of magic, back in the day. Ask Ethan," the slayer shook the man in question. "With us? He gets concussed a lot. Got turned into a demon. Ask about the band candy." She turned to Willow. "Anything else?"
Willow thought for a bit. "He's allergic to a couple magical herbs. You'll have to ask him for specifics."
Janet smiled. "Thank you girls."
Giles shifted uneasily in the chair. He had finally been cornered. Janet sent Xander away and put her special blue-ribboned pen to the medical questionnaire. "Now Giles, we'll need to take lots of X-rays, especially of your head. I understand that it is a very hard thing to break. But first, why don't you tell me about the dueling pistols, please? Your father's, I believe."
Giles blushed slightly. Someone had been telling tales out of school. He had thought that he had kept everyone far away from Ethan and his cage. Evidently, he was wrong.