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Snake Eyes

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Summary: Xander doesn't really want to help Snyder on Halloween. Buffy and Willow make him, in a fit of pique.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Xander-CenteredAlanPFR1321,8673910,4788 May 048 May 04Yes

Snake Eyes

Summary: Yet another S2Halloween spamfic.

Crossover: Harry Potter

Disclaimer: Do I /look/ like I have a job?

Feedback: Absolutely!

* * *

Xander wasn't happy to be in a tent, as a famous troll put it. He was
normally a happy camper, but he had just been 'volunteered' for
Halloween kiddy escort duty.

If it was 'escorting' beautiful women like Willow or the Buffmeister,
he'd be all over it. But for some weird, wacky reason the thought of
dealing with a horde of screaming kiddies didn't really do anything for
him. Something Buffy said dragged him out of his mental anguishing.

"Great," Buffy said. "I was gonna stay in and veg. The one night a year
things are supposed to be quiet for me."

"Halloween quiet?," Xander asked. "Oh, I figured it'd be a big ol' vamp
scare-a-palooza."

"Not according to Giles," the Slayer said moodily. "He swears that
tomorrow night is, like, dead for the undead. They stay in."

"Damn!," Xander said, snapping his fingers. "And those wacky vamps
promised me dinner! I think it'd be good for our Fuhrer to get out into
the real world -- he can take out my kids. I'm for movies at Chateau La
Harris."

"Ah, what about your mum?," Buffy asked. The idea had a certain
something...

"You know how normal bars have Happy Hours?," the Xanman asked. "The Fat
Lady's Arms has a 'Happy Dawn Till Dawn.'"

"'Nuff said," Willow grumped. She didn't like being reminded of Xander's
parent's tendencies, as she hated being reminded of her powerlessness to
correct that situation. "You're not getting out of this, Xander. What if
the kids came across a serial killer, or, or, a Freddy Krueger
psychopath? Maybe someone--"

Xander put a finger on Willow's lips, sealing them. "I've had enough of
demon snakes, mummy girls, and vampires. I'm with Buff -- a night off
would be in order."

He got up before either of the two girls could argue further, moving
over to the can machine to get a coke. He put in two fifty cent pieces
in a vain attempt to coax sweet, sweet sugar from the machine before
being rudely interrupted.

"Harris!," Larry, one of the school jocks bellowed.

Xander groaned. Just what he needed.

"You and Buffy, you're just friends, right?," the jock continued.

"I like to think of it less as a friendship and more as a solid
foundation for future bliss," Xander drawled, in the safe knowledge that
Larry wouldn't understand a word.

"So, she, she's not your girlfriend?," Larry hesitantly asked.

"Alas, no."

"Do you think she'd go out with me?," Larry said, looking over at the
bleach blonde.

Let's see, Xander thought. If you lost a thousand pounds, got a facial
reconstruction, dyed your hair, had a brain transplant with Stephen
Hawking, went to a British boarding school... no way in Hell.

"Well, Lar, that's a tough question to... No. Not a chance."

"Why not?," Larry snarled. "I heard some guys say she was fast."

"I hope you mean like the wind," Xander said, a dangerous note in his
voice. The oblivious jock didn't notice it.

"Yeah, you know what I mean," the football player grinned.

"That's my friend that you're talkin' about!," Xander protested, knowing
the line was lame as soon as he said it.

"Oh, yeah?," Larry challenged. "Well, what're you gonna do about it?"

Xander was already ticked. He'd lost any chances of R&R tomorrow night
(he doubted the girls would let him get away with ditching Halloween),
and this neanderthal had just given him the perfect outlet.

"Nothing so crude as physical fisticuffs," Xander said softly. "I'm
going to slowly destroy you -- I know a lot about mental and physical
abuse, the slow torture taught by the ancients."

Heck, part of that statement was even true -- the G-man's books were not
filled with sweetness and light.

Larry finally noticed Harris' tone of voice, and his body language. He
couldn't back down, though, not after insulting and challenging Harris
in public.

"We'll see, Harris."

Buffy appeared behind Xander. "You okay, Xander?"

"I don't know," Xander said. "Am I, Larry?"

Larry gave forth a flat gaze hiding any whiff of intellect.

"Get gone," the Slayer commanded.

"Ooo! Diet!," Buffy whooped, spotting the can of Diet Dr Pepper that the
can machine had grudgingly proffered in exchange for money.

"Thanks for the help, Buffy," Xander said. "Next time, leave me to
handle it."

"So," Buffy chirped, "see you after school at the costume shop?"

Xander groaned. "Buffy, Buffy, Buffy. Demons in actual flesh have
nothing on children in demon costumes."

"I think it would be good for you to go," Willow contributed, joining
the two. "It could be a learning experience!"

"No, no, and no again!," Xander said, throwing up his hands. He decided
to leave before the girls managed to talk him into /helping/ with
Snyder's insane plan.

* * *

This might get beyond two parts, but I seriously doubt it.
Next Chapter
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