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Xander Inverse the Vampire Spooker

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Summary: Shock! Giles knows what videos are? Xander learns Slayers style magic.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Anime > SlayersAlanPFR132827,95664771,7838 May 0417 May 04No

Chapter 28

Summary: Fall! The collapse of normality.

Crossover: Bastard!!, Slayers

Disclaimer: I don't own Bastard!!, Slayers, Hellsing, or Buffy the
Vampire Shagger. Although, if the respective owners want to swap for a
couple of CDs that's fine.

Feedback: Yeah, baby!

Pre-fic Comments:

Nestle' Mint Slice. Shyeah, right. More like "Nestle' Choco Bar, with a
Hint of Mint." Waste of $2.30. Don't waste yer money on it, folks.
Nestle's mint choc bars (South African things, red and blue wrapper,
can't remember the name offhand) are a million times better. Man, I need
to get more of the latter. (Maybe Daenrys can remind me as to the name.
Some Italian-South African friends turned me onto those things.)

Does anyone else have a disturbing tendency to laugh during heavy metal

* * *

Willow groaned as she slowly woke up.

"Owwww... my head--"

She abruptly stopped talking as she realised something. Her voice. It
was way too masculine to be /her/ voice.

"What the?," Willow said experimentally. The timbre and tone was,
indeed, un-Willow-like.

She turned her body around, then opened her eyes and looked down.

After looking around to make sure that no one was around and conscious,
she did an exploratory grope. Her hand confirmed that the wrong genitals
were there. She felt dirty, somehow, after that. And she couldn't see
the two bumps on her chest that she had been accustomed to.

Saotome screamed in a most unmanly fashion.

* * *

Buffy groaned as she woke up, a male shriek piercing her comforting
cloud of mental oblivion.

"Shaddup, it's only... ten at night?," she said, peering at her wrist.
"Where am I?"

The slayer jumped up from where she had been lying on the floor and had
a look around. She was at the Sunnydale High School Library, and was
next to some guy with black hair in a pigtail -- obviously the shrieker.

LYwrongand--," the boy started babbling.

Buffy slapped him one.

"Again, from the top, /slowly/," Buffy said calmly. "You're as bad as

"Buffy, you gotta help me I'm NOT in a Willow-like body and something is
MAJORLY wrong," the boy said, a Japanese accent colouring his words.

"What?," Buffy asked, totally confused. "You're way wigging out and
making no sense."

"I'm Willow," the boy said. He began to go into panic mode again.

Buffy tuned the boy who claimed to be Willow out, and picked up a glass
of water that was on the main table.

"Chill /out/," Buffy said, tipping the water onto the boy's head.

The Slayer's mouth dropped open in surprise when the blackhaired boy
turned into a red-headed Willow. Luckily, the glass bounced off the
carpet with little damage to it.

Feeling the cold water, Willow's hands immediately went south. A smile
creased her face when the arms encountered two obstacles, and the smile
widened to a grin when she felt a distinct lack of certain things.

"YAY! I'M A GIRL AGAIN! WOOOOOO!," Willow cheered.

Eventually, Buffy regained her communication link with the outside
world. "Ah, does that meant that you're bisexual now?"

* * *

Xander was having a lot of fun on the way back to the High School, and
the provider of answers.

The vampires of Sunnydale had caught wind of his slight enjoyment of
anime, and where he had drawn his nickname of 'Xander Inverse' from.
Anime series like Slayers, and Bastard!! were therefore quite well known
amongst the undead Americans of California now, as a result.

"AAAAAHHHH!," a leech shrieked in a most ladylike fashion as it spotted
him coming. "Inverse wasn't bad enough, now Dark Schneider has come to
get us as well! RUN, THE BASTARD'S HERE!"

Xander would have hit the bloodsucker, except that he was laughing hard
enough that his lance of flame missed by a foot, scorching the bricks
next to the vamp. It fainted dead away, falling to the pavement.

Just as well that Faith was there as well. She staked it.

"Ohohohohoho! What a trip," the dark Slayer smirked. "You okay there,

"Man, those things kill me!," Xander choked out. "Or rather, they dont,
and that's what makes it so... pbfffft... funny!"

"Breathe," Faith advised. "Choking to death would be wicked uncool."

"I'm okay," Xander ruled, straightening up. "Have we gotten to our
prison, yet?"

"Just about," Faith shrugged. "Hey, you remembering all kinds of groovy
things from that bit of fun just now?"

"You mean spells like Venom, or Megadeth?," Xander asked. "Sure. You?"

"Ooooohoohohohohoho!," Faith laughed in answer. A window nearby
shattered in response to Naga the White Serpent's (in)famous laugh.

Xander watched her chest bounce up and down in time to her laugh,
hypnotised. Once she stopped, he shook her head. Man, he was torn
between loving watching and loathing listening.

He shrugged mentally as he held the main door open for Faith. Some of
Darshe's supreme confidence had leeched into him as well.

"You want to go on a date tomorrow night?," he asked. "Burgers at
Mackers, dancing at the Bronze, then movies and episodes at Chateau De
La Harris."

* * *

Post-fic Comments:

Well, I hope you enjoyed watching the fall-out.

The End?

You have reached the end of "Xander Inverse the Vampire Spooker" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 17 May 04.

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