Author’s Note: Part of the Spander Inquisition, written for CaliaDragon who wanted The boys together, with a close Willow/Xander friendship, crossover and preferably NC17. What she got was Schmoop, Baby!
1. I own nothing, not even the plot, rather it’s a loving tribute to the Wizard of Oz, and Heinlein’s Number of the Beast
2. I tried and tried to get the boys to have a PWP, but no… they only wanted to cuddle and talk…sigh.
3. Schmoop schmoop and nothing but schmoop.
Xander had been bickering amicably with Spike as they entered into the Magic Shop and stepped right into the middle of a spell that Willow was casting.
As they vanished into nothingness Xander swore he heard a faint ‘oops’ from his favorite redhead.
“Oh, my head feels like I ran into a headstone. I am really beginning to hate traveling like this” Xander moaned. Forcing his eyes open he glanced around trying to get his bearings. Nothing looked familiar, except for the blond head resting on his chest. That was a sight that he’d thought he’d never see except in his nighttime fantasies, before all of this had begun.
However nice it was though, he needed to move and he couldn’t do that with Spike draped across his chest like a blanket. Reaching up, he kept from stroking his hand through the short blond waves and instead shook the shoulder. “Spike….Spike…wakey.”
A snort and a hand batting his arm was all the response he got. “Come on Blondie. I need you awake here, wherever here is exactly.” He looked around the room again. Still nothing familiar in the bland setting. Generic Motel 6 room was the first thought that came to mind. One without any windows. No lights anywhere, just the bed, three doors and Spike, though he could see just fine, what little there was to see. ‘One would think that whatever fate was dragging them from reality to reality would have a little better decorating taste.’
Rolling to the side, he dislodged the blond from atop his body, causing him to roll over onto his back. Sleepy blue eyes glared up at him, then widened comically.
“Where the ‘ell are we this time, Whelp?”
“Looks like we are in some type of motel room, but other than that I’ve not had a chance to look. Hopefully Wills can figure out where she sent us and get us back home quickly.” Xander stood and walked around the room. “Three doors…one’s the bathroom I’m fairly certain, one should be a closet and the other should lead us out. But out where?”
Spike rolled to the edge of the bed and searched in his pockets for a cigarette. Finding a crumpled pack, he pulled one out and lit it, inhaling deeply while watching Xander pace around the room. “Won’t know til you try it. Go on, give it a try, see where we are. Anythin’s better than sittin’ around here, there’s not even a bloody telly to watch.”
Xander walked to the door closest to the bed and opened it. Inside was a closet with bent wire hangers. “Nothing in here except Joan Crawford’s worst nightmare.”
The second door led to a utilitarian bathroom, with the worlds smallest shower. Xander was quite sure that if he tried the shower the water would only come out a slow trickle.
Bracing himself, he pulled open the third door to see what was behind it.
“Well, that’s not quite what I expected.”
“Eh, what’s that?”
“We don’t appear to be in Kansas anymore.”
“Wot the ‘ell are you saying here Xander?”
“Come take a look for yourself Fangless. There’s a yellow brick road outside this door and a lot of really bright colors…it reminds me of the Wizard of Oz.” Xander stepped outside to look around.
Spike grumbled but followed him out. “I don’t see a sun in the sky. I could get used to this, now.” Spike strolled out past Xander who was still in front of the doorway staring around.
“Well, come on. We don’t have all day here.”
“Where do you think we’re going?” Xander asked as he walked towards the vampire.
“Init obvious? We’re going to follow the yellow brick road and go home.”
“Oh no” Xander began backing up back towards the door they’d stepped through. “I know how this story goes, and it’s not that pretty. I have no need to meet with flying monkeys or scary trees that throw fruit at hungry travelers. Nuh uh, I’m gonna stay right here and let Willow rescue me.”
Spike stalked after his traveling companion. “Oi, come on Whelp, it’ll be an adventure. If you’re really good and come along quietly I won’t tease you about being afraid of the flying monkeys.”
“Ha ha, very funny Spike.” The pout was turned on Spike in retaliation. “Tell you what, you don’t tease me about the monkeys, and I’ll not call you Fangless until we get home again. Deal?”
They spent the day following the path before them and talking. Both had been rather surprised at the beginning of their adventure to find out that they really didn’t hate one another. It was during a conversation about how their feelings had changed during the time that they had been traveling that they both saw the scarecrow in the cornfield. Spike had gotten a laugh out of Xander with his comments about the Slayer resembled the straw figure, with her bony build and bleached blond hair.
“Pot, kettle” was all Xander would say in response to the bleach comment.
A little further down the road they came across the tin man and it was Xander this time who talked about it reminding him of Wesley, all stiff and formal and oh so British.
Finally they’d come to the forest and met with the cowardly lion, who both said reminded them of sweet, gentle Tara.
As evening fell, Xander began to get nervous.
“What’s wrong now?”
“This is where the wicked witch attacks with the flying monkeys.”
“Come ‘ere. Do you actually think I’d let some nasty buggers like flying monkeys harm you? Not gonna happen.” He tugged the young man close enough to wrap an arm across his shoulders. “Let me worry about the soddin’ monkeys for now.”
Xander could here the smirk in his voice, but still, it was nice to know that he wasn’t alone in this bizarre adventure.
When the flying monkeys did arrive, ‘right on schedule’ Xander thought to himself, Spike jumped in and had a grand time from all appearances.
Seemed the monkeys resembled a low level demon that was easily dispatched with being hit with stones. Luckily there were many rocks to be found in the clearing that they were attacked in. Spike made sure that Xander was protected as much as possible by the tree behind him while he tore into the monkey brigade.
By the time they’d all been taken care of, it was dark and Xander was ready to fall asleep on his feet.
“Here now, pet. Come ‘ere and lean up against me. Morning will come soon enough and we’ll head on to the city. Suppose that wizard bloke will be there to tell us how to get home.” Spike pulled Xander down and into his arms, snuggling him tight for the night. Running his fingers through the thick dark hair, he murmured reassurances that they’d be home soon, soothing his lover and himself as best he was able.
Morning found them once again on the road, with the Emerald City easily seen in the not to far distance. Laughing they trotted off towards the gates, eager to be going home, for real this time.
The City was everything that Xander had imagined from reading the books as a child. The movie really hadn’t done it justice.
They were lucky, the Wizard was actually in residence at this time, and was willing to see the two strangers from afar.
Xander stared in awe at the stonework of the audience room. Beautiful arches led off to many different rooms, and there was a sweeping staircase that led to the throne that the Wizard was holding for the missing Princess Ozma.
Stepping forward, Xander and Spike bowed to the Wizard, who looked remarkably like Giles to Xander’s eyes.
“Why have you come, strangers?” The Wizard’s voice echoed around the room.
“Nice trick that.” Spike muttered quietly to Xander.
“Shush Spike.” Xander turned and faced the Wizard, “We come looking to see if the Great and Honorable Wizard can help us to return home. We have traveled far and wide, across many places and now only wish to return home.”
“If you know how to ask for my help, then you surely know the way home, young man. All you have to do is say, ‘There’s no place like home’ while wishing for it. You’ve known all along.” He smiled at the young men standing shoulder to shoulder. “While you never asked to go on this trip, I believe that both of you have learned many things of great importance to the both of you.”
“Spike, you learned that you can love again, and Xander, you learned that you are worthy of love. Go home young men, return to your friends and family and share your love with them, for it is a wonderous thing.”
Turning to face Spike, Xander reached out and clasped hands with his lover. Closing his eyes, he began chanting, “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home…”
When they opened back up their eye’s they were standing in the middle of the Magic Box, surrounded by the rest of the Scooby gang.
Shrieking in joy, they turned and scooped up Willow and spun her around.
“I was so mad at you Wills. Another tragic magic accident and I was caught up in it, but without it, I would have never gotten to know and love Spike in the same way. Thank you.”
“WHAT!?!” in stereo came from the rest of the gang.
“Oh dear.” Giles pulled off his glasses and pinched his nose.
Xander laughed at the looks of shock and surprise on everyone’s face. “Oh come on, it’s not that surprising is it? Feed us and we’ll tell all about our adventures.”