Spoiler Warnings: Major Angel Season 5 spoilers. Anita Blake spoilers are limited but pretty big plot points if you haven't read any of the books.
Disclaimer: All characters, ideas, entities, places, and anything else recognizable belong to their respective owners. Laurell K. Hamilton created the AB-verse, and all things Angel/Buffy are the spawn of Joss Whedon. If this is not clear already: THEY ARE NOT MINE. NO MONEY IS BEING MADE. NO HARM IS INTENDED. I promise to play nice . . .
A/N: Very rarely do I write in the first person. Actually, when the idea occurred to me it was in third person and a lot more obviously Fred/Richard. It turned into more a narrative than actual story.
My name is Winifred Burkle, but everyone calls me Fred. I like tacos, spent several years in a hell dimension, and--did I mention I'm dead? Well, technically, I mean, I was supposed to be and everyone thinks I am and . . . it's complicated. Some immortal wannabe-goddess stole my body. Of course, she didn't just kick me out. She pretty much cooked my insides first. So, I figured I'd tell Wesley I loved him, maybe get a little lovin' and then go on to heaven. Not that it happened that way.
I died too soon for any of the fun stuff.
I never made it to heaven.
Oh, don't worry, I didn't go to hell, either. Good ol' Cordy found a loophole. She's been busy since the whole 'didn't really wake up from the coma' thing. Higher plane. Alternate dimensions. She's like a guardian angel only, well, not.
Anyway, back to what I was saying, Cordelia found me a loophole. Seems the whole working for Wolfram and Hart and getting my body stolen meant I died before my time, so the Powers owed me one, too.
But I didn't get to go back. Only special cases get to do that. The ones that get called to be warriors for the light BEFORE they die. Still, she said the Powers would send me here to start over. Call me crazy, but it seemed a lot better than the just bein' dead thing.
Where is here? Oh, yeah, I forgot. I'm in St. Louis, but not the St. Louis from home. Different dimension, different rules. Vampires keep their souls. All vampires. And they're actual citizens of the good old U S of A. Other than that, it's a lot like home. There's a Wolfram and Hart branch in LA, but it's a lot smaller, and not quite so evil. I think. There's a lot more werewolves and other shape-shifters, but they're not so bad. Shape-shifters make good strippers.
They even have tacos.
I don't have a mission. All the world-saving gets done by the things that go bump in the night. Of course, that may be because like half the local population is in love with Anita Blake. She's the vampire executioner for the state. They don't have Slayers here, what with the vampires being all soul-having. Regular humans do the slaying. Or, well, humans anyway. There's not much regular about Anita Blake. She's scary, in an 'I'm so tiny no one notices until it's too late' kinda way. I think, maybe, we might even be friends one day. I hope so. Because she's a little more hesitant to kill her friends.
Did I mention I think I'm in love with her ex-boyfriend?
After Anita introduced me to Richard, she got this look in her eyes. Anyone else, I might have said she was about to cry. But she just sighed and said I was perfect for him, what he needed, and then she went out to kill something big and nasty.
Everyone's shocked by how well she's taking it. I'm starting to wonder if maybe the Powers gave me a mission after all.