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Behold the Power of Twinkies

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Summary: Xander vs. the Hulk and the only weapons Xander can use are Twinkies.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Marvel Universe > HulkDragonhulkFR131967245,19231 May 0431 May 04Yes
Behold the Power of Twinkies

Summery: Yellow is the weakness of the Silver Age Green Lantern; what if something yellow worked against another green comic book character?

Disclaimer: I have nothing other than, well lets just say I have nothing. Honestly if you think I have any legal right to these characters contact me, I'll give you a great deal on some rain forest land up here in Utah. Heck if you buy from me I'll throw in some beach front land in Kansas.

Authors Notes: This is what happens when my muse comes to me while I’m on a sugar high. Feed back will help her come when I’m sane and maybe help me get through the next part of Endless.

Crossover: Read and find out.

Xander Harris was happy as he sat by his car in the middle of the Utah desert. Why was he happy you may ask? Well the answer was simple and complex at the same time. Yes he had just played a major part in saving the world, and yes he had survived his high school years but the single largest thing that was contributing to Xanders happiness at that moment would probably be the twenty boxes of twinkies sitting in the back seat of his car.

‘Man I can’t believe that I won the door prize at Smiths. Just goes to prove that this road trip was a good idea. No school, free twinkies, and no monsters trying to turn me into a Xander shaped bloodstain. Just goes to prove that anywhere is better than home.’ With these thoughts Xander brought out his sleeping bag and unrolled it on the barren ground. Not for the first time, Xander was grateful that he brought this along. He wasn’t rich, heck he wasn’t even well off; so staying in a hotel every night would force him to end his trip earlier than he wished. So he slept out, either on the ground, or in his car as much as possible.

Taking out a box of twinkies, Xander ate a couple before putting the box at the bottom of his sleeping bag; this way he could get to it easily for a midnight snack and wild animals couldn’t. ‘Yet another lesson learned from my wonderful campouts at Christmas,’ Xander bitterly thought as he remembered why he had originally bought this sleeping bag.

Just as Xander was about to drift off to sleep the ground rumbled for a brief moment. ‘What was that, an earthquake,’ thought Xander as he was immediately brought awake from the peaceful slumber he had been looking forward to.

Looking around to see if perhaps there was another reason for the earth to shake, Xander was treated to an unusual sight. Off in the distance what looked to be a green dot was falling through the air. It wasn’t until he felt a second, larger tremor, that Xander realized that the object was coming towards him at an alarming rate. A few seconds later he watched the speck take the form of a man.

Xander sat and watched as the figure made its way closer to him in leaps and bounds. This isn’t to say that Xander doesn’t have good survival skills, you couldn’t survive in his home town with out them, but the sight of a large green man jumping miles at a time through the desert was enough to make his motor functions stop in their tracks. Xander only registered the possible danger when he saw two incredibly large feet descending from the sky almost directly over his head.

‘Ohgodpleasedon’tletmedie!’ was the only semi coherent thought in Xander’s head as he struggled to remove himself from his sleeping bag. Fortunately for Xander his struggles caused him to roll out of the way as two feet, each one almost as large as his torso, landed where he had been a moment earlier.

Finally getting out of his sleeping bag Xander got his first good look at the creature before him. The creature stood at least ten feet high and looked to weigh over a thousand pounds. His skin was a striking emerald, marred only by smudges of dirt and soot. Turning to Xander he spoke in a voice that sounded like the love child of Darth Vader and a thunder storm, “Puny Human.”

As the hulking figure moved toward him Xander began to search for a weapon that could actually hurt this creature, unfortunately all he could find was his box of twinkies. Deciding that if he was going to die it wouldn’t be on an empty stomach Xander withdrew a single twinkie and bit off half, enjoying the sweet sugary goodness. He had just swallowed when the creature put its face by the remaining twinkie half.

In a helpless attempt to endear himself to the beast before him, Xander gave the creature the other twinkie half. Taking it between his pointer finger and thumb the creature put the sweet treat in his mouth. Quickly deciding that he liked the treat the creature spoke another word to Xander, “More.”

“You want more my friend you got it,” said an enthusiastic Xander as he quickly dumped the entire box onto the ground.

As the emerald giant consumed the entire box of twinkies Xander made his way towards his car. Just as he was about to open the driver side door the creature finished eating the first box. Apparently trying to escape was a bad idea because it seemed to anger the creature.

“MORE!” The demand was punctuated by his fist slamming into the ground, causing a spider web of cracks to appear on the ground.

Opening the side door Xander quickly tossed out the remaining nineteen boxes in the direction of the green goliath. Sitting down slowly, making sure not to make any threatening moves Xander watched as his precious twinkies were consumed.

One at a time, and in handfuls, eighteen boxes of twinkies were consumed. The last box the creature didn’t even unwrap; it simply dumped the contents into its mouth chewed, and swallowed; plastic and all.

Looking relaxed, the monster sat down. Xander watched as the monster began to shrink until only a man about the same height and build as Oz was sitting before him, clad only in a pare of purple pants.

“Hey my names Xander, what’s yours.”


The End

The End

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