Werewolves of London
Summary: Hear ye, hear ye! Exclusive Interview with the Lupins, our very own werewolves of London! Read all about it in today’s edition of The Quibbler, available at newsstands everywhere or by owl now!
Luna always did have a way of exaggerating the truth…
Written for the Mid-year TtH Fic-a-Thon for Dodo:
Genre: Harry Potter
Max Rating: R
Characters: Tara, Remus
Want To See: Tara + Remus together
Not Want To See: Character Death
Disclaimers: I don’t own BtVS, Harry Potter, or anything else; I probably never will. Please keep in mind I’m playing fast and loose with timelines and canon, more so in some areas than in others ;) Consider it an AU version of the end of Season 5. All mistakes/contradictions belong to Luna, who plays even faster and looser with exact details than I do.
"Werewolves in Love!", a Quibbler
exclusive by editor Luna Lovegood-Weasley:(Editor’s Note: Please keep in mind that this article contains violent content, and may not be suitable for younger readers. If you do allow your children to read this article, The Quibbler cannot be held accountable for any nightmares, delusions, or accidental magic use that occurs; we also cannot be held accountable for any cases of death by fright. Pregnant women and people with back problems should consult with their mediwitches. Comments, questions, threats, and chocolate frogs of praise can be sent to The Quibbler, c/o Luna Lovegood-Weasley, 145 Diagon Alley, London.)
Greetings, my dear readers, we have quite a treat for you today – an exclusive interview with the ever elusive Lupins! Most people have heard of Professor Remus J. Lupin, the beloved DADA professor at Hogwarts, but few people know his wife - that’s all about to change, as her new book Slayers Among Us
will hit stores tomorrow (as always, turn to The Quibbler for the best book summaries!
). I stopped by to talk to the couple, to get their impressions on the role of lycanthropes in literature, both as subject and author. However, the story that emerged was even more interesting and intriguing…
Theirs’ is an epic love story, set amongst the backdrop of the most dangerous place on Earth – the Mouth of Hell. She was a helpless child, scarcely older than Hogwarts’ seventh years, fighting for her life against vampyres and demons nightly; he was the gallant and handsome hero who rescued her from a Hell Goddess!
(continued on page 7, Section B
After being forced to leave his position at Hogwarts in 1993 due to grossly unfair prejudiced against the occasionally furry, Remus J. Lupin traveled the world seeking to learn to control his shifting. All he wanted to do was learn to control the inner beast in order to return to his true calling, teaching. His travels took him from the shifting sands of the Sahara, to the depths of the Amazon, to the rugged beauty of New Zealand, and finally to a remote monastery in Nepal. It was there that he found not only peace and control, but also a new confidante. Ozwald, a daring young rock star who had wrenched himself from the side of his ladylove to make the daunting journey (twice!) to find answers and atonement. You see, young Oz had made a grievous mistake when last he saw his fair Willow…
A young man often makes mistakes in his life, and Oz was no different. He originally made the trek to Nepal after saving his lady from another bloody thirsty monster of the night. After finding enlightenment and peace in Nepal, Oz returned to be by Willow’s side, only to viciously attack a friend of hers and infect her with lycanthropy. He went back to Nepal to find atonement for his sins against the young witch… for you see, our heroines Willow and Tara were no mere muggles!
Oz believed that the third time was the charm, and made plans to return to his hometown once more (for safety precautions, the Ministry of Magic has refused to allow me to reveal his exact location, seeing as how he grew up at the Mouth of Hell
). He convinced our beloved Remus to make the trip with him, believing that two wolves were better than one. It was there that our story begins...
Oz and Remus knew that something was rotten in the state of California as soon as the plane (a form of muggle transportation) landed. A metaphysical stench of death and evil pervaded the air, and a sense of foreboding filled the two wolfmen. The wind carried news of impending doom, in the form of the Hell Goddess Glorificus. She ruled over the nightlife of the small town with an iron fist, and everything that ever thought about going ‘bump in the night’ answered to her. She lived off the life-force of innocents and sucked the sanity clear out of their heads.
All that stood in her way was a band of friends dedicated to fighting evil for the sake of innocents everywhere. This group of superheroes was lead by Buffy, a woman of immense fighting talents and dubious leadership (she is the inspiration for the heroine in Slayers Amongst Us, remember to check The Quibbler tomorrow for your exclusive review!
). She was backed up by the Order of the Scoobies: Xander (a soldier of immense talents and a former werehyena!), Rupert (a Watcher, the muggle equivalent of a research Auror!), Dawn (her younger sister, not good for much except moral support and cooking skills!), Spike (a "reformed" blood-thirsty vampyre of questionable morals!), Anya (a vengeance demon turned human for the sake of love!), and finally, our heroines Willow and Tara (witches of immense power!).
Oz knew that his and Remus’ unique talents would be of use to the Order of the Scoobies, and so our heroes joined the fight against Glorificus. Oz was welcomed back into the Order with open arms (even though he had turned one of the other members into a werewolf – remember that true friends are always forgiving of little things like that!) and Remus found acceptance in the group as well. It was the late nights of research and combat that led to a burgeoning romance between several members of the Order. Willow and Oz were handfasted several months after his return, and Remus found the woman his soul had been searching for his entire life in the shape of the quiet witch Tara. He helped train her so that she could control her inner wolf. However, he was unable to make his feelings known until Glorificus attacked his beloved.
Tara was left without her memory, without her sanity, without any knowledge of self defense. Remus cared for her, chained her up on the nights of the full moon for her safety, defended her, vowed to protect her with his very life and to find a way to cure her. Both the man and the inner wolf had claimed the woman and her wolf, and he knew that Glorificus would come to rue the day she touched a hair on Tara’s head. He worked endlessly, researching and fighting as well as caring for Tara. Everytime he thought he’d found an answer, he was mocked by the realization that it was nothing more than a pipe dream. He had started to give up hope, when suddenly the tide of the battle began to change. Willow had found a way to wage magical war on Glorificus, and Buffy came into possession of a troll hammer she could yield in a physical battle.
The final battle came sooner than any anticipated, when Glorificus and her vile henchmen viciously ripped Dawn from the busom of her loving family. The poor child was chained to a tower, and the evil toady guarding her had begun to threaten her with physical harm in the shape of razor-sharp blades. The smell of her fear allowed Remus and Oz to lead the Order to her. The final battle was here, and the Order knew that defeat was not an option. The realization that victory had a price didn’t come until the dust from the battle settled. Willow was drained of her magical power (don’t worry readers – it returned!). Dawn was safe, but her sister had sacrificed her own life (again, don’t worry readers – she returned!). Giles had the weight of murder weighing heavy on his soul and conscious. However, all was not dark… Tara regained her sanity during the battle and finally saw the heart Remus had taken to wearing on his sleeve.
It was one of those hazy lazy days of summer in the year 2001 that some of the leading politicians and socialites of magical Britain received a mysterious summons: "Friends and family, all is well but I do need you to come to me as soon as possible. Enclosed is a portkey set for tomorrow at midnight. – R.J. Lupin"
The Minister of Magic and his extended family (seven children and their spouses, and various offspring), Harry and Hermione Potter, Albus Dumbledore, and various others made the trans-Atlantic trip to a remote beach in southern California, where they were witnesses to the handfasting of Remus Lupin to Tara MacClay. (Please see volume 45, issue 17 of The Quibbler for the exclusive story and pictures from that event! Only 8 sickles a copy! What a deal!)
The Order of the Scoobies raised Buffy from the grave soon after the handfasting. It was soon after that Remus and Tara received news that they would soon be welcoming a new wolf cub into their pack. After several more years of fighting the forces of darkness, Tara and Willow activated all the slayers in the world. (Regardless of what the close-minded writers of The Daily Prophet tell you, multiple slayers do exist! Remember to read The Quibbler tomorrow for details about the sensational new book Slayers Among Us – five lucky readers can win a copy!
) Free to retire from their night jobs, the Lupins returned to his motherland, where Remus was quickly re-hired as the DADA professor at Hogwarts. Tara settled into her new role of housewitch and mother admirably, raising Romulus (age 10), Salix-Lily (age 7), and the puppy of the family, Albus (age 3 months). It was during her most recent confinement that the idea for her historical drama Slayers Among Us
came to her in a dream.
We can only expect great things from our favorite furry couple, the Lupins! Please remember to buy her book, and say you saw it in The Quibbler
! Celebrated author Tara Lupin will be signing autographs in the Great Hall of Hogwarts Monday through Friday of next week from 10 to noon, then again from 3 to 5. Upcoming late-breaking news: read The Quibbler tomorrow for a review of the scandalous Slayers Among Us – also, an exclusive on one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people-eating dragons!
© Luna Lovegood-Weasley, The Quibbler
, 15 June 2012