main characters: Fred and Gonzo
disclaimer: I hold no legal rights to Fred, the creation of Joss Whedon for Angel: the Series'. I hold no legal rights to Gonzo, the creation of the Children’s Television Workshop/Henson puppetry.
distribution: Jinni, Paula - anyone else just ask.
notes: this takes place before Angel & co rescued Fred.
Fred blinked, her mind not wanting to process what she saw. There seemed to be something smallish and blue at the mouth of her cave. Moving slowly, she grabbed her glasses and plopped them onto her nose. Snapped into focus, it was revealed to be a blue thing with beady eyes and a large nose that curled under. It was probably about as tall as her hips.
"You aren't real." Her voice rose as she spoke. That thing couldn't be real. It wasn't human, and wasn't Pylean, that meant it had to be a hallucination, right?
The thing moved closer. "What? Of course I'm real!"
"No you aren't." She sat up, crossing her arms. "Nothing that lives here is that size and blue, and I've never seen anything with a nose like that. So you can't be real."
"That's absurd! I'm real." He paused, and one hand came up to touch the offending piece of anatomy. " What's wrong with my nose anyhow?"
Fred giggled a little, her fingers touching her own smaller nose. "It's so big, and it actually curls under at the end."
"Hey!" He sounded offended, and the lower lip began to curl down in a definite pout.
"Well, it is big." She offered, and glanced around, half expecting some other hallucination. "Not that you're really there to be offended."
"Why do you keep saying that?" He moved closer, sitting on one of her rocks.
"None of the wildlife matches you. You aren't human or Pylean. Therefore, you don't exist." She shrugged, picking up a cup with water. "It's simple enough."
"Miss Piggy changed the angle on the cannon." He muttered, the little arms folding petulantly over his chest. "Where am I anyhow?"
"This is Pylea. But I didn't think that you could just get here by a cannon." She sighed, shaking her head again. "All of my calculations say that it's impossible."
"It sent me into Bunsen's lab, and there was a crash, and Beaker meeped, and then I'm in a stream." He shrugged, and pulled off a shoe, then removing the sock to let it fall on the floor.
It landed with a very realistic squelching sound.
"This is the most bizarre hallucination yet." Fred muttered, shaking her head. Maybe she shouldn't have eaten those mushrooms after all...
"But I'm not a hallucination!" The cry had a bit of a warble to it, almost birdlike.
"Of course you are. You're not real. Only the cave is real." She slowly walked over to a section of wall, and picked up a bit of charcoal. "Now, the thrust of the cannon... What size was it? Do you know your velocity at the time you left the barrel?"
"Ahhh... no. But the barrel is two feet across, and twelve feet long. Standard firing charges." He moved closer.
Carefully, she began calculating out the thrust produced, and the resulting velocity of an object that was... hmmm. Glancing at the hallucination, she tried to guess how much it would weigh if he were real. "You'd be moving at about... hmmm."
"You're writing on the walls. With a lump of charcoal." He was staring at her now. "You realize that you're hand is getting sooty?"
"I don't have any paper. And I studied mathematics and physics, not chemistry. I don' know how to make any good paints except for ocher, and there isn't any of that here."
"Right. I'm Gonzo." He looked at her, and made little huffing noise. "Gonzo the Great, almost famous performer."
She continued, trying to calculate the velocity that the object fired would be moving after going through a wall. "Was the wall plaster? And I'm Fred."
"You're crazy... Maybe when they get me out of here, you should come with me? You might even make sense out of some of Bunsen's inventions. Like... Ohhh. I bet I hit that Door in a Jar that he was working on."
"Door in a Jar?" The idea sounded weird. "Like a contained wormhole? The mathematics involved... How does he do it?"
"err... It's a jar with green goop. When it gets thrown against a wall, you get a door." The hallucination called Gonzo shrugged. "I don't know how it works."
"It sounds interesting." She shrugged. If she could leave, a place with blue hallucinations with hooked noses had to be better than here. And if he was just another dream, at least he was something different.
Then, a door opened up in the middle of her calculations of water velocity. "Gonzo? Are you in there?"
Fred blinked, part of her wanting to run and hide, and another part wanting to shriek and dance. "A door!"
"Yeah, let's go!" Gonzo grabbed her hand, and dragged her through.
Only a pair of wet socks, waterlogged shoes, and walls covered with charcoal scribbling was left to show that anyone had ever been there.
end Hallucinations in Blue.