Werewolves and weddings
The Magic Box, Saturday night.
When Rupert Giles had studied at Oxford, he had had a
reputation as an intelligent, but strange young man.
Principally this had to do with how seriously he took
ancient mythology, reading and discussing it as if it
related true events. In a field that was regarded as
irrelevant by the Law, Economics, Politics and
Computing students - i.e. everyone who was likely to
get a job out of their studies - 'relevance' was
becoming crucial, and in the wider academic world
taking stories of heroes slaying monsters in the
underworld seriously was considered just too silly for
Which was why he had, on the most visible wall of the
Magic Box, a life size blow-up of the picture of
Xander Harris after the Battle of the Caverns. It was
a still from news footage, showing the construction
manager walking out of the gloom into the TV lights,
his hard shell kevlar gouged by obvious claw marks,
holding a demons head in one hand and his bloody sword
in the other. Each of the parallel marks in his
armour leaked blood, his arm and face showed
superficial cuts that also bled slowly, the very image
of the hero 'head bloodied but unbowed'. The caption
read '...and the slaying of the Grendal is just a
That the picture was sent to him by his old classics
professor, using a quote from one of the management
lecturers during a budget meeting as its text, pleased
him mightily. It might be slightly juvenile of him to
hold a grudge this long, but spending several years
listening to people talking about how 'tough' and 'cut
throat' business was had driven him to his Ripper days
out of frustration. After all, none of the finance
students was ever actually likely to have his throat
cut, except while shaving. Pretentious little sods.
Willow Rosenburg Wilkins Harris had noticed that there
was a related picture on the wall of the Artificial
Intelligence laboratory. It was taken a few minutes
after the one on Giles wall, and showed, from left to
right, her, Xander, Giles and Buffy. Xander was still
holding the sword and head, with his Night Vision
goggles draped around his neck, Buffy dressed the same
but holding one of the shotguns instead. The colour
team members were around and behind them, not as
clearly discernible, being mainly outside the pool of
light from the TV crews. Above the picture read the
words The Witch, The White Knight, The Scholar and The
Spear Maiden. Having played Dungeons and Dragons is
one of the crucial indicators of nerdity, according to
the MIT Nerdity test. The red head, who almost alone
of the regulars at either lab had not, was now held in
a kind of superstitious awe.
These pictures, particularly the one of Xander, were
becoming some of the iconic images of history. They
were all the more memorable because the tale of how
the small group had fought this battle alone, without
modern weapons, as high school students, was now
famous. That Giles had been the school librarian at
the time had his photo on the 'must have' list of
those in the field, the shortage of librarian action
hero's being what it is. Kenneth Branagh had accepted
the role of playing him in the upcoming movie. Life
was getting stranger than usual, which is quite a
statement for someone who had lived Rupert Giles life.
"Its an improvement over those furniture posters,
anyway." The watcher muttered to himself, sitting on
the couch after his shower. Or rather their shower,
since Lt Peters had been in their with him. And him
in her, for that matter.
"Furniture Posters?" the blonde asked.
"Xander has a small furniture business, its furniture
for, ah, recreational uses, and they posed for..."
"THOSE REALLY ARE PICTURES OF FAITH AND BUFFY AND THE
OTHERS? My god, I always thought the guys were just
imagining it." The athletic blonde announced, clearly
amazed and somewhat stunned.
"The guys, do you mean that the RRT members have a
copy of one of those posters?" Giles asked. He had
never seen one, though Anya being Anya she had offered
to give him the complete set.
"All the team members have at least one. Why do you
think they accepted Xander so quickly, it's not just
that he has been fighting demons since he was 16?"
The commander of the colour teams asked. "He has
these amazing babes, and I agree on that they have
serious babe qualifications, who have demonstrated the
ability to kick the largest members of the team across
the room, and they are totally loyal to him."
"Babes." Giles said, not feeling it appropriate to
raise the point of Faith and her activities when away
from Sunnydale. "Vannessa, are there ANY heterosexual
women in this town?"
"Not that I know of."
The Luthor fertilizer plant, Smallville Kansas,
One of the werewolves was thrown off an overhead
walkway to the floor of level 3, a long way down.
Being a werewolf he was in no danger from the fall,
but it had to have hurt like hell. Probably not as
much as the loss of the arm it was holding did to the
previous owner, however. It got up, waving the arm
and howling defiance at the demons who still
controlled much of this lowest basement area. There
was an exhausted cheer from the humans and werewolves
as he did so. Lex's mobile phone rang.
"Lex speaking." The purple clad one spoke in his
usual slightly amused tone, ignoring the sound of
battle around him.
"Did I catch you at a bad time Lex, I can call back
later if you want." It was Clark, presumably having
just finished his chores after school. Clark would
never call before finishing his homework and farm
"Actually we're in the middle of a pitched battle
right now in the fertilizer plant, the ammunition is
running out, and I was hoping Oz would call to say a
second wave of werewolves was coming...Clark, Clark
Something human sized and impossibly fast tore through
the door behind him and went straight to the demon
controlled area. Big scaled blue things flew off the
upper level to the empty floor below, landing hard and
sometimes being hit by green and red leathery looking
creatures that were the other type of demon here.
Within seconds all the demons were on the bare
concrete floor, being blown to pieces by human
"Hi Lex, so, how are you?" The alien asked, standing
next to his billionaire friend. The boy looked
nervous, clearly he had something to say and was
uncertain of how it would be accepted.
"Well frankly Clark, a lot better than it was a minute
"Lex, I have a huge favour to ask."
"What is it Clark?" The organiser of the Smallville
Babylon 5 apprecitation society asked.
"Can I borrow a car?" There was a pleading look in
"Well Clark, I need to know what you want it for."
Which was ridiculous of course, but the farmboy was so
earnest and sincere - he had to play up to it, the
elder brother role he was trying to fit into demanded
it. Having saved his life yet again - Lex had stopped
keeping track of how many times he had done that - the
billionaire would have BOUGHT Clark a car if he asked.
Nothing over $100,000.00 of course, Clark might feel
guilty about something expensive.
"Willow, and Faith need me to drive them and Jake
around, they can both drive of course but they get
distracted any time they're sitting alone together."
Hoping not to have to explain the details, the
touching, joking, snuggling, kissing...on a couch,
fine, while driving, very dangerous.
"Yes Clark, I have seen how, ah, distracted, they get.
Actually I have been supplying a limo, but if you
want to do drive them who am I to argue." They were
out there somewhere in the factory, fighting did keep
them focused on something other than the 'still
newlyweds after all this time' mood. Jake was being
looked after back in the castle.
Smallville High later that evening
Willow was looking for the school newspaper office,
she had been given directions when the others went
there to meet Chloe. She had needed to change Jake,
and now was wandering the halls looking for her
friends. She heard students talking and ducked her
head into a room with a group of school kids sitting
around tables playing some kind of board game.
"Hi, which way is it to the school newspaper office?"
Everyone turned, then they stared at her, then they
turned to posters on the wall, then they turned to her
again. There was a poster like the one Giles had, but
captioned, 'Theseus returns with the head of the
"You're her, Willow, the witch." Being recognized as
Willow the witch had been very rare in her life, and
mainly involved things with large teeth who recognized
her as one of the slayers retinue. Before trying to
turn her into dinner. Out of sheer reflex she dropped
the diaper bag and created a ball of blue fire, enough
to torch the room. She was pondering which of them
looked the most decisive - always waste the leaders
first - when the targeted individual spoke.
"Hold your fire, were friends, honestly." She spoke
slowly and distinctly, clearly understanding what had
nearly happened. Her father had talked about combat
reflexes, about how embarrassing it was when, once on
Rest and Recreation leave in Sydney, a waiter had
dropped a tray of dishes and he dove over a table and
came up shouting for his machine gunner. With Vietnam
in full swing and a steady stream of grunts coming
through the restaurant staff were used to it, but
still... "We just recognized you from the posters, you
can turn off the, whatever that is."
Jake, who was in a back pack/papoose type arrangement,
except it was at the front, was looking fascinated at
the pretty blue ball floating above his mothers hand.
That said ball would have incinerated the girl in
front of her, and the dozen people around her, as
efficiently as a flame-thrower was obvious only to the
red head. She was embarrassed, responding
automatically with an offensive spell instead of
defensive one was a 'Dark Willow' reflex. Faith and
Clark stepped into the room, having gone looking for
the young mother/lover/still dangerous wicca.
"Everything all right, my love?" Faith asked, it
seemed fine but you never know. Looking around the
room the dark slayer noticed an odd mix of academia
and game room. The posters were clearly temporary,
there were piles of books on Mythology, history,
demons, and the occult, but also some kind of board
game and rule books for it, being played by groups. A
school social club of some kind, then she looked at
the name on the cover of the rule book. "We thought
you might have gotten lost."
"Your Faith the Vampire Slayer, aren't you?" Another
of the students commented. The ancient history
teacher, who was not here now, had suddenly become a
current affairs teacher in light of all the 'mythical'
creatures that had turned out to be real. So the
students with a D&D fixation had joined the history
buffs and the very small Wicca coven to merge their
collective interests. Suddenly here were two of the
living legends, along with Clark Kent, the alien,
together. The conclusion was obvious.
"We're all going to die, aren't we, some terrible
demon army going to attack the school tonight, right?"
"No the attack was on the Luthor Corps plant earlier
today." Faith casually explained.
"We're just here to pick up Chloe and Lana for a
victory orgy." Willow cheerfully added. It was the
simple truth, and she was still coming down from the
adrenaline rush of a near combat situation, and not
"Victory orgy?" This was not something that was
mentioned in the Greek myths. Or at least not in the
texts their high school teacher thought appropriate
reading material. "What about the baby?"
"Oh we have child minding arranged, and a containment
spell to keep little Jake out of too much trouble."
The witch looked down at her son's face, smiled at
him, and said. "You're going to be nice for Uncle
Lex, aren't you, 'cause your my precious little boy,
yes you are?"
"Lex Luthor does your child minding?" was spoken in
an amazed voice.
"Victory orgies are normal?" Said another.
"Can we join in?" A third asked.
"Yes, yes, and why not." Was Faith's response, since
she always had followed up a hard nights slaying by
finding a good man and being very bad with him. The
'hungry and horny' comment having not been intended as
a joke, way back when. Chloe and Lana joined them,
looking like they had started the party early but not
gotten all that far. Lana spoke.
"Why don't we tell Lex and Carol to come over here
instead of wasting time going over there? I know I'm
too horny to wait." The two women kissed
passionately, with tongue, hands, ripping sounds as
clothing was removed, and desks and chairs going
flying as they cleared a space on the floor. The
history/role playing group starred goggle eyed, for
most of them this tuesday night meeting was the height
of their social calendar.
"Well we can't very well reject and important cultural
tradition, can we." A would be anthropology student
commented. She really meant it, of course, and the
fact that she would finally have the opportunity to
act on her fantasy had nothing to do with it. She
knew exactly which guy she would suck while the other
arse fucked her. No, this was about cultural
anthropology, learning about a culture by respecting
and participating in its rituals and observances. "If
this is the way demon fighting is traditionally done
than not having an orgy here and now would be an
insult to our heroic guests."
And with that she grabbed one of the male students by
the belt while pushing another to the floor. David
Huskins, the boy on the floor got the idea and started
pulling his pants off. He too was willing to respect
the sanctity of this ancient cultural tradition. He
saw Anika pull down her panties, showing she was a
natural blonde after all. The way she managed to do
it while getting Terry out of his pants and into her
body showed a lot of planning for this moment. Then
he felt her lips on him and sank back to the floor.
The younger Luthor arrived not long after, to have a
baby thrust into his arms while he observed this
amazing scene. He had only seen orgies as a
participant before, having to do the responsible adult
child minder while all this was happening around him
was stunning. Carol, his girlfriend, watched with
cool amusement and took him and the baby into another
room. They had had their own celebration not long
before, while the maid watched her two year old,
Samantha. Now the two youngsters played on the staff
room floor, while a different kind of play was
"I hope the're finished before their parents arrive to
drive them home." Carol was a Metropolis online
bookstore owner, 25 years old, and had met his extreme
wealthiness due to Chloe. The newspaper editor had
seduced her one evening when Lex had taken her into
the big city for a business and research trip.
The younger woman had seen something in her that
indicated she would be potential girlfriend material
for Luthor, who had never actually had a steady
girlfriend. The threesome had been on the terms Clark
had agreed to when she became his girlfriend. No sex
with other men, women are ok, tell me afterwards,
REMEMBER TO HAVE FUN. The alien was thoughtful that
way, he always worried she was so busy making sure
everyone else was enjoying the party she would be
unable to have any herself.
Which was not as crazy as it sounded. She DID have a
tendency to orchestrate rather than participate. The
elder Kent child was dearly loved for this kind of
thoughtfulness. And supplied with all the sex a sane
man could handle as a compensation, too. Virtue is its
own reward, as Jonathan Kent was want to say.
"Did you ever think your life would work out this
way." Lex asked, after hustling the children out of
something they should stay out of for the hundredth
time. The responsibility of having a girlfriend with
a child was fundamentally different from being in
business. True, some powerful men, such as his
father, did not feel it, but they ultimately failed as
parents by treating their children as merely necessary
accessories to a career. The number whose response to
the question 'how many children do you have' was a
smirking 'none I'm aware of' said something. He was
not sure what, but something. To hell with them.
"What, a single mother, abandoned by my family, and
only getting a 'nice man' because I let a girl barely
of age seduce me for a night of casual sex?" The
younger Luthor took her hand, lifted it and kissed her
gently, and her face softened. "Its ok, I'm not as
bitter as I sound, but my family ABANDONED ME when
they found out I was bisexual. God only knows what
they would have done if they knew I was pregnant with
my girlfriends husbands child."
The break up of the relationship with Lucy and the
married couples move to London as part of his job HAD
been bitter. It had seen her hit rock bottom, left
with no family, no lover, no hope, and a 'take it and
never contact us again' cheque from Lucy and her
husband. Having to take the money because it was that
or starve nearly destroyed her.
But the big advantage of hitting rock bottom is the
only place you can go is up, and with a reasonable
knowledge of the book trade gained from sales work she
had turned the 'go die somewhere' cheque into an
business. Actually starting on eBay, but it saved
start up costs in a very uncertain time in her life.
And enabled her to work at home while pregnant. It was
now getting big enough to sell for investment money,
it was from her own efforts, and Lex was a font of
management tips while encouraging her financial
Still, being called a 'perverted whore' by her mother
while her father threw her belongings into the street
would live with her forever. She watched Jake gnaw on
a coloured block while Samantha tried to pull the
HEAVY BOOKS OFF THE SHELVES...ok, crisis, over, her
precious infant was not going to brain herself with an
encyclopaedia, she was crying, not understanding why
mommy was angry, but safe. Lex had actually grabbed
her, and was now comforting the crying child. He
looked at her.
"Have I told you today how much I love you?"
"Yes, but I won't object if you do it again."
"I love you."
Armageddon was 10 months away.
Sunnydale, Saturday evening.
Dawn Summers had a serious taste for older pussy, at
least that is how she phrased it to her mentor/lover,
Sally Ride. Given that it was Sally who had
introduced her to the joy of sex, and that Sally,
being 19 to Dawn’s 17, constituted an older woman from
the keys perspective that may have been seen as
What was not inevitable was how seriously Sally, a
woman who had never had a romantic interest in men,
took educating the younger woman in men, their use,
abuse, dangers and rewards. She responded to
questions about it by saying that she could be
objective about these things, and that she had yet to
meet a man who disliked being treated as a ‘sex
object’, as long as it was a well-used sex object.
“Never leave a man wanting more, never act playful
unless you are prepared to play, never insult his
performance or equipment.” Was the advice she had
received, from her older sister, at the age of 15.
She had realised quickly that while boys could make
her come, if their ‘whip it in, whip it out and wipe
it’ tendencies could be controlled, she really
fantasised about girls.
Learning how much help she could get from the boys in
question to get the girls, if they were allowed to
play too, was the most important discovery of her
young life. A guy in high school had noticed her
drooling over his girlfriend – he had politely wiped
the sides of her mouth and commented on it – and said
‘Sally, she won’t swing that way, I already asked’.
“Do you mind if I try anyway?” She had responded. Her
whole life changed when he, then the softly curved
brunette they both lusted after, agreed.
The older woman was Xander Harris’s personal
assistant, and had taken on the task of ‘educating’
the youngest slayer partly because it sounded like
fun, and partly because she wanted to help the
slayerettes. They were famous heroes, after all, and
helping hero’s save the world by fucking one of them
senseless seemed like serious fun. Being the
experienced older woman in a relationship was weird,
she always pictured Susan Sarandon in the role,
preferably naked and holding a feather boa, but ego
“Sally, I’m so nervous, I mean I know I’m doing the
right thing, but Buffy gets so protective.” They were
in the temple of Shala, the Karnak goddess of
fertility, and by extension, wealth-producing activity
generally. It was on the third floor of the Dewey,
Cheetem and Howe building, which was named after the
Karnak law firm that owned it.
Actually, it WAS the third floor, and a
fascinating place to visit. Which they had with
increasing frequency, leading to Dawns decision that
in turn led to this meeting. Dawn was the first
slayer in history to have the full facts of her nature
and needs, at least since the Watchers Council was
formed. The Karnak had felt honoured by her first
visit, had told her and Sally of their religion and
its relevance to her special needs as a slayer.
“The rest was my decision, and I stand by
it.” Dawn said, though a little nervously, it was a
big step. The ritual of bathing and changing into
temple robes helped calm and clear her mind. Sex with
Sally and a Karnak couple who happened to be there at
the time helped even more. Or rather, the four of
them had ‘attained the blessing of Shala’. This was
her temple, after all, a place to cleanse the soul and
heal the spirit.
Buffy, Anya and Xander had walked in a
while before, with Anya dragging a clearly reluctant
elder Summers in to the bathing room. The vengeance
demon understood the rituals of this religion for
centuries, and Xander had been polite and respectful,
if not extremely horny, when the details were
explained. In particular he had totally failed to
object when the brunette had insisted on visiting and
partaking of the ritual with various other
worshippers. Buffy on the other hand was on her first
“Xander, your certain you are totally ok
with this, with what just happened?” Buffy asked.
She uncertain and uncomfortable with the whole
situation. Dawn had refused to explain what was so
important it had to be discussed here. Anya and Xander
had made it clear that yes, the ritual bath and change
of clothes was necessary, yes it has to be in the
temple bath area, no, there was no separate men’s and
women’s change area. “I just had sex with another man
in a church.”
“No Buffy, you didn’t, please at least try
to be polite and pay attention.” Dawn was nervous and
angry, this was important to her and Buffy just would
not listen. It was not as if she had not tried to
explain it before, or that the basics were not a
matter of open discussion in the house, not with Anya
around to tell all. “This is a temple to the goddess,
a goddess I deeply believe in, and you just attained
her highest sacrament. I know, I heard you.”
“YOU BELIEVE DEEPLY IN, when did this
happen, does it have anything to do with why we are
here?” The blonde was feeling more disoriented now,
and wondering what revelation was coming. She had
never been comfortable with her little sister’s
acquiring a sex life, and avoided learning the
details. She lacked the deep down comfort with public
discussion of sex that seemed so central to Anya’s
personality, so the discussions of what happened here
had been mentally blocked out, to some extent. And
having sex with someone she knew nothing at all about
had never been her style, certainly not when a man she
was growing to love and who loved her was there to
watch. “Xander isn’t comfortable with this either, I
“Dawn, its not like that, you know I
totally support you.” The crushed look on the
youngest woman’s face was more than he could bare.
She had gone a long way out on a limb in search of
inner peace, and it that search led here, than so be
it. “Dawn, you’re more like a daughter to me than my
lovers sister, I know that sounds strange with the
small age difference but its how it is. Not many dads
are comfortable with their daughter’s love lives.”
“That and the fact that he hasn’t watched
Buffy with another male before.” Anya breezily
commented. And the BIG question he had for the
slayer, he was so nervous.
“Buffy, I’m converting.” Dawn said,
before the whole conversation bogged down again.
“Converting to what?” Buffy asked,
“The worship of Shala. I have been
accepted into the priesthood.” There, it was said,
what she had brought them together for. Well, it was
her part anyway, now Xander had to ask his bit. “It’s
a three year training period before ordination, but,
with the permission of the head of my order, I can
marry people already. That’s what the sex in the
bathroom thing was about.”
“I had sex in the bathroom so you could
become a priest?”
“No Buffy, you had sex in the bathroom so
you could become my wife.” Xander responded. The
others had agreed and done what was required with
varying degrees of wonder, enthusiasm, and horniness.
Buffy would always be the tough one. “I can’t have
our relationship, our collective relationship,
formally recognised in any other religion. The three
of you would only be my wives, not each others as
“WIVES?” Was this what she thought it
was? Then she saw Xander drop to one knee in front of
“Buffy Summers, will you join me in
marriage with Willow, Faith and Anya.”
“I had to have sex in church so you could
marry me?” Said the blonde slayer, still trying to
work it out. She reviewed what she knew.
Traditionally only a female with children could marry,
preferably fathered by someone other than the
prospective groom. The fertility goddess would frown
on a union between any who had not sought out Her
Blessing, for its own sake. “Of course I did, no
children, so you have to be able to swear to have seen
me come from a male just for the pleasure. For Her
“Buffy, stop torturing the poor man and
say yes.” Sally commented. Hopefully yes, because
having already gained a yes from the rest of the group
a no would devastate the White Knight.
“Yes Xander, I will marry you, Willow,
Faith and Anya.” The blonde kissed her husband to be,
then her wife to be. “Can we go home and have sex
“Buffster, remember where you are.” Dawn
said sternly. Would she have to keep reminding this
heathen of proper conduct indefinitely?
“Ok, Xander, can we go into one of those
alcoves with the big mattresses and have an orgy now?”
Came the reply, as the slayer removed the robe. The
temple had a large atrium with rooms lining the sides,
rooms for those seeking Her Blessing. There were no
doors, of course, since group sex was a form of prayer
here, and excluding passers by sacrilege.
“Dawn, of course I am happy for you, but
don’t you need my permission, your still legally a
child?” Anya was kissing her way up Buffy’s right
leg, starting from her foot. Xander was being
undressed by a female Karnak who had been observing
for a few minutes now. She looked like a naked woman,
and from recent experience with that male, when
aroused and in true form would feel totally human too.
Anya had commented that that was her experience of
fucking them too. “Oh, yes, keep doing that, oh yes…”
“Karnak define ‘of age’ as when you can
have children of your own. Most human cultures
traditionally do to.” Dawn assumed her sister could
still understand what was being said. Observing her
sister doing this felt weird, but a priest of Shala
could hardly turn away from the sight. “Sally, I have
a class starting in half an hour.”
“Do you want me to drive you there?” The
priest in training’s lover asked.
“No, it’s a class down the hall on how to
give erotic massage to women. They need non trainees
to practice on, please join us.”
“You had but to ask.”
Watchers Council headquarters, England,
the same day.
The explosion blew in the wall, shredding
the people in the room with fragments of the stone
work. Quentin Travers had been addressing a full
meeting, which was trying to invent a response to the
total collapse of everything the council believed was
needed and right. That the end of the world was
coming, and that the whole world was being prepared by
current events to prepare for it, was irrelevant.
They had lost control of the slayer, and they wanted
The decision to eliminate the council had
not been taken lightly, more from the irrelevance of
that organization than remorse over the loss of lives.
Lionel Luthor had joined this meeting, supposedly to
‘help return the slayer to her proper place’.
Actually the elder Luthor was trying to sabotage the
anti-demon campaign. The council could not do much,
but it was to be a start. His presence ensured the
death of all that day.
“Tragic, absolutely tragic.” The first
“The loss of life?” The second asked.
Her partner had never been squeamish before.
“The loss of a fine example of Norman
architecture, simply tragic.” The entire castle was
gone in the second explosion. The first had been to
ensure the core group’s destruction, and a hidden
camera had shown them the deaths. A larger bomb had
taken down the larger structure, just to be sure.
“Still, better to slay twice than fail once.”
And they drove away at the speed limit,
not having anything incriminating in the car and not
wanting to be booked for something as silly as
speeding. Not leaving any trace in official paperwork
that they were ever present was a practiced routine.
Lex would be formally informed when they had confirmed
the kills. Given their connections to the law
enforcement community, that would be by actually
viewing the corpses in the morgue, or whatever
forensic evidence was used to identify them.
“Catherine, your place or mine?”
“Mine David, I have a new porno I think
you might enjoy.”
It was Six months and two days to