disclaimer: Not mine. These characters belong to Joss Whedon.
summary: It's Connor's birthday.
note: In celebration of Unnatural Brats' two year anniversary. Happy birthday, all you D/C shippers!
Both he and his father, his REAL father, turned. He was coming to terms with that... after so long and spells and stuff. Angel was his dad. He still had his other dad, but he liked spending time with Angel... now that his mind wasn't poisoned against him.
Illyria was wheeling a giant box on a platform on rollers into the Hyperion Hotel's lobby. It was a very big box... with a bright ribbon on top of it. Connor's brow furrowed. Gunn entered the room with Faith close behind him. The tall man was leaning heavily on his cane.
Spike strolled in next. "What's all this then?"
Angel actually grinned. "Of course. Do you know what day it is?" He looked to Gunn. "Do you remember?"
Gunn appeared to consider.
"It's Connor's birthday." Angel rushed out.
Connor thought for a minute. Oh hell... it WAS his actual day of birth. Damn.
"And Illyria got him a present."
Spike started pouting. "No one ever bloody brings ME presents on MY soddin' birthday."
Illyria tilted her head to the side. "This large box with the living thing hiding inside of it is not my machination. The door was knocked upon. I opened the door. This box was there with its label that says Connor."
"Half a mo." Spike said. "Pet, did you say there was a LIVING THING in this box?"
"Can you not smell it?"
Everyone moved swiftly to the weapons cabinet and armed themselves. They all took different points in the Hyperion lobby, preparing to attack.
"I'll open it." Faith said.
She bounded quickly and grabbed the bow on top. The box seemed to collapse with that. Faith shouted and jumped backwards doing a rather-impressive back handspring. She landed and crouched low, a knife suddenly in each hand.
There was a giant cake in the box.
Everyone looked REALLY confused about that.
It was a lovely three tiered cake with white icing with pale blue icing for trim. The lone candle on the top sprung to burning life. It was sort of sparkler-like. Then the singing started.... from inside the cake it seemed.
"Happy birthday to you... you belong at the zoo... you act like a monkey... and have sex like one too!"
No one quite know what to say to that.
They all turned to stare at Connor in awe mixed with horror. But the song was not completed.
"And many more... with you on the floor... naked."
Faith let out a chuckle. Connor was turning red. Why was this happening with his dad there? Plus Faith and Gunn. Illyria might want to ask questions, and they didn't have a lot of tact in her time or dimension apparently. And Spike! Oh man, Spike was NEVER gonna let him live this down... ever.
Suddenly, the cake exploded. The group shouted in alarm as they were sprayed with icing and cake itself. Gunn actually fired a wild crossbow bolt that imbedded itself in the door frame to Angel's office.
When the figurative smoke cleared, there was a woman standing in a cute little pose in what was left of the cake, arms stretched above her head as if to say 'ta dah!'. She had on very little clothing. Garters holding up fishnet hose, black heels, a red satin pair of itsy bitsy panties, and red sequined pasties on her nipples. The ones that had fringe on the 'points' of them.
Faith blinked. "Dawnie?"
The woman noticed there was a crowd. She squealed and attempted to cover herself up.
"Dawn!" Angel shouted. He'd just been thinking how nicely put together this woman had been. He wasn't allowed to think that about Dawn! Not Buffy's baby sister. Though she certainly showed no signs of having anything babyish about her now.
"Dawn, what are you doing?" Connor asked quietly.
"Right now? This moment? Plotting Andrew's death."
"He was supposed to deliver me to where you live... you know, where other people are NOT."
Connor sighed. "This IS where I'm living now."
"How come you didn't tell me?" She asked in a very small voice.
Connor sighed and yanked his t shirt over his head. He took her hand and had her step off the platform. Then he pulled the shirt over her head to better cover her... or cover her at all really.
"I just moved in today... and it was sort of... spur of the moment."
Connor was noticing how everyone was watching the two of the with rapt fascination.
"If you'll all excuse us please."
"Oh not at all." Spike said with a brushing off wave. "Don't mind us. Carry on."
Connor glared at him in a way that so reminded Spike of Darla, it damn near stole his breath. Well, would have... you know, if he breathed. Then Connor took Dawn and led her up the stairs. Angel was a bit disturbed. He didn't even know his son and Buffy's sister knew one another. How come no one told him these things? Why was he always the last to know?
"Connor, son, I don't think..."
Faith had placed a hand over Angels' mouth. "Wonder if B knows about this?"
"How..." Spike said. "When... when? I mean, the two of them?"
Faith grinned. "Remember when Destroyo went with me to bail sweet little annoying Andrew out of that fix he was in with the British Wizarding court that time as a favor to Giles?"
"Yes." Spike and Angel said in unison, then glared at one another.
"Well, D was there. They spent large amounts of time together on that little stint, and the two of them just sort of hit. It was really kinda sweet in this twisted way. I think there's been plenty of phone calls and e-mails. She must really like your boy, Angel. Dawnie don't get naked for just anybody."
"Hey man, at least he found him a nice girl who don't give a shit about who he really is. How many of us can say that right off the bat?"
"I think I'll just go check and see of they're all right." Angel said, moving towards the stairs.
Faith snorted. "You will do no such thing. Besides, sugar tits, you have cake in your hair."
"What?" Angel's hands went instantly to his hair. They came away covered in icing. He gave a shout of alarm and hurried off in the general direction of the downstairs rest room.
"That was mean." Gunn commented.
Faith snorted again. "I just didn't want him interrupting Connor playing with his birthday present."
"Nah, I just know about boys and their toys, yo."
Gunn rolled his eyes.
Illyria was staring at a bit of cake plastered to the side of the counter in the lobby.
"What?" Spike asked as he picked bits of frosting from his jeans.
"So for your day of birth I am to jump out of baked sugar and flour in a seminude state? That would please you?"
Spike chuckled a bit. "Luv, you could jump out at me from just about ANYTHING, and if you were in a seminude state, I'd be more than pleased... let me tell you."
She cocked her blue head to the side. "Humans are strange creatures."
"Tell me about it."
"I just said so, did I not? Does my saying it not constitute your being told?"
Spike rolled his eyes. "Nevermind, Blue. Let's just go get you cleaned up."
She looked confused.
"Listen, ducks, there's cake on the boob part of your nifty little suit of armor thing. The longer it sticks, the more I am tempted to lick it off, get me?"
Illyria looked down. She scooped the cake from her and held it out to him. "Well, if you are hungry..."
Spike sighed very loudly and rolled his eyes again. "Nevermind. Just bloody nevermind. What's the use of innuendo if birds can't follow it."
"Birds? I see no birds in the lobby. Did one fly in unnoticed by me? That is unlikely."
Spike groaned, grabbed her arm, and started dragging her off. "Just nevermind, I said."
Dawn was sitting demurely as possible on the edge of his bed. The demure was ruined because Connor knew what was under his cake splattered t shirt.... or what WAS NOT under it.
"What were you thinking?"
"Or were you thinking at all?"
"I was thinking I'd surprise you for your birthday."
"Oh... mission accomplished, Dawn. It's not one I'm gonna forget anything soon. Naked woman... exploding cake. Very different."
She folded her arms across her chest. "You don't have to be mean."
"I'm not trying to be mean, Dawn, but Jesus Christ, my dad saw that."
"Dawn, you have pasties with fringe on your boobies... and underpants that are so small that they shouldn't even be considered underpants. I think the most covered part of you are your legs in those fishnet pantyhose."
Her skin flushed pink. "You were supposed to be the only one to see that."
"So you see my dilemma then.... because Dad, Spike, Gunn, Faith, and Illyria saw it too."
Dawn groaned and flopped down on his bed face-first. Connor groaned himself. Those panties, if they could even be called that, didn't cover anything on her backside. He'd always understood that underpants were supposed to cover your butt, not divide it with just a piece of string. There was also the fact that he'd always been led to believe flossing was for your teeth, not your ass.
But this was nice. It was lovely to look at, but Connor had be raised a gentleman... in both lives of his.
"Dawn, sweetheart, you're mooning me."
"Oh God!" She rolled onto her back and threw an arm across her eyes dramatically.
"Dawn..." He sat down on the bed next to her. He hated that her plan had not gone according to plan here. "Look, I really appreciate that you came all this way... practically naked for my birthday. I really do. No one's ever gone to that much trouble for me before."
"Well, they should have."
He chuckled. Everything had to be fair with Dawn. She wanted everyone to have their cake and eat it too. She always wanted beauty and wonder and happiness... for everyone she cared about. She just couldn't stand it if someone she cared for wasn't having the best time.
"It just occurred to me I haven't told you thank you yet. Rude, I know." He said. "I apologize, and... thank you, Dawn."
"For the present."
"The cake. It was a very nice present. Thank you."
"Oh that was just cake. The present is something else entirely."
She pulled his t shirt off and tossed it across the room. "Happy birthday. Your present was what was INSIDE the cake."
Connor blinked. There just wasn't enough material covering her body just now. This time, however, it was nice... because he wasn't surrounded by parent types. It was just the two of them. Alone. And alone with Dawn was always a very pleasant thing.
"You're a little crazy."
"Maybe a little."
He took one of the tassels on her sequined pasty in his fingers and tugged on it a bit. Dawn giggled.
"These come off?" Connor asked with a wolfish grin on his face.
"God, I hope so. It could make breast feeding really difficult if I decide to have children one day."
"Well, are you just gonna giggle at me or are you gonna unwrap your present."
"The present looks fairly unwrapped already to me. For christsakes, Dawn, where did you even find panties that tiny? They aren't kid's panties, are they?"
"Again... thank you, but ah, next time... can you not have the cake explode on me?" He said as he picked some cake out of his hair and tossed it into the trash can next to his desk.
Dawn giggled again.
Connor leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose. "You're so fearless, so crazy."
"Bad crazy or good crazy?"
"Good, of course." He kissed the tip of her nose again.
"Happy birthday, Connor."
"You said that. Thank you."
"You've said that. Why don't you thank me properly for all the trouble I went to and how embarrassed I made you earlier."
Connor chuckled then kissed her yet again.
A bit lower than on the nose this time.