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Cht rume tlk

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Summary: An all-magical chat room. Humor, boils, not quite animagi and more!

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Multiple PairingsundeadFR1311,292061,32120 Jul 0420 Jul 04Yes
Utter, utter, *utter* drivel. I'd destroy all copies, but my principles of free speech forbid me from doing so. One of my very first stories - oh, just imagine it's a parody, or better, nuke it.

The name 'scarph' is not mine, it's firegoddess's. Set in post BTVS S7 (as in canon, but the scoobies went to LA), ATS S5 (but Wes didn't die) and HP post-books.






Wiccan_4_eva: Hey guys! Urgh. Was on some other chatrooms and got about 50 ASLs! }:-( I wish I could ban all ASLs . . .

Pixie182: I hear ya. Listen, has ne1 got an orb of thesamore? De shops sold out and da mail order’s bout $700. which I dont have. At all. ever.

Weepingwillow: I could lend you mine . . . just be careful. And learn how to spell, jeez, you sound like a 13 year old rabid Orlando Bloom-obsessed fangirl. And we've already fufilled our quota for them, thank you very much.

Bloom_stalker9998: i resent that comment. resent and appreciate it.

Pixie182: You know i wll b. just bcos I sat on mine doesn’t meen tht I cant b careful wid stuff.

[Scarph has logged on]

Scarph: Er . . . hi. I’m kinda new at this . . .

Bloom_stalker9998: *claps hands in glee* Oh! A NEWBIE! Mwahahahahahaha . . .

Scarph: Okay . . .

Wiccan_4_eva: *smacks bloom_stalker over head* Sorry bout that. She’s on medication, but obviously not enough . . . welcome to our chat room! Just one condition: if you even think of tiping ASL . . .

Scarph: Wat’s ASL?

Bloom_stalker9998: You don’t know? A true newbie! Mwaha- *looks around for wiccan_4_eva, sees her and pouts* fine. ASL stands for ‘age, sex, location’. And we don’t like ASLers, do we precious?

Scarph: You’re safe with me. So . . . I was looking at the chat room description. Do you guys really all practise magic?

Weepingwillow: Well, me, wiccan_4_eva, pixie, bloom_stalker, nerilkas_childe and down_wid_hduff are all wiccans. pointy and singlewhitefemale are more what you’d call supernatural beings . . . please don't start flaming, trolling, twitting or otherwise poking fun at our various beliefs. You didn't have to come on this board, and you can leave anytime you want.

Singlewhitefemale: It's okay, he won't do any of that stuff. And hey! Thanks a lot, wills. Supernatural being. Great. Fine. Completely excellent . . .

Weepingwillow: You are a supernatural being, get over it.

Pointy: To my credit, I dont wander around like a puppy the way peaches does

Scarph: Sorry to interrupt this fasinating dialogue, but what do you mean by ‘supernatural beings’?

Singlewhitefemale: Pointy’s a vampire.

Scarph: O_o

Pixie182: Did we scre him of?

Scarph: Are you certain I’m a ‘him’?

Pixie182: Vry. *grins* Onli a gi wl itrupt conversashuns lik dat.

Scarph: So . . . a vampire . . . is it just me, or has the world gone crazy?

Wiccan_4_eva: So, any reason that you came onto the board?

Scarph: Well, me and everyone else I know who uses magic uses a wand.

Singlewhitefemale: You use a wand? That is so cool! So, do you just point and do the hocus pocus or what?

Scarph: It’s a bit more complicated then that, but yeah.

Pointy: I used to use a wand

Weepingwillow: You what?!?!?!?!?

Pointy: Before I was vamped, I did magic. And none of the demon worshiping stuff that Giles did either. I had a wand, and I even went to this school of magic . . .

Singlewhitefemale: And you never told us because . . . ? anyway, I thought you said you were a poet or something before you were sired.

Pointy: I don’t have to tell you everything, luv. And I was a very bad wizard-poet until I was turned. Then I was just having so much fun with dru and with killing people, I never took it up again.

Scarph: You were in a magic school?

Pointy: Yep.

Scarph: Bit of a coincidence. How many points does catching the snitch get you?

Pointy: I don’t know. Think it’s about 150.

Scarph: Where does the trapdoor in the cellar of honeydukes lead to?

Pointy: A passageway that takes you along a tunnel and opens in the hump of the one eyed old crone on the third floor corridor.

Down_wid_hduff: I think I speak for everyone here when I say HUH?

Pointy: Apparently me and the git here were in the same school. Weird.

Weepingwillow: Was the school called Hogwarts?

Scarph: Er yeah.

Weepingwillow: And did you graduate four years ago?

Scarph: Yeah . . . how do you know that?

Weepingwillow: And is your name Harry James Potter, are you an Auror and is your best friend’s name Ronald Weasly?

Scarph: How the fuck do you know that?

Weepingwillow: Language, language. I hacked onto your computer. Not particularly difficult . . . and just a little advice about Sarah: go for it

Scarph: You hacked onto my computer? Shit. So, do you now know all the other . . . stuff?

Bloom_stalker9998: Who’s sarah?

Weepingwillow: Yeah, but it’s okay. I don’t kiss and tell . . . Goddess, that sounded so bad. BTW, can I congratulate you on that spell you used? A magick computer virus, cool. Not that it was hugely difficult to neutralise, but trickier than most.

Bloom_stalker9998: Who’s sarah?

Down_wid_hduff: What’s an auror? It sounds cool, but it could just be a disfiguring skin condition.

Scarph: Aurors are a bit like a magical swat team . . . but without the guns, bulletproof vests or the other stuff.

Wiccan_4_eva: Cool!

Bloom_stalker9998: Who’s sarah?

Nerilkas_childe: Shut up

Bloom_stalker9998: nerilka has blessed us with words! Praise jeebus!

Scarph: So . . . what kind of powers do you guys have? What are we talking about: floating stuff, or turning into animals, or what?

Nerilkas_childe: It varies. I mean, you have people who can only do very limited stuff, float pencils and stuff, maybe make some of the simpler potions, and then you have people like me, who can do some of the more advanced magick. I can’t turn into an animal, but I once turned my sister into a rat. Completely by accident, ya know. Didn’t mean to at all. Weepingwillow’s easily the most powerful of us, but she can tell you that herself.

Wiccan_4_eva: Nerilkas_childe, did you just use up your entire ration of syllables for the next month or something?

Down_wid_hduff: You turned your sister into a rat? Cool! I’m still at the floaty pencil stage, but last night I did manage to levitate a book. It thwacked me on the head, but I still levitated it!

Pointy: Oh yeah, red’s very powerful. Did you hear about what she did after-

[Pointy has logged off]

Singlewhitefemale: Hey where did pointy go?

Weepingwillow: He got what was coming to him.

Singlewhitefemale: What did you do? did you go evil again? Cause evil wills is not good . . . is he gonna be okay?

Weepingwillow: He’ll be in some mild discomfort, but otherwise unharmed.

Scarph: What happened?

Bloom_stalker998: She cursed him. Willow doesn’t really like people talking about her past . . . but come on. You do deserve some praise for that! Cursing someone from three thousand miles away! I know you’re uber powerful and all, but still . . . dude, a most totally excellent use of powers!

[Pointy has logged on]

Pointy: Bonus points for willow! That was so cool! This is, by the way, dawn talking. Spike’s giving me $40 to type for him, and it sure beats translating really old prophecies with wes. He got me to do this scroll FOUR TIMES! Anyway, ‘pointy’ has gone looking for a red liquid refreshment, so the compu is mine for a few minutes.

Scarph: What happened to him?

Pointy: A few boils on the fingers, nothing major. Willow, next time aim for his ass. Eeww, not in THAT way! Maximum discomfort with minimum effort.

Pointy: So, who’s the newb?

The End

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