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It's A Sick, Sad, Small World

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Summary: Response to the "Cousin Jordy" challenge. X-over with "Daria". Jordy's a prime example of why babysitters should get combat pay.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Cartoons > DariaCameronFR711,123081,79421 Jul 0421 Jul 04Yes
A/N: Response to the "Cousin Jordy" challenge (#374). Don’t own anything from either of the ‘verses here.

. . . . . . . . . .

"No, Jane, no." Daria was quite adamant. "I’m not baby sitting again. I want no part of this."

"You’ll like this kid. His parents are the other set of black sheep of the Lane family. He’s the second coolest cousin I’ve got."

"He’s six, and I’ve met some of your family. The second coolest isn’t saying much. Who wins as the first coolest?"

"Trent’s long-lost 4 year younger non-identical twin."

"Forget I asked. I’m not doing this. End of story."

"I can’t believe you’re resorting to bribery."

Daria looked at Jane, quite confused. "Who said anything about bribery?"

Jane smirked. "I did. My aunt and uncle are writers. TV writers. TV writers with wild imaginations."

"Are you implying what I think you’re implying?"

"Just think – you could be babysitting for two of the geniuses behind Sick, Sad World. But you said you didn’t want to, so… sorry. Too bad, Aunt Maureen pays really well too."

"Did I say I didn’t want to baby-sit? I meant I didn’t want to baby-sit for the Guptas any more."

Jane just smiled. She knew Daria wouldn’t refuse the SSW writers. Thank God, someone to help her keep up with Jordy. That kid was like an energizer bunny, only more destructive. She probably shouldn’t tell Daria that Uncle Ken joked that Jordy was the only six year old that he knew whose babysitters got hazard pay.

. . . . . . . . . .

"Jane, call Trent. Call Jesse. Call Quinn if you have to. Just call someone, we need help. That monster is running amuck, we’ve got to get him under control."

"Chill. I told him to go play in the yard."

Daria looked panicked. "The last time I took him out, he chased a car. Chased a car! He then dug up the flower beds next door. I managed to tackle him when he was trying to tree a squirrel, and drag him in. We’re going to need tranqs for naptime."

"For him or us?"

Daria just growled. She should have known to stick to her guns and just say no to this job.

"Are you through growling now? Are you going to bear you teeth at me? Just don’t let Jordy see you. It might give him ideas."

Daria just threw a rolled up newspaper at her.

"Just keep throwing things, and keep in mind that I am not your chew toy. Good, Daria, good – good dog."

The two girls cracked up. Jane had definitely won that verbal fray.

"Besides, I tied his leash to the dog run. He can’t destroy the neighborhood that way."

Jane was an absolute genius.

. . . . . . . . . .

"Ozzie! Trent!" Jordy squealed as he ran around the living room. He was trying to chase Janie and Daria, but they somehow had outsmarted him. They were currently chasing him, and that was just wrong. He knew he’d better keep ahead of him, because he didn’t think they were kidding about that bath thing. Hopefully, they wouldn’t find the flea dip his mom used, but still… it was better to just avoid the bath if at all possible. He took a flying leap at his cousins as soon as they came into the house.

Trent just blinked, but Oz dropped his guitar bag and caught Jordy. He turned to the girls in the room, holding Jordy by out by the scruff of his neck.

"Lost something, Janie?"

"Oz’s is in town, going to play with Mystik Spiral tomorrow." Trent offered as an explanation.

"Long time, no see, cuz. Like the hair, blue works for you. By the way, Daria, this is my all-time coolest cousin, Oz. Oz, the bestest bud Daria."

Daria would have said something, but Jordy started fidgeting, drawing attention to himself. Oz adjusted the boy, so it was more comfortable for him.

"Nice meeting you, Daria. Where can I drop him?"

"It’s bath time for Jordy."

Jordy knew he was in trouble when Oz carried him out of the room.

. . . . . . . . . .

"Good God, what is that noise?" Daria winced as another wail echoed through the house.

"Oz’s way of getting Jordy to take his bath. Plays his guitar while he and Jordy howl. Trent’s with them, he’s the one making those yipping sounds."

"Has anyone ever told you how weird your family is?"

"Nope, never. Weird you say?"

. . . . . . . . . .

Oz looked on as Trent struggled through the song. "That’s.. something else, man. Never heard Nirvana quite like that."

Trent looked up and grinned. "Cool. But it was the Doors."


"Did anyone say you could stop playing?" Daria glared at Trent. They had finally figured out that Jordy would be quiet and go to bed as long as music was playing. If he wasn’t playing, that meant Jordy would soon be bouncing off the walls again. Not a good thing, not at all. Jane had apparently gone to the same disturbing mental place, and she whacked Trent in the back of the head.

Oz started playing again instead. He got about halfway through whatever song he was attempting when Trent stopped him.

"Did you just.. wow.. was that what I think… dude!"

"E flat, diminished ninth. E flat's okay, but it's that diminished ninth that's the killer. That's a man's chord." Oz said, without looking up. He just kept on strumming.

Daria and Jane just stared at each other. They hadn’t seen Trent that animated since.. well, ever.

. . . . . . . . . .

Ken and Maureen cautiously approached the door of Jordy’s room. The house was in shambles, and they hadn’t seen Daria or Jane anywhere. However, there wasn’t any blood and it wasn’t a full moon, so…

They silently laughed as they took in the scene in front of them. Daria was sound asleep, face down on Jordy’s bed. Jane was leaning on Trent’s shoulder, and the two were propped up against the wall. Oz was curled up in a ball on the floor by Jane’s feet. Jordy was sitting at his desk, calmly coloring. He jumped over Oz, and ran to his parents.

"I think I broke them. They all seemed to just fall over, and aren’t moving. Trent snores too."

Yes, he’d definitely broken them. Two teen girls and two teen werewolves (well, Trent was an early twenties wolf, but details details) were no match for an energetic six year old were. It just wasn’t a fair match-up. The poor dears had never stood a chance.

"I’m thinking $50 a hour, would that be fair?" Maureen questioned her husband as he put Jordy back to bed.

"Better make it a hundred, dear. I think they earned it." Ken responded. "Even with combat pay, I’m not sure they’ll do it again."

Trent just snored in response. Daria whimpered in her sleep, and no sounds at all emanated from Oz or Jane.

The End

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