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Ten things Xander never...

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Summary: Answer to the Challenge 389 : Then Things Xander would nerver...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Xander-Centered > Ficlet CollectionsJadeDragonFR1311,206133,75622 Jul 0422 Jul 04Yes
Ten Things That Never Happened To Xander
by Simone of the Zordiak

Based on the drabble style, write 10, 100-word drabbles.
The subject is Ten Things That Never Happened To *Insert Name Here*.
The character can be any major (Buffy, Willow, Angel, etc.) or minor
(Anne, Ethan, Eve, etc.) character from Buffy the Vampire Slayer or

Each different drabble should be a crossover with another fandom.
You can cross over with any fandom you want, as long as you don't
repeat fandoms within the same character.


X-Men (101 words)

Harry Potter (100 words)

Labyrinth (100 words)

Castlevania (100 words)

Final Fantasy 7 (100 words)

Highlander (100 words)

Yu-Gi-Oh (100 words)

Fushigi Yuugi (100 words)

Hercules/Xena (100 words)

Gundam Wing (101 words)

Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with the owners or creators of
Xander or any other story or character mentioned. No harm is intended
to the copyright holders. This drabbles were written purely for my own
amusement and hopefully the enjoyment of others.


.... never had a complicated Family history

He looked down at the chart, then back at the man and tried
to sum up the story in a few sentences.

"So, you're saying this Sinister guy took some genes of you,
some of you son's and your daughter's, put it into a blender
and created me?"

The man nodded.

"Does that makes you my father, or my grandfather? And your kids,
are they my siblings, my parents, or my aunt and uncle and can I
say ewwww that sound so like incest it isn't funny any more."

Magneto rubbed his temples. This was going to be a long night.

.... never mothered a dragon

It could have happened to nobody else. Only he would stumble
over the stone that wasn't a stone, only he could be the first
person the dragon saw as it hatched. And because the dragon had
seen him first, it now believed him to be his mother.

He had went to Giles in full panicmode and the Watcher had called
some contacts in merry old England. Now he only had to wait for
him to come.

Xander sighed as he stood up for the 4 o'clock feeding. He really
hoped this Weasley guy could help him out of this mess.

.... never got wished away

Xander fumed as he watched out of the window. The girls
were slayers, they should know better than to simply use the
W-word because they just had seen the damned movie.

The owner of the castle stepped behind him, smiling.

"You know, their time is almost up and despite their powers,
none of them even made it to the city. They will lose and then
you are mine."

Xander sighed. Of course he knew.

"But you are too old to become a goblin," Jareth mused,
"so I'll have to turn you into something else. Ever thought
about becoming a fae?"

.... never found out about his former live

He snuggled to the one that completed him and listened to
the soft sigh his husband released.

"You know, in all this time since I lost you, I never even
thought that you could be reborn as a male." The rumbling voice
broke through the silence.

"Hmmm, but here I am and it still feels as good as in my last life."

"For me too," he pulled the younger male closer to him, basking in
his warmth, "Just one little thing: how do we tell Adrian that his
mother is now a man?"

Xander choked, then he started to laugh.

.... never fell through a portal

If he survived this, he would never ever touch a videogame again,
he swore.

Or at least he would make sure that Andrew hadn't tried out unknown
spells on his console.
Well, if he survived.

"You are new to Midgar, right?"

The voice of his new superior commander broke through his musings.

"Yes, Sir."

"You never had training, but potential, I can see that. That's
why you're working under me. What's your name?"

"Alexander, Sir. But my friends call me Xander."

His superior smiled at him. And Xander couldn't suppress a shiver.

"Thank you, Xander. You may call me Sephiroth."

.... never got drunk with Methos

This was the last time he did Giles a favour, Xander decided
as he died.

He'd driven to Seattle, at Giles request, delivering a very old
book to a Mr. Adam Pierson, only to end up skewered on a very
sharp sword as he entered the dojo Piersons friend was leading.

When he woke up hours later the same Mr. Pierson was standing
over him with a bottle of beer in his hand and a self-ironic
smirk on his face.

"Want to hear the good news first or the bad?" He asked a
groaning Xander.

"Neither, just give me the beer!"

.... never got a magic eye

He really wanted to slap Willow. Right now. She had felt
guilty about him loosing his left eye and had decided to mojo
him a new one.

Well he could see... better than before, but now he also saw
things nobody else did. And then They had shown up.

Xander looked at the teens, his left eye showing him that two
of them were more than they appeared to be. And it seemed that
they were telling him the truth, the eye didn't lie.

"Willow!" he angrily shouted through the house, "What's the deal
with giving me a soulsucking eye?"

.... never became a Priest

He hated magic books, really hated them. And he wanted to bean
the arrogant blonde over the head with one of them, preferable a
heavy one, something like the "Complete Encyclopaedia of Monsters".

The only thing he'd done was opening the book, but that had been
enough to draw him into it.

And now he was here, in some strange bookworld, with blondie
looking him over like some tasty meat.

"A priest? In all the circles we never had a priest before.
And yet he wears the sign of Seiryuu. Welcome Priest, my name is
Nakago, leader of your Seishi "

.... never ate the Jelly beans on the park bench

They had looked like Jelly beans. That was his only excuse and
reason why he'd eaten them. He'd felt a bit low on sugar and they
had been there, right on the park bench, that should have been
his first warning sign... who in the world left a bag of Jelly beans
on a park bench? Nobody!

But then he hadn't cared, had eaten them all and now he had to
live with the consequences.

Xander, God of Chaos, that was his new m├ętier.

Well, at least Bliss got grounded for disposing his daily
ambrosia in such a sneaky fashion.

.... never unnerved a Gundam pilot

He looked up... and up and then he looked up some more.

"Wow," he stated, "this is really very big, I would even say
extremely big, actually it is huge. Very huge. I'm getting a
crick in my neck just from looking up."

His companion sighed, but let him continue, he had learned
quickly enough that nobody could stop a Xander when he'd started

No threats or guns fazed him, he talked and talked. And did he
already mentioned that he tended to bounce if he'd enough sugar?

Heero sighed and cursed the day Duo had brought his lover home.

The End

You have reached the end of "Ten things Xander never...". This story is complete.

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