10 Things that Never Happened to…GilesAuthor:
PG-13/16, at the maxDisclaimer:
I have no legal claims or rights to any of the worlds depicted. Just borrowing them for a bit. I promise to give them a good washing and put them back like I found them when I am done.Summary:
In response to Kamikazee’s challenge – Ten 100-word drabbles. Crosses with Batman, Elizabeth Peter’s Jacqueline Kirby series, LXG, Sayer’s Lord Peter Wimsey, Terry Prachett’s Discworld, Rachel Caine’s Ill Wind, X-files, Harry Potter, Totally Spies, and Anne Bishop’s Fey Series.Author’s Notes:
Each is exactly 100 words. Thanks to Echo for the brilliance of summary lines. This turned out to be a great way to get some ideas written that didn’t support a longer fic. Enjoy!~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~Title/Cross:
It’s All About Connections (BtVS/Batman)Summary:
Giles never…liked computers much.
He looked up from the laptop screen to see Willow frozen in the doorway.
She overcame her shock, leaving the library’s doors flapping wildly behind her. “You’re…You’re using a computer!”
“What you doin’?”
Willow dropped her bookbag and leaned over the counter.
“You’re IM’ing?” She squinted at the screen, as Giles moved it away. “With someone called BrainyGothBabe?”
“I was getting information about this latest demon.” he replied defensively.
“Uh huh. Sure you were.”UKTweedyGuy: Thanks for the help! Talk to you later, Oracle.BrainyGothBabe: Anytime, Rupert. Anytime.
Giles shut the computer with a definitive click.~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~Title/Cross:
No Pain, No Gain (BtVS/Elizabeth Peter’s Jacqueline Kirby series)Summary:
Giles never…attended an American Library Association conference.
Standing on queue for a dismal-looking boxed lunch, Giles silently cursed Snyder.
He could have kicked himself for giving in to the little weasel. He didn’t have to though; the woman behind him was doing an excellent job of it, her mammoth purse knocking into him every other step.
“Sorry! The mob is getting pushy.”
“Do you have rocks in there, Miss…?”
“Jacqueline Kirby. And no rocks.” She smiled warmly. “There’s a deli next door. Let me buy you lunch – consider it hazard pay, Mr…”
Sounded better than more bruising. “Giles. Throw in an ice pack and it’s a deal.”~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ Title/Cross:
Idle Hands (BtVS/LXG)Summary:
Giles never…was much of an artist (e.g the transparencies in ‘Hush’).
Rupert Giles was terribly bored. His father had been meeting with the Council for hours
Banished to the back parlor by the Council’s butler, in the hopes that he would cause only minimal damage this visit, he was forced to amuse himself. Rupert thought it unspeakably cruel to imprison an eight-year old on a warm, sunny day.
With a frown of concentration, he drew a few more lines. Crawling down from the antique desk, he stood back and admired his work, a wicked gleam in his eye.
Dorian Gray looked much better with a bushy moustache. Now for some horns.~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~Title/Cross:
Changing with the Times (BtVS/Sayer’s Lord Peter Wimsey)Summary:
Giles never…was recognized for his detection abilities.
Giles bent down, retrieving the glimmering gems from a pile of ash.
The man at his side offered a clean handkerchief.
Giles gave the gems a dusting and slipped them, along with his stake, into his coat pocket.
“Bunter, do you think Great Grandfather would be pleased with us?”
The manservant employed the discretion that had made his forefathers indispensable to the Wimsey family. “I think he would be...surprised at the nature of some of your inquires.”
Giles laughed. “You mean he would be spinning in his grave if he knew we were ‘dectecting’ vampires.”
“In a word, Sir -Yes.”~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~Title/Cross:
Mistaken Delivery (BtVS/Terry Prachett’s Discworld)Summary:
Giles never…owned every
Frowning, Giles removed the last book from the crate. It bore his name, in gilt letters across the cover.
He flipped it open and found he was reading his own life story. It was all there; details about Buffy, about the Council, even his murder of Ben.
Reaching blank pages, he turned back and was astonished come to a page filling itself one letter at a time.“…one letter at a time. Suddenly a dark figure appeared.”
“I’LL TAKE THAT.”
Its skeletal hand closed on the book and the figure vanished.
Blinking, Giles went to consult the packing slip. ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~Title/Cross:
Spreading a Little Gloom (BtVS/Rachel Caine’s Ill Wind)Summary:
Giles never…was able to do anything about that California sunshine.
The sun was still shining when Giles left the library, heading towards his car. The entire lot shimmered with heat, the glare blinding off the concrete.
California was so pervasively…sunny. He missed the overcast gloom of England.
Giles paused for a moment and let himself drift up into Oversight.
Something was brewing in the Pacific, not a storm but the potential for one. He carefully nudged the pressure, flip-flopped a few molecules.
Taking one last look as he fell back into himself, he smiled. The clouds would roll in by sunset and, with luck, take a few days to clear.~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~Title/Cross:
Buffy Cubed (BtVS/Totally Spies)Summary:
Giles never…was responsible for three ‘Buffy’s.
Giles had never really thought about what he would do if Buffy ever retired.
Now, sitting in a cavernous office at WOOP headquarters, he thought perhaps he should have given it more thought.
He pressed a button and three girls dropped from a tube in the ceiling.
“Mark was just about to ask me out,” Clover insisted.
Alex rolled her eyes. “As if. He was trying to ask me.”
Giles sighed, “Ladies. Please.”
Clover and Alex continued arguing, oblivious.
“Guys, Giles is talking,” Sam snapped. “Besides, you’re both delusional; he was going to ask me.”
Sometimes Giles really missed Buffy.~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~Title/Cross:
Agents of Annoyance (BtVS/X-Files)Summary:
Giles never…had to deal with the government.
“What about a severe dermatological condition?”
“Now you’re being ridiculous. Next you’re going to be spouting nonsense about weather balloons.” Giles pinched the bridge of his nose, his headache worsening by the minute. “I think you should go.”
Her partner, who had accepted the reality of vampires an hour before, was flipping through Giles’ books, muttering to himself and scribbling notes.
She stood quickly, arms crossed and her lips pursued in annoyance. “I am sorry we wasted your time, Mr. Giles.”
Her partner looked longingly at the books before following her out, grumbling.
“Way to turn on the charm, Scully.”~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~Title/Cross:
Damsel in Distress (BtVS/HP)Summary:
Giles never…got to play the hero.
He was supposed to be on holiday. The cottages looked so nice in the brochure.
And they were - vampire infested, but nice.
Coming around a bend, he saw a slim woman backed against a tree by one.
He charged in, sword ready.
She shouted, waving some sort of twig.
The vampire fell over, frozen stiff.
“I…I was coming to…um.”
“How kind. I’m Narcissa Black.”
She had a lovely smile. “Rupert Giles.”
They stood for a long, silent moment.
“About him…” she pointed.
Quickly beheading the vamp, he offered his arm. “Shall we then?”~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~Title/Cross:
Singer Man (BtVS/Anne Bishop’s Fey Series)Summary:
Giles never…made it as a singer.
It was a busy night at the Expresso Pump.
When his name finally came up in the queue, Giles he made a few last minute adjustments to the guitar and began.
Halfway through, he found himself distracted by a golden light coming from the back corner.
It seemed to radiate from the two figures seated there.
“He’s rather good,” The Muse murmured.
The Bard nodded. “He is. Not a drop of Fey in him, though. I hate to see Bardic talent wasted like that.”
They vanished, taking the light with them and, after a moment’s hesitation, Giles continued to sing.~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
That's it! Hope you liked them and recognized some of the more obscure 'verses. Reviews always welcomed.