Title: Not just to vampires.
Disclaimer: Characters from Buffy are the property of Joss Whedon, and someone else… not me. Characters from Artemis Fowl belong to Eoin Colfer.
“Why do I have to go?” Andrew whined. “I’m supposed to be redeeming myself, in a big way, because I was evil, remember? I’m not supposed to be babysitting some kid.”
“Andrew!” Buffy shouted. “If you’d just listen for like a second. Giles told me that this was not babysitting. The kid is smart. Very smart. If he’s got feelers out about that book, well, the Watcher’s Council owes it to his family to help him.”
“Why?” Andrew stared back up at her. “I mean, what have they ever done for me, huh?”
“Well,” Buffy’s voice turned smoother. “I do believe that they, also known as Rupert Giles, were the ones who prevented Faith to take a big stick and shove it up your…”
“Say no more!” He held up an arm. The memories of that were simply too unpleasant to deal with. “I will travel to…”
“Ho Chi Minh City, where you will meet Mr. Nguyen. He’s one of the council’s more expandable rats,” Buffy explained. When Andrew looked at her in shock at the word expandable she smiled at him. “The council is determined to do the greater good, Andrew. That means they sometimes must do things that aren’t quite… how shall I put it… up to most people’s moral codes.”
“Ookay. And when I get to Ho Chin City, then what?”
“Then you get Mr. Nguyen Xuan to act as the prime contact with Artemis Fowl. Giles said that Mr. Fowl was quite clever, to be twelve. And that it would not be the right moment for you to step quite out as a member of the council.”
“ When will that happen, Buffy?”
Buffy shrugged. “Who knows? I’m just passing on the messages, since you won’t get near the phone.”
“Buffy! The Slayers did something to it. My ears were black for days.”
“Whatever. You’re supposed to take this assignment, and then if everything goes well, Giles said he’s got other assignments for you.”
Andrew perked up at that. “Really?”
“Don’t be so chipper early in the mornings. First you must survive being in the same city as this Artemis kid. Who names their children Artemis, by the way? Sick.”
“What shall I tell Mr. Nguyen, Buffy?”
“Giles will fax over a sheet of instructions. You’re supposed to memorize them and then eat the paper.”
“Really?” Andrew’s face lightened up. “That would be seriously cool.”
“No, I just said that to get you in the spirit. Go pack. Shoo.”
3 days later: Ho Chi Minh City.
“Do you understand?” Andrew asked the exclusively dressed Nguyen. “You will contact Artemis Fowl. Then you will act reluctant to share your information. But it is vital to the council that Artemis does get it. Then, and only then will our debt be paid in full.”
“I do understand. I will lead them, most reluctantly, to the healer.”
“Very good. Oh,” Andrew gazed at the papers from Giles. “You might need this, if the healer chooses to be not agreeable.”
He opened his briefcase, and took out a bottle. He handed the bottle to Nguyen.
“Holy Water – not just harmful to vampires.”