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Same Crap Different World

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Summary: Buffy/Stargate - SG1 stumble on a world populated by unusual creatures and need some expert advice.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > GeneralWildecateFR151525,36134939,33513 Feb 0322 Aug 04No

Same Crap Different World

Same Crap, Different World
Disclaimer: Buffy stuff belongs to Joss, Stargate stuff belongs to ... whoever it belongs to because it sure as hell ain't me.
Notes: This is a re-write but the differences are fairly subtle. Its set post S6 Buffy ignoring S7 as it hadn't started when I had started writing this. Stargate wise its post Window of Opportunity.


General Hammond raised a disbelieving eyebrow as Major Samantha Carter answered his question.

“You’re expecting me to believe that the entire planet is populated by vampires?”

“Yes sir” Her firm look did not waver but he detected a faint trace of what appeared to be embarrassment in her bright blue eyes.

“We’re talking about blood sucking vampires? Like Dracula?”

General Hammond transferred his gaze to Teal’c whose expression did not change. He had not encountered the vampire myth of Earth and so did not understand the astonishment of the SG team. He had come up against many demons in his time on the Stargate project and this was just one more to be met and overcome.

Colonel O’Neill leaned back on his chair tipping it on to back legs until its back leaned against the wall, and swung his legs. He had not enjoyed his first brush with the occult, waking at the campsite to find SG1 surrounded by a gang of vampires.

“The problem is that there are humans who live on that planet. The system lord who has control of this system is Ahmose which, Daniel reliably informs me means The Moon is Born.”

Daniel interrupted him excitedly “Very apt when you consider that the world is populated by vampires which require the absence of the sun to move around. They seem to have almost the early hunters attitude considering humans as their prey. They are aware that they are dependant on these humans for food and almost farm them, nurture them to a point. It seems that basically the planet is a penal colony where Ahmose dumps all those who are rebellious and who cause him trouble. The vampires take over from there. They take enough but not too much although when Ahmose dumps a lot of people they go on what might be considered a binge, killing viciously and turning people. The inhabitants have no real leadership, no idea how to fight back against these creatures apart from sunlight.”

“The fact is that we need to get back and relocate these people. We asked around some of the camps and it seems that most of the people have been dumped there after having worked in Ahmose’s mines and having caused trouble. If you don’t know anything about vampires then they’re pretty tough to deal with.” Sam Carter sighed

“We don’t know nearly enough about them as a species.”

General Hammond sat back “I know someone who might be able to help. The US Army have been researching this for some time and we have a team who deal with sort of thing.”

There was silence for a moment before Jack spoke.

“You mean we have an outfit for vampires?”

“They deal with all kinds of things Colonel. Myths are of course rooted at some point in reality.”

“Vampires? On Earth?” Teal’c was confused, turning to Sam Carter for an explanation “I thought you said they were a legend.”

“I thought they were” Sam shrugged before looking at the General

“This is a very bizarre situation Sir, we’re going to need all the help we can get on this. How soon can this unit get here?”

General Hammond glanced at his watch. “I’ll make the necessary arrangements and let you know their ETA. In the meantime, it might pay for you all to get some rest. You look exhausted. Dismissed.”

SG1 filed obediently out of the room with only Jack lagging behind.

“Is there a problem Colonel?” Hammond asked

“There’s a team that deals with vampires?” Jack asked “I’m only asking to clarify my mind on this subject but we head out through that gate all the time, facing god knows what on the other side, but we still haven’t dealt with all the horrors of this world. What else is there that we don’t know about?”

Hammond leaned back in his chair “Jack, we’ve been friends for a long time now so I’m not going to mess you around when I tell you that I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. What I do know is that this team deal with this sort of thing all the time.”

“But if vampires are real in this world, god knows what else is? Santa Claus?”

“We don’t have a team to deal with him” said Hammond showing his rare humour “but these guys are good and now doubt they’ll fill you in on all the rest of the nasties. Now get some rest Jack. It’s going to be a long haul to get this done.”

Sam lay on her bed gazing up at the concrete ceiling. She had spent an instructive hour phishing the net for information on the occult and the supernatural and had learned more than she had ever wanted to know about Dungeons and Dragons not to mention some fairly amazing hokum that she was sure would never work. She had learned very little other than what appeared to be well known facts about vampires and was now feeling quite frustrated. There was one other thing which kept cropping up which was a term she had not heard before. Vampire Slayer. She remembered the book which she had skimmed through in the base library, Dracula. It had mentioned not a vampire slayer but a vampire hunter named Van Helsing. Was a vampire slayer the same sort of thing? It did not mention anything specific only that one was chosen in each generation to stand against the vampires. Perhaps there was a way of finding out if this part of the myth was true. She wondered if there was a way of finding out who this person was. She sat herself up again and booted her computer back up. There was a noise at the door and she glanced up. Colonel O’Neill stood there, lounging in the door way.

“Couldn’t resist the research Carter?” he asked lazily taking in her neatly written notes on the pad beside the PC.

“It’s fascinating Sir, imagine a whole other world that we never dreamed existed. What we thought of as myth is reality. The monster that you were scared of that lived under your bed is true and not some scary dream you had.”

Jack O’Neill looked discomforted. “Hey, there was no monster under MY bed.”

“You know what I mean Sir” she gestured to her notes. “The very first mention of a vampire goes back to 1047 where the word ‘upir’ referred to a Russian prince as a wicked vampire, ‘Upir Lichy’. There are several sets of chronicles throughout the last thousand or so years, William of Newburgh in 1196, The Malleus Maleficarium, by Heinrich Kramer and Jacob Sprenger. A book that essentially tells you how to hunt and kill vampires.”

“Well that’s just great Carter, why don’t we just read that and head on out?” drawled O’Neill. Carter gave him a glare and he grinned back unaffected.

“There’s something else Sir.” She handed him her notes and he skim read them, picking out the important points before dropping the pad back on the desk.

“Vampire Slayer” he asked sceptically “what the hell is that?”
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