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The Art of Rescuing Harry

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Summary: Responce to Bodyguard Buffy challange by Kei. Buffy a bodyguard? Feel the bad guy... err Death Eater shiver at a Slayer's wrath.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Buffy-CenteredSeakFR1316,24313367,5474 Sep 044 Sep 04Yes
Author’s Note: Okay here’s the dish with this story, “The Art of Rescuing Harry,” is not a sequel to the “Art of Ass Kicking,” it’s just another story that somehow fitted with the title.

I’ve been thinking maybe I should do more of these “The Art of…” stories with all different characters from all different verses…

Sounds good huh?

Anyways hope you like this story, I certainly enjoyed writing it.

Remember this is just another one shot.

Anyways this one was a challenge that I just had to write after reading PaBurke’s story “Bodyguard Buffy” Thank you for the inspiration PaBurke!

Challenge by Kei:

Your challenge, should you chose to accept it, is to write a General fic (in other words- not a love story), featuring Buffy as a bodyguard in a crossover of your choice.

Must Haves:

1.) Buffy in high heels.

2.) An argument over a banana peel.

3.) A flat tire.

4.) Drunken karaoke.

Bonus Points for Those Who:

1.) Keep it light and funny (the banana peel should give that away...).

2.) Place Buffy Post Season Seven.

3.) Crossover with Stargate, Harry Potter, or West Wing (so sue me for being selfish, I read those the most).

4.) Have delirious amounts of fun doing this.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. All rights and ownerships belong to their respective owners.

The Art of Rescuing Harry,

Buffy ducked under the table and peeked past the table cloth, grumbling. It wasn’t like she wanted to hide under the table since it was so against her nature and very being but what choice did she have? Black stiletto heels and a tight mini black dress was so not the outfit for this place, let alone a pub.

And did she mention that there were weird people wearing long ugly black dresses and white masks that would have given the bad guy from Scream a run for his money?

Though she personally thought that the Scream psycho guy had a way more better outfit, at least with that costume you knew he was wearing pants. With these people it appeared like they were all going commando…

A red alarm blared in her head, bad thoughts! Bad thoughts! She so didn’t want to know that. Think of something else she hurriedly told herself and an image of Giles sitting at his desk reading a book appeared and she smiled, relaxing. Good ol’Giles here to save the day she mused happily only to have the Giles in her image stand up and argh!

No underwear!

My eyes! She almost screamed covering her eyes as her mind reeled in horror. She shook her head and forced herself to calm, shoving the image into the back of her mind and hoped to god that it never returned to haunt her. She shuddered and hugged herself, that had to be the freakiest thing she had ever seen in her life.

Oh luv, don’t be such a wuss they’re a right pair of ass, haven’t seen anything like that in while - except yours of course. A voice remarkably like Spike spoke casually in her mind.

A loud cackling of laughter broke her thoughts (to her immense relief cause she was beginning to think she was going nuts) and she focused on her surroundings.

Buffy reached out again to take another peek, her hand raised in mid air when a pair of expensive black leather shoes stopped in front of her. She froze and then frowned realizing that there was something wrong with that picture and then it hit her and her mouth dropped opened in absolute horror.

A pair of naked hairy ankles flashed before her and she could tell, up close and personal that there were no pants under that dress.

Commando! Her mind screamed, commando!

Breathe she told herself, breathe. She took in deep breaths and almost gagged from the stink that were coming from the shoes. Okay don’t breathe.

Buffy luv, all you need to do is bite them on the ankles and they’ll go away soon enough. The Spike sounding voice suggested in a highly amused manner. They’ll think it was some bug insect and scamper off with their free flying willies between their legs.

Buffy growled shut-up in her mind and scrunched up her face in disgust, she so did not want to know about free flying willies. She quickly moved to the other end of the table and groaned in frustration. How did she end up here and under a table of all places?

Oh wait she knew the answer to that, as bodyguard to some kid it was her duty to protect him – thank you Powers that Be for giving me another thankless job.

Didn’t this kid have enough bodyguards already? He was surrounded by a whole bunch of weird people from the punk hair changing kid/girl to the freaky and extremely ugly old man with the rotating eye. (Eww)

And now here she was to the rescue, his weird bodyguards are down and all there was left… was… her.

Okay, so she was a few minutes late in stopping the kidnapping, having just come back from a date. She thought she would just pop by, see how the kid was doing and then leave again. And what did she find when she got there? That the bloody kid had done a runaway and had somehow gotten himself captured by the very people that she had been protecting him against.

She should have just grabbed the kid and forced him to live with her and Dawn for the remainder of his summer and perhaps, his entire life. But no… she had been under specific orders not to interfere with the boy’s life which meant she had to peek on him every now and again. She grimaced, gods she sounded like a pervert.

Why in the world did she ever listen to the Powers anyway? This time after she rescued the boy, he was going to stay with her and no amount of flashing lightning and trembling earth was going to stop her.

So… the question now was… how to get out of this situation?

Patience Buffy, a Giles like voice cautioned. There are times when no amount of beatings will get you what you want.

Well it worked for me, she silently grumbled.

Yes, vampires are certainly good at getting a beating but these are humans Buffy and somewhat more fragile. Throw in the use of magic and you have a far more complicated situation.

Buffy nodded in complete understanding and froze as she realized that she was conversing with herself. Make note to self, no more Giles like conversation or will go nutters.

A loud pop soon had her distracted and she immediately recognized the sound as their transport spell thingy. Her spider senses had been going stir crazy with all the magic that was floating in the air, it reeked from the building and right across the street. She could smell it; taste the bitter tang of it on her tongue, there was nothing soft or invisible about this magic. It was as obvious as her nose on her face.

There was something about this power that had the back of her neck itching and made her feel extremely uncomfortable. Blunt was the only word that sprung to mind that could possibly describe this type magic. She’ll be sure to tell Wills about it, maybe she can give her an idea on what it was all about.

During her time of being a bodyguard she had caught glimpses of the magic but it flickered like a candle about to blow out, it was there but not really there. As if the people doing it didn’t want anyone knowing that they were doing it. She had had the overwhelming need to walk over to them and tell them that the more magic you used the more likely you would attract attention of the dark kind. There were way too many demonic creatures out there that would love to suck that power right out of you.

Buffy sighed; too bad she had been undercover.

She carefully shifted her weight as she felt her toes beginning to cramp and silently cursed her decision to wear heels. Boots were fantastic to fight in but stilettos? Not if she wanted to maintain her balance, though she didn’t mind the sharp pointy end of the heel, if only it was made of wood rather then steel. Hey! Maybe she should design a pair of wooden heels…

Um… maybe not…

She shuddered, her fashion senses spinning in alarm, Buffy you so need to get out from under this table, its beginning to do weird things to your mind.

She peeked out from under the table again only this time from the other side as she wanted to avoid the stinky feet as much as possible.

And immediately spotted the boy.

Why hadn’t she thought to look in this direction first? She grumbled. Would have kept her from smelling the hairy feet and discovered that these people liked going commando that was for sure. She sighed, now all she needed was to catch the boy’s attention without being noticed…

* * *

Harry was tired and angry, he was very angry. He couldn’t seem to understand what had happened or how it happened. All he had wanted to do was be alone, he had wanted to get away from the stifling atmosphere that seemed to surround the Dursley’s house. The constant feeling of being watched wasn’t pleasant and there were times when just taking a leak was difficult.

The urge to do a 360 head spin so that he was sure no one was watching him overwhelmed him and since such an action was virtually impossible he had been forced to look to his sides. So distracted by what he was doing… his leaking never made it to the toilet bowl, it ran in a yellow rain fall over the toilet seat, down over his feet and somehow (though he was not sure how) over the toilet flush and soaking the spare toilet paper. His flying action, (and he didn’t mean the flying on the broomstick kind) caused him more embarrassment then he cared to admit and he had been positive that he had heard laughter.

So now here he was, his hands and feet bound by invisibly ropes, his wand taken away from him and about to be passed to Voldemort where he was going to be killed. Somehow, he couldn’t find the fear that usually appeared when he faced the ugly snake, perhaps it was because it was just him. There was no Ron or Hermione - they were safe, tucked in their homes with their families and he was glad for that. It made him feel that all was right with the world when really it wasn’t.

He looked around, taking everything into memory, from the oak paneled wooden walls to the girl that was hiding under the table… Harry did a double take.


Girl under the table? He stared in disbelief and almost had a panic attack. What was she doing here? He could recognize a Muggle when he saw one and she was most definitely a Muggle.

He looked away hoping to Merlin that no one had seen him giving the food laden table weird looks. He made an extra effort to try to blend with his surroundings of expensive furnishings but gave up when he realized that the chair next to him was better dressed then he was. He settled for just appearing bored as if he hadn’t discovered something that would have had all the Death Eaters smiling with glee. He looked down at his feet and snuck another look.

The girl smiled at him and winked.

His mouth dropped opened and his tonsils danced. What was wrong with her? Didn’t she understand that she was in danger if she was discovered?

And then to his absolute horror she crawled out of hiding and stood up. She stood up! In front of dozens of Death Eaters! And then his panic stricken mind was distracted, she was wearing… whoa! His fantasies had just come to life!

A sloppy grin appeared on his lips as he got an eye full of shapely legs and dainty heeled glad feet. He quickly shook himself, she was going to die! He shouldn’t be going gaga over her legs and major-ly hot body.

Harry Potter concentrate! He yelled at himself and before he realized it, she was in front of him. How had she moved so fast? He thought in disbelief and to his horror he was suddenly picked up like he was an over sized doll and slung over her shoulder in a fireman carry.

Harry’s mind reeled, his head bopped around and upside down, his eyes came into level with her ASS! Wow, that was some view! And he found that he didn’t mind that he was being carried by some strange girl.

He heard shouts of rage and curses flew past him. The Muggle was moving fast and he meant fast. He felt like he was on some ride only he had a thin bony shoulder digging in his stomach (which caused him to loose his breath and his face turn red from the blood rushing to his head) and he was flopping in every direction as she ducked past each curse. His mind spun in circles and dizziness, he cursed the invisible ropes that prevented him from moving as he could do nothing but admire the view.

And then a blast of cold air hit him and he realized that they were outside - they made it!

A particular nasty curse flew past them.

Or not, he thought hastily revising his earlier opinion.

And then they were running! Err… he meant the girl was running and his eyes fell at her feet. They were a blur! Wow, he had never come across anyone who could move as fast as she.

There was a loud pop and his heart froze as he realized that a Death Eater had Apparated in front of them but the girl didn’t falter, in fact she was moving faster and then he felt her hand leave her grip from his legs and he had a wild thought that he was going to tumble over her shoulder and crash to the ground.

Suddenly the sound of breaking bones was heard followed by a scream of pain. For a second he assumed it came from the girl before he realized that the voice sounded more male then female. And then he saw it, the Death Eater that had popped in front of them was rolling on the ground, screaming and clutching his face as blood rolled past his fingers.

She was still running, she hadn’t even stopped to deliver that punch! He thought impressed and then his smile slipped as he watched the Death Eater get up and point his wand at them. His mouth opened to warn her but he was too late.

Avada Kedavra!” The shrill like scream echoed along the street.

There was silence.

The deadly curse flew at them in a glowing green light that appeared almost ethereal. (If it weren’t for the fact that it killed people once it touched them he would have thought it was pretty.) His heart stopped and the blood roared in his head.

It was almost upon them, he could practically smell it and then the strange girl holding him swerved in an amazing display of footwork that had him wandering how she was doing it on those heels and the curse flew past them and dissipated into a wall.

His already opened mouth snapped shut with a loud click of the teeth and his heart was beating again.

* * *

Buffy spied her four-wheel drive up ahead and forced her legs to move faster. She so did not want to do this again cause running in heels was killing her feet! She could feel her cute little toes curl in near death and the dodging and jumping wasn’t helping any. Add the fact that she was lugging around a dead weight meant she had to be creative when it came to avoiding those spells that were persistently aimed at her.

When will these people stop already?

Probably not until they had the boy back, well too bad because she was going to keep him and no amount of wooden sticks pointing at her was going to stop her!

She practically ripped her car’s door opened and shoved the boy in before hopping into the driver’s seat and gunning it forward. She shifted gears and slammed on the accelerator, the large four-wheel drive shot down the street at high speed and sped to their ever beckoning freedom… or not.

Buildings whipped past them but she didn’t pay much attention as she pulled her necklace over her head and with one hand tried to put around the boy’s neck. It proved difficult however as driving with one hand was not as easy as it appeared on T.V. Her car screeched as it clipped against a parked car causing sparks to fly and the car shifted into a drift at high speed down the empty road.

“We’re going to die!” The boy screamed as they clipped yet another car.

“Shut-up!” Buffy screeched, “If I’m going to die, I’d prefer to do it in my bed where I’m old and wrinkly and have grey hair!”

“Yeah but you’ll be too old to care!” He snapped back, grabbing wildly for his seat belt and quickly clicking it into safety before freezing in disbelief. “I’m moving!” He yelled in surprise.

Buffy rolled her eyes, “Well duh! What did you think that necklace was? Eeeek!” She shrieked, her eyes almost popping out of her head as she glimpsed… flying broomsticks?!!

She was surrounded by flying broomsticks and whoa! The bad guys were riding them... err… that just sounded wrong. But anyways, she was being chased by broomsticks!


Wait until Wills hears about this!

“Watch the road! WATCH THE ROAD!!!” The boy screamed in a shrilly high note.

“Wha~” she started and her eyes widened as she saw two on coming headlights heading straight for them. Buffy did the most obvious thing, she started screaming.

“Turn the wheel! TURN THE WHEEL!!!”

The boy reached frantically for the wheel but his seatbelt restrained him from moving towards it and he found the impossible task of wrestling with the belt.

Buffy’s scream abruptly died and she yanked on the wheel causing them to miss the car with its blaring horn by inches. “Well that was fun,” she stated happily, her foot never having left the accelerator.

“Fun? FUN?!!!” The boy shrieked, “We almost killed the people in the other car!”

“Enough with the dying already!” She snapped, “I still haven’t had my donuts yet!”

“Donuts?” They boy asked incredulously, “What does donuts have to do with dying?”

“Everything,” she stated grimly as she spied the bad-guy-on-the-flying-broomstick pulling out a wooden stick and pointing it at her. “Oh, no you don’t!” She growled and abruptly turning the wheel, causing the car to swerve crazily towards the man with the wooden stick.

Never knew you were so into innuendoes, Buffy, the Spike voice popped back into her head.

Shut-up, she told herself, am busy trying to run over the man riding the broom.

Said man gave a shriek as his body slammed against the side of the car before tumbling off the broomstick and crashing to the tar road.

“Whose next?” she yelled in triumph, turning the steering wheel in every direction and thus not making them a target. Suddenly a great idea sprung from her brain and she turned to the boy. “Hold the wheel,” she ordered him.


“I said hold the wheel!”

The boy fiddled with his seat belt a bit and then leaned forward and grabbing hold of the wheel, his face giving her weird looks that clearly stated that she was crazy but that he was all for it.

“Okay,” she muttered, raising her leg and keeping her other foot on the accelerator, she pulled off her heel in a crow of happiness.

* * *

Harry’s eyebrow shot up, she was taking her shoes off at this time?! Okay, he could understand why she would want to take them off as they looked like they could hurt but… at this time? When Death Eaters were trying to kill them? Was she even right in the head?

The girl/woman gave a sigh of relief as the other heel came off and his eyes flickered towards the road, making sure that he would not do a repeat of what had happened earlier.

“Oh, my feet are alive! They’re alive!” She exclaimed in relief before promptly leaning between the driver’s seat and passenger’s seat and pulling out a bag. And out came a pair of sports shoes.

Harry quickly changed his opinion of the girl, she was practical. He had been under the impression that she was going to walk around bare feet or something, not that he had anything against bare feet of course.

“You can take you hand off the wheel now,” she told him and he sighed with relief.

He fell back against his seat and redid his seatbelt, knowing that as long as they didn’t crash, he was happy. He frowned and realized that she had thrown her heels on his lap and gingerly picked at them.

A yelp escaped him as the four-wheel drive tilted wildly and he had the crazy thought that it was running on two wheels as he found the tar road rushing towards him. His mouth fell opened in a silent scream, too frightened to actually get a sound out other then a squeak.

The car landed back on its four wheels with a loud thump!

He bounced wildly in his seat, his death grip on his seatbelt tightening further and he wound down the window, hoping for the fresh air that would calm him, only to find him face to face with a Death Eater.

Another girl like yelp escaped him and before the Death Eater could react at the fantastic opportunity he was given, Harry grabbed the nearest object and threw it.

A spiked heel with a wicked pointy steel end flew into the air, spinning wildly in circles and sparkled in the night as it slammed into the Death Eater’s face. His white mask snapped in half, revealing a splattered nose and bulging eyes as he lost his grip on his broomstick and tumbled back, his mouth opened in a loud screech of ARGHHHH!

The Death Eater behind him swerved wildly hoping to avoid him but found to his horror that he was swerving in the wrong direction. SLAM! He smashed into the four-wheel drive’s rear lights, his shoulder snapped and his upper body arched, losing the hold he had on his flying broom, he too crashed to the tar road at amazing speed, like a rag doll that a child had thrown out of the car, bored and tired of its ugly face.

Harry’s mouth was opened in awe and he wandered wildly what had happened to the heel when flapping arms caught his attention. A Death Eater was flying crazily in the sky losing control of the broom as his hands waved wildly in the air; his only grip on the broom was with his leg. The broomstick dived to the ground at rapid speed and Harry glimpsed what had had the Death Eater so alarmed.

His horrified face flew past the car and in his mouth was… the spiked heel.

Harry roared with laughter.

The sudden Death Eater’s dive became a climb as he flew crazily into the air once more.

“Hey! Is that my heel?” the girl shrieked in disbelief, her eyes almost popping out of her head as she peered through the windscreen watching intently at the man that was trying to fly like a bird.

“Err…” he uttered, opening his eyes in complete innocence. “No?”

“Oh my GOD! It is!” she screamed in outrage.

Suddenly her eyes were on him and they did not appear pleasant.

He gulped.

Her hand shot out and grabbed him forcefully by the collar and pulled him to her (seatbelt and all), her face mere inches away from his as she drove with one hand. “What. Did. You. DO?” her voice punctuating each word in a threatening hiss.

Harry felt his face begin to burn red with the lack of air and struggled to get the words out of his restricted throat. “Need… air…” he gasped.

She immediately let him go and he fell back against his seat wheezing. He peeked at the girl and could tell that she was pissed as hell, her driving seemed to have grown even more crazy then before (if that was possible), and a very scary scowl marked her face.

He swallowed nervously and licked his lips, “Ah… what are you up to?” He asked, hoping to distract her so that she wouldn’t realize that he hadn’t answered her question.

She flashed him a dangerous and downright frightening look and smiled (teeth and all). “I’m getting my heel back what else?”

Harry’s jaw dropped. “You’re crazy,” he breathed in awe.

There was absolutely no fear in her eyes, he realized, did she realize what they were up against? And yet he thought, he hadn’t this much fun in ages. What was it about her that made him feel so little fear, like what they were doing was one big adventure and by the end of it they would still be alive to live another day?

“I can’t see him anymore!” she yelled in frustration.

“What’s the attraction?” he grumbled, “I can’t see wanting to wear a shoe that has been in someone’s mouth.”

She flashed him an incensed stare. “Do you have any idea how much those heels cost?!!”

“No, but I sure don’t want someone’s drool all over my feet,” he said shrugging and smiled innocently, “Maybe you girls like it that way.”

* * *

Buffy had the overwhelming need to clonk the kid on the head but refrained when she realized that she might give him brain-damage.

What an annoying brat!

She grumbled but grudging admitted that he reminded her too much of Dawn/Xander for her to be too angry at him. He had Dawn’s fated and tragic expression when she had discovered what she was and he had Xander’s spirit when he got back up after being pushed down too many times.

She almost smiled but frowned, she was supposed to be angry! Angry Buffy! Grrrr!

And then the Scream wannabes suddenly appeared in front of them on their broomsticks, their sticks pointed at them (Spike’s snickering could be heard in the back of her mind). Her eyes widened as she realized that there was no way of avoiding them and had the wild thought of grabbing her remaining shoe and pitching it at them.

“Watch OUT!!” The boy shouted.

Suddenly a loud POP of a tire blowing out shattered the vehicle. The four-wheel drive spun wildly, squealing tires slid down the isolated road and sparks of the blown tire appeared, lighting up her driver’s side.

Screaming that distinctively sounded like her own rang in her head and she wandered wildly how the boy was doing.

Metal against metal screeched loudly as the car crashed against the parked vehicles that lined the rotten and dirty road that clearly represented the bad side of town.

For a moment there was silence and then she sprung into action, knowing that they could not spend time here any longer. “Hey boy, you okay?” she asked worriedly, afraid that she might have killed the kid. Great Buffy, she thought, you managed to save the kid but you ended up killing him instead.

He opened his eyes and groaned, muttering something about quickdeath being safer. (Whatever that was)

She sighed with relief and unbuckled his seatbelt and checked him for broken bones.

The boy shot up in horror. “Are you feeling me up?” he asked incredulously.

She glared at him, “I don’t go for younger boys. I was checking if you had any broken bones,” she stated bluntly, “We have to get out of here and we have to get out now!”

And like their asses had suddenly burst into flames they scrambled out of the car through the driver’s door only to find them-selves surrounded by four transvestites dressed in black.

Shit seemed to have summed it up.

They raised their wooden sticks (yet again) and pointed it at them.

The boy jumped in front of her, his arms stretched out beside him as if he was going to take the spells. “Run!” He yelled desperately.

Buffy smiled, respect appearing in her eyes but only for a second before she quickly picked him up, raised him in the air and threw him.

* * *

Hairy felt the funny sensation of flying only unlike flying on a broomstick this was more like flying towards his death.

Before he could even think, he found himself crashing into a bundle of bodies. He had the bloody sensation of his head smashing into someone’s nose and his foot ending somewhere not so nice and he didn’t even want to begin to think where the rest of his body parts were.

There was a loud silence and then…

“Knock OUT! Four in ONE!!!”

And then he found himself standing onto two feet again. (To his ever lasting relief)

Hands were dusting his clothes and the girl appeared in his spinning vision, (though a slightly blurred one as his glasses were hanging off one ear.) she grimaced and then smiled happily. “You okay?” she asked perkily.

He nodded dumbly and automatically adjusted his glasses.

She grabbed his hand and they were running. “Sorry about that, I would have told you but that was just wasting time.”

“It’s okay…” he croaked and grinned crazily. He had just been used to put out four Death Eaters – that was so cool.

He gradually became aware of his surroundings and realized that he had no idea where they were running to. “Um… where are we going?”

“Here,” the girl stated bluntly in front of an old flashy door.

“A karaoke bar?!!” he asked incredulously, his eyes never leaving the neon sign with the dancing microphone.


And he was immediately yanked past the door and into a stinky, smoky atmosphere.

A wailing, sobbing voice filled the large room that had him shuddering in horror and disbelief. Moaning Myrtle comes to life!

Onlllyyy youuuuu” sob, hiccup, sob, burp.

The sounds echoed loudly through the mounted speakers that seemed to boom past the noise of the large drunken crowd.

Harry felt the overwhelming need to block his ears and prey for sudden deafness.

The playing music rose to its climax. “I love only (hiccup) youuuuu.” The man sang forlornly (and drunkenly), his words no longer matching that of the song. He swayed to the sides and his swollen flesh wobbled around him, obviously trying to imitate Elvis and doing a pretty damn good job of it.

The girl stopped in front of him, “Eeewwww!” She remarked immediately, scrunching her face up in disgust.

Harry whole heartedly agreed.

“Okay kid, get behind the bar.” She ordered.

An incredulous expression came over his face. “What?”

“Get behind the bar it’s for your own safety.” She repeated.

A rebellious light appeared in his green eyes. “No.”

She rolled her eyes, “Gods you so remind me of Dawn. Okay, look behind you, what do you see?”

Harry looked behind him reluctantly. There was no way he was going to be stuck behind the bar when someone else was going - yet again - to try to save him. Look what had happened last time some one had tried… his godfather had died.

“Bottles, I see lots of bottles,” he said turning back to her and giving her an angry face. “What does that have to do with anything?”

She gave him a look that clearly said he wasn’t the brightest person on the block before sighing. “They’re ammunition, got it? See… you won’t be just standing around and watching everyone get hurt, you’ll be helping.”

Harry’s eyes widened, now that she explained it that way, he didn’t really mind at all and immediately climbed over the bar.

“Hey!” The barman exclaimed outraged that some kid was stepping into his area.

The girl flashed a downright scary glare at the barman promising death and destruction. He backed down and headed straight for the phone.

Harry rushed to stop him but an arm prevented him from moving further.

“Forget it,” she told him, “By the time the cops come we’ll be long gone by then.”

He nodded in understanding.

And then she was standing by the door and waited.

In only a matter of seconds the door burst inwards in a shattering array of broken wood. Death Eaters stood in the doorway, their black robes and haunting white masks

gave a menacing appearance that brought a dead silence to the bar.

The girl immediately grabbed the wand pointed towards the crowd and picked up the man with one hand causing Harry’s mouth to drop opened in awe (he’d been doing that a lot lately). And then he was flying into the air and crashing on to one of the wooden tables, the wand snapped between her fingers and she threw a punch at another Death Eater before taking his wand out of his hand and throwing him too into the crowd. (And the only way she was able to do this was because they were trapped between the doorway allowing her to pick them off one by one)

People scrambled out of the way too stunned to do anything but watch.

And then one of the Death Eaters that had flattened the table, slowly got up and sneered - his mask having already fallen of his face. “Stupid, pathetic Muggles, I’ll kill you all.” It appeared that was wrong thing to say in front of a group of drunken men because before Harry could so much as blink, a man roared in a rage and grabbed a chair sending it crashing over the Death Eater’s head.

He swayed, struggling to stay up but suddenly a body came flying in the air and splattered him. Robes fluttered and tangled and opened revealing… hairy legs?!!

Harry recoiled in horror at what he was seeing. “Argh!!”

“The man’s flashing us!” Cried one drunken customer in outrage.

“Hey man, this ain’t no gay bar!” Roared another.

And from then on the crowd surged in anger and just plain old drunkenness. Chairs and fists began flying, furniture flew across the room and even the occasionally body that looked like Death Eaters.

Harry joined in throwing an occasional bottle every now and again, aimed straight for any Death Eaters he could see and having a great time doing it.

He raised another bottle when his hand froze in mid air and a startled expression crossed his face as he realized someone was holding his hand. He turned and saw it was the girl and she was grinning.

He returned her smile.

“Come on,” she told him, “Lets get out of here, there won’t be anymore bad guys to deal with.”

Harry nodded, feeling incredibly light and they scrambled out of the karaoke bar through the back way.

They suddenly came out to a very crowded street after many twist and turns within the dark alleyways and he was glad for it.

“So,” she said casually, “I was wandering… what had caused the car to crash like that?”

He blinked at her and then grinned cheekily, “A banana peal.”

She returned his blink and her mouth dropped opened. “No way! I would have seen it!” she protested.

“It was a banana peal,” he stated smugly, “A bright yellow banana peal.”

“Nope, uh ah… I don’t believe you,” she said shaking her head in denial.

“Banana peal, banana peal, banana peal!” he chanted happily.

She growled and grabbed him, her fingers finding his funny spots.

Harry found himself laughing, laughing harder then he had ever before and for the first time in a long time his heart felt incredibly light.

She stuck out her hand, “Name’s Buffy,” she said grinning.

His eyebrow shot up, “Buffy?” he asked incredulously, “What kind of name is that?”

She scowled at him, “Shut-up, I happen to like my name thank you very much. My mother gave it to me.”

He grinned, he could understand that. “Well Buffy,” he said, “My name’s Harry.”

“So Harry, how do you feel like having dinner with my family?” Buffy asked wrapping her arm around his shoulder. “You’ll get on great with Dawn my little sister. She gets kidnapped a lot like you.”

“She does?”

“Yeah, I promise you’ll be safe with my family and you’ll have a lot of fun, no bad guys gonna touch you or I’ll give them a whammy.”

“Sure why not?” he said excitedly.

“Great! Err… Harry, you’re not like those stick carrying men are you?”

“Err… why?”

“Cause you know… there’s no way in hell I’m gonna let you wear those dresses, it’s against your manhood or something.”

“Um… yes?”

“Yes… as in what exactly?”

“Yes as in I’m like those stick carrying men?”

Buffy suddenly grabbed him tightly by the shoulders. “Promise me,” she said urgently, “Promise me. Promise me that you’ll wear pants!!”

A horrified expression crossed his face as hairy legs danced in his mind.

“It’s not like that!”


The End

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