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Teal'c, Champion?

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Summary: Stargate Mini Fic-a-thon response for Maria. A meeting in a bar and a drunken come-on change lives.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > Faith-Centered > Pairing: Teal'cueshibaFR1513,183084,65715 Sep 0415 Sep 04Yes
Teal’c, Champion?
Stargate Mini Fic-a-thon

Title: Teal’c, Champion?
What You Want To Read
Max Rating: light R
Type: humor
One Thing You Want To See: Buffy
One Thing You Don't Want To See: Willow

My Rating: PG-13ish

Summary: A meeting in a bar and a drunk come-on change lives

Jack sat at the bar nursing his beer. Next to him the rest of the team sat trying unsuccessfully to stifle their giggles.

“A revolutionary cloaking device, she says. It’ll make the perfect scout or assassin she says. Didn’t she learn her lesson the last time? Didn’t her little warrior technology do enough damage? No, she has to try it out on us… again!” Jack grumbled.

“It turned out all right though, didn’t it, sir?” Sam asked, a grin on her face. “You were only invisible for a week, and once we figured out that the phase shift had made you unable to interact with our reality, finding you was a piece of cake!”

“That’s easy for you to say. You didn’t drop three floors while coming into work and interrupt the General’s secretary in her little ‘meeting’ with that lieutenant from SG-13 in the broom closet. Didn’t that idea go out with high school? Because I know I won’t be able to get the memory out until my non-existent grandkids are there.”

Teal’c’s deep laugh caused a few heads to turn, but Jack just gave him another glare and settled into his drink once more.

“What right does Anise have anyways? Are we the best test subjects she can find? Is the galaxy that freaking small?”

“C’mon, Jack, you’ve probably had enough,” Daniel said. “You know Dr. Frasier has more tests for you in the morning and you wouldn’t want to go through that with a hangover, would you?”

“Damn Frasier, Daniel, and damn Anise too. I’m going to drink ‘til I drop, and there’s nothing you can say about it. Who’s the superior here anyways?”

Daniel just rolled his eyes at his companions as Jack rose to his unsteady feet and wobbled his way to the bartender for another drink. It was going to be a long night.


Meanwhile in another part of town, another combat team was hard at work. Well, not too hard…

“Hey, B, these vamps are pretty weak, ya think?”

“Faith, you know they’re just like all the other vamps we’ve fought – we’re just that good.”

Faith gave her companion a grin as she sent a vampire into a headstone. Since Sunnydale and the First had gone down three years before she and Buffy had gotten a lot closer. The burden of leadership had fallen to them and for once Faith hadn’t been bitter about Buffy’s position as the ‘first’ slayer. She was too busy and had too much responsibility for that crap now. With Spike dead and Robin heading off to England with Giles and Andrew to try and revive the decrepit Council, they had only had each other to lean on. Xander was still in Africa, and he seemed happy living his nomadic life searching for more Chosen, so they left him to it. It seemed easier than bringing him back to face his grief after all. Willow was somewhere with Kennedy, so that was better left alone. Walking in on them once had been bad enough. It just left the two of them, and a shared past, now matter how painful, was more than they shared with the newly called Slayers, so they became friends, and when Dawn went off to college they became sisters. Now they played the traveling hero gig, rolling from town to small town taking out the local vampire populations and ensuring that the demons were benign before moving on.

Faith offered the vampire a hand as he struggled to lift himself off the broken slab. Automatically he accepted it, his confusion keeping him from realizing she had staked him. As the dust settled around her, Faith turned to see Buffy surrounded by the three remaining vampires. They were all big – looked like they were former bouncers – but Buffy could take them with ease so Faith settled back to enjoy the show. The largest of the three gave a ponderous swing that Buffy ducked easily. As the large meaty fist passed over her head she reached up and grabbed the wrist, giving it a twist. The vampire demonic visage became even more horrible as the splintered radius pierced the skin of his forearm. Staggering to the side he crumbled to dust as Buffy attacked his now weak right side with a well-aimed stake. The remaining two gaped for a moment before coming to their senses and mounting a dual attack. One went low while one went high. The first lost his legs and the second his arms as Buffy swept out with her heretofore unused sword, following the first sweep with a second that took the two screaming demon’s heads. Faith laughed as she slid off her perch on a mausoleum, clapping lightly.

“I must say, Miss Summers, that that was an excellent use of the weapons at hand. Bravo,” she said with an atrocious accent.

“Why thank you ma’am. I am pleased I could accommodate your wishes and bring honor to the Slayer tradition,” Buffy replied with an equally horrible attempt of her own. Bringing her voice back to normal she smiled. “Now what do you say we go get a drink and see what hotties we can find? Maybe take care of the two H’s?”

Arm in arm, the two grinning Slayers moved off to the bar nearest their hotel. These local-yokels were in for a treat tonight.


Daniel knew there was going to be trouble when the door slammed open and two gorgeous girls walked into the bar like they owned it. There were few enough pretty women, so two new ones were going to be pawed over like dogs on last weeks’ meat. Besides, these didn’t look like the bashful type. Daniel winced as the dark-haired one yelled at the top of her lungs to get the attention of the bartender talking to another patron at the end of the room.

“Barkeep! A brew here for me and my friend! Jack Daniels and hurry it up!”

With a roll of his eyes heavenward at two more troublemakers the bartender whipped out two shot glasses and a bottle and moved down to take care of them before they started anything. Not that two little girls like that were a direct threat. It was the guys chasing after them that he was worried about.


When Jack saw the two girls, no women, come in, he got a speculative look in his eyes. It had been too long since he had had a decent time with a woman and these two, the blonde especially, looked like they could show him a good time. He was far past drunk and he knew it, but hey, he was Air Force, so he had to have a better chance than any of these morons, didn’t he?

Buffy rolled her eyes as the first come-on came from an obviously wasted older man. Sure, he looked good, but she wasn’t drunk enough yet to ignore the obvious age difference. He was old enough to be her father!

“Hey, beautiful, can I get you anything?” he slurred. “I could give you a night you’d never forget.”

“Not even if I wanted too?” she replied brightly. “Why don’t you just go home to the wife? She and the kids must be worried about you.”

“Not married. See? No ring.” He held up his hand for inspection, and sure enough there was no ring or tan line from him taking it off for the evening.

“So you’re not married. You’re still old enough to be my good for nothing daddy. Go find yourself some old hag that’s closer to your age.”

Laughing she turned to talk to a grinning Faith who was enjoying the show, but a hand landed on her shoulder and alcohol-laden breath filled her nose as he bent down to her level.

“Come on, baby, can’t we just talk? I’m sure you’ll change your mind after a little conver…”

His argument cut off as a large black man who was, strangely enough, wearing a skull-cap in the decidedly warm room pulled him away.

“Please forgive my friend his rudeness. He has imbibed too many alcoholic beverages.”

“Well aren’t you the hot one,” Buffy purred. “Can I keep him, Faith? Can I?”

“Not if I get him first, B,” Faith replied as she slid out of her seat and rubbed her hand on the man’s overly muscled arm admiringly. “I think he might be a keeper.”


Teal’c shuffled uncomfortably at these advances. Although they were not entirely unwelcome, these women were being too – forward. And the way they moved, it reminded him of the sabra cat from his homeland. Delicate in appearance it struck with an amazing ferocity that could not be described with mere words, something that had led its breeding to be a poplar pastime of the richer System Lords. He had only had to fight one once, but that had been enough. In fact, the only reason he was alive today was that a squad out on patrol had come upon him and killed the cat as it leaped for his throat. That was how he felt now. Their eyes raked over him with undisguised admiration and something else. They were sizing him up he realized, measuring his threat potential. Of course Jack didn’t see it that way. Twisting out of Teal’c’s grasp with remarkable alacrity he grabbed the blonde’s arm and slurred:

“Hey, I talked to you first. You can’t go after my friend.”

He had barely finished speaking when the blonde peeled his arm away, twisting it and sending his face into the table.

“No touching, pops. You see any signs for a petting zoo here? I didn’t think so.”

The big black man looked like he was torn between defending his friend and leaving him to the mess he had gotten himself in, but the friendship won out.

“Please release my comrade.”

Faith snorted. “Why should we do that? I mean really. You’re wearing more eye shadow than I ever did in my evil skank days.”

Buffy chuckled at the man’s puzzled look. “Hey, Faith, this is almost as good as trading insults with the gangs on PCP. I think he’s just as slow as they are.”

The big man’s eyes narrowed as his mind caught up with their colloquialisms. Seeing that Buffy did not plan to release the colonel he moved forward. He had taken less than a step when Faith moved in front of him, an arm held up warningly in front of her.

“Hey, big guy, you’re a hottie, but I’d have to deliver the smackdown if you messed with my friend.”

Teal’c’s eyes narrowed as he considered the scene in front of him. While it had been ingrained in his nature since birth to not fight with women, his experiences with the female Jaf’fa Ishta had made it painfully clear that they were just as dangerous as he could ever be. Therefore their refusal to release O’Neill made them a threat despite their small size. His mind made up he tried a simple move that would remove the dark-haired woman as an immediate threat so he could rescue his friend from his current humiliation. Behind him he felt Sam and Daniel move to back him up in the growing confrontation. The bar was silent as the other occupants waited with baited breath for the next move.

When the man sidestepped and swung his arm out to sweep her off her feet Faith almost laughed. It did make sense if he didn’t want to fight, but it was such a lame move. Even as his arm swung up Faith grabbed onto it and swiveled, throwing the man over her hip into the next table.

“C’mon, is that all ya got? Jeez B, this guy’s just a punk.”

“Well have fun then Faith, just don’t hurt him too bad,” Buffy replied as she continued to hold the squirming older man with his face down in the table. He had given up the struggle at this point and just sat there waiting for something to happen or for her to let him up. Of course, she was going to hold him there for a while – he deserved it for his clumsy come-ons.

When Teal’c recovered from the shock of being sent into the table with the utmost of ease he revised his earlier estimate of the women’s capabilities. The ease of the throw spoke of years of experience, so his next approach was much more cautious. Feinting to his right he ducked in and grabbed her left leg when she avoided the feint. Standing up quickly he swept her leg up into the air and let go, sending her towards the ceiling. He looked on in awe as she let her feet hit the ceiling above her and then twist with impossible speed to land upright. He grinned in anticipation. This was going to be fun.

He rolled with her first punch to throw her off balance and smiled with pleasure when she pulled the blow before she had to shift her weight. Her kick to his abdomen he let roll off to the side as he struck the back of her knee. Taking the blow she let her leg bend, kicking the other one out behind him to grab him in a vise and send him to the ground.

“Is this as good for you as it is for me?” Faith asked as a cocky grin spread across her face. “Ya know if you’re this big on exercise, I have some other things we could try. My place or yours?”

Teal’c’s response was a quick twist that set him free of the hold. Springing to his feet once more he circled her warily waiting for an opening. Behind the girl, Faith, he saw Daniel and Sam trying to sneak up on her. He almost winced as the chairs they swung simultaneously shattered on the girl’s dainty fists, but instead he was moving, trying to keep his friends from being killed. As they reeled back from the force of their weapons being destroyed he sidestepped past their opponent and picked them up, throwing them to safety.

“Your fight is with me. My friends are well-meaning yet not of your concern.”

She merely snorted in response.

“Hey, baby, last I checked they were trying to smash a couple chairs on my head. That’s well-meaning for ya. Just as well-meaning as the Cruciamentum, right B?”

“Well-meaning my ass,” Buffy snorted. “This is getting old Faith; why don’t we just leave these yokels?”

“Because he’s hot! C’mon, you know how the two H’s work! I gotta get me some!”

Buffy rolled her eyes and straightened up, letting the inebriated colonel slump to the floor. She walked out with another long-suffering look at her companion while Teal’c looked on in confusion. Now that the immediate threat was gone perhaps a conversation was in order.

“What are these two H’s of which you speak?”

“Hungry and horny, of course! What else would it be?”

“Forgive me, but I do not understand this term horny. What does it mean?”

Behind him he heard Jack’s drunken chuckle as he finally lurched to his feet.

“You know, T: a roll in the hay, time in the sack, the booty call. She wants you, man,” Jack slurred.


Teal’c’s eyebrow rose as he pondered this new development. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad…

“You are a formidable warrior, Faith, and therefore your desire for a mating ritual is quite welcome. Perhaps we could exchange vital information in the event that a further meeting is desirable?”

Around him he heard the chuckles from his team as they realized what had happened. Daniel sat down with a grin.

“It must be a Jaf’fa thing to fight and then have sex.”

Sam laughed, and pulled him out of the chair.

“Come on; let’s get Jack home before he gets us in any more trouble. I’m sure Teal’c can take care of herself.”

Daniel leaned in close and whispered.

“Are you sure she isn’t Goa’uld? I mean, that fighting style was pretty out there and she is way stronger than any girl I’ve ever been on the bad side of a backhand.”

“No, she’s human as far as I can tell, Daniel,” Sam replied. “Now let’s get out of here before they decide to get some more foreplay going”

Quickly they each grabbed one side of a still protesting O’Neil and dragged him out the door. As they set him in the car they heard the sirens finally coming toward them. It looked like the bartender was a little upset about his bar being torn apart. Yet another drinking joint closed to them, and all because of Anise. She was going to get hers someday.

Faith and Teal’c made it out mere seconds before the cops broke in the front door. It was days before Buffy saw her sister Slayer again, not that she was worried, and it was with a bounce in his step that Teal’c came out of the elevator at the SGC Tuesday morning, much to the relief of his team. It had been a long Monday for them, because for the first time ever… Teal’c had called in sick.


Over the next few decades Buffy and Faith made quite a few stops in that town in Colorado. Every time Teal’c was there waiting like no time had passed, and Buffy had to live with an extremely hyper Faith for the next few days. When one day they came and found him waiting in clothes he looked slightly uncomfortable in with a bag on his shoulders, they picked him up and went on their way. Thanks to Slayer healing and a double dose of the power they were longer-lived than normal, and apparently Teal’c was as well, because it was another fifty years before they stopped their world travels, and this only because they were bored. In the meantime Teal’c’s name became as feared as the Slayer’s in certain communities, something he relished a bit too much at times. It was a good life, although it had its rough bits. The Slayer school was still there when they returned, and there were still dozens of wide eyed young girls ready to learn from the legends: the two Chosen and the Warrior. If there was a sudden increase in sightings by the more secretive organizations of people using what were unmistakably Jaf’fa fighting techniques honed over five thousand years to the ultimate lethal fighting style, that is another story.


Maria- My apologies for the absurd lateness of this story as well as a sub-par (in my opinion) work. I was trying a new style and am not sure how it turned out. Peace.


The End

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