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The Devil's Minions Wear Prada Too

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Summary: That ‘Evil for Dummies’ finally seems to be paying off. A 20 minute Harmony fic.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Harmony-CenteredechoFR1311,417071,90021 Sep 0421 Sep 04Yes
title: The Devil’s Minions Wear Prada Too
author: echo
rating: 13
disclaimer: Not mine. Harmony belongs to Joss Whedon. The HP characters belong to JK Rowling.
summary: That ‘Evil for Dummies’ finally seems to be paying off. A 20 minute Harmony fic.
spoilers: Series finale of Angel.


She never should have betrayed Angel.

Things had just gone downhill after that. She’d done some time as a minion-type for a vampire in St. Louis before deciding to see France for real. She’d always wanted to see France.

Sadly, it was kinda boring. Lots of old buildings and people who spoke only French. At least Asher had been semi-patient enough to teach her some basic French while she’d been in St. Louis, but most of the time he was palling around with Jean-Claude and that Anita chic. Anita didn’t like her… which was fair since she didn’t really like Anita. The Executioner was such a Buffy.

But inevitably she’s pissed J.C. off… just like she had Angel… and the master vampire had tossed her out on her ass. Literally. Harmony just couldn’t win.

Now she was in some hole in England. Which was so much more boring than France. And there were all these wizard types, and one of them was super mega evil. He was trying to kill a bunch of people. The main one being some kid named Henry Parker or something. She’d have to ask again. Just not the dark lord guy… who was mostly gross. Red eyes and white skin? Ewww. And he had this snake thing going on. She’d noticed that with a lot of his followers. They had this snake affinity. But the boss guy around here took it a step further. His face was snake-y. Can we get another ‘ewww’ here?

There was going to be some sort of meeting tonight. The sun was already down, so Harmony was killing time by sawing at one of her nails with a file.

“Are you a new recruit?”

She sighed and rolled her eyes. Hadn’t this Volda dude told any of his people she was the new muscle? He’d said something about using her to bring other vampires to his side in the war. Whatever. Harmony didn’t care as long as he kept supplying her with blood. Human too. Well, actually he called them muggles, but she’d tasted it. It was definitely human.

“Not really.” She answered.

Her questioner was wearing a tacky mask. Halloween wasn’t for another month.

So she said as much. “It’s not Halloween, you know.”

He didn’t respond.

“Because you’re wearing a mask, see.”


“Well, you don’t have to be so rude. I was just saying. If you wanna play dress-up, it‘s none of my business really.”

“So you do not know why you’re here?”

Harmony shrugged. “Red eyes didn’t mention it. Just told me to be here.”

“Then you must be the entertainment.”

She snorted. “I don’t think so.”

Her arm was grabbed roughly, and Harmony was yanked to her feet. She shouted in surprise and flung her other arm at his head. He leaned back to avoid a direct hit. Harmony’s hand still caught the edge of his mask, flinging it from his face.

She was a little surprised. He was nice enough looking… until he smiled. Yeesh. And she thought vampire fangs were unattractive teeth. Hadn’t anybody ever told this guy about the wonders of braces?

“You’ll pay for that, bitch.”

Harmony snorted again. “I’m so shaking in my Prada boots here, mister needs-corrective-dental-surgery.”

Then she clamped her hand down on the wrist of the hand that still had a grip on her arm, instantly snapping at least one bone. The guy howled in surprise and a bit of pain. When he released her and tucked his wounded arm up to his chest, Harmony lurched forward and head butted him.


She rubbed her forehead and came back with a bloody hand. She hadn’t figured on his teeth, and they’d cut her head. She was glad Spike wasn’t here. He’d never let her live that one down. Whenever she did something silly before, he’d muttered something about people still referencing their readings of ‘Evil for Dummies’ for actions. Injuring herself while head butting someone because he had funky teeth likely fell into that realm. The he in question was currently holding his mouth. Well, at least she’d busted his bottom lip. Or was that blood from her forehead that had gotten on his face?

“Bloody hell! What sort of a mutant girl are you?”

“I’m not a mutant, dumbass. I’m a vampire.”

“Wh-what? You are not.”

Harmony rolled her eyes then morphed into her game face. “Am so.”

He shouted in alarm and stumbled back from her, falling on his butt in the process. Harmony was a bit pleased. She rarely got that reaction in California. Likely because most of the humans she’d faced were slayers or people who hung out with slayers… or people who’d known her in high school.

“So are you are dark wizard like snake face?”

The guy scrambled to his feet. “You should have more respect for the Dark Lord!”

“Whoa. Overreact much? I’m no one’s minion, so I’m not calling him the Dark Lord. If he thinks Harmony Kendall is someone’s minion, he’s in for a big shock. I mean my last boss was a master vampire. He owned the city of St. Louis… hello. His second in command was a bit of the master as well, and J.C. could call the wolves. He had like a whole pack of werewolves in his weapons cabinet. Plus, his girlfriend was a super badass slayer-type with the nastiest disposition who was a necromancer. My last boss before that was a master vampire too. He was Angelus, the Scourge of Europe. And I was William the Bloody’s girlfriend. Yeah, some random nobody turned me, but I’ve been places. I’ve been to France.”

Funky teeth was just staring at her, and it occurred to Harmony he had not introduced himself, and she’d said her name.

“Hey, what’s your name? I’m Harmony, by the way.”

She held out her hand, but would have had to shake his wounded wrist. The guy held out his other hand, so Harmony switched… just to show she still had manners even if she was a blood-sucking fiend.

“Marcus Flint.”

“Sorry about your wrist, Marcus, but sometimes I don’t like being grabbed. I‘m funny that way.”

He was still looking at her sort of odd-like. As if he couldn’t figure he out.

Then another guy in a mask stalked up. “What are you doing, Flint?”

“This is Harmony, Malfoy. She’s a vampire.”

The Malfoy guy took an involuntary step back.

“Harmony, this is Draco Malfoy. He’s been accused of being a vampire.”

Harmony had a feeling there was a scowl or at least a not-so-nice look happening under Draco Malfoy’s mask

“Excuse us a moment, Harmony.”

She nodded to affirm that and picked her nail file from where it had fallen to the floor she started sawing at her fingernails again. She listened with her supernatural hearing as Marcus asked Draco to heal his wrist. He did. Then the two of them had some sort of whispered argument about Marcus flirting when he was supposed to be spying. Harmony just filed away and pretended to be in her own little world. She got the gist of all of it though. She kind of liked Marcus straight off because she could tell she made him nervous. She’d already made up her mid about what she was gonna do here before she even knew what was going on. She’d found something that interested her more than the free blood.

Was she just destined to always work for the good guys now? What was it about working for evil turned do-gooder that drew her?

And when Draco Malfoy slipped his hood and mask off. She thought for a second that Spike HAD found her. She’d heard he had survived that business in LA and was looking to stake her for her part in it. Perhaps if she turned this Marcus and this Draco, Spike would have a tough time getting to her.

Yes, that was a plan. An evil one too. And not an un-clever evil one. No more ‘Evil for Dummies’ for this vampiress, no siree.

She would ‘help’ these two spy, and defeat the Lord of the Snakeface.

Then she’d drink them dry.

And make them like her.

Ha, Spike!

Take that!

She could be evil.

She could.

Stop laughing.


end ficlet

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