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The Hellmouth Never Dies

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Summary: YAHR - With Xander dressing as a famous Spy.: No Longer Working

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > James BondLucifaelFR1835,4701613,80829 Sep 0429 Sep 04Yes

Chapter 01

TITLE: The Hellmouth Never Dies

AUTHOR: Siege (

DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere, Just let me know ‘K


Not mine I didn't do it; well the main characters at least all belong to joss Wheadon and pals, and long may they. Other Brand Characters Belong to Their Owners.

SUMMARY: What if Xander didn't dress up as a soldier on that fateful Halloween? What if he rented a suit got a gun and pretended to be Jack Ryan of the CIA, but what if the suit belonged to a real superspy by the name of Bond.

FEEDBACK: All Feedback is gratefully received and I listen

CATEGORY: Action.Adventure



SPOILERS: All Seasons Of Buffy



The Hellmouth never Dies

Sunnydale High, The Library

Buffy looked at Willow with a smirk, “We did it,” she said quietly.

Willow looked at her friend with a little worry and an almost childish sense of excitement. It was like a game of hide and seek only if Giles found them snooping he would go mad, there was way out of that. So Willow just nodded and contained herself for the moment.

Buffy pulled open a few draws trying to find a particular book, she searched the desk quickly and methodically leaving no paper unturned and keeping everything as tidy as she could. Then with a beaming smile she found what she was looking for. It was a watchers diary from the 1800’s.

She quickly sat at the desk with Willow at her shoulder. A few moments of flicking through and she found what she was looking for, “Wow, look at her,” she said taping a small pencil drawn figure.

Willow looked at the small diagram of a woman in period dress and let out a low whistle, “Wow, look at that waist; now I know what they mean by hourglass figure” she commented wistfully.

“Yeah” Buffy said with a light laugh. “Wow, so that’s what he went for”

Willow squeezed her shoulder, “Come on Buffy, you know Angel gets you in the biggest way”

Buffy shrugged, “Huh, maybe”

“No maybes about it, you know it” Willow said perkily, “Now come on quick lets get the hell out of here. Xander is waiting outside”

Buffy smirked at her, “Xander hey”

Willow blushed, “I don’t think he even knows I’m female,” she said with a slightly annoyed tone.

Buffy giggled slightly, “Oh, I think we can change that”

Willow looked at her with a worried glance, “How?”

“After school, lets go get a costume for tonight. That new place in town is having an opening sale”

“Oh, Ok” Willow said still looking slightly concerned about that twinkle in Buffy’s eye.

They quickly beat a retreat out of Giles’s office and met up with their male friend Xander Harris. “Hey Xand” Buffy said with a grin.

Xander frowned slightly in a mock fashion, “Okay, what’s with the grinning like the cat?”

Willow nudged him, “That’s a secret,” she said with a smile.

Xander smiled down at her and she felt herself melt into him slightly but as usual he totally missed it. He did however put his arm around her and give her a quick hug, “Well, lets get to class”

Buffy shot him a shocked look, “You, the famous Xander Harris, actually want to go to class”

“It’s math,” Xander said with a shrug. Willow elbowed him again.

Buffy was still confused, “I thought you hated math?”

“He does” Willow replied for him as they walked out of the library doors, “He just wants to catch some sleep”

“How well you know me wills?” Xander said with a smile.

Buffy laughed, her first mistake.

“Summers” a snide voice said to their left. The group of young adults turned and almost groaned out loud when they saw Principle snider, “Principle Snyder, I’m going to class, honestly” Buffy said in a rush.

“That can wait” Snyder said and a slow and truly evil grin spread across his face, “The juniors need some minders and you are just the delinquent I need, summers”

“Aren’t you asking for Volunteers?” Xander said standing up for his friend.

Snyder nodded with a smile, “I am, and you three just did, come on sign here” he said tapping the paper, “I know you don’t want to have to do any detentions” he finished with that evil smile again.

The three teenagers groaned, out loud this time, and stepped forward to sign the list.

Ethan’s Costume Shop

Xander stood on the threshold to the shop with his two female friends and smiled a large smile; “I knew doing Mrs Jenkins lawn would be useful for something”

“Not going for the two dollar costume this year Xand” Willow said with a smile up at him.

Xander shook his head, “Oh no, this year I’ve got something special in mind”

“Yeah, what?” Buffy asked

“Every read any Tom Clancy?” Xander asked.

“You read?” Willow said teasingly

Xander smirked back at her, “No, I saw a movie, but I hear he writes books as well”

Buffy shook her head slightly, “OKAY” she drawled, “So what exactly are you going as this year?”

“Well, I was thinking something along the lines of, clever, dashing, brave super spy Jack Ryan” Xander said with a mock pose.

“Super Spy, you?” Buffy said with a laugh, “This I can’t wait to see” she said as they walked in.

“Oh thank you oh so very much” Xander said with a little annoyance in his joking tone, “Yea of little faith” he finished once again smiling.

“Me of no faith” Buffy shot back.

Xander frowned, “One day Buff, I’ll charge in and save your life”

“Wanna Bet” Buffy said smiling

Xander put a smile on his face and leered slightly, “What’s it worth?”

Buffy slapped his shoulder, “You wish”

Xander rubbed his shoulder, “Hey, that hurt”

“See what I mean?” Buffy said in an aside to Willow, smiling Willow nodded along with her.

“Fine, put you’re money where your mouth is” Xander said with narrowed eyes. “Oh mighty no one’s ever going to save me Buffy TVS”

“TVS?” Buffy asked. Xander rolled his eyes and Willow whispered in her ear, “Ah, alright Mr Xander I-Can’t-Stay-Off-My-Butt Harris. If you ever save me I’ll” Buffy looked up thinking, “Kiss you”

Xander smiled, “Kiss Me? Is that the best you can come up with?” he asked derisively.

“For anything else you’ll have to ask Harmony, I’ve heard some stories” Buffy said with a giggle.

Xander barked out a laugh, “So have I and I wasn’t thinking of that exactly, but ok one kiss, not just a peck, a proper romantic kiss”

Willow laughed when Buffy smirked at him and nodded, for which Buffy was grateful because it suddenly occurred to her that she may have ended up hurting Willow’s feelings. But she was laughing along so that was okay.

Xander held out his hand, “Shake?”

Buffy held out her hand and pretended to spit in it and grabbed his hand before he could take it back, “Done” she said as she let go.

“You have been” Xander shot back wiping his hand down his pants. “Now, lets go costume hunting”

Buffy leaned into Willow, “Never gonna happen,” she said with a smile.

Willow shook her head, “No, but it’ll keep him quiet for now”

The two women laughed together for a few moments until Buffy’s eyes fell onto a ruby red ball gown complete with dark wig and corset, “Oh wow” she drooled.

Willow was right there with her, “That’s perfect, Oh Buffy you’ve got to get it. Angel will just Spazz!”

Xander rolled his eyes and walked away, “Angel will Spazz” he mocked, “maybe he’ll be so overcome he’ll trip and fall on my stake” he mumbled, “Damn Angel that broody, Neolithic browed fang faced bastard”

Xander ran his hand down a Blue suit finding that the cloth was particularly fine. He looked at the price tag and let out a whistle.

“Is there a problem, sir?” an English voice said

Xander span round to be faced with a middle aged Englishman shorter than he was with an amused expression in his eye and a polite smile on his face, “Oh what, no, Sorry”

“Looking for anything particular” the man asked.

“Just a suit, I’m going as a Jack Ryan tonight and I need one of those dark blue suits the alphabets always wear”

Ethan smiled, “Jack Ryan. Tom Clancy is one of my favourite authors” he said and tapped his chin thoughtfully a mischievous glint in his eye. The suit was second hand from someone that would make his plans for the night, VERY, interesting to say the least. He wasn’t Jack Ryan, if anything he was much worse. Ethan made a decision then and there to make sure this young man walked out with this suit if he had to give it away, “Because Mr Clancy writes such fine books I’ll let you have the suit for… 50% off the marked price”

Xander smiled widely, “Wow, that’s some deal”

“Well, I only opened today so the deal I’ll make with you is… If you tell everyone where you got the costume I’ll mark off 50% from anything you rent or buy from here. I just said the same to that young lady over there” he said indicating Buffy, “So I’m sure I can do the same for you. Just remember…”

“… Tell everyone where I got it. Don’t worry I will” Xander said with a huge smile, “In that case I’ll need some of that fake ID and a gun”

Ethan smile was huge but his eyes were dancing with dark amusement; thinking, ‘Oh Chaos, you’re going to love tonight’

Revello Drive, Summers Residence

Buffy knocked on the bathroom door, “Come on Wills, He’ll be here soon and I need help with this damn corset”

“I’m not coming out,” the muffled voice of Willow said through the door.

Buffy rolled her eyes, “Why not?”

“I…I…I just can’t”

“Can I help honey?” Joyce summers said as she walked up the stairs.

“Yeah, I can’t get this thing on” Buffy said indicating the undone corset.

Joyce covered a smirk, “They can be tricky,” she said trying not to laugh.

Buffy frowned, “You used to wear these?”

Joyce smirked a fleeting expression that was gone before Buffy was properly able to register it, “I’m not that old thank you”

“Oh no, mom, I didn’t…” Buffy was cut off by Joyce holding up her palm to still the apology before it got out of hand.

“Don’t worry about it, come here I’ll help you with it”

Buffy nodded her thanks and turned around. Then next thing she felt was a knee in her back and all the air was forced out of her lungs as her mother yanked the strings of the corset, “What…” Buffy said breathlessly.

Joyce laughed, “Not fun are they, I pity the women of those days” she said tying the corset strings and pulling on another.

Buffy squeaked, “Whoa! Not fun” she managed between gasps, “How did they breath?”

Joyce smiled at her eldest daughter, “I don’t think they did,” she said with a chuckle.

Just then the doorbell went off and Joyce finished tying the corset, “I’ll get it, you’re done”

“Thanks” Buffy said trying to learn to breath around the corset.

Joyce ran down the stairs as Buffy knocked on the bathroom door, “Come on Wills let me see?”

“You go, I’ll be down in a second,” Willow answered.

Buffy frowned at the door, she had managed to convince Willow to buy something a little more daring for a change but she had a feeling that she was going to chicken out.

She grabbed her purse and pulled up the straps on her dress finishing her change. She walked to the top of the stairs just in time to hear her mother greeting whoever was at the door.

“Well hello” Joyce said with a slightly saucy voice, “Aren’t you just a long cool drink of water”

“Mom?” Buffy said wondering who could possibly be at the door that her mother would say THAT too. She ran down the stairs and came to a sudden halt.

Xander smiled at her. He was wearing a dark blue suit that seemed to be a perfect fit for him his hair was brushed into a proper style for a change and Buffy had to admit, he looked damn fine. “Well, clothes really do make the man” Buffy said gaining a look from her mother that was full of smirk.

Xander ignored the back handed compliment instead smiled at her costume, “Well hello there Duchess Buffy”

“Why thank you kind sir” Buffy said with a smile, “Wait until you see Willow” she said with a secretive smile.

She walked down the stairs and nudged her mother who was looking at Xander a little closely for her liking.

Just then Willow started to walk down the stairs behind Buffy. Buffy moved off of the bottom of the stairs into apposition where she could watch Xander’s expression.

Which she did, it went from just smiling to large smiling in a heartbeat “Hey Casper” he said.

Buffy repeated him soundlessly in confusion and looked to find that Willow was wearing a ghost costume. There was still a fair expanse of leg showing but the outfit that she had chosen for her was covered by the sheet.

“What’s under the boo costume babe” Xander said smirking and gave a pointed look at Willow’s legs.

“Willow, you have good legs” Joyce said with a smirk, “And I love the costume”

Willow nodded her head too embarrassed to actually say anything.

Xander laughed, “Every year, at least this one doesn’t drag along the floor. Remember last year when Mr Fellow’s dog jumped on the train and we dragged it around the block for three hours” he said cracking up with giggles. “Oh man that was fun”

Willow swatted his shoulder and he frowned and rubbed it, “What is it with you two” he said in a slightly aggrieved tone.

“Come on Casper and uh…What are you again?” Buffy said.

“Jack Ryan!”

“Very impressive dear” Joyce put in and whispered to her daughter, “Who’s Jack Ryan?”

Buffy shrugged, “Some spy like character from a book or movie or something” she said not bothering to whisper.

Xander smiled and laughed, “Alright, that’s it, I’m getting out the movie and bringing it round at the weekend”

“Oh no, not more geek viewing” Buffy said with an eye roll.

“At least it will be better than trying to guess what they are singing on a Bollywood movie” Mrs Summers said shepherding the young people out of the door, ‘Got to get rid of them so I can meet my date’

Ethan’s Costume Shop

The night closed in on the small town of Sunnydale like velvet gloved fist tightening its grip. Normally this was a time for people to clear the streets, tonight was different however. All throughout the town citizens were out in force enjoying a little mayhem of the fun variety. Tonight was for fun, demons, vampires and other denizens of the night stayed away on this night. No one was really sure why they just did.

Ethan Rayne, chaos mage and erstwhile friend of certain English watchers locked his front door with a large smile. Then with a manic chuckle he slapped his hands together and rubbed them together with glee, “Right, now time for some fun”.

He walked quickly through his shop into a backroom. Then he stepped up to a curtained off area and pulled back the heavy drape in a single movement. There was a table with a bust on it, a bust of Janus the multi headed Roman god.

Ethan knelt before his statue of Janus. He pressed his hands together and winces in pain. He pulled them apart his palms bled freely.

“The world that denies thee, thou inhabit.” Ethan dabbed the blood from his hand over his right eyelid. “The peace that ignores thee…” then he dabbed some over his left eyelid, “…thou corrupt.” Then he quickly made the sign of the cross on his forehead.

“Chaos. I remain, as ever, thy faithful, degenerate son.”

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