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Xander-Hog Day

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This story is No. 1 in the series "Xander Hog Day: The Series". You may wish to read the series introduction first.

Summary: For Halloween, Xander dresses as a certain weatherman, and his experiences go on and on from there.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Xander-Centered > Theme: HalloweentohonomikeFR153279,3222870172,40030 Sep 045 Nov 04Yes

XHD 32

Xander-Hog Day 32/100
Author: Tohonomike
Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful will start off with the Joss/ME characters, and any other characters or real-life folks are clearly not mine. NO money is involved.
Rating: PG-13 to PG-17; for mild cursing, violence, and demonic horror content...maybe an “R” but you readers can let me know later.
Summary: This is the 32nd of up to one hundred parts of Xander Hog Day. Wish me luck getting to 100.
((I am speaking in Cantonese))
The three Time Non-Travelers were about to walk into the store when Dawn slowed down and her face showed her to be thinking.

“You know, guys, I think I’ll postpone the goddess thing for a Reset or two…” Dawn said as the others halted, “I feel like letting loose a bit. These extra senses and the kick-ass girl-power of the super heroes still have me feeling pretty up. And after seeing Xander in that red devil costume gave me an idea for merging my costume abilities together. I’m thinking well-educated billionaires with many languages and the martial arts package.”

“Ooh, Electra,” Xander guessed, nodding, “Excellent choice Dawn-Patrol. Well, if you’re going that route, I’m going to reemphasize my own martial arts. Though I’m going to wear shoes as well as loose black pants and six-pack abs. And will contain my resent of a certain Carradine.”

“Well,” said Doyle if we’re going to just call you Bruce, then I think I’m going to fill out my support-guy knowledge. Birkoff gave me the computer skills, but Walter will help me to properly back you up later and keep my mouth shut.”

“Hmm, that’s as complete change for us,” Xander smirked, almost one of his old youthful ones, “But let’s go…”

((Shit!)) the young man called out as he lashed out at the four demons attacking the noisy white girl, ((That hurt!))

((Tell me about it!)) an attractive brunette teenager in leather halter top and skin-tight leather pants shouted in agreement, ((What *are* these things and why won’t that girl shut up?!)) She right crescent-kicked a short demon into unconsciousness, and turned into time to watch a man with normal clothes, pony tail and bandana shoot two *big* demons repeatedly, knock them down and causing them to scream in pain. ((Nice shooting!))

((Thanks, young lady)) the man responded as they watched the first man render his opponents unconscious. A red-headed girl ran up to them as gun-guy was about to finish off the smaller attackers.

“Stop! They’re only kids!” Willow shouted as Lady Buffy attached herself to gun-guy. “Xander, don’t hurt them any more!”

“Excuse me, miss,” the gun-guy asked, “Who’s Xander?” Willow responded by pointing at the other young man, who shook his head.

“Sorry, but my name’s not Xander,” he asserted, “It’s Bruce. Though I don’t know any of the rest of you either, I’m glad for the help.”

“So Cantonese isn’t your only language?” the brunette in leather asked, smiling, causing the young man to almost roll his eyes, “I’m Electra Natchios by the way? Those were excellent moves by the way.”

“Thank you, I’ve been developing them for years,” he replied, then turned to the unknowns, expectantly.

“I’m Walter,” gun-guy said, not elaborating, but finally separating the clingy young woman from his person.

“And I’m Willow,” the red head replied, “And that’s Buffy. I know all of you, but it looks like *you* are possessing the bodies of friends of mind.”
This caused the three to look at each other using a compact mirror of Willow’s, causing much consternation. Walter looked at Buffy, then at Willow.

“What *year is it really, Willow?” Walter asked.

“It’s Halloween 1997,” Willow replied.

“What!” Bruce said, “It can’t be, I’m half-way through filming a movie, how could I have missed so many years?” Walter looked over at the young man.

“Which movie?” the Section specialist asked out of curiosity.

“Enter the Dragon,” the man started, only to be interrupted by an enthusiastic Walter.

“You’re Bruce Lee!” Walter choked out, then paused, “That’s unexpected.” Willow impatiently interrupted the groupie session.

“Hey, let’s get to Giles and see about setting things straight,” Willow directed, pointing in a direction, “You can talk to each other on the way to the Library.”

“Okay, that’ll work,” Walter said, “Okay, Bruce, there’s something you should know about what’s going to happen on the set of the movie…and Electra, if you’re the one I think you are, have you met Matt Murdock yet?”

“We just arrived at a charity event thrown by the mayor when this happened, why?”

“Okay, let me give you guys what I remember, and if we get back to wherever… you can both set some things straight.”

SHS Library, Two Hours Later
“That was *so* cool,” Dawn enthused to Xander as she brought tea to the table, “I can’t believed you whirled through all four of those vamps with two stakes. I thought Spike was gonna cry.”

“Well, that was Bruce’s style, not mine Dawn,” Xander smiled fondly, “I prefer to use guns or something out of their range first.” Willow scooted closer to him under the arm he had behind her. Dawn winked with a smirk and Doyle went to find his whiskey while Giles happily held his fourth cup of tea. Angel and Buffy entered as Giles asked Dawn about the tea.

“Where did you learn to make tea this excellent, Dawn,” Giles asked, “I usually stay with two or three blends, but would like to add this one.”

“It’s Xander’s, he just showed me how,” Dawn remarked. Giles seemed more shocked by that than by the vampire hunting.

“First you defeat William the Bloody and his minions, then I find you’re a tea drinker of some capability.”

“Xander fought Spike?” Buffy asked as Angel stopped and stared at the shirtless young man with two gals under his arms.

“And don’t forget the last four vamps he killed were as Xander, not as Bruce Lee,” Dawn said, “And Spike left with a stake in the rear and another sticking out the back of his head.”

“Xander did that?” Angel asked in disbelief, “That many?”

“And Geek-Boy also jumped out of a moving car on the way there and managed to kick Jo-Jo the Dog Boy unconscious before hitting the ground,” Cordelia Chase emphasized as she entered the Library, “How do you think I ended up with Buffy-sitting duties?”

“But Dawn said he did this after the spell was over,” Angel commented as he sat down, “Are you still Xander?”

“Mm, yes he is,” Willow almost purred as her head rested on the young man’s shoulder, while petting Phil the groundhog, “Though he’s very muscley now.” Dawn developed an evil glint in her eye.

“Hey Xander, why don’t we show them what we’re capable of,” Dawn smirked, gesturing at the Slayer and the Vampire.

“How ‘bout just the two of us Dawnie,” Xander remarked, getting up, “I don’t want to cause your sister any grief by hurting her and her boyfriend.” The two were just starting to walk away from the table and a gasping about-to-retort Buffy when Spike, Drusilla and seven minions swaggered into the Library doors.

Xander threw Dawn two stakes as he charged forward with two more before Spike could begin to annoy them with a speech. The young man’s curled up feet kicked in the chest of the middle of three minions as his airborne assault stunned his foes in place. The vampire flew back in great pain, even as another poofed into dust as the young man passed by. Dawn raced at Slayer speed at the lone flanking minion, choosing a similar tactic of mid-air kicking, but choosing to land atop the vampire, staking as she crouched afterwards.

Dawn and Xander took up semi-defensive stances at the doorway, facing two minions as Spike ordered his other three to ‘kill the rest.’ As Spike prepared to lunge between his two minions, he was very consternated to find them dusting as he moved forward, thrown stakes eliminating the newbies but halving the weapons available to the apparent teens.

Angel and Buffy only cleared the end of the table as the minions with momentum plowed into them, two on Buffy and one on Angel as Drusilla moved to help her Spike despite a weakened state.

Spike sneered but soon found himself in the dance for his life, facing a Hunter of incredible ability and what seemed to be a second, better-trained slayer. Blows were exchanged, kicks launched, feinted, and sometimes connecting as the three moved at their top speed. A minute, and Xander and Dawn were without stakes as they jointly attacked a Drusilla that tried to move in for a strike. Her scream caused a pause in the fight as Spike stepped back in shock and realized that he was the last soulless vampire in the room. Dawn struck first, followed by Xander as they concentrated on damaging Spike’s extremities without taking hits, breaking the occasional foot-bone, lashing out with fists to detract from his ability to resist.

Buffy a moment later was held back from the fight by both Angel and Giles, Cordelia and Willow moving up in awe as the duo slowly whittled at William the Bloody. They watched as Doyle, returning from the bathroom, picked up four stakes and made his way toward the group, careful not to get into the way of the fighting.

“Why’d you stop me, Dawn needs me!” Buffy emphasized.

“Buffy, they’re not in any danger…” Angel began, inhaling.

“Because Xander and Dawn are now toying with one of the nastiest master vampires of the last couple of centuries,” Giles nearly whispered, “who they tell me has already killed two slayers almost as dismissively as they are treating him now.”

“That’s about right,” Doyle agreed as Dawn executed a graceful back flip as Xander rolled into her spot and slammed his feet at a lunging Spike up and into the diaphragm to send the vampire crashing into the coat rack. Doyle called out to the two, “Stakes incoming!” as he threw two and then two to Dawn, who passed two to Xander. Spike scrambled up, and the audience gasped as three stakes plunged into the upper left chest of the vampire, one of Xander’s into the groin.

“Oops,” the young man quipped as William the Dusty looked particularly offended as he ceased to exist. The other men in the room winced as the girls started giggling, the seriousness offset with the ludicrous. Willow was running forward to Xander when Dawn turned around and lunged at Xander, surprising him with a passionate kiss. Willow started to say something, only to have Dawn reach out a hand and reel her in to participate. After four seconds, Willow stopped resisting until the hand of a blonde slayer pulled Willow and Dawn off Xander.

“What was that Dawn?!” Buffy huffed in shock.

“You know how slayers are after a fight, Sis,” Dawn smirked, as Buffy dragged her younger sibling through the door to the Library and on their way home, “And I don’t see any snacks around…”

“So did any one get a picture of that?” Doyle asked, “Because that was something!” They stared at him funny, “The end of Spike, not the rest.”

The End

You have reached the end of "Xander-Hog Day". This story is complete.

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