Title: I Once had Minions, Too
Disclaimer: Joss owns Angel, Oz and all its inhabitants are owned by L. Frank Baum, and Queen Bavmorda is owned by Ron Howard and George Lucas.
Spoilers: Bits of season 5 of Angel, general for Willow
and Wizard of Oz
Summary: It’s like AA, but for evil overlords (ladies?).
A/N: 20 minutes with Illyria. My mind was going crazy and refuses to let me work on older fics and yeah, I was watching Willow
and reading Gregory Maguire’s Wicked.
I tried to think of other women not in the Buffy or Angel verses, but alas, this was all I could come up with.
I Once Had Minions, Too
The annoying blond haired female half-breed was showing her teeth in a rather garish manner. Her head was bobbing frequently, as if that would propel her farther. She much rather preferred the mortal to this one.
“Angel and Wesley both said you need to get out there. Make new friends. Learn how to live in this world.” The half-breed chattered on.
“This world is just a pale shell of what my kingdom was. It is infested with filthy mortals.”
“See, Fre- Illyria, it’s that
kind of thinking that will get them angry at you. You’ve got to try and blend. Make the best of a bad situation. Positive thinking and junk like that.” Harmony paused, turning the corner. “See, there was this motivational speaker this one time and -”
“Your conversation lacks a point.”
“Hey! It so doesn’t.” Harmony cried, her hands on her hips.
They were in front of a portal, much like the one that Illyria had used when she found her army and kingdom destroyed. Harmony muttered something and grinned at the armored guard in front of it.
“Hi, she’s new to this world. You got the papers, right?”
“Illyria. An old one.” The guard said stiffly.
Harmony turned to Illyria. She showed her teeth again and spoke slowly, as if Illyria wouldn’t be able to follow the conversation.
“I’ll be back for you in one hour. Just share your feelings - do you have feelings? Anyway, have fun and - um, don’t try to disembowel anyone, ok?”
“Great One?” The guard bowed deeply to her as she crossed the threshold.
The room was darkly lit, torches being the only source of light. Two other females sat in the room, in chairs that resembled thrones. The guard led her to the only one that remained open. Illyria sat down stiffly. She did not like to be touched. Many of these were far too free in the way they tried to handle her. She only refrained from taking their spines as trophies because of Wesley.
A green skinned woman sat to her right, garbed in an old fashioned black dress. The other was a pasty pale color, her dark gown a sharp contrast to the white cowl and crown.
“If my ladies would be as so kind as to introduce themselves?” The Guard asked.
“I am Queen Bavmorda. I was the greatest queen and sorceress of the land. Until my daughter betrayed me by siding with a peck, a baby, a stupid warrior.” The pasty one fumed.
“I was the Witch of the West. I was feared by all. Except for this silly little girl from Kansas, who stole my sisters ruby slippers after she killed her. I had flying monkeys who did my bidding.” The green one crowed, “But then that silly little girl threw water on me, and everyone knows that water can ruin any great Witch’s facial.”
“I had an army. But they were destroyed by time.” Illyria said, “I am now stuck in this - this shell. I do not care for this world.”
“None of us do. But we’re stuck here, because in ours, we’re dead.” The Witch snorted.
* * * * * * *
“You sent her to what?” Angel demanded.
“Evil Women Anonymous. You signed for it, boss. They deal with displaced overlords - or overladies. It‘s a support group.” Harmony sighed. “What? She needs counseling, people.”