If you can watch Yosemite Sam, you're fine.
main characters: Xander, Anya, Yosemite Sam, Bugs Bunny
disclaimer; Xander & Anya belong to Joss for BtVS, Yosemite Sam & Bugs belong to Warner Brothers.
distribution: is someone going to want it?
notes: set in s6, before Helle's Belles.
"Xander, how are we going to explain this? Normally, when two people decide to get married, they then share the news with their friends and family. I don't like your parents, your friends might try to kill my friends..." Anya shook her head, smiling at the ring sparkling on her finger. "Being human is complicated."
"I know." He paused to think about it. She was right - Buffy tended to try to slay first and ask questions later when it came to demons, except with Deadboy and Spike, for some bizarre reason. "Maybe if we tell my grandpa first... Sort of a practice for telling the rest of my family?"
"What about your friends?"
"Honey, they've seen the ring. They all know that I plan to marry you," Xander offered. "The whole thing about Buffy shouldn't try to slay your friends will come up when it's time for discussing the plans for the wedding ceremony, not the fact that we plan to have one."
"So, one thing at a time, right?" She nodded, looking a little nervous.
"Exactly." Xander tried to reassure her.
"so, when can we practice by telling your grandpa? I'm... I like the idea of being married to you." Anya asked.
"We can go visit him today. He's a little bit out of Sunnydale. All of his kids moved away when they got old enough. Mom just couldn't move very far."
The drive was long, and felt even longer going down the road with both windows down because the air conditioner was broken, with sand and dust flying inside. They talked about wedding ideas, trying to figure out what sort of ceremony they wanted, and where it should be. They debated what sort of things they wanted served at the reception, and quickly decided to hire caterers and not to supply the alcohol, which would get very expensive very quickly.
Xander pulled into the parking area of the Pecos Senior Home, parking between a pair of very large old cars. He slipped out, and took a deep breath. "Ahn, honey... a word of warning. Gramps is a little touchy about his height, and he's kind of temperamental."
"Is it because as humans get older, they become feeble and bitter?" She asked, in that moment showing just how far she still had to go to being normal.
"Nah, he's just always been a hot tempered galoot." Xander shrugged.
They went inside, and made their way to the small room along a hall of other small rooms. There was a slightly faded Texas state flag on the door, and a sign declaring 'No Varmits Allowed!!'. Xander smiled, and knocked at the door. "Hey Grampa Sam. It's Xander."
"Xander. Good t' see you again, boy." The voice came from a tiny man with a large gray mustache, nearly hidden under an enormous hat. There were a few tapping noises as he moved around the bed, the cane and his tiny western boots clicking against the floor. "Who's this gal with you?"
"Gramps, this is Anya. She's... we're going to get married." Xander smiled.
"Married? Well, congratulations. When's the wedding?" He spoke loudly, one wrinkled hand slapping against his knee in enthusiasm.
"eehhhh, what's up, doc?" The voice came from the door.
"You blasted varmit!" Sam reached under the mattress, grabbing an old six shooter.
Anya looked in the doorway and shrieked, leaping into Xander's arms and clutching at his throat in utter panic as Sam began shooting at the tall, gray rabbit stooping against the doorway. Her voice demanded loudly, "Kill it! Kill it! Shoot it!"
Unfortunately, and in Xander's eyes, very alarmingly, Grandpa Sam's vision wasn't what it used to be, and it was starting to look like the safest person in the area was the large rabbit leaning in the doorway. It was also starting to look like that six shooter was somehow magically always loaded. This could get very ugly very fast. He had to do something, and between Anya screaming and Grandpa Sam shooting... Wait a minute, he had an idea.
Xander managed to remove Anya's strangle-hold, and deposited her on the chair. Hoping that he wouldn't get himself shot, Xander moved over and yanked the gun out of his Grandpa's hand and spun back to face the doorway, shooting at the rabbit twice.
As the smoke cleared and hearing began to return to normal, Xander could see that among the many bullet holes in the wall and door, there were now two in the body of the now-dead rabbit.
"Well... ya done shot that blasted varmit," Sam muttered. "About time one of my relatives managed to do somethin' right."
Anya launched herself at him, smiling. "Xander! You killed that thing! Wonderful!"
"So, when are you two gettin' hitched anyhow?" Grandpa asked, reaching out to take the gun from Xander's hand.
In the moments between kisses, Xander said "We... haven't set... a date for... the wedding yet."
"Well, be sure to let me know. You two look like you could do pretty well together." He slid the gun back under the mattress of his bed.
"Sam! What on Earth was all that racket?" A solid looking woman in white scrubs demanded.
"Nothin' Ella." Sam replied, hands behind his back as he squinted up at her. "My grandson's gal over there got scared by somethin', but other than that..."
"Yosemite Sam, there are bullet holes all over this room, and a dead rabbit in the doorway. Do you really expect me to believe that nothing happened?" Nurse Ella demanded.
"Weellll...." Sam shifted on his feet, clearly trying to think up some sort of excuse.
"If you think for one minute that you can keep getting away with this sort of thing in our establishment..." She began, clearly unhappy as she stepped over the dead rabbit to move closer and glare at Sam.
Sam gestured towards the door that the nurse was no longer blocking. "Now Ella... I didn't shoot that blasted varmit."
Xander and Anya slipped out behind the nurse, and down the hallway. Both of them could recognize the cue to get away while the danger was distracted, though an irate nurse was hardly on the same level of danger as a group of angry vampires.
As they reached the car, Anya smiled at him. "I like your grandfather."
end the Good News.