Fic: Dual Employment 5/5
Rating: FR18 – mention of fem/fem sex, some violence
Summary: What is the catch?
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except for SG-29 (minus Xander obviously). I am not making any money off this.
Jack O’Neill was not in any way, shape or form confused about the whole vampire/demon issue. While the big brains argued about whether there were ‘real’ demons or ‘just’ aliens from other dimensions, he was content with the knowledge that they were evil, could and should be killed on sight, such killing needed special weapons, and it was someone else’s responsibility to do it.
“See, it’s the wish thing that bothers me.” He had said at a briefing one morning.
“A lot of people have trouble with the concept of magic Colonel I mean…” Harris had started in a ‘lets not make the base second in command feel stupid’ tone.
“Nah magic I’m cool with, I mean once I saw my first Aircraft Carrier I was ready to swallow that.”
“Aircraft Carrier Jack?” Dr Jackson asked in his most polite tone. He liked and respected the other man, both as a human being and as an officer, but sometimes he seemed to have the IQ of a bowl of mashed turnips.
“Yeah, the USS Nimitz. I mean they throw 85,000 tons of steel into the water and it floats.” The grey haired man had explained. “Steel does not float. Gotta be magic.”
Of course he never thought that way about flight. He UNDERSTOOD flying the way a fish understands swimming. It was as natural to him as breathing even if he had been put on a career path that meant he didn’t do it much.
“Gunny, one of your people made a wish and now the goa’uld are extinct.”
“Right.” Xander answered.
“And if it had been a goa’uld wishing us gone Baal might be sitting in this chair right now.”
“Indeed.” Teal’c said, using up his word allowance for the day in the process.
“What’s the catch?”
“Catch Jack?” General Hammond asked. From the looks on the other faces they had a good idea of what he meant.
“There has to be more to it than this or we would be overrun with NID types trying to find one of these ‘justice demons’ so they could wish away Osama and the national debt.” Colonel O’Neill, the man paid to see the overall picture and plan for it was now very much present. “Something has to be wrong with the nice picture, something scary enough to keep them out of it.”
The silence had been deafening.
The Tol’ta’s Base Camp, Planet Dirigo, 0 Dark Thirty
DOOM, DOOM, DOOM. Gunnery Sergeant Alexander Harris swept fire across the line of vampires. DOOM, DOOM, DOOM. The heavy backpack was getting hot, had become warmer than comfortable at first firing. The flexible armoured cable running from the twenty pound pulse generator to the handpiece was going to be scorching his arm before long too.
“Have to tell them to insulate it better.” He muttered to himself. DOOM, DOOM, DOOM. The Improved Staff Weapon’s burst fire mode was definitely a huge advance though. It even sounded cooler when fired. Stepping forward slowly he was careful to avoid firing in the direction of anything human or Jaffa. DOOM, DOOM, DOOM.
“Jaffa Kree.” Came the command from over to his right where his headpiece showed a group with the blinking blue diamond of Jaffa over their heads. They were green of course, in the manner of Night Vision Gear, but the modified goa’uld technology added target identification, by body temperature among other things. The sound of staff weapons firing was matched by the bright pulses of outgoing fire that looked slightly different from his own weapon as well. He probably shouldn’t be field testing TWO pieces of experimental technology in combat, but needs must when the devil drives, as Giles had commented once.
DOOM, DOOM, DOOM.
“You always take me to the fun parties boytoy.” Faith commented from behind him. The scary thing was she meant it. They were facing in opposite directions, she dealing closer range death with a broadsword. “These camping trips can get so boring yah know?”
DOOM, DOOM, DOOM.
“It was a hunting trip.” The night attack on the camp had come as a surprise; vampires normally avoided large groups of Jaffa.
“Well gee, yah think we found ‘em?” Came the slayer’s response to his explanation. Xander could HEAR her smile.
DOOM, DOOM, DOOM. Two vampires turned to dust from ISW hits as they tried to run away. It was over except for the mop up.
Faith and her personal bodyguard of 100 Jaffa had come here with SG-29 – the geophysics gear mapped caves and other demon hideouts as efficiently as it did mines - when reports of vampire attacks had started coming in. It only took one bloodsucker infiltrating a virgin world and ‘recruiting’ vigorously to make it a hell planet, they knew that from thousands of year’s goa’uld experience. Go in as soon as the problem was discovered, hit HARD, and keep hitting until any surviving vampires understood THEY were the prey, THEY were the endangered species, THEY had to live on the run, hiding, always fearful of discovery.
Faith had listened to an explanation of the approach from Master Bra’tac and instantly decided she had found her true home. The Jaffa, for their part, were using her as a symbol to help unite their people around a more positive self image than ‘enforcers for the false gods’.
Stargate Command briefing room, a month later.
“Yes sir, the attack came in the middle of the night, with a large force of vampires, we estimate over 250, attempting to overrun us after a stealthy approach from the side with the least open ground between the forest and the perimeter.”
“Gunnery Sergeant Harris, in your opinion, why did the attack fail?” One of the brass from SOCOM asked. This wasn’t just an after mission debrief, it was a progress evaluation of Xander’s part in the project after all.
“The answer is in two parts sir.” Came the confident reply. The United States Marine Corps is famous for encouraging certain traits. Quiet modesty is not foremost among them. “First they simply underestimated the opposition, we assume because the post-goa’uld political chaos has crippled demon hunting until recently. Second Faith felt them and woke me up in time to awaken the camp and put on the ISW.”
“So you are classing the presence of the slayer as a secondary factor Sergeant?”
“It happened often enough when vampires first got out among the system lord holdings that we can be confident.” The former Scooby answered. “It would have been a lot bloodier with the first parts of the base waking up to a hand to hand fight in the dark, but we would have won.”
Not that it really mattered how much of a military impact the slayer, or Tol’ta as the Jaffa knew her had. The point had been to provide a unifying symbol the ex-slave soldiers could be proud of. And that was working like a charm. The diplomatic teams were working among the factions, and a loose federation seemed to be in the offing.
“Now about the Improved Staff Weapon.” One of staffers from the Defence Advanced Projects Research Agency, DARPA, asked. They had been busier then a one-armed paperhanger since Xander and the anti-vampire/physics of magic stuff had been brought to them. “I know we have your written report coming but I think we should hear it from you.
“On a winner there, needs to be better insulated though.” The former Zeppo responded. Willow had been working with them since the stand at the P5X-639 Stargate and displaying huge geek pride about it all. “The original staff weapon has about the rate of fire of a good man with a bolt action rifle, the ISW sustained machinegun level fire rates with no real problem.”
Questions and answers about the mission and the gear under test continued for the next hour. The DARPA geeks were up on all of it, but as an organisation whose website admits to developing ‘shirt button size gas turbine engines’ and MAHEM, or Magneto Hydro Dynamic Explosive Munitions the unadvertised work was likely to be fairly far out. (Authors note: I am not making that up, its straight from DARPA’s website as of 10 July 2005, www.darpa.mil/tto/programs.html) Towards the end Major Carter was clearly working herself up to saying something she didn’t want to. Jack, a good judge of people, knew full well it wasn’t about anything normal. He got his answer soon enough.
“We have an answer to the question of what ‘the catch’ is regarding ‘the wish and why the NID isn’t all over the magic issue.” Given that everyone in the room was part of the small community cleared to discuss the issue she now had the undivided attention of the group. “The catch to the wish is in the second part, the where Dr Rice wished to hear about the fate of the goa’uld ‘lying next to a hot woman with a cold drink in her hand.’ The demon interpreted that as ‘lying next to’ as ‘after sex’ and her definition of ‘hot woman’ seems to be straight out of hard core pornography.”
There was silence for a few seconds.
“Could you clarify the problem, because why Jacky getting lucky would slow down Senator Kinsey is a little unclear?” Daniel queried, hating to put her on the spot but not understanding why it was an issue. They all knew the geophysicists tastes after all. He couldn’t help noticing how sexy Carter looked, despite her tension she seemed to have lost ten years at least. ‘Keep your mind on the game’ he told himself.
“The wish isn’t confining itself to lesbians, and is not under the wish makers control. Every time Jacinta Rice has received news about the goa’uld it is after a different one of us has been transformed into her ‘hot woman’ for the previous hour.” The blonde continued stoically, like someone given command of the firing squad that is executing her. The envelope she took out of her briefing material and put it on the desk. “A permanent change in the woman in question, physical as well as her sexual orientation is involved. This envelope contains my resignation from the Air force, though I hope to continue working with the SGC as a civilian consultant, of course.”
The room exploded in chaos. Everyone had questions. Eventually General Hammond ordered silence and arranged for one at a time questioning.
“Major Carter, what kind of physical changes are involved.” One of the science types wanted to know; it seemed like a safe enough question.
“How old do you think I am?” The new civilian asked.
“Thirty at most. I was wondering how you’ve achieved your rank and doctorate so young.”
“I’m forty one.” Doctor Carter corrected. “Cliché porn movie characters are young, so my body was, well, de-aged. Cliché porn movie women are bisexual and so now I am, permanently horney, never get rejected for sex, don’t seem to get sick…it’s the same for all the women involved, I agreed to be the test case because I will have no trouble getting a job as a civilian even as an ‘out’ bisexual.”
Universities, and research institutes around the world had made her job offers over the years. Even with most of her work not on her resume for security reasons getting a job that paid as much or maybe more than the USAF from organisations with very pro-gay rights attitudes would be easy. The ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ rule would hit Sergeant Saunders of SG11, for example, like a ten ton truck though.
“I’m sure we can work something out, this is a side effect of a weapon of mass destruction after all.” The speaker was another suit, this time a Senator from the Armed Services Committee. Various individuals were staring at him not quite seeing it. “An entire alien race has been exterminated if I have to remind you. The military is outsourcing all sorts of things these days, the term ‘civilian military contractor’ could be stretched to cover anyone with only combat skills, for example.”
“Somehow I can’t see the NID being terrified by a slight increase in the number of women who’ve doubled their chances of getting a date on Saturday night, no offence Carter.” Came Jack O’Neill’s reply. He didn’t know quite what to make of all this. His feelings for her hadn’t changed but Dr Samantha Carter, late 20’s sex goddess would be getting better offers. Actually she had been being awfully friendly with Dr Fraiser lately…
“Sir, the point is that magic works through appeals to pagan gods, demon lords like D’hoffran or something similar and is subject to their moods and whims.” Working with Willow had taught them a lot. The first was to be afraid, very afraid. “The goa’uld were bad enough and they just THOUGHT they were gods, a bullet in the right place killed them like anyone else. The entities witches appeal to don’t even exist on this plane of reality in material form.”
“I have to say I agree. Not big on the mojo myself but I’ve been watching it since I was 15 and we are talking about WAY too dangerous and unpredictable to make useful weapons.” Xander inserted into the conversation. “I once saw a spell aimed at a specific girl hit the whole female population of my home town EXCEPT her. We’re talking about the Imperial Stormtrooper School of Marksmanship here.”
The group considered that for a moment.
“So all the money we have spent on studying magic has been basically flushed down the toilet.” The senator stated in a firm tone. “That’s what you are telling me, all of it was for nothing.”
His tone clearly implied that if so next years operating budget would consist of 12 cents and half a cheese sandwich.
“No sir, the fascinating thing is that we have proven that, well that magic isn’t magical.” One of the DARPA guys said hurriedly but enthusiastically.
“You can clarify that any time you want to.” O’Neill responded. The greying colonel was feeling pleased that everyone else in the room seemed as confused as he was about the previous statement.
“Well it turns out that there is a Wicca rule that you can’t do anything physically impossible you see Ms Rosenberg has allowed us to monitor her during her spell casting and we have discovered that zero point energy is being used to power the events and the force field she generates, for example, is remarkably similar to the one the goa’uld create, though much more powerful of course.” The second DARPA man announced.
‘Willow babble without Willow’ the former Sunnydale resident thought. He reminded himself to find out where she was for his next leave.
“Zero point energy, like the ancient glowy thing we found?” Jack asked.
“No that is basically a battery, huge storage capacity but drain it and it’s over.” The first geek answered. “No what we have done is proven that zero point energy can be tapped directly to provide large amounts of energy when and where needed. That’s a breakthrough comparable to finding out how to generate electricity.”
“So you are saying that we can design technology to do the things Ms Rosenberg and the other witches have done?” General Hammond made the question a summing up statement.
After the meeting.
“Sam I think we need to go somewhere private and talk.” Because he had no idea where things stood between them now. The fraternisation rules didn’t apply as strictly to civilians but she was now, physically anyway, over twenty years younger than he was.
“Ok, and we could get something nice to eat on the way to your place.”
“I was just thinking about pizza Sam.”
“I was thinking about the red head who works at the pizza place but while we’re there…”
The Stargate program became public knowledge in 2008.
Dr Daniel Jackson was publicly vindicated. Eventually in Stockholm he picked up the first ever Nobel Prize in Archaeology and Miss Sweden on the same night.
Samantha and Jack O’Neill had two children. Sam was responsible for major breakthroughs in advanced physics and Jack invented gear that revolutionised trout fishing.
Teal’c eventually became Jaffa Secretary of State. His most notable achievement was negotiating the treaty that allowed the Earth based slayer to have the same Jaffa support as the off planet one. He and his second wife were said to be very happy.
Buffy Summers was eventually also happily married, to a lawyer named Cole from San Francisco fleeing an absolute witch of an ex and her two sisters. That is of course a whole other story…
Faith Harris became an honorary Jaffa. With the radically increased firepower provided by Tauri technology and her elite Jaffa strike force she, like her sister slayer Buffy, eventually died of old age.