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Just a Back-Home Folk

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Summary: Xander gets thrown out by his dad and finds his real kin are a might better'n youda thought

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > Dukes of Hazzard, The
Television > Beverly Hillbillies, The
tohonomikeFR1547,93422216,11728 Nov 0430 Nov 04No

Hillbilly Halloween

Just a Back-Home Folk 4/? Hillbilly Halloween
Author: Tohonomike
Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful will start off with the Joss/ME characters, and any other characters or real-life folks are clearly not mine. NO money is involved.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Beverly Hillbillies or the Dukes of Hazard.
Rating: Maybe an “R” but you readers can let me know later.

Somebody mentioned Beverly Hillbillies and Buffy, I wanted to write but nothing was coming to me on the other stories…so you’re the victims of choice.

“Country music theme for Halloween, huh?” Xander asked his girlfriend as they went through their movie collection, then he spotted one, holding up one they’d seen last night, “Tell you what, how about I go as the kid in Crossroads, Eugene Whatever? He played guitar, and it was *based* on Charlie Daniels.”

“I kinda saw you going *as* Charlie Daniels,” she shot back, Cordelia bringing in some sodas and snacks from the kitchen, snickering.

“Xander playing music to save a soul?” Queen C smirked lightly, “Maybe fiddling with something else…”

“Hey!” the young heir to billions protested, then turned to Daisy, “I’ll add the duster and a golden fiddle to it just for you, a er, Eugene “Johnny Reb” Martone, I guess it’ll hide the shotgun and stakes in case we run into vampires…”

“You could always go to a party instead,” Cordelia suggested again, “And you still haven’t thrown one since you got your place.”

“Hey, a Halloween Party!” Daisy enthused, “Everyone would dress up and we could avoid the vampires for a night…and maybe they’ll lots of music.”

“Country *and* Western!”” Cordelia mocked with a smile, causing Daisy to laugh.

“Hey!” the gal enthused, “We could just go to a bunch of different ones, including that one the Mayor invited us to, and maybe include a couple of our teachers, like Mister Giles or Miss Calendar.”

“Our teachers?” Xander asked, the thought about the fact he *was* learning this semester, “Can I pick out what Miss Calendar wears…”


“Ow!” he complained, “That actually hurt, but anyway, we’ll have an easy night of it.”

Buffy and Willow were walking along the quad at lunch a few days later, talking about going with Xander and Daisy’s Halloween Party Promenade.

“And I can’t even make Angel go with me,” Buffy complained, “The ‘no vampires unless invited’ pretty much keeps him out completely.”

“Well it does make sense, keeping out the vampires from all the food…us.”

“But Giles said it’s a quiet night, too hokey for the demons…”

“We still need to go get costumes, how ‘bout we try that new place?”

“Sure, know what you’re going as yet? I hear our Promenade host and hostess are going as country musicians, and the Cordettes are fighting over what they’ll go as to try and win Xander away from Daisy…and it seems the idea for showing up everywhere has caught on, a lot of sleepy parties are going to at least briefly turn big.”

“That luring of Xander won’t happen, and I thought I’d just go as…”

“No ghost, Wills,” Buffy interrupted, “I made a bet with Xander it’d be anything but…”

“Oh, and what do you get if you win?”

“Ice Capades tickets…and I’ll even take you instead of Angel if you help me out here.”

Daisy and Cordelia finished getting the costumes, with Miss Calendar invited along when Daisy’d been talking to her about some integrated home systems and didn’t want to stop.

The owner, Ethan, had been quite happy to help out, especially after they’d said he was a lot more outgoing then Jenny’s boyfriend Giles. Jenny had gotten Rupert a leather jacket and a pack of cigarettes, with a t-shirt. Daisy said she was picking up some fancy guitar for Xander later as a prop to go with what they had here, and would pick up one for the librarian as well.

They told him he ought to step by and check it out later.
“The Devil’s coming from Georgia, Spike, and he’s looking for the music man, ‘e is.”

“I’m heading out to get us a Slayer, luv, can you be more specific? Is the Devil coming *tonight* for instance?”

“Soon Spike, just soon and he’ll take our fun away, ‘e will.”

“The Devil’s coming from Georgia, Spike, and he’s looking for the music man’s soul, ‘e is.”

“I’m heading out with The Judge you finally put together and get us a Slayer, luv, can you be more specific? Is the Devil coming *tonight* for instance?”

“Soon Spike, just soon and he’ll take our fun away, ‘e will, maybe before we can end the humans.”

“Well, always liked a bit o’ competition, I did…” Spike smirked and picked up and whirled a laughing and crying Drusilla as the newly assembled blue demon looked on in disgust.

Cordelia and Daisy looked great as Martina McBride and…Lara Croft?

“Hey, Daze, what’s up with the Lara Croft, not that I’m complainin’, mind you…”

“Ooooh, I spilled nail polish down the front right after I put it on, so since I picked this up at the same time for our next ‘Tomb Raider’ marathon, I at least had something to with it. And truth is, it’s the first time since school started I’ve gotten around to wearing my ‘small clothes’ as Aunt Ellie calls ‘em.”

“Not complainin’ a bit…”

Rupert Giles entered the Mayor’s party feeling something like a fool, having avoided not wearing anything like this in almost twenty years, until he looked over to the refreshments table and saw a woman dressed in spiked heels, leather pants, almost no top to speak of and a huge wig of spiked hair and an electric guitar. ‘Well things are looking up…’ he thought and then she turned around.

“J-J-J-Jenny?!” he choked out at the computer teacher dressed as punk rocker, and stood there gawking.

“I think you broke ‘him, Miss Calendar, I mean Lita,” Cordelia snickered, breaking the Watcher from his trance, “I like the look, somehow I suspected you were a Metal Head.”

Buffy had convinced Willow to dress as ‘the Cousins’ from that Brisco County show Xander liked, smiling as they entered the room, a few guess arriving a little early, watching as the Mayor, dressed as the Devil, smiled, laughed at something Cordelia and Daisy were sharing at Xander’s expense, then paid his respects to the next guest.

“Buffy, we’re dressed as saloon girls…”

“And we were when we left home a while ago, Wills, that hasn’t changed.”

“B-But someone might see me!”

“And this would be bad why? Remember, come as you aren’t, and don’t worry, if Xander doesn’t notice you, you’ll still have the pick of the room, maybe that Oz guy who talked with you at the cultural party. ”

“I think he’s playing with one of the bands here tonight.”

“See, there ya go…”

“Not what I meant.”

Maybe twenty adult guests and twenty of their high-school-aged children had arrived on the early side as night fell over Sunnydale, most of the school-escorted trick-or-treaters already being placed back in the hands of their parents, and the Cordettes with their dates were approaching the door as the magic swept the town.

A lot of music played at the Party, everybody dressed as someone with ability taking turns singing, but Giles, Xander and Jenny provided most of the guitar and even some fiddle music with accompaniment of the hired bands. Outside, the costumes that changed there owners held sway in the night, as those able to make it to the safety of the party ended up having a great time after the initial close calls.

“What a great little party you have here,” Spike declared as he burst through the doors at the end of ‘When the Devil went down to Georgia,’ that song nagging him as to meaning. His minions started to spread out, looking for the Slayer and seeing her and a redhead accompanying on piano up on the stage. The crowd parted, a smirking bunch of vampires looking up and freezing as they saw Johny Reb hand a shotgun to a smoking Ripper as a hot little number in tight shorts drew out two handguns and pointed in their direction. The vampires smiled and walked toward the only human resistance in the room, a blue demon following in their wake still trying to kill with a touch but failing.

“Don’t have your bloody hound dogs with you tonight, do you?” Spike sneered, only to have Annie Oakley (Amy), Jonathan (Wyatt Earp), the wild west outlaw boyfriends of the female country star Cordettes who were having a good time, and others, all told, now nearly fifty folks in country and western-themed (kiss up to the Clampetts) attire all drew firearms and pointed them at the party crashers.

“Don’t think I need them, do you, vampire?” the young man on stage asked, not recognizing the particular bloodsucker, “We’re having a good time, and I’d hate to have someone slip on your dust as they dance to the next number, do you?” The minions looked at the sheer number of guns pointed at them, and started looking to Spike and making head motions to leave.

“All right, this time…”

“Let me make ‘im famous, boss…” a possessed Jack O’Toole asked, pointing a rather large caliber weapon into Spike’s face, causing the vampire to back away instead of fighting.

“Nah, like I said, we don’t want his dust tripping up the ladies from dancin’ do we?”

“Actually,” the well-dressed former-Mayor with two small horns on his forehead suavely interrupted, “The vampires will please go and sit next to the refreshment table and behave themselves; I might have need of them later.”

The vampires jerkily staggered over as directed, sweat actually pouring forth as their demons felt The Fallen One compel compliance. The blue demon, thwarted in the use of his barely recovering power, turned in annoyance and was about to say something when he knelt before his master.

“Now, Eugene, Johnny, Alexander, all of you are in there aren’t you?” he smiled greedily at the Clampett Heir…and two of you have thwarted me in the past. And with The Judge ready to become strong enough to end the world, I think a rematch is in order, don’t you?”
Ethan Rayne couldn’t resist the idea of directly seeing Young Ripper and the rest helpless before the night, and carried the bust of Janus with him into the Mayor’s party at which he’d done a spell to locate his old mate. Music had ceased as he started up the walk, but he was interested to listen in to the end of a conversation going on, a dark-clothed man with a high brow and poofed up hair standing behind him, a young country singer looking fellow next to him

“So, I have these demons in hand, and when I leave they’ll go with me if you’ve won, say three of mine against three of you,” he said as some one looking a lot like a short Ozzy “The Prince of Darkness” Osbourne stepping from the crowd as out of thin air and growing to full height, followed by another dressed as a fiddler that none there could identify. The Devil was starting to summon his third, when the body of Alexander interrupted.

“I prefer one on one winner take all, and if I win I get the souls of your players redeemed as well and you don’t come within a thousand miles of the Hell Mouth ever again”

“Very well, in that case on your side *Alexander* will play and on my side…”

At that moment Ethan realized just what was happening, and in that moment dropped the bust of Janus onto the foot of a country-dressed young man with an adequate guitar, causing him to swear and leap forward into the forefront as the bust broke and both Richard Wilkins and The Devil recognized the soul-sold lawyer…”

“Lindsay?” the evil man said aloud, actually surprised by Janus’ final assertion of Chaos, an almost-echo fading from the room.

“Done!” Rupert Giles and Ethan Rayne called out at the same time, sealing the deal as a surprised but already semi-recovered Xander Clampett regained control of his body.

Xander played a few rapid Steve Vai like cords, then held his hand out for the *gold* fiddle instead of the regular one…and played a touch of Mozart before staring at the Mayor, horns still present.

The Devil stared back, looked at the Wolfram and Hart lawyer in disgust and just shook his head, morphed briefly into the true form of The First Evil, then laughed at the situation, the vampires and The Judge disappeared, the latter by disintegration.

“Third time’s the charm, and I have Janus to deal with,” the Devil bowed, laughed again and vanished completely. A silence gripped the crowd, before Xander also laughed and started to play the gold Strativarius ‘that somehow still sounded right, as Angel fainted into the Mayor’s fake cactus garden in disbelief as Xander improvised.

The devil came down to Sunnydale
He was lookin' for three souls to steal
He was in a bind
'Cause he was way behind
And he was willin' to force a deal

When he came across this young man
Sawin' on a fiddle and playin' it hot
And the devil dared
Up on a hickory chair
And said boy let me tell you what

I guess you didn't know it
but I'm takin’ advantage a you
And if you care to take a dare I'll make a bet with you

Now you play a pretty good music, boy
But give the devil his due
I'll bet a world of souls
Against three of yours
'Cause I think I've got more than you

The boy he annoyed was Clampett
And it might be a sin
But I'll take your bet
And you're gonna regret
'Cause I'm now the best that’s ever been

Lex laughed up at Janus’ joke that rose up and The Devil had to join in
Cause hell's broke loose in Sunnydale and Lindsay’s now dealed in
And Alex now wins and Devil laughs hard because without any playin’ he’s beaten instead of getting three shiny souls.

The devil left with no regrets
And he said I'll guess I’ll go
And fire flew from his fingertips
As he with demons took his leave.

Alex pulled the bow across the strings
And it made sing so sweet
And then a band of players joined in
And it sounded something like this


When the devil left and all did fret
Lex said well y’all’re in for a treat, sons
but sit down in those chairs right there
And let me show you how it's done

Fire on the Mountain
Run boys, from Hale
The devil's in the House of the Sunny Dale
Chicken in a bread pan pickin' out dough
Granny does your dog bite
No child, no


The Mage bowed his head
Because he knew that he'd been replete
but he laid aside his dread
On the ground where Janus fell on feet

Alex said, Ethan just come on here
If you ever wanna have some friends
I done told you once you better be good
I'm the best that's ever been and he played

Fire on the Mountain
Run boys, run
The devil's in the House of the Rising Sun
Chicken in a bread pan pickin' out dough
Granny will your dog bite
No child, no

[Instrumental to end] as Ethan grabbed a guitar, sighed, nodded at a confused but agreeable Ripper, and joined in.

The next morning found most of the party-goers returned home, but a few remained not entirely unchanged as they gathered in the library the next day.

“Not so loud, Ripper,” Jenny moaned, her head recovering from the hangover of whatever had been slipped into the punch, her punker clothes a bit worn for wear or lack thereof at one point, “Just the tea, now.”

“I agree, Jenny,” an apologetic and now *barely* good Ethan Rayne moaned in equal discomfort.

The equally slow and still-costumed Giles winced and sat down, noting that the rest of the Scooby Gang were entering the building in different degrees of confusion, except for a very happy Willow and a laughing Daisy.

“I-I take it all of you are doing better now?” he queried, “no adverse effects?”

“Well, Rupert,” the former Lady Croft intoned, “I might in the future assist you in some of your research, that is when I’m not managing the careers of my good friend ‘Cordelia McBride’ and my beau here.” Giles stared at her uncertainly.

“Well I shan’t have difficulty with English Literature in class, and could probably test out of a degree in Archaeology, and my ability to drive motorcycles and fast cars has gone way up. And not that you or my grandmother want to hear it but my need for tight clothing has also gone up exponentially…y’all.” Snickering.

“A-and Miss Chase?”

“”Can actually sing now, instead of just thinking I can,” Cordelia smiled, “And I actually like country music, now.”

“And I can out-fiddle the Devil and out-guitar Steve Vai” Xander added, and have some karate moves, not too serious but not too bad.” Giles looked at the two ‘saloon girls’ who shook their heads abruptly, mumbled ‘singing and piano,’ and made motions to go on.

Voice-Over Narration like in the Dukes of Hazzard…

You know, Neighbor, if weren’t the Hell Mouth, I’d think things were lookin’ up wouldn’t you…

The End?

You have reached the end of "Just a Back-Home Folk" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 30 Nov 04.

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