Just a Back-Home Folk
Just a Back-Home Folk
Author: Tohonomike firstname.lastname@example.org
Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful owners...it will start off with the Joss/ME characters, and any other characters or real-life folks are clearly not mine. NO money is involved.
Rating: Maybe an “R” but you readers can let me know later.
Somebody mentioned Beverly Hillbillies and Buffy, I wanted to write but nothing was coming to me on the other stories…so you’re the victims of choice.
It had been two weeks since the Spring Fling ’97 and the end of the Master, school let out just today for the long summer. ‘Buffy’s heading off to see her dad in a couple of days,’ Xander thought to himself, ‘I wonder if I could get a summer job.’
In other worlds Xander Harris kept going up the stairs and avoided his drunker than usual father, but he paused just long enough to trip on a carpet nail and cause a disturbance loud enough to be noticed.
“Damn it boy! What the Hell is wrong with you!” Tony Harris went off as he got up from guzzling whiskey in front of the television, “I’ve had enough of you! Get out!”
Xander froze for a moment, long enough for tony to work himself up further, throwing a glass and narrowly missing the boy, who headed for the door and ran out, not sure what was really going to happen.
A car had slowly made its way down the residential street, a young girl of about seventeen or eighteen and her male cousins in their mid-twenties fighting over directions and a map.
They looked up as they heard shouting and yelling coming out of a house, a young man around the girl’s age running out in confusion, a man in a stained wife-beater throwing a liquor bottle at the boy and glancing him in the head as he escapes.
“You’re no son of mine, never come back or I’ll kill you, you piece of—“ the man shouted, the last of it blissfully muffled as the door slammed. They got out of the car as the boy staggered and propped himself against a tree.
“You okay?” the girl asked the boy about his wound, “What was that all about?”
“Old Tony finally threw me out for good, I guess,” Xander replied as he swayed, the men catching him as they carried him to the car, sliding him into the front seat.
“Hey, cuz, we passed the hospital back a ways, let’s get ‘im there,” the girl told the dark-haired driver, “He might have a concussion.”
They got down the street when Xander regained consciousness they’d not been aware he’d lost, “Ahh, that hurt, uhm, where am I?” he asked as they were passing the Bronze, “Stop here please.”
“We should get you to a hospital,” the light-haired fellow suggested strongly, ‘A head wound is nothing to let go.”
“I’ve had a bunch before, thanks, this one’s nothing,” Xander replied, “I just need to call some friends and see if I can stay with them until I figure something out.”
“So you’re on your own now?” the girl asked, as they pulled up near the Bronze so he could use a pay phone, “That sucks.”
“Yeah, but if I can find a place to crash,” he said as they pulled up, “It’ll be better than it’s been for years and years.” He tried the door, but it was stuck.
“You have to go out the window I’m afraid, the boys race in this one sometimes,” the girl smirked, “And we’ll wait here and give you a ride to your friends house.”
Xander went in and tried both houses, but no one answered at either one, and after going to the bathroom really fast, Xander saw a man following the girl out who’d helped him. Xander raced through the crowd after them, bursting through the door to see the screaming girl being manhandled by the large vampire, the two guys just starting to get out of the car. Xander reached into his jacket and charged forward, shouting at the last minute, surprising the bloodsucker, in full game face, causing it to turn. Xander without any care in the world just tackled him hard, stabbing with the stake twice before hitting the heart and dusting the football player turned vampire. Four sets of eyes regarded him with fascination as he helped the girl up. Cordelia walked over to him, gaping.
“What do you think you’re doing attacking a vampire that size? You should be at home.”
“Saving someone’s life Cordelia, and Old Tony decided I don’t have a home any more and took a bottle to my head,” Xander responded in a dead voice, turning to the trio, “Where you heading?”
“LA, need a ride?” the dark-haired man asked.
“Yeah, thanks,” Xander replied, turning back to Cordelia, “If you see the gang, Cordelia, tell them good bye for me, they weren’t home when they called.”
Leaving the shocked girl standing on the sidewalk, Xander and the others climbed into the orange car with the confederate flag on top.
“So was that really a vampire?” the girl sitting next to Xander in the back seat asked, “That guy with the weird face?”
“Yep, vampires exist, they’re not sexy movie guys, they’re demons in a corpse,” he replied, then offered her his hand to shake, “I’m Xander by the way.”
“I’m Daisy, and the driver’s my cousin Bo, and Luke’s my other cousin,” she said as handshakes were exchanged in a moving vehicle, which headed up the highway ramp. She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek, “That’s for saving me, Xander.” He blushed and mumbled something to himself.
“What was that?” she asked, Bo speaking up.
“I think he said he hopes he can save you all the time,” Bo said, causing Xander to blush deeper.
On the way to Los Angeles, Xander explained about vampires and some about what happened on the Hell Mouth, and at one point he finally fell asleep as they entered LA proper..
Xander woke as they pull up to a large house, not noticing it was more of a mansion like that of the Chases in Sunnydale.
“Hey guys,” he yawns, “Sorry about falling asleep on you, think I can borrow your couch, I’ll be outta your hair tomorrow, need to find work and a place to crash.”
“After what ya did for Daisy, Xander,” Bo smiled, “I think we can put you up for a coupla days until you get on yer feet.”
“Um, thanks, I appreciate it…”
‘Think nuthin’ on it, here, come with me upstairs and we’ll find you some clothes to change into after a shower, you’ll feel better,” Bo said, and in the course of things explained where the kitchen was if he was hungry afterward. He was coming down the stairs, in loose jeans and a plaid shirt when here’s his new acquaintances talking to their elders about what had happened that night as he came around the corner.
An attractive blonde woman in her late fifties came forward and shook his hand, in a once-strong Tennessee accent thanking him for saving Daisy, who blushed at the good feeling in the room.
“Well, I know Bo, Luke and Daisy, and you seem to know who I am…” Xander hinted, causing the woman to blush and make with the introductions.
“Oh, this is my father, Jed Clampett, this is Jesse Duke uncle of the kids, here, and Ellie Mae Lavelle...”
“Lavelle? That was my mother’s maiden name before she met…my father.”
“Oh, what’s your full name Xander?”
“Harris, Alexander Lavelle Harris,” he grimaced, then noticed the shocked looks on their faces, “Um, is something wrong?”
“We’ve been looking for your folks for years,” the eighty-something Jed Clampett said, regaining composure.
“Listen, I don’t know how much they owe you, and I’m sorry for whatever they did, I’ll, uh, thanks for the ride and the clothes, I’ll return them when I get work…”
“Boy, what ‘re you talking about?” Jesse Duke asked in confusion.
“Now that you know I’m their kid, I guess I’ll leave so, don’t worry, I’m leaving.”
“We don’t want you to go, son, we’re family,” Jed told him, trying to put the young man at ease.
“I’m your grandmother, Alexander,” Ellie Mae gushed, “My daughter Jess ran off with that Harris years ago and haven’t heard from ‘em since.”
“So you’re not mad at me?”
“God, no!” Jesse Duke interrupted, placing a paternal hand on the young man’s shoulders, Daisy leading him to a couch and making him sit, “And even if it turns out your folks are bad seed—“
“They are Uncle Jess,” Bo assured him, “It was probably ‘Tony’ who threw the bottle that hit Xander when he was comin’ out of the house we told ya about, the guy threatening to kill him.”
“Well, that little brother of mine was nothing but trouble, I’m surprised he’s not doin’ time fer something, at least cousin Rory could keep honest work.”
“Well, doggie,” the Clampett patriarch sighed, “That beats all, but boy, you’re stayin’ with us from now on, we’ll call the lawyer-folk about this in the morning.”
“I can’t afford a lawyer, sir, and my life’s in Sunnydale…”
“Well, you don’t have to worry about that money stuff, and you’ll stay the summer no matter waht, and you got one of them high school’s in that town?”
“I’m going to one…”
“Well, that works out, cause little Daisy needs to go to one, she’s a senior or something, so maybe if you still want to go there, she might want to go with you.”
“Hey, yeah, cousin Daisy,” Luke Duke spoke up, “And you can visit us whenever you need to get your car worked on, seeins we’re gonna be opening the garage and all with Uncle Jesse soon.”
“And we can even visit you there, too,” Ellie Mae Lavelle insisted, “Now that we have most of our family together again, we’re not gonna let it fall apart, Alexander, the Clampett-Duke Clan stand by our own, and yer one of us.”
The summer had been one for the Xander history books, losing and gaining a family in a night, and eleven weeks of non-stop learning about cars, shooting, hunting and living off the wilderness. Between Jesse and Jed, they felt it might be their last time to pass on all their combined knowledge of what’s important, and seeing the way Daisy was making with the big eyes at the boy, took her along as she *was* a Duke and might keep the boy interested once they were gone.
Back to Tennessee for eight weeks of nothing but wilderness, the happy façade of ale-spinner disappearing when it came to tracking, stealth, hunting, cleaning, survival and doing what’s necessary to keep a family well. And the few times they did come to a cabin or farm, it turned out to be kinfolk on the state line, distant cousins or some such, all of whom complimented Jed and Jesse on ‘such a fine young man,’ and ‘Daisy hadn’t married him yet?’ By the time he’d gotten back to LA for his car training, he’d figured out the protocols somewhat and asked Jesse if he could maybe start calling on Daisy, ‘just date, we’re too young for anything else.’
“Oooooh, that’s wonderful, Xander,” Ellie Mae glowed as Jesse gave his tentative approval, “Daisy’s been hopin’ you’d finally ask.”
“Men…” she replied, rolling her eyes as she left the room. Ten minutes later she returned, “You’re gonna be startin’ back in school again, and so we got you emancipated, so legally you’re your own man now, grandson, but I’ve a few qualifications for you, especially if you’re gonna be sharin’ a place with Daisy in this Sunnydale we have you both enrolled in.”
“Um, okay, gramma,” Xander quietly and tensely replied.
“First, I expect you to from now on to get the best grades you can, and you need to start doin’ better in those math and computer things, and maybe a language or two,” she told him, “Daisy showed me a map and all, and French and Spanish seem to be the ones most folks are talkin’ and a lot of our help we get speak the Spanish, so since you’re gonna be boss-man some day, you should be able to understand what folks are saying. And your talkin’ has to not have the Tennessee your English. Hang around that English guy since he speaks English and all.
“Second thing, we expect you to keep up the place we got you, yourself, but if the schoolwork needs your time, we’ll hire some folks to help out. Third thing, no vampire hunting until you learn one of those marital art things..”
“Martial arts, gramma…”
“Them too, but you’re kinda rushin’ it and you said none of that until y’all get married…Any way, I’ll be comin’ up for a month or so with Pa to get you settled in, then we need to come back and arrange things better so we can split our time up better ‘cause we have a lot of the family comin’ in after the harvest back home and they might come up and see our lost sheep returnin’ to the family. So, sound good to you?”
“Wow, it’s more than I hoped for, yeah,” Xander smiled wide, no shadow to his happiness until he had a thought, “Um, what about…”
“Don’t you go worryin’ ‘bout them two, we sent an investigator fella after them when we found out that first night, and those two are spendin’ time in little concrete rooms, and since Tony’d even skipped his parole for stealin’ a car before he took off, *he* is back in Georgia for a number of years and’ll be servin’ the rest of his time there too.”
“Hey, nobody messes with back-home folk…”
Disclaimer: I do not own the Beverly Hillbillies or the Dukes of Hazard.