When Spells Collide
Disclaimer: BtVS characters belong to Whedon, et. al., SG-1 characters belong to MGM, Gekko, et. al. (I think). Damn...I can never figure out who owns what.
A/N: Another one-shot for the FFA...Hope you enjoy!
Summary: Sometimes you don't know whether to thank your friends or kick them in the ass.When Spells CollideDear Buffy and Daniel,
Now, before you get angry and try to kill us all, you should know this is both your faults. If you hadn't been dancing around each other for the past eight months, none of this would have happened!
Regardless, I must admit that your situation also came about from too much spiked eggnog, nostalgia for happier times, ticking biological clocks, a distinct lack of translating skills, and Dawn and Willow's need for vicarious smoochies (their words, not mine).
As you know, since we met Colonel O'Neill's group of friends over a year ago, several of them have expressed great interest in learning about Wiccan practices, and have been meeting at the Colonel's home to study together since it is the largest of all our residences.
Needless to say, after being fortified with copious amounts of alcohol, several of your friends felt the need to give both of you a slight nudge, or hint, if you will, by magical means…unfortunately, they didn't confide with each other before taking action.
To that end, I feel that an explanation should be made for each of the guilty parties before summarizing the consequences...
Dawn and Willow: Collaborated together to come up with an innocuous spell that would help both of you remove certain 'walls' when it came to confiding in another person. It's relatively benign, and would not have worked unless there was some basis of trust already there. They combined this with another spell that would make you seek out a private area to talk, along with a charm to lock you into that private area until you reached a certain level of trust with each other. By their own actions alone, you would have finally made it to your first date, but, unfortunately, when combined with the other enchantments, these spells were 'enhanced' to a higher degree. Until the completion of the other spells, you will find yourselves imprisoned within the room you chose.
Janet and Sam: Yet another pair of female meddlers, I'm afraid. In their case, they were feeling their ages, and began to talk about babies of all things. Since you know they're relatively new to the Wiccan practice, they limited their actions to a spell that would make both of you start imagining what your children would look like, in the hopes that the 'happy family' picture would induce you to move things up faster. So if you have been having visions of offspring bearing a resemblance to one or both of you, this is where it came from. Unfortunately, because of the next spell, it didn't stop at just images.
Andrew: I swear that boy has the most bizarre way of thinking I have ever known someone to possess…and that's saying a lot, since we all know the Chaos-worshipping Ethan. I'm afraid you're not going to be happy with knowing what this pillock did. In a spectacularly idiotic, flawed translation, Andrew was convinced he gave you what he said was a 'Get A Clue' spell, paraphrased from his translation of 'concept' or 'idea'…unfortunately, that's not the proper translation for the Latin word 'Conception'. I'll leave it at that, since I'm sure you get what the point of this spell is.
Xander: Another pea in the Andrew-like pod…yes, he too mistranslated a spell - actually, this was more a case of misinterpretation. All of us know everything has been forgiven and forgotten, but Xander still carries a remnant of guilt for the situation in which we all asked you to leave your home. To that end, he believed that his own bond with you would be that much better if you also had a bond with someone else, someone who would bring a different form of love into your life, thereby making you happier. Since he highly approves of Daniel (which is surprising in itself), he chose to perform a bonding spell between you, in hopes that the happiness you could bring to each other would enhance his own bond of family/friend with Buffy. It wouldn't work if either of you weren't receptive to the idea, but, unfortunately, 'Bonding' in the Wiccan practice actually means 'Marriage'.
I'm sorry, Buffy, Daniel…if I had known what they were all planning to do, I would have stopped them. I wasn't made aware of their actions until both of you had disappeared for some time, and everyone began to search for you. When we came upon the locked door, it all came out when everyone began to congratulate themselves, then started questioning why the others were taking the praise for their work. Colonel O'Neill shouted for everyone to desist speaking, and in the silence, we all heard
(scratched out words)
(more scratched out words)
(more scratched out words)
(more scratched out words)Oh Bollocks!! There's no easy way to say it! We all heard moaning and the sound of skin slapping on skin…I think you get the idea.
When you are able to leave the room, you will find that we've all gone in to hiding - even though the Colonel, Teal'c, Cassandra, the General, and myself are not the guilty parties, we are afraid you may take your displeasure out on us, and have also found refuge elsewhere until your tempers have cooled a bit.
So, in closing, if the door is unlocked…Congratulations! You are now married and pregnant, not to mention that you have confided more personal secrets with each other than most couples.
But, to be honest, Buffy, Daniel…I'm not sorry that your union happened, I'm only sorry that it happened in this fashion.
You both deserve some happiness in your lives - I hope you'll allow yourselves to find it in each other.
P.S. Colonel O'Neill asks that you change the sheets on his bed before you leave, and has left a clean set outside the door.
Buffy dropped the letter that had been slipped under the door and hid her face in her hands, and Daniel could see her body starting to shake.
A sob tore from her throat, and Daniel hurried to gather her in his arms, disregarding the fact that he was still half-naked, and the fact that, just moments ago, they were dancing awkwardly around each other in embarrassment. Plucking the letter from her lap he quickly read it, his body stiffened in surprise.
Dropping the letter to the floor, he began to sooth her as best he could. When she finally stopped trembling, he just held her close.
"I'm sorry, Daniel. This is all my fault," Buffy whispered into his chest.
"What?! How is it your fault? You weren't the one to do the spells."
"But if it hadn't been for my Slayer vision, we wouldn't have come here, and your friends wouldn't have gotten caught up with all the Wicca stuff, and my
friends wouldn't have pulled all this mojo on you," she sniffed. "Stupid Slayer dreams."
Daniel felt a clenching around his heart. "Are you sorry you came?"
Buffy paused for a moment before softly saying, "No."
"Neither am I."
"Really?" Buffy asked, lifting her head to see if, by his expression, he was telling the truth. He was.
Cupping her face between his hands, he leaned his forehead against hers, looking directly in her eyes as he said, "Really. I've been in love with you for some time now, you know…almost since the day I met you."
"Really? Same here…I mean, I've been in love with you for a long time too," Buffy beamed up at him through misty eyes. "When did you know for sure?"
"The day you smacked Jack in the back of the head when he was giving me a hard time about my artifacts again, and told him to stop acting like an old rocking-chair-ridden geezer who has nothing better to do than bitch, moan, smack his toothless gums, fart, and scratch his balls," Daniel chuckled. "You?"
When Buffy stopped laughing at that memory, she answered, "When Xander started ragging at me because yet another
vampire fell in love with me…like I'm gonna go there
…you yelled at him to back off, that it wasn't my fault, and when he wouldn't stop griping, you started swearing at him in another language, and made Giles crack up. I don't know whether I fell in love with you for standing up for me, or for making Giles laugh…but, I thank you for both."
Daniel pulled her into his arms again, tucking Buffy's head under his chin as she wrapped one arm around him and lay her other hand over his heart. They sat his way for a little while before Buffy broke the silence.
"Are we going to be O.K., Daniel?"
"I don't know, Buffy. I think…I think we'll be O.K. if you can do something for me."
Buff tensed at his words. "What?"
Her head shot up so fast, she almost clipped him on the chin. "What?!"
"But…but…we might not actually be bonded…"
"We don't even know that I'm pregnant…"
"Doesn't mat…wait…I'd be happy if you are
…if you're not, well…we'll just have to keep trying."
Buffy blushed beet red. "But…"
"Just say yes, Buffy," Daniel smiled. When she continued to stare at him, his smile began to fade away. "Un-unless you'd rather not. I-I don't want to pressure y…"
Buffy threw herself at him, knocking him back onto the pillows, and captured his lips with her own, not letting up until they were both in desperate need of oxygen.
"I'll take that as a 'Yes'," Daniel panted out.
They cuddled for a while on the bed, enjoying the simple pleasure of being in each others arms.
Reluctantly stirring herself from her comfortable position, Buffy sat up.
"We should…uh…probably try the…uh…" she waived at the door, a faint blush on her cheeks.
"Yeah," Daniel agreed halfheartedly.
Buffy stood up and walked over to the door, hesitantly reaching out in front of her, she grasped the handle and tested it.
"Well? Is it unlocked?" Daniel asked from where he stood next to the bed, not being able to see if Buffy was able to turn the handle since her body blocked the view.
The small blonde turned around to face her fiancé.
Daniel heard a faint 'snick' before Buffy gave him a small smile.
And for the next several hours, the only sounds that could be heard from the room were, as Giles so bluntly put it, moaning and the sound of skin slapping on skin.
After finally emerging from Colonel Jack O'Neill's home, Buffy and Daniel made their rounds to the various homes of their friends, but only found Cassie, who had refused to go into hiding with her mother, and Teal'c, who had felt no need to hide because he believed Daniel and Buffy to be honorable people who wouldn't lay false blame upon him.
It was the others' loss…after packing their bags, Buffy and Daniel took off for a short trip to Vegas for a quicky marriage, dragging Teal'c and Cassie to be their witnesses (Cassie leaving a flippant note for her mom that read 'I've been kidnapped by Daniel and Buffy, so has Teal'c…we promise not to have too much fun - will be back in 3 days').
They were married by Santa, an elf handed them their marriage certificate, and Rudolph sang a song about their upcoming 'Honeymoon' that was so blatant in its sexual innuendo that even Teal'c
caught on quickly and held his hands over the ears of a brilliantly blushing 15 year old Cassie's ears…it took her hours
to stop giggling.
Cassie and Teal'c enjoyed the sights while Daniel and Buffy did…other
things, and when they all returned to Colorado Springs, they were met at the airport by a large group of people who were giving them very
The newlyweds smirked as they watched Teal'c and Cassie greet their friends - Cassie, quite energetically, and Teal'c with his usual restraint.
As all eyes turned towards Buffy and Daniel, the two grinned at each other before blurting out, "We got married in Vegas."
They grabbed their duffle bags and took off for the exit at a dead run (at least in Daniel's case).
When their brains finally registered what the two had said, there was a loud uproar before the whole group gave chase…it was like a human stampede.
Teal'c and Cassie watched the disappearing 'herd' with matching grins before following at a much more leisurely pace.
Dr. and Mrs. Jackson had too much of a lead, though, and lost the group on one of the floors between the 'Arrival' and 'Baggage Claim' levels. They disappeared without a trace for the next 4 days, until they had to return to work.
Colonel O'Neill gave them his bed as a wedding present.
20 years later, he's still
bitching about the fact that it took 3 days to air out his bedroom.
I'm definitely in a demented mood.