Nyuking Across The Hellmouth
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or the Three Stooges. The world lost a great comedy act when they died.
Redone in more detail than before. Before beginning… Curly in this is the actor who took on the name Curly Howard not Curly Joe, in case you don’t recognize his characteristic Nyuk. Sadly, reproducing some of their sounds in words won’t be exact however. Moses Horwitz, is the name of the man who played Moe. In case you didn’t know. (grin)
Buffy, Xander, and Willow stared at each other and sighed as Snyder walked away.
Xander shook his head. “Well Ollie, this is another fine mess you’ve gotten us into.”
Buffy laughed. “Watching old movies after hours again?”
“It’s either that or twiddle my thumbs. I just can’t seem to get to sleep anymore. Must be the nightlife.”
The three friends laughed as they walked away.
As they did, Snyder was just hanging up his office phone. He glared at it, then uncharacteristically whimpered. “Why do I have to represent the school at a costume party?”
Giles hesitated as he held the phone to his ear. If the shop delivered, he could surprise Buffy. Just because he was British, didn’t mean he didn’t know how to enjoy himself occasionally. The phone rang on the other end.
“Thank you for…”
“Do you deliver costumes?”
Ethan couldn’t believe his luck. Ripper himself. “Well, I do have an employee who can… for special cases.”
“I assure you that it is. I am unable to get out of a prior engagement, and I need this particular one.”
Ethan grinned. “And what costume are you looking for?”
Xander sighed. All the good ones were gone. Except for the soldier one, and something else… that was familiar. As he stared, he heard the store employee talking on the phone about a special delivery. Then Xander looked closer, and grinned. While not his first choice, it was still better than a soldiers costume… and he could hide certain things in plain sight without raising questions.
As he reached out, he failed to notice Snyder sneaking out with another suspiciously familiar costume.
Ethan watched everyone leave, and laughed out loud. “Oh, this will be perfect.”
Moe blinked at his blurred vision, then reached up and took off the glasses. He looked around. “What happened?” Lacking anything better to do, he started looking around the library. As he did, he tripped over a stool and fell into a bookshelf.
He shook his head while staring around dazedly and pushed the books off himself. Then he blinked, and backed up with a frightened look on his face.
A red-headed girl had popped out of the wall. “Giles?”
Moe pointed with one hand and opened his mouth. He started moaning a sort of gargled monotone as he slowly backed up.
Willow blinked as Giles turned around and ran full tilt into the stairway railing and knocked himself out. As she watched him fall, she noticed his hair.
“Oh no… not him too.”
Larry stood blinking in the middle of the road. “Moe? Curly?” Something behind him roared. He turned around, and froze for a second. Then he ran away followed by several scary looking creatures. As he did, he collided with a girl in a cat costume, and they both knocked each other senseless. The creatures tripped over them and ran headlong into the ones chasing the girl and they started to fight.
All thoughts of the man with the strange hair lying on the ground with a girl sprawled on top of him disappeared.
Curly looked around at the party. Then he looked at the buffet line. “Oooh… Food. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.” He walked past the visiting school superintendent from a neighboring city, and grabbed a plate. As everyone around him looked, he started piling food on it.
Mr. Jones, the superintendent, shook his head. “Principal Snyder.”
“Mr. Snyder…” he said again. After still not receiving an answer, he tapped Curly on the shoulder.
Curly spun and the food on the plate splattered the poor man and his wife. He flinched back and smacked both hands down his face. “Yaa aa a aaah, Yaaa a ah, Yaaauh.”
The host of the party threw Curly out. After which he started walking down the street. He stopped when three figures came toward him. “Hello!” He said cheerfully, then started backing up when their faces grew ridges.
Curly scrunched his face up and opened his mouth. “Ruff! Ruff!”
The vampires snarled back.
Curly ran away followed by three hungry vampires. “Hey Moe! Hey Larry! Hey Moe!”
Larry woke up and his eyes widened. A woman in cat suit was in his arms. He grinned. Then she woke up.
“OUCH OUCH!” he yelled as he was chased down the street by an angry Cordelia.
“How dare you take advantage of me while I’m asleep, Xander. I didn’t give you permission to touch my butt!”
“But you ran into me!”
“That’s no excuse Xander!”
“I don’t even know who Xander is!”
Larry continued to run away while being slapped about the head. They turned the corner and ran into Curly and three vampires. At that point, the seltzer bottles that Larry had with him sprayed the vampires. They screamed and ran away.
Spike who had been coming by looking for Buffy, amused himself by watching the whole thing. Somewhere down the line, it had been declared that no demons were allowed to attack anyone doing a Three Stooges skit. Afterwords was fine however. Then one of the bottles somehow shot out from under Larry like a rocket and broke against Spikes head. He screamed and ran away with smoke wafting off of him.
“Oooh, there you are.”
Larry poked him in the eyes. “Get up.”
Curly covered his eyes. “Ow, ow ,ow.” Then he opened his mouth wide in consternation.
Cordelia blinked at him dazedly. “Principal Snyder?”
Moe shook his head as he staggered to his feet. Then he flinched again.
“Please Mr. Horwitz. Don’t.”
“The name is Moe Howard. Who is this Horwitz fellow? And why am I talking to a ghost?” Moe backed up again.
“Please, Moe. I need your help. My friends are in trouble.”
“How can I help ghosts?”
Willow sighed. “They’re not ghosts. The explanation is long. We don’t have much time. All I can tell you that up until around an hour or so ago I was alive, in a ghost costume. Then something happened, and I was standing over my body. The children that had been wearing their costumes, became them.”
Moe shrugged. “If that’s true, what can I do?”
“We need to find out what or who is doing this.”
“Ok. Where do we start?”
Willow smiled. “I thought you were the brains of the operation?”
At that point the door slammed open. Willow watched as a bald headed Snyder, a dazed Xander, Cordelia, and a screaming Buffy were led in by Angel.
Curly grinned. “Hey Moe! Nyuk, Nyuk. Look what I found!” he said as he led Buffy by the arm.
Moe put his hand on his face and glared. “Let go of her you lame-brain. Get her a seat. What’s the mattah with you!”
Willow watched as Xander opened his mouth. “Aw he didn’t do nuttin’.”
Moe stalked forward and slapped him. “Who asked you!”
Angel more dazed than before, spoke without thinking. “Gentlemen, gentlemen.”
They all three looked around. “Where!”
Moe shook his head then stared at Willow. “Where were we?”
“The people possessed by their costumes.”
“Right. Where did they get them? And why isn’t she a cat?” Moe pointed at Cordelia.
She glared. “I wouldn’t be caught dead buying from the same place those dimwits did.” She pointed at Curly, Buffy, and Larry.
“What do you mean those? They’ve always looked that way.”
Cordelia looked at him. “Really, I didn’t know a forty something librarian was really Moe Howard.”
Moe slapped his head. “I’m mortified.”
He stared at Willow again. “Yes?”
“We all got our costumes from one place.”
”Well let’s get over there!” The three stooges started to run out the door then paused. “Uh, where was there again?”
- - - - -
Ethan smiled. Then he heard the bell on his door. He turned around, then paused. Giles came in followed by a short bald man, and the teenager that had bought the interesting costume earlier.
Giles threw out his arms. “Spread out!”
The short man went one way and the teenager went the other. Then a brooding man, and a red-headed girl who could only be the one who had bought the ghost costume came in along with the blonde one. As well as a female in a cat suit.
“What can I do for you gentlemen and lady?”
Giles stepped forward. “Are you the owner of this joint?”
Ethan blinked. Oh this was too good.
Moe glared. “What did you do to the people of this town?”
Curly walked out at that point. Ethan flinched at the sight of the statue in his arms.
“Hey Moe. Look at this!”
Moe glared some more. “Put that down you numskull!”
Curly shrugged and threw it over his shoulder. It smashed.
Ethan slowly backed away from the now furious Ripper.
“I think you and I need to talk.”
After everyone limped out to help the kids home, then joined in the library… they all went to sleep.
Xander woke up the next morning with an interesting hairdo and the urge to play a violin.
Giles sighed as he remembered being Moe. The guy was an idiot, but not exactly brainless. Then he started to clean up the books that had fallen. Another day on the hellmouth, Yehah.
Ethan woke up hanging upside down from a street sign the next town over. The only things he was wearing were boxer shorts, a bonnet, and a pacifier was glued to his mouth. He chuckled. Who knew that Ripper had such a sense of humor.
Snyder screamed. "What happened to my hair!"