Author: Tohonomike firstname.lastname@example.org
Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful owners.. Joss/ME characters. I do not and cannot make money off of this, but feedback, I might come up with something more/better.
Summary: This is the fastest fanfic I’ve ever attempted, and it took about an hour since most of the story was taken from existing ME material. I hope it doesn’t reek too badly.
Rating: PG-17; for general demonic horror content...and suggested behavior
What if Xander had had a really bad laundry day just before Halloween?
Xander crawled out of bed late; his parents had already left for the day, and Xander, finding all of his usual clothes either soaking in the washer or heaped in with his father’s alcohol-scented ones on the laundry floor. Walking out of the basement, Xander looked over to the open closet to see a dark coat, boots and other clothes left behind on Uncle Rory’s last bender with his father months ago. Taking a closer look, Xander found that the clothes were clean, if a little TOO Dead-Boy like. He left the rather heavy coat at home to avoid thinking more on that topic.
Xander made it to school dressed in black dress shoes, black dress slacks, and black silk shirt that emphasized the muscles he’d been developing in the last ten months. Many heads turned that day at Xander’s different attire, and he’d responded to Willow’s “Why are you dressed like Angel?” with a rather blunt “I’m dressed in Uncle Rory’s clothes, they were all that were clean, alright?” He did receive a surprise invitation to a couple of Halloween parties. ‘Hmmm, maybe the Angel but human look might be worth considering…’
The day passed uneventfully, though even Xander noticed a slight improvement in how he was treated until he’d stumbled into Willow and Buffy near a sign-up table for the volunteer safety program for Halloween. Principal Snyder takes one of the clipboards and looks around the hall, generally ending a lingering improved mood.
Willow, “Snyder must be in charge of the volunteer safety program for Halloween this year.”
Xander, “Note his interesting take on the volunteer concept.”
Buffy, “What's the deal?”
They've reached Willow's locker, and she works the combination.
Xander, “Oh, a bunch of little kids need people to take them trick-or-treating. Sign up and get your own pack of sugar-hyped little runts for the night.”
Buffy, “Yikes. I'll stick to vampires.”
Snyder puts his hand on her shoulder, and spins her around to face him, “Miss Summers. Just the juvenile delinquent I've been looking for.”
“Halloween must be a big night for you. Tossing eggs, keying cars, bobbing for apples, one pathetic cry for help after another. Well, not this year, missy,” Snyder declares, leading her to the sign-up table.
“Gosh, I'd love to sign up, but I recently developed carpal tunnel syndrome, and can tragically no longer hold a flashlight.”
Snyder holds up the clipboard and pen, “The program starts at four, the children have to be back at six.”
Buffy reluctantly grabs the pen and clipboard and signs herself up. Xander thinks it's funny and smiles back at Willow. Willow has a concerned look on her face. Snyder holds pens out to Willow and Xander, too. Willow gives in and takes the pen. Xander indicates his attire, “I have to work for Uncle Rory until six, otherwise you’d have me.”
“I can't believe this,” Xander said when they’re safely out of Snyder’s earshot, “You have to get dressed up and the whole deal?”
“Snyder said costumes were mandatory,” Willow stated, “Looks like you dressed all dark and black means no costume for you, huh?”
“Well I’ve been invited to a couple parties over near Cordelia’s area of town, so I’ll hopefully find something better than a clone Buffy’s boyfriend.”
“I was gonna stay in and veg,” Buffy sighed. “The one night a year things are supposed to be quiet for me.”
“Halloween quiet?” Xander replied in amazement, “I figured it'd be a big old vamp scare-apalooza.” They walk into the lounge.
‘Not according to Giles,’ Buffy replied, “He swears that tomorrow night is, like, dead for the undead; they stay in.”
Xander puts his satchel down on the table and heads over to the soda vending machine. He puts in his coins and hits a button. Nothing. He hits another one. Still nothing. He hits the machine in the front and on the side. Larry comes up to him and puts his hand on Xander's shoulder.
“Hey, Lar. You're lookin' Cro-Mag as usual. What can I do you for?”
“You and Buffy, you're just friends, right?”
“I like to think of it less as a friendship and more as a solid foundation for future bliss.”
“So, she, she's not your girlfriend?””
“Alas, no. I only dress like her boyfriend.”
Larry looks over at Buffy as he walks around Xander, “Boyfriend? Oh, never mind.”
“How was your date last night?” Willow asks Buffy.
“Misfire. I was late due to unscheduled slayage,” Buffy grimaces, “Showed up looking trashed.”
“Was he mad?”
Xander, not in the mood to listen, grabs his bag from the table and walks off, “I got things to do. Why am I plagued by Dead-Boy comparisons and jocks thinking I’m your boyfriend today? I’m half-tempted to dress as the annoying one as my costume to just save myself the trouble of figuring one out.” Buffy moans and sits back down with Willow.
Ethan's Costume Shop
The store is full of mothers with their kids looking for Halloween costumes. Buffy is handling a plastic pumpkin when it suddenly lights up and screams. She quickly puts it back on the counter. Willow comes over to her.
“What'd you get?” Buffy asks Willow.
“A time-honored classic! (holds up a ghost costume)”
“Okay, Will, can I give you a little friendly advice?”
“It's not spooky enough?”
“It's just... you're never gonna get noticed if you keep hiding. You're missing the whole point of Halloween.”
“It's come as you aren't night. The perfect chance for a girl to get sexy and wild with no repercussions.”
“Oh, I don't get wild. Wild on me equals spaz.”
“Don't underestimate yourself. You've got it in you.”
“Hey, Xander!” Buffy calls out, causing him to veer over to them.
“What'd you get?” Willow asks Buffy.
“Nothing so far. I’m going to look a while longer. I’ll b—“
Buffy is distracted by a costume and wanders off while he’s talking. She slowly starts walking over to it.
“Hello!” Xander responds, rolling his eyes, “That was our conversing there.”
She keeps walking over to a frilly, red, billowy 18th-century gown.
Ethan notices her looking at the dress and comes over to them, “Please, let me.” He takes the dress off of its dressmaker's mannequin and holds it up to her in front of a mirror.
“Magnificent. Yes, I know. There. My. Meet the hidden princess. I think we found a match. Don't you?”
“Oh, uh, I-I'm sorry. There's no way I could ever afford this.”
“Oh, nonsense. I feel quite moved to make you a deal you can't refuse.”
She looks back into the mirror, takes the dress from Ethan and smiles dreamily as she holds it up to her chin.
Ethan notes the look of frustration, and overhears something that piques his interest as the young man heads toward the back of the shop. “Angelus, again. I’m beginning to think of dressing up as the human version of the ‘Scourge of Europe’ is the only way to get noticed in this town…maybe a sword, or daggers…maybe Giles would have an idea.”
Moments later Ethan walks up behind the young man, startling him.
“Hey, careful about sneaking up on people in this town,” Xander admonishes.
“Well, the sun is still up, and I’ve not been in town long enough to deny what exists. Perchance did you mean Rupert Giles?”
“You know the G-Man? Small world, huh?” Xander responded.
“Indeed, I do. And since we both KNOW…” Ethan crooned, “I’m moved to help you find exactly what you’ll need to ‘get noticed’ in this town, and perhaps gain the favor of a certain…princess?”
“That’s unlikely…and I have to go get some things done.”
“Tell you what, young man, if you leave as many black clothes and such with me as you can, I’ll fill out the rest for you, but you’ll have to promise not to tell Rupert until the day after Halloween, as I’d planned to surprise him.”
“I really don’t have much money…”
“Money is not an object, as you know Rupert, and have provided the only costume challenge I’ve had. Now, if you have a change of clothes, what you have will do nicely as a start.”
“Edith needs her tea,” Drusilla ponders.
“C'mere, poodle,” Spike encourages.
“Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?”
“Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet. That's why I've got to study this Slayer. Once I know her I can kill her. And once I kill her you can have your run of Sunnyhell. Get strong again.”
“Don't worry. Everything's switching. Outside to inside. It makes her weak.”
“Really? Did my pet have a vision?”
“Do you know what I miss? Leeches.”
“Come on, talk to Daddy. This thing that makes the Slayer weak? When is it?”
“Tomorrow. And Daddy’s coming back.”
“Of course I’m coming back. Tomorrow's Halloween. Nothing happens on Halloween.”
“Someone's come to change it all. Someone new. “
Xander Harris is finishing getting dressed in his costume; it seemed that friend of Giles had gone all-out. Hair and hair extensions carefully pulled back and tied with a blood-colored ribbon with a tiny human on it. A long nobleman’s coat covered with braid and decoration over midnight blue-black soft leather, expensive leather riding boots, a claddagh ring, sword and various-glimpsed weapons, including four flintlocks and silvered daggers. Even a ‘journal’ of Angelus, who on Halloween 1997 became Human, empowered but alive.
A student dressed as a vampire is escorting a group of kids. They walk by Buffy's group coming back from a house. Buffy crouches down to see what they got.
“What did Mrs. Davis give you?”
They all pull out toothbrushes.
“She must be stopped. Let's hit one more house. We still have a few more minutes before I need to get you back.”
Ethan weaves a spell in Latin, keeping the balanced extreme of Angelus-Xander in his mind, not knowing how this odd random individual might fare.
“Janus, I invoke your spirit. Hear my plea. Seize the night for your own reason. Come, appear and show to us that which is infinite power.”
Angel prepared to leave his apartment to meet Buffy for a quiet night at her house. He reached for the doorknob, suddenly hunching over in pain, screaming and—
Warehouse District on way to party
Xander jerks back like he's just been hit by something. He bends over slightly, looks around and smiles evilly. Slowly he straightens back up and surveys the scene around him. He flexes his hands and draws a sword out and laughs loudly as four vampires leave a warehouse, a cocky British accent echoing from further down the street.
He draws near the door, the four vampires confused to see him sneering.
“You smell funny, human. You’ll make an interesting snack,” the largest of the undead laughed.
“That’s because,” the brown-eyed human explained as he decapitated the large vampire, whirling around the dust to sweep-kick two others as they gaped, “I’m a little more than human, and certainly more interesting then you hired help.”
The strong human sneered at the standing vampire, and stabbed it in the chest with the silvered blade, dusting it and causing the two downed vamps to scurry down the street rather than face final death.
Kicking in the door and parading in, his eyes rested upon the pallored beauty of Drusilla, “Daddy’s home, Dru. How ‘bout a little fun.”
“Daddy!” Dru squealed with joy and leaped lustfully upon him. “How…are you and…the kitten in…one…body, my Angelus.”
“I don’t know, Dru, but that soul is gone, and it’s time to paint the town with blood. But first…”
[Grayed-Out NC-17 Scene]
Warehouse 30 minutes later.
“Mmmm, so warm, my Angel, Mommy’s missed you so. I feel the demon and the soul, the power and the life. Miss E—“
“Dru, where’s Spike? I have revenge to exact, and blood to spill, and a mage to thank once the boy quiets down.”
“My William’s gone after the slayer, she’s weak tonight she is. The magic takes away who she is, like you and the kitten.”
At that, Angelus in human form races out of the warehouse, dusting a minion out of rage as he goes, frustrated that his vengeance might be ruined by his grandchilde, and aware that the magic granting him control of the body, was less than secure until he could locate the mage responsible for this freedom.
“Stop that growling, boy, or I’ll find a way to torture you worse than any other,” Angelus screamed aloud, feeling like something was bearing down on him inside.
Ghost-Willow, walking in the door, “Hello? Mrs. Summers? Good, she's gone.”
“Where are we?” Lady Buffy asks.
“Your place. Now we just need to...”
Buffy notices a picture on a table and goes over to look. She picks it up, and sees it's of her wearing a spaghetti strap top. She turns around as Willow comes over to her.
“This... this could be me.”
“It *is* you. Buffy, can't you remember at all?”
“No! I, I don't understand any of this! Uh, uh, th... This is some other girl! I would never wear this, that low apparel, and I don't like this place, and I don't like you, and I just wanna go home!”
“You *are* home!”
Buffy is practically in tears. They hear a woman screaming outside. Willow rolls her eyes and heads into the living room. Buffy is wide-eyed with fear.
Willow opens the door to see Cordelia screaming as she runs from a sasquatch.
“Somebody help me!” Cordelia cries out.
“Come inside Cordelia!” Willow tells her, “Hurry!”
“Wait a... What's going on?”
“Okay, your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat, you're in high school, and we're your friends. Well, sort of.”
“That's nice, Willow. And you went mental when?”
“You know us?”
“Yeah. Lucky me. What's with the name game?”
“A lot's going on.”
“No kidding. I was just attacked by Jo-Jo, the Dog-Faced Boy. Look at my costume! Do you really think that Partytown's gonna give me my deposit back? Not likely.”
“Okay. You guys stay here while I get some help. If something tries to get in, just fight it off.”
“Well,” Buffy huffed in confusion, “I-it's not our place to fight. Uh, surely some men will protect us.”
“What's that riff?” Cordelia asks in disgust.
“I-it's like amnesia, okay?” Willow replies, rolling her eyes, “She doesn't know who she is. Just sit tight.”
“Who died and made her the boss?” Cordelia complains as Willow walks through the wall. Buffy stares in wide-eyed amazement and pales with shock.
Several monsters are chasing people down the street past Spike.
“Well! This is just... neat!” the vampire enthuses.
Angelus races through the night toward 1630 Revello Drive, dusting his fifth vampire en route, “I’m NOT human, dammit!”
Giles is going through a stack of cards he's pulled from the card catalog. He hears yelling and sirens outside and looks up, wondering what's going on. He sees Willow come though the wall and jumps in complete surprise, letting the cards fly all over the place.
“Jeez!” Giles calls out in surprise.
The lights go out. Buffy grabs Cordelia in fright.
“Do you mind?” Cordelia asks in annoyance.
Buffy lets go of her. The basement door behind Buffy opens, and a vampire attacks her. She tries to push the door closed on him. Cordelia hits him in the head and locks him in the basement while Buffy screams at the top of her lungs and runs for the door.
Giles is in the cage getting a stack of old papers. He blows the dust off of them and comes back out. Willow is looking at a book.
Willow, “I don't even know what I'm looking for. Plus I can't turn the page.”
“Well, alright, l-let's, let's, let's review. (sets the papers on the table) Um, so everybody became, uh, whatever they were masquerading as.”
“Buffy was an 18th-century girl and I went as a ghost.”
“Yes. Um... w, uh, uh, uh, the ghost of what, exactly?”
“Well, this is nothing. You should see what Cordelia was wearing. A-a, a unitard with cat things, like ears and stuff.”
“Good heavens. Uh, sh-sh-she became an actual feline?”
“No! She was the same old Cordelia. Just in a cat costume.”
“She didn't change.”
“No. Hold on... Partytown. She told us she get her outfit from Partytown.”
“A-a-and everyone who changed, they, they, they, they acquired their costumes where?”
“We all got ours at a new place. Ethan's.”
Buffy runs between all the trash that's piled up there. Cordelia is still looking for her.
Spike: Somewhere out here is the *tenderest* meat you've *ever* tasted, and all *we* have to do is find her first!
Buffy has stopped running and leans against a crate. She sniffs and looks around, frightened. She lifts her skirt a bit and starts to walk. She turns around to look behind her and takes a few steps backward. When she turns back around Larry, who has turned into a pirate, startles her. He smiles widely at her, showing his rotten teeth.
Larry: Pretty, pretty!
Buffy tries to run away, and Larry gives chase until Buffy trips and falls. Her gown billows out around her. Larry grabs her as she tries to get up and shoves her against a crate. He pushes her hair away from her frightened face and moves in to kiss her.
Angelus comes running and throws Larry into a wall. He gets up and pulls Larry up and into a metal warehouse door. He punches him in the face and gut. Larry collapses in pain.
Cordelia arrives behind Buffy, “Buffy! Are you okay?”
Willow comes running down the alley from the other end, “Guys, you gotta get inside!
She looks back and they see Spike and his monster gang coming.
Angelus in Xander form laughs evilly, “Too late, I’m the one to worry about. Spike! Over here you waste!”
They back down the alley as they watch Spike, two minions and his horde of mini-monsters approach. The monsters arrive and wait for Spike’s signal.
Buffy is holding on tightly to Cordelia.
Oh, faboo, more clinging.
Spike looks intently at the slayer’s friend, smelling Drusilla on *him* and filling him with rage.
“What the bloody ‘ell is goin’ on whelp. Why do I smell Dru all over you!” he shouts as he lunges into air, struck with the flat of a sword on his backside.
“Mommy wanted to greet Daddy now that he’s back, Billy,” Angelus replied, laughing.
“What the, it’s you Angelus?! How the bloody ‘ell did this ‘appen.”
“Dru says a mage did all of this, so Angel’s dust, and here I am. The slayer’s mine, Billy. Go home and maybe your Dru will make it better…just get out of my way.”
“You may be strong and fast, Angelus, but you’re human and killable now, mate,” he says, managing to crush Angelus’ knee with a kick, causing Angelus, Xander and something else to scream in rage and pain.
They back away, staring and waiting for the next one to make a move.
Ethan is on the floor, severely beaten up, “And you said the Ripper was long gone.”
“Tell me how to stop the spell.”
“Say 'pretty please'.”
Giles kicks him hard in the kidney, and he yells out in pain.
Alley, Inside Xander’s Mind
Xander and the recharged but mindless remnants of the hyena leapt on the demon essence of Angelus, freezing him for a brief instant as he stared at Spike. The hyena screamed and clawed and savaged, shredding the cohesion of an embodied demon tenuously connected to the host with chaos. Xander lunged forward to wrest control of the body, the hyena and Angelus merging into a single conflict of instinct and strength, forcibly imbuing the host with power in attempt to wrest control enough of the whole to survive. The knee heals with faster than vampiric speed.
Outside the body, Spike lunges forward, grasping Xander by the throat and rolling and slamming each other into debris as the minions surround Cordelia and Buffy.
Xander internally and externally screams, “Spike’s winning…and his minions have Buffy.”
Giles kicks him again.
Giles: Now, tell me how to stop the spell.
Ethan: Janus. Break its statue.
Giles grabs the statue and lifts it over his head and throws the statue hard to the floor, smashing it into tiny pieces.
The fighting for bodily control ends as each focuses on the fact that Spike will have Buffy/mate/slayer and they surge forth as the magics blur and waver, adrenaline throwing Spike back into two of his minions.
The body of Xander Harris, enraged, rushes forward at vampiric speed, silvered daggers decapitating the minions, and chasing away the mini-demons. Turning to deal with Spike, he sheathes the blades, draws his flintlocks and fires into the confused…William the Dusty.
“What the...” Xander begins, the monsters having all turned back into children and student escorts. The kids are frightened, and begin to cry and complain.
“I'm scared! I want my mommy!”
“Hi, everybody. I'm back. You know what? It's good to be me.
“Hey, Buff,” Xander smiled, “Welcome back.
“Yeah! You, too.”
“You guys remember what happened?” Cordelia asked.
“It was way creepy,” Xander confirmed, “It's like I was there, but I couldn't get out. I kept fighting, and with a bit of help from the hyena I was able to hold out. Now it’s me and a lot of material for nightmares.
“Yeah, I know the feeling,” Cordelia complained, “This outfit's totally skintight. And my deposit...forget it.”
“You okay Buffy?” Xander asked
“Yeah, Xander, was Angelus really in you?”
He puts his arm around her shoulders and leads her away, “Yeah, Buff. Whoever did this…well, Angelus crowed that Angel’s soul was released and the body gone. He… loved you, Buff. He loved you.”
Buffy breaks down, sobbing. Xander picks her up and carries her home.
“Hello?! It felt like I was talking, my lips were moving and...” Cordelia said, then gave up, “well, I guess I better get you kids back to your parents.
Summers house half-hour later
Xander has set the sleeping Buffy in her bed, descending the stairs as Willow and Giles show up. They exchange stories of the night, Xander demonstrating that he is still very fast and strong.
“What do you remember of Angelus?” Giles asked Xander.
“Everything, from Liam, Angelus, Angel, Angelus, Xander. I remember every death. I remember his love of Buffy. I remember being a vampire, so cold. And I wonder what’s next?”
“That’s an easy one, kid,” interrupts a Brooklyn-accented voice, “The Powers want you to replace Angel as their champion.”