title: The Formers
summary: Narcissa finds another tarnished piece at the white hat meeting.
disclaimer: Not mine. Narcissa and company are JK Rowling's. Faith and company belong to Joss Whedon.
shout: For Emmy's wishlist. A Narcissa-y mini.
She so desperately wished something stronger than tea was being served. Who knew turning traitor would be so... boring. No one had even tried to kill her since it became known that she was passing information to Dumbledore, and she was the one who'd given the information that had Lucius hauled off to prison. You'd think SOMEONE in Voldemort's ranks would be upset enough about it to hex her at least. Nothing. Not even a peep when she'd filed for divorce.
Narcissa flipped some blonde hair off of her shoulder and resisted the urge to groan. Dumbledore was boring tonight. He was only interesting when he was plotting or angry. Tonight he was neither. Harry Potter was fairly dull this evening as well. This was the boy who lived? If every day were this dull for him, you'd think he wouldn't want to. Everyone seemed to be droning on about defeating Voldemort.
Here's an idea... just kill the bastard. Drop a house on him. Something. Liquidate his arse. The most annoying thing about the good guys was how... good they were. They did not take cheap shots. The world at large was at stake. They really needed to stop being polite and start getting serious. Did they think Voldemort might spare them just because whatever his plan was wasn't sporting? This was serious business.
Sirius. Now that's who they needed. He had been crazy. Well, naturally. He was a Black, and all Blacks were a tad insane. Look at Bellatrix.
"You bored too, ay?"
Narcissa looked at the young woman sitting next to her. She hadn't been there a minute ago. She looked a bit... tarty. In a biker sort of way. Isn't that what they were called? Bikers? It was a muggle thing, so she wasn't so sure. But the young woman's brown hair had a mussed look. Her brown eyes seemed haunted and her lips pink and pouty. Wasn't this girl one of the super muggles from America? Slayers, she thought they were called. Who did this little... slayer think she was? Hadn't anyone told her who Narcissa Malfoy was?
"Are you speaking to me, girl?"
"Yeah, bag, I am."
"Don't you worry about it."
"And.... why... are you speaking to me?"
"Spook dared me to."
"Spook? I don't believe I am familiar with such an individual."
"Sure you are." The brunette girl nodded in the direction of Severus Snape.
"That's what YOU call him."
"And what do you call him again? Speck? Spock?"
"Spook." The brunette snorted loudly. "Spock. That's hilarious. He does have the nifty mind-meld thing going on. Wizard style, of course."
"It's very difficult to follow your verbal diarrhea."
She laughed loudly, drawing a few disapproving stares. Narcissa glared in return, and the girl snickered some more.
"I'm Faith. Spook said your name was Narcissa Malfoy. Tough break there, ay?"
"I happen to like my name, thank you."
"Ooooo. Frosty the snowbitch."
"Faith, hmm? Don't you have a surname name? Or are you like that Madonna muggle?"
"No surname I wanna speak about. I was thinkin' of having Spook adopt me, so I could be Faith Snape. What'dya think?"
"I think that sounds worse than Narcissa Malfoy."
Faith snorted with laughter. Some old bag in front of them at the Order meeting turned to glare. Narcissa glared back. Rather harshly. It was amazing said old bag didn't melt.... or freeze to death.
"Piss off." Narcissa hissed through her teeth.
Faith laughed again when the woman looked all affronted... but she did 'piss off' and turn back around.
"Narcissa, is everything all right?" Dumbledore asked.
Everyone turned to stare at the two of them. To her horror, Narcissa actually started to giggle like a first year.
Faith was the one who piped up with an answer though. "Nothing to share with the rest of the class here, Gandalf. Press on."
"Faith!" A man in spectacles and an appalling amount of tweed sitting near a blonde girl of about this Faith's age snapped.
Narcissa noticed the blonde was grinning at Faith. Faith winked at her, and the blonde girl had to hide her laughing with a cough. Several of the Americans in the room were smiling at this Faith. Like her response had been 'utterly Faith' and amused them greatly. Narcissa decided she liked someone who was so... brisk and applauded for it. Yes, she decided she liked this Faith person.
The two of them TRIED to keep it down for the rest of the meeting, but the banter of snide comments about everyone else in the room made that rather difficult. However, by the end of the super secret powwow, as Faith called it, Narcissa had many clever nicknames for all of the Watcher's Council people and slayers... and a few for the wizards that Faith had been exposed to thus far.
Merlin help her. Narcissa had just found a kindred spirit in a super muggle. Lucius would have a fit. All the more reason to actually LIKE the girl. Though she was essentially a muggle, and a bit older than she ought to be, Narcissa was already considering doing a bit of matchmaking between Faith and her son. What beautiful torture it would be. Draco would resist, naturally, but he would fail. He was as attracted to wickedness as she was, and Faith was pure wicked. You could almost smell it on her skin. Wickedness was like ambrosia to anyone with Black's blood. Faith was exactly the sort cousin Sirius would have liked. And spoiled brattiness aside, Narcissa was noticing Draco's tastes in females tended to remind her frighteningly of cousin Sirius.
"So... Faith." Narcissa began as they walked into the hall. "Have any plans for the holidays?"
"You hittin' on me?"
Narcissa snorted. "You wish."
"What's the what then?"
Narcissa shook her head. "Verbal diarrhea. I have found your company most enjoyable. I never had a daughter. I was hoping to dote a bit. If you have no plans for Christmas, I would like to have you at my home. We could pull the wings off of flies and kick puppies."
"Puppies make that delicious whimpering sound when you kick them."
"No, why me? You just met me. I could be vicious killer."
"And I used to be married to one. What's your point?"
"Look, dear, you amuse me. I do so hate to be bored. I like you, and I rarely like anyone."
"That's true enough." A smooth, but nasty, voice said.
Both woman turned to look at Snape.
"Spook." Faith said at the same time Narcissa said... "Severus."
"You owe me dinner." Faith said. "Not only did I get her to talk to me, she LIKES me, yo. I just got invited to the Narcissa Malfoy Christmas Special."
Snape raised an eyebrow. "I wonder if that's prudent."
"Prudent?" Faith snorted. "You have so got to loosen up, man. Of course it's not wise for us to hang, but so what?"
"She does have a point, Severus, and I think it's wonderful you've considered adopting dear Faith."
"She'd be a lovely addition to the Snape line."
His nostrils flared.... which considering the size of his nose, that was A LOT of flare. The two women seemed to be having a tough time covering their amusement about it, and the more irritated Severus became, the more the flare, hence the more amusement they got from it.
"You could join us if you like... instead of skulking around the corridors of Hogwarts over the holiday."
"I do not skulk."
Faith snorted. "Liar. You skulked into the room earlier. I saw you."
Narcissa giggled. "She's fabulous. You couldn't have made a better spawn for yourself if you'd tried."
"Just for that, I think perhaps I will join you and your new pet for Christmas."
"Don't forget to bring Draco with you." Narcissa snarled.
"And the other cauldron spills. I see what you're up to, woman. She'd break the boy."
"Perhaps." Narcissa said with a crafty smile. "Perhaps not."
"Hey." Faith snapped. "Don't talk about the former rogue slayer like she ain't here."
Narcissa smirked at her. "You'll have to forgive us, dear. We former Death Eaters sometimes lack in manners. It's more along the lines of scary ritual and wearing masks with us."
"S'all right. I'm not much for manners myself, and I've been known to wear other people's bodies so..."
"Sounds delightful. Manners are so overrated at times, darling."
Faith grinned. "Yeah, I usually ditch them."
"So I have noticed. Repeatedly." Snape muttered.
"Ooooo." Narcissa said, with actual delight because she was thinking of all the sparks that would be flying at Malfoy Manor with this group. "I think this shall be my merriest holiday in a long while. Far more interesting than sitting in the garden and flicking pebbles at the house elves with my wand."
Severus looked appalled at what she had said, but Faith was smirking. Like she got the joke. And it had been a joke. No one had ever seemed to understand Narcissa's bizarre humor.
Yes, perhaps this white hat business wasn't to be so dull after all.
Christmas certainly wouldn't be.