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Things No Longer Allowed To Do

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Ficlet(s)

Summary: Things the Scobies are no longer allowed to do

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Comedy > Xander-CentereddragonfireFR1331,2911158,33830 Jan 0525 Feb 05No

Things Xander Is No Longer Allowed To Do

Things Xander Is No Longer Allowed To Do

dragonfire

summary: After reading Skippy's List and fiction on AFF.net I wrote my own version, BTVS style

disclaimer: Own nada

*********************

Things Xander Is No Longer Allowed To Do:

‘The end is near’ is not an acceptable excuse to skip class, even if an apocalypse.

Not allowed to question the manhood of any Slayer.

May not show up in fangs with blenched hair messily drunk at Buffy’s door.

Even if Angel did it.

Not all Irish vampires are after ‘me frosted lucky charms’.

Research is not to be performed sky clad.

Do not have to imitate the ‘Full Monty’ every time I hear ‘Hot Stuff’.

Sock puppets are not to take responsibity for my actions.

Or donuts.

Or any inanimate objects except wooden dummies.

Only Buffy can decide on the wooden dummy issue

Giles is not a wooden dummy even if he has wood.

Must assume any thing that makes me giggle longer than 15 seconds is bad for me.

Graveyards are not a hot date spot and I should not tell Freshmen that it is.

Must stop calling people out at night lemmings.

Biting at the neck is only used in reference to vampire attacks, not what I do with Cordelia in a closet.

Or Buffy’s dates.

Cannot stare at Cordettes until I get their attention then cackle madly.

In accordance with the prophecy is not a correct pop quiz answer.

Should not start any meeting with Snyder with ‘You can’t prove a thing’. Troll never cares.

Not to refer to Snyder as a troll, real trolls have hair and a personality.

My real name is Alexander Harris, not Princess Anatasia.

‘Take over the Earth with an army of flyng squirrels’ is a bad goal to give the Watcher’s Council.

Mayor Wilkins with chicken pox is not to be called spotted dick.

Challenging a vampire to ‘meet me on the field of honor at dawn’ is redundant.

My name is not a killing word.

Threatening an evil wizard with black magic is a bad idea.

Must not valiantly push Wesley into the line of an oncoming demon to save the grass.

Faith claimed the idea first.

I am not ‘a lesbian trapped in a man’s body’, even if Willow wants my body.

On official documents, my race is not Other.

Nor is ‘Secretariat, in the third‘.

Melted marshmallows are not a good personal lubricant.

Should not test it using a blowtorch.

Do not tell Giles my shaving bumps are from invisible demon goo I may have accidentally stepped in.

Not allowed to retitle any of Giles’s books ‘Get Over It’ in permanent markers.

Oz is not my bitch since he is a wolf and male.

When Oz colors his hair I should not ask if the carpet matches to drapes.

Or offer to use my Hoover to check.

Or bribe Willow to tell me.
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