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Crusher Harris

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Summary: Another Halloween Story, fraid so... Another Xander's Dad story? 'fraid so... But a little different.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > GeneraltohonomikeFR1534,817188,91520 Feb 0520 Feb 05Yes

Crusher Harris

Crusher Harris 1/3

Author: Tohonomike

Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful owners.. Joss/ME characters. I do not and cannot make money off of this, but for feedback, I might come up with something more/better.

Rating : About the Same as the Show, PG-17, but I do use some minor expletives in this one…

Always wondered about Tony Harris?

The Day Before Halloween, 1997 (When Else?)

His father had swiped some of his spare change again, and bought liquor with it. Now all the younger Harris had was twenty dollars total.

“Might as well spend it on the costume, not enough to put away for anything else,” the young man moaned, then noticed a bunch of his father’s things near the dryer behind which the twenty had been cached, ‘Maybe I should go as dad, the drunken dockworker that’s made my life hell, a real monster.’

The young man considered it, then had a thought, ‘Hey, maybe that boxer guy Brando was in ‘On the Waterfront.’ Like Dad was ever a contender for anything but customer of the month at the Booze Barn.’

Setting aside a few of his father’s things, the young man Xander headed out to meet the girls at the costume shop, though he was a bit late. Arriving as the girls were making their purchases, Xander waved and told them he’d catch up with them later when he heard Buffy gushing about some dress for Angel. ‘Angel in a dress, yeah, I believe it.’

“Can I help you young man?” the proprietor asked, noting he was a friend of Rupert’s slayer, “Any thing in particular?”

“Well I just lost my money trying to get a pack of smokes for my costume from the machine up the street, I don’t suppose you’d have any?”

“Well, I only have Benson and Hedges, and if you make a suitable purchase I’ll let you have the rest of the pack.”

“Fair enough, okay, I’m going as that boxer from On The Waterfront, the Brando movie, and I already have my Dad’s clothes; he’s a dockworker. But I need, like, the little things that go along with it…boxing gloves, maybe a cargo hook, a decent lighter, fake bottle of booze, beanie hat…”

“Hmm, let me look in back, while you look around up here, I’m sure we’ll both find satisfaction in your purchase,” Ethan smiled evilly as he went in back, and grabbed a few of his own things, a crowbar he’d used to unpack everything, his pack of cigarettes, a half-empty bottle of whiskey, and the chance to imbue a bit more magic into the items, ‘I wonder how ingesting the magic will effect the boy?’ He shrugged.

The Next Evening

Tony Harris had just sat down after a long day at the docks, preparing to watch television when he found himself out on the streets somewhere, screaming and craziness everywhere around him.

“I gotta stop buyin’ the bargain booze,” he muttered, “My muscles are killin’ me like I was back at The Camp.” Looking around, he noticed his hands weren’t as scarred, but that the muscles on his forearms *were* young-looking, bulging and growing hard and well-toned, “Like mine used to be back when…”

“Xander!” that redheaded girl the boy hung out with shouted at him.

“What’s the boy done now, kid?” Tony Harris sighed, then scrunched his face in thought, ‘That’s not my voice…’

“Xander, stop kiddin’ around, all the kids’ve turned into their costumes, and it looks bad.”

“What’re you talkin’ ‘bout…Willow, is it?” the confused older Harris asked, feeling really good, energized…young…again.

“Um, you’re not Xander anymore are you?”

“No, do I *look* like the boy?”

“Y-e-e-es, you do. You, Xander dressed in your clothes, going as Brando, but because everyone turned into their costumes, *you* are now in his body.”

“The kid thinks I’m like Brando? Shit, I might hafta give him an allowance if he has that kinda respect.” He looked at Willow, “So, what do you want me to do about it now…” ‘If this is an hallucination from bad booze, might as well see if it’s interesting.’

“I don’t know, usually we go to Giles or Buffy when something weird happens, but Buffy dressed as a noble woman, so I don’t know where she is.”

A scream shattered the lull in the night.

“That sounds like her Xander! Come on!”

“What kinda crap has the kid got me into now?” the man muttered, following her, “Well, at least I can hear again without shouting, two good ears for a change means I can talk in less than a shout.”

“Xa—Mister Harris hurry!” Willow yelled.

“Alright!” he responded, then quieter as he picked up the pace, reaching for a smoke, “And the kid smokes these limey fags? Sheesh, I haven’t had these since before I met his mother…The pushy chicks are one thing, but smoking these requires a sit-down talk.” He lit it up anyway, “Hey, this is my lighter.”

He races up, to where a demon of some type walks through Willow, who realizes she’s a ghost and screams. Tony runs up and from the right rear, turns the monster around, and piston-punches. One punch, one demon on the ground, one hysterical noblewoman all over him, thanking him and crying for her father and his men.

“Does the boy put up with this shit all the time?” he conversationally demands of Willow as he detaches ‘Buffy’ from his front, letting her leech onto his side just to keep her quiet. Willow nods.

“Seems like every week.”

“No wonder he’s kinda off,” the dockworker replied, shaking his head, “And are either of you his girl? Cause a father needs to know if something’s wrong with his son.”

“Ur, uhm, no,” Willow blushes, “He’s not seeing anyone…”

“But you’re interested,” he pointed out, giving her a good once over, “So what’s wrong with him, I know he’s smoking a lame brand, but…”

“Huh? NO!” she spoke up, “He’s just mooning over Buffy, who’s interested in an older guy.”

“Ah, well, okay,” the man responded, assured his son wasn’t a, uh, you know, “What now? Cause I’m not gonna take her to my house, Jessica sure as hell wouldn’t understand…and you’re not stickin’ me with babysittin’ duty, ya know?”

“Um, we could try her house, it’s over on Revello, just one up…”

“Okay, we go there, then I’ll go find this other guy you were talkin’ ‘bout.”


Reaching the house, Tony had a chance to see an extreme example of Sunnydale after dark, knocking four costume-demons and a real vampire to the ground using straight-forward boxing or USMC hand-to-hand maneuvers.

“Hey Red,” he called over as he finished knocking a dog-demon-guy on his ass and looked appreciatively at a cat-suited gal, obviously a rich-girl type, “This shit happen *every* week?”

“Not normally this bad, Mr. Harris, sometimes there’s a tough vampire trying to end the world, but this is extra crazy…”

“Willow!” Cordelia interrupted, “When did you go mental and start calling Xander ‘Mr. Harris’?”

“Most of us seemed to have turned into our costumes, Cordelia, and Xander dressed up as his dad…”

“Ohmigod he turned into drunk-and-grumpy Boozer Harris?!” the tactless rich girl exclaimed, causing Willow to turn away in embarrassment and Tony Harris to stand with his mouth opening in shock at the nickname. “If you’re Harris, where did you learn those moves?!” she demanded.

“Why don’t you ask your father,” Tony sighed as he turned away toward the house, opening the door, “Let’s get you girls safe.”


They’d been inside a moment and had in the embarrassing aftermath of Cordelia’s revelation of Tony as the town drunk, had determined they were the only ones in the house. Willow was filling him in on vampires and such when a tall dark-clad twenty-something cane rushing through the back door.

“Thank God you’re alright!” he told Buffy, setting off Tony’s hackles, “It’s crazy out there.” Buffy ducked behind Tony Harris.

“You might wanna stay away from her kid,” the former boxer ordered Angel, “She’s not quite herself tonight.”

“Xander? What?” the confused vampire asked.

“Listen, kid, her and I aren’t who ya think we are, got it? Now I gotta find the john, you guys secure the place, alright?”


The screams and the slamming of doors greeted Tony Harris as he returned from ‘his business.’

“Okay! What the hell is going on?” he demanded, looking at the group, minus a ghost and a crazy girl, and turned to Cordelia for a straight answer, “And where’s the others?”

“Willow went to get Giles to help stop this stuff, and we were attacked by a vampire, and Buffy now thinks Angel’s a vampire.”

One punch, one body on the floor, and a kick up the halls of Montezuma to keep him down just in case. Tony Harris turned to a shocked Cordelia, grabbing her hand and pulling her out the door.

“What was that for?” Cordelia asked.

“If he’s a vampire, that’ll hold him a few minutes while we go get the noisy friend of yours, and if the kid’s human, he’ll live…and besides, dressed like that and not even knocking on the *back* door first? Just pissed me off.”


Tony and Cordelia heard the sounds of trouble up ahead, three large pirates accosting two scantily-clad teenaged girls.

“Can you knock them out without hurting them? They’re three of our better football players this year…”

“That ain’t sayin’ much, princess, your team sucks,” the man in his son’s body responded, rolling his eyes, then giving her the Harris Grin, “I can name this tune in three…”

Tony ran down the alley surprisingly quietly, only at the last minute jumping up into the air and shouting. The pirates lowered their cutlasses slightly as they started in surprise. Tony’s feet made contact with Percy’s chest, and the old marine immediately piston-straightened his legs to hurl the boy down and back fast and hard, his fellow pirates shifting aside to avoid a pile up. Tony was immediately recovering on his feet, and yelled “One Princess!” back toward the approaching Cordelia, used his momentum to race toward Larry as he pulled back his now-muscled right arm to strike the young man hard in the side of the jaw.

Larry fell back unconscious even before he hit the ground, and Tony ‘Crusher’ Harris turned to a stunned quarterback, “Two Princess,” then struck hard with an only slightly less damaging right follow-up. He grinned at Aura and Amber, scooted over to Cordelia, “Three Princess.”

The stunned girls stared at ‘Xander’ and pointed down the alley when he asked ‘Buffy?’ and dragged Cordelia after him.

“Wow…” they chorused.


Angel comes running after them, and sees that Buffy is in front of them.

“Come on,” Tony tells, “let’s get you back to a safe place. We won’t let anyone hurt you.”

Buffy starts toward him, then looks past him in horror, seeing Angel again. Tony turns and yells to Cordelia, “Take care of the other princess.”

“Now just back off boy, or I’ll floor ya again…” Harris tells him, smiling since he’ll put the hurt on his son’s rival for him.

“”Hey, Spike’s after her, I—“

“I what, mate,” the white-haired vampire interrupted, smoking and enjoying a possible fight, “I’m just here to watch you get your Irish ass kicked by the boy, there, and maybe get a little something from the ladies.” Tony Harris didn’t like the slimy leather-boy at all and turned to Cordelia.

“This one?” he asked, nodding at Spike who’d just barely come into range to sneer at Angel.

“Oh, hell yeah!” the debutante assured him, moving back quickly.

Spike turned from smirking at Angel, who’d been semi-surrounded by Spike’s temporary minions, at the shout, only to catch a *fast* and *hard* punch in his hand, and would have smirked but a second one was on the way, smashing the vampire’s nose. One connected punch, one vampire on his ass, and one steel-toed work boot up the halls of Montezuma.

“Oooooooooph,” William the Bloody gasped, going cross-eyed at the unexpected blows.

Kick, Crack. Stomp, Crack. Stomp, Crack. Stomp, Crack. Spike screamed in agony as the former marine set out to destroy knees and face before being wrestled away by mini-monsters.

The bloodied vampire watched as he recovered, mini-monsters taking impressive punches before going down at the hands of the fist-fury that has the boy’s apparent specialty. Angel, though, could barely hold off his, remembering they were children underneath.

Minutes went by, and as the two good guys subdued the mini-monsters, Spike was able to close on the Slayer.

“No speech, no nothing, just biting,” the vampire told the girl and displayed his demonic visage. He grabbed her and started to lunge for a bite when yet another fist hit him, but only lightly.

“Ow!” Cordelia shouted, waving her hand in pain. Spike smirked and started to ignore her, when his face was found by another fist, from the side.

“Thumb on the outside, princess!” Harris shouted as Spike lost his hold on Buffy and Angel approached. Looking at the odds, he ran.

“Not bad, Harris,” Angel told him, only to find the possessed boy stepping between him and the girls. He realized he had his ‘game face’ on and quickly undid it, “Um, sorry about that, I’m okay.”

“Just go help someone else, Tick,” Tony Harris told him as the magic wore off, “Or I’ll hit you again.”


Xander Harris as quietly as possible snuck in the front door, and was nearing the steps when the living room light came on.

“Boy, we need to talk…”


Not really Spike bashing, sorry about the pun, but as Tony Harris seems known in fanfic as a ‘beater’ I kinda let him show everybody what Xander might get to deal with at home…by just being himself.
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