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If Hammond Were Here

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This story is No. 3 in the series "NYTMW Universe". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: On a boring winter evening at the base, Jack finds out just how quirky his wife can be.... as if he didn't already know.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > Willow-Centered > Pairing: Jack O'Neill(Site Founder)JinniFR1511,68122310,2231 Mar 051 Mar 05Yes
Title: If Hammond Were Here


Pairing: Willow/Jack

Rated: 15

Disclaimer: All things BtVS belong to Joss Whedon, et al. All things SG1 belong to MGM, Gekko, et al.

Distribution: The normal places.|

Author’s Notes: In response to Cleito’s challenge on my LJ. Takes place somewhere in the far future of the “Not Your Typical Military Wife” series of fics.

Summary: On a boring winter night Jack finds out why its not good to dare his wife to do anything.


“Daniel is hiding from me.”

Willow arched an eyebrow, looking at her husband with a mixture of amusement and disbelief.

“Are you sure? Maybe he’s just not where you expect him to be.”

“Like his office? Or the infirmary or any of the other places Daniel would normally be?” He sighed. “No, Daniel is hiding from me because I told him that if I caught him spending another minute on that translation I was going to send him on a one way trip through the ‘gate to somewhere warm and sunshine-y.”

Willow hid a snort of amusement in a cough. Sunshine-y was not a Jack word. It was a Willow word. One of many that he had picked up during the two years of their marriage. Words that no one dared point out to him that he was using, for fear that he would stop and deprive them all of the utter hilarity of it.

“So you think that he’s hiding somewhere doing the translation?”


“On the base?”

“Security says he hasn’t left yet. He’s keyed in and around here somewhere.”

Her husband could be darn adorable when he wasn’t trying, Willow thought with a small laugh. She gave Jack her most innocent look when he raised his eyebrows, clearly wondering what she found so funny.

“Want me to find him.”

Jack snorted. “I’ve had Carter looking for almost an hour.”

“Oh… and if Carter,” Willow playfully rolled her eyes, “can’t do it, no one can? I’ll get Xan and Buffy to help. They’re going stir crazy in their rooms any way.”

She saw something fleeting flash over Jack’s face. Something that sort of looked like worry. Sheesh – just because the last time her, Xan, and Buffy had ran around the base together they had ended up setting off a few alarms…

“Okay,” he nodded once. “But only because I want to go home soon and I can’t do it if the Spacemonkey isn’t fully accounted for.”

Willow’s lips curled up in a tiny smile. “Want to go home, hnm? What for, Mister General man?”

Goddess, how she still loved the fact that she could make him blush.


“So, we’re playing hide and seek, um, Ma’m?”

Willow pursed her lips. “No, Private Harris. We are on a search and rescue mission for one Daniel Jackson, aka Spacemonkey.” She tapped her fingers on the hand-drawn map of the base she’d laid before them.

“Hide and seek,” Buffy corrected with a lift of her lips.

“You guys are no fun,” Willow pouted, flopping back in her chair. “We’re on a military base – can’t you guys just act like you’re the United Army of Willow for once?”

“Want us to salute the National Flag of Willow, too?” Xander smirked. He stood up, looking down at the map. “No prob, either way. I’m up for a good game of hide and seek.”

“Count me in,” Buffy nodded. “Sitting in these rooms, waiting to go through the gate – its boring.”

“No one said you guys have to stay in the rooms,” Willow pointed out gently.

“Yeah, but… military base,” Xander waved in the direction of the door with his hand. “What if we wander into somewhere we’re not supposed to be… again?”

“Then the alarms go off, Jack comes running, looks at us all like we’ve lost our minds –“

“And Willow and Jack go home to have makeup…”

Willow slapped a quick hand over Buffy’s mouth, blushing furiously. “No discussing of the possibility or non-possibility of the S-E-X.”

“So you admit to the possibility?” Xander smirked.

“Eh! No!” Willow shook her head. “Thus the also ‘non-possibility’ factor.”

Buffy snorted, Xander just looked amused. Willow couldn’t help but shake her head, laughing softly. No matter what, they were still just her Buffy and Xander shaped friends – and those friends were never going to change or grow up but so much.

Just as she preferred it.

She opened up the drawer to her desk, pulling out items. A wig. A fedora. A –

“Wills!” Buffy laughed, grabbing the last item before Willow could recover enough to throw it back where she’d pulled it from. The blonde held the slip of lace up between her fingers, sparking another blush from Willow. “Want to tell me what this is doing in your desk?”

“No,” Willow shook her head. “I don’t.”

She most certainly did not want to discuss with Buffy or Xander where she had worn that little baby.

They’d never look at her desk the same way again.

And they would tease Jack for the rest of his life.

Which could then result in him sending them off world… permanently.

And then she and Jack would get in a fight and –

Well, just better she keep her lips shut about that entire sordid… and, yes, it had been sordid… affair.

“She’s babbling to herself,” Xander whispered conspiratorially to Buffy.

“Am not!” Willow lied, lunging for the lingerie before Buffy could stop her. It went back in the drawer, the drawer was locked.

And her sanity was preserved, for the moment.

She grabbed the fedora, pulled it down over her head, and eyed her two friends speculatively. “Are you ready to do this or do I have to find Daniel all by myself?”


Jack was only mildly surprised when he got the call from base security.

And that was only because security was calling him to say that they had seen Willow and her friends slipping through the halls, dressed like something from a bad detective movie, and looking suspicious. The fact that security wasn’t calling to say that they had already gotten into trouble was definitely the shock.

“They’re looking for Doctor Jackson,” Jack offered, as if that explained everything.

But either the man in the security room was dense… or he had never had the pleasure of meeting Willow and learning her quirks for himself.


“They’re looking for Doctor Jackson,” Jack repeated, slower this time. “At my request.”

“Should I have someone help them?”

Jack pondered the offer for a moment. Having help finding Daniel was a good thing, yes. But depriving his wife of her fun was not something that he enjoyed doing. Sure, she was cute when she pouted. Damn cute. Having her pout at him was not something he enjoyed, however. Especially when he was the cause of it.

Of course, the sooner Willow and company found Daniel, the sooner he could make some excuse to get his wife home.

“No, that won’t be necessary.”

Jack put the phone down before the overly curious man could ask any more questions.

They were sneaking around the base… dressed like something from a detective movie?

If Hammond were here he’d have a fit.

“Good thing he’s not here, then,” Jack muttered, the corner of his mouth tilting up in a smile.

Now to just get this paperwork done so he could take his wife home when she was done finding Daniel.


Where the hell could one archaeologist hide, Willow thought acerbically as she shut the door to yet another storage closet.

“He’s not on this floor, either,” Xander leaned against the wall, rolling his eyes. “Are you sure he hasn’t left the base.”

“Jack said he’s still here… somewhere,” Willow nodded.

“And your honey’s never wrong… right?”

“Whatcha trying to say, Buff?” Willow arched an eyebrow.

“Oh, nothing,” Buffy smiled, her expression innocent except for the sparkle of mischief in her eyes. “Just, you know, there was that time on PX4-367…”

Willow was still amazed that Buffy could remember the coded designation for the planet she had visited, but that wasn’t here and now. The incident that her friend was referring to had not been one of Jack’s prouder moments – as he had insisted that there was nothing to see on the planet… right up to the point he fallen into a sink hole that led to a series of artifact-lined caverns.

Oh, no, her husband was never wrong.

She pulled her lower lip into her mouth. “Fine. Let me just do a locating spell.”

“A locating spell,” Xander repeated dully. “You mean we just spent the last hour looking for Daniel and you could’ve just done a spell? Why didn’t we remember that sooner?”

“Because this was more fun?” Willow tried her own innocent look, giving up when she could see that he wasn’t buying it. “Fine, fine. I just thought of it right now.”

Xander chuckled. “That’s our Wills.”

She rolled her eyes before shutting them, summoning her will and that little hoard of power within herself. With a whisper of words, she sent out her magic, seeking Daniel Jackson.

And she found him.

”Well… darn.”


“He’s in here.”

”But we already looked in here, Wills.”

“The magic isn’t wrong, Xan.”

Willow pushed open the door to Daniel’s office, looking around with her brow creased. Her spell said he was here, so here he had to be.

“Daaaaanieeelll,” she called out in a sing-song voice. “Come out, come out, wherever you are.”

There was a whisper of sound from beneath the desk and only then did Willow notice that the chair wasn’t pushed beneath it. Which meant that there was just enough room for one errant archaeologist to be hiding.



“We found him.”


“His office.”

Jack rolled his eyes, standing up from behind his desk. He stretched, more than a little tired after a whole day of… sitting behind his desk and acting important.

“He ran, though,” his wife continued, pulling off her fedora. “And took the translation he was working on with him.” She laughed. “Buffy thought about catching him… but it just didn’t seem sporting. I stopped by base security and they said he shot out of here like a bat out of hell.”

“With the translation?”

She nodded. “Apparently.”

The Spacemonkey was so dead when he got his hands on him again.

The next time he told Daniel to take a break, he was damn well sending him off world to do it.

Without his musty old books.

~*~End Ficlet~*~

The End

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