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Bang and Blame

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Story

Summary: Clark reflects on an accident that changed his life and ruined a friendship. W/Lex, W/Clark, sort of

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Smallville > Multiple Pairings(Moderator)MalanaFR1311,244011,44430 Mar 0330 Mar 03Yes
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Smallville and all associated characters are property of their creators/corporate owners. I make no claim of ownership to that, or to any other, copyrighted material.




    He hates me.

    He blames me for what happened.

    He has a right to.

    After all, I blame myself.

    But I wish he could forgive me.

    Maybe then I could forgive myself.

    We used to be good friends.  Sure, it was an unusual friendship.  I mean, 'Small-town high school farm boy befriends Billionaire Lex Luthor,Õ come on, it could have been a headline back when Chloe was running the Torch.

    I miss High School.  As weird as things were at times, it was really much simpler then, and much happier.  But we all graduated, and went on to college.  It was really cool, Chloe, Pete, Lana and I all ended up at Metropolis U.  That's when relationships started to change.  Somehow Pete and Lana got together.  I won't lie; I was a little hurt.  Chloe meet Bruce, and they hit it off really well.  In fact, Chloe just told me last night that she suspects Bruce is going to propose any day now.  I'm so happy for her.  She deserves someone wonderful, and I think Bruce fits the bill.  Me?  I met Willow.

    Willow Rosenberg was from California, a town called Sunnydale.  She was never really open about why she decided to go to school in Kansas of all places, but from what I could tell some hard stuff had gone down in her home town, and she just wanted to get away.

    The moment she walked into my intro philosophy class, I was smitten.  It was her hair that first caught my eye.  Her hair was a beautiful fiery red that contrasted her pale skin.  She looked around the classroom for a second, then headed in my direction, sitting down in the desk beside my own.  She smiled, and that's when I knew I was a complete goner.  Her smile was amazing, the way it lit up her whole face, but still held a hint of shyness.  She introduced herself, and I did the same, returning her smile.

    It wasn't long before she joined my circle of friends.  Everyone loved her, she and Chloe got along especially well.    My feelings for Willow extended beyond anything I ever felt for anyone. I was finally able to be truly happy for Pete and Lana.

    It was the day before Christmas break that I finally admitted to Willow how I felt.  That was when we shared our first kiss.  She told me that she really liked me, but she wanted to take things slowly.  She said she had been hurt in her last relationship.  I respected that, and as much as I loved her, I didn't try to pressure her, believing she would tell me when she wanted to make things more serious.

    Lex invited all of us to his place in Smallville for New Years.  Willow flew out from Sunnydale. She hadn't even met Lex before, but had heard a lot about him from the rest of us.  I actually had talked her into coming, she had been planning on spending New Year's Eve with her Sunnydale friends, but eventually I convinced her to come out to Smallville. I wanted her to meet Lex, and my parents had been wanting to meet her for quite a while.

    The moment I introduced her to Lex, I realized I was in trouble.  There was just something about the look they shared.  They talked together most of the night, not paying much attention to anyone else.  At midnight, I was the one holding her in my arms, but I saw the way Lex was watching us.  I convinced myself not to be worried about it. After all, Willow was with me, even if we weren't very serious yet.  And really, how could she have a romance with Lex.  He was older, and we were still in college. I was the one who would see her everyday.  Lex spent most of his time in Smallville, and when he was in Metropolis it was for business reasons.  Even when Willow and Lex started meeting for coffee once I week, I wouldn't let myself get too worried. I told myself that Willow loved me, that she and Lex were just friends.

    It was several months later that we were all at Lex's mansion again.  He was throwing Chloe a birthday party.  She was thrilled, she had started dating Bruce not long before, and they were really hitting it off. The party was great; it was just our small close-knit group.

    But then, a few hours into the party, I realized Lex and Willow had both disappeared.  I went looking for them.  It didn't take me long to find them, in one of the mansion's many hallways, standing at the top of a flight of stairs.  They didn't see me, and that's when I saw them kiss.  I could tell that it wasn't the first time, either.  Willow pushed away from him, and I could hear her saying that they couldn't' keep this up, that they had to tell me what was going on between them.  I took it to mean that whatever had happened, it was being stopped, that Willow would beg my forgiveness, and that we could be closer than ever.  Then I heard the words that broke my heart:  "I love you, Lex.  I don't want to hurt Clark, but I love you and I want to be with you."

    I didn't wait to hear Lex's reply. I stepped out from the shadows and cleared my throat.  They both turned quickly to face me.  I saw a wide range of emotion crossing Lex's face as well as Willow's.  I was just so angry, and everything that my parentss had ever taught me went out the window.   I threw myself at Lex, attacking him, and although I managed to restrain myself from using my super powers, I was still doing some serious damage.  I heard Willow scream at me to stop, but I didn't.  She came up behind me, and grabbed my shoulders, trying to get me to turn around and face her.  I shoved her away, and that's when it happened.

    Honestly, I think she moved back in surprise more than anything, I didn't shove her that hard, at least that's what I tell myself.   She slipped at the stairs, and before I knew what was happening, she fell down them.  I could have saved her, with my powers I would have been fast enough.  I don't know why I didn't. I suppose I was just in such shock, at least, that's what I tell myself.  The alternative is too horrible to think about.

    So Lex and I both watched in horror as her body landed hard on the marble floor at the bottom of the stairs.  Lex shouted for help and ran down the steps to her body, I was right on his heels. 

Everyone had heard the noise and came running.  Bruce went to call an ambulance, but it was already too late, there was nothing anyone could do.  I just remember the look in Lex's eyes when he stared at me, over Willow's limp form.   He didn't even know the worst of it.  Not only had I caused her death, but I had to power to stop it and I didn't.

    He hates me.

    He blames me for what happened.

    He has a right to.

    After all, I blame myself.

    But I wish he could forgive me.

    Maybe then I could forgive myself.


END

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