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Summary: X-Over with 'Desperate Housewives' Wisteria Lane holds many secrets, but sometimes you have to call in the professionals...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > Desperate Housewives(Past Donor)KiaraFR1345,508074,67313 Mar 052 May 09Yes

The Detergant Commercial


Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BtVS characters or the Desperate Housewives ones.

Spoilers/ Timeline: Very slightly up to the fifth or sixth episode of the first season of Desperate Housewives. I haven’t seen any further than these episodes as of starting this story, so sorry if it doesn’t really make sense with the way the story goes after those eps. Set after Edie has moved in with Mrs. Huber, during the whole blackmailing Susan bit and about a year after ‘Chosen’ in the Buffy-verse.

Summary: Wisteria Lane holds many secrets and sometimes you need to bring in the professionals…




The two young women looked down the row of houses.

“Not really the sort of place you’d expect to have a demon problem.”

“You’re right there... I think it’s all the white. Walls, doors, even the picket fences; one fight and they’d turn a lovely shade of crimson…or any colour really. You never know what colours are gonna come out of a demon until you chop something off.”

The younger of the two turned to look at the petite blond beside her. “You disturb me.”

“This coming from Dawn ‘blood-and-gore‘ Summers. Come on, it’s number sixteen.”

Dawn followed after her sister down the street. “Oh yeah, cause your quips are always so well thought through.”

“More so than that one.” Buffy retorted.

Wisteria Lane was deserted. There was no chatter from gossiping neighbours, no screaming from their children, nothing. But as the pair walked down the street, their finely honed paranoia led them to believe that someone, or something, was watching them.

Dawn looked around uneasily. One of the curtains twitched as if someone had been standing there a moment before and jumped back quickly. She shuddered. “What do we know about this place?”

Buffy frowned. “Not much really. Willow picked it up as being a bit of a demon hotspot- they’re drawn here like they would be to the hellmouth only on a much smaller scale.”

“I know what a hotspot is, but what do we know? Is there a nest? Some kind of ritual coming up? A long line of mysterious and unsolved murders?”

“Maybe, Giles never said. But I doubt it’ll be anything to big, if it were then he’d have given us some slayers.”

“So we have no idea why we’re here or what we’re looking for? Great, that always ends so well.” The youngest Summers woman said sarcastically.

Buffy shrugged. “Giles wouldn’t have sent us if it were too dangerous. I think it’s this one.” She strode on ahead a pushed the unlocked door open.

“I’m glad you feel so confident.” Dawn muttered before following her sister into the large house.


“I don’t think this is such a good idea.” Dawn commented as Buffy set up the ‘tele-ring’ in one of the empty rooms.

“Are you kidding? You’d rather pack all our stuff into boxes and then lug it all the way here from Italy? Not thank you. This way Wills can just teleport it all here for us.”

“But we just walked right up the street in broad daylight without any boxes; don’t you think the natives will get suspicious?”

Buffy finished marking the ring of what looked like chalk on the floor and straightened up. “Nah, we’ll just say it arrived early. That’s believable, besides we’ll only be here for a few weeks at the most.”

“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Dawn said in a sing-song voice.

“Dawn, I’m the slayer, I think I can handle a few nosy neighbours.”

“Oh Buffy, poor simple Buffy; while I admit you are…capable with demons, the ability to eviscerate a vampire in under three seconds will get you nowhere with actual humans.”

“Ha, ha- very funny. You’ve been spending too much time with Andrew.”

Thirty minutes later, the entrance hall, living room, kitchen, dining room and two of the bedrooms had been furnished with various objects from their Italian apartment. Although several of the items looked a bit lost in the large house and many of the rooms were still empty, it would give the appearance to anyone to visited that they were moving in permanently and not just until they killed whatever demons were about.

They were just putting the finishing touches to the entrance hall when the doorbell went. Through the glass window on the door Buffy and Dawn could see a red haired woman standing on their doorstep with some sort of dish in her hands.

Buffy put on a bright smile as she opened the door. “Hey there.”

“Hello.” Her voice was too smooth- it just sounded fake. “I thought I’d bring you a basket of muffins to say welcome to Wisteria Lane.”

Buffy accepted the basket full of delicious looking, still warm cakes. “Thank you, that’s really nice of you Mrs…?”

“Van de Kamp, Bree.”

“I’m Buffy, and this is my sister Dawn.”

“Hello.” Dawn smiled at the woman on the doorstep, grateful that they had put some of their furniture out before anyone saw how empty their house had been moments before it was suddenly full.

“You’re all moved in, I see.” Bree peered over Buffy’s shoulder into the living room, which still had a big white circle on the floor, surrounded by random candles and bottles of spell ingredients.

Dawn kicked the door shut with her foot as Bree’s smile faltered for a moment, but only for a moment.

Buffy carried on like nothing had happened. “I would invite you in for a drink, but I haven’t had the chance to go grocery shopping yet and we literally have nothing in.”

“Oh of course, I’ll leave you to get settled in.” With one last look towards the closed door she left, but her curiosity was peeked.

“That was a close one.” Buffy said as she closed the door.

Dawn nodded. “We should’ve cleaned that up.”

“Yup- well it won’t take long, and then we can eat these yummy muffins!”

As Buffy and Dawn collapsed on their sofa five minutes later, each holding a half eaten cake, the doorbell went again.

Dawn groaned. “I’ll get it.”

A fairly short woman stood on the other side of the door. “Hello dear, I’m Mrs. Huber. I just thought I’d drop by and welcome you to the neighbourhood.”

“Ah that’s sweet. Well thank you.” She moved as if to shut the door, but the woman started talking again.

“I saw you arrive earlier, my you got settled quickly- I never even saw the removal van drop off your belongings!” She exclaimed as she saw the fully finished entrance hall.

“Well, it all arrived a while ago. I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m pretty tired what with the moving and all.”

A look of annoyance flitted across her face. “I’ll just go then. It’s number nine if you want anything.”

“Great, thanks.” This time she managed to shut the door on the nosy woman.

“I told you they’d get suspicious.” Dawn said as she returned to Buffy.

“It’ll be fine Dawnie, chill.”

“Fine- I’m chilling!” Dawn said agitated. “But I still think we should have played this one more carefully…”


“It’s not mine.” Susan tried, looking at the charred measuring cup her neighbour had placed on her table.

“Of course not, but if…” Something caught Mrs. Huber’s eye. It was inside the house that those two young girls had just moved into, in the big upstairs window she could see one of the girls spinning about- it looked like she was fighting the air and there was something metal in her hands that the sun was glinting off… It was a sword!

“Oh my Goodness!”

“What is it?” Susan asked. If Mrs. Huber stayed distracted for two more minutes then she could get the jug…

“The people that have moved into the old Riscotta house, look!”

Susan went over to the window. “I don’t see any- Jesus Christ! Is she playing with a sword?”

“It certainly looks that way. What do you think they’re doing on Wisteria Lane?”




A/N: These are parts, not chapters. For me, this means that updating will be fast, but the parts will be shorter than chapters would be.

Does this crossover work? I wasn’t really sure. Please Review!!
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