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It’s Not Easy Being Green

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This story is No. 2 in the series "Xander and Harley Quinn". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Sequel to Laughing at Second Chances. Xander is finally Chosen, and he doesn’t want to be.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
DC Universe > Batman > Xander-CenteredEdScottFR1367,0040632,18018 Mar 0518 Mar 05Yes

It’s Not Easy Being Green

Title: It’s Not Easy Being Green (1/?)

Author: Ed Scott

Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful owners... none of

who are me.

Summary: Sequel to Laughing at Second Chances. Xander is finally Chosen, and he doesn’t want to be.

Warning: Crossovers: DC verse

Pairing: X/Harley Quinn

Rating: PG 13

Feedback, It's the coin of the realm.

Previously on Laughing at Second Chances

“No, not really. You were just growing up. You were going in a direction that I wasn’t. It’s ok, I understand it. I didn’t like it, because it was lonely. It would have been nice if you included me in your lives, but I have a new friend now. I will be applying for a job with the Sunnydale Construction Company on Monday. I am going to try and see where my friendship with Harley goes. But most importantly, I want the three of us to be friends again. You two, I mean you three, are the world to me. My life means nothing if you all are not in it.” After he said that, he was assaulted by three screaming women. They were trying to hug him to death. Xander did not joke about this. His mind was on permanent shutdown. He just stood there and enjoyed the hug. Right now, all was right in the world.

And now…

It has been a good month for Xander. He got the job with the construction company. He joked about the foreman asking him to fill out a shirt. His relationship with Buffy and Willow was progressing nicely. They started hanging out with him more, and they even started to like Harley. His relationship with Harley was going quite well. Her smile lit up a room, and her humor was enjoyable, yet confusing at times. He liked jokes, but he never understood the squirting flower. Now the pie in the face and the whoopee cushion he understood.

It was a Saturday, so he was going to have a bowl of Fruit Loops while watching cartoons. He never got tired of watching Elmer Fudd shooting Daffy Duck’s bill off. As he was putting away his dishes, his phone rang.


“Hi Xander. It’s Harley. I was wondering if you wanted to meet for coffee. I want to know how my favorite construction worker is doing.”

“Ok. I’ll meet you at the Espresso Pump in ten minutes.” He put his dishes away, grabbed his wallet and left his apartment. On his way to meet Harley, he was whistling the Looney Tunes theme song. When he got to the coffee shop, Harley was already there with two cups of coffee. Xander walked up to her and kissed her on the cheek. She liked Xander kisses. They meant a lot more to her than the kisses the Joker gave her.

“So, how are you doing this morning?”

“I’m doing better now that you are here, Xander. The nightmares aren’t as bad as they once were. I only woke up screaming three times last night. At least it’s not the five times it was last month. There was that one night when you held me when I had the nightmares. I felt protected. Are you sure there is nothing I can say to convince you to move in with me? Or maybe is there something I can do to convince you.” She winked at Xander. He choked on his coffee.

“That’s not funny Harley. You know the last time I was that involved with a woman, it ended up with her not trusting me and eventually trying to kill me. When we do move in together, I want it to be for the right reasons.” He had his coffee in front of him, when something flew at his head, bounced off it and landed in his coffee. Putting most of it on his shirt.

“Alright. Who threw that at me?” No one answered. He looked at his shirt, and complained. “Oh man. I just took this shirt out of the laundry. Now I have to go home and get a new shirt. What the hell hit me?” He knew there was something in his cup, but he wasn’t going to drink it to find out what it was. So he took his coffee home with him.

Harley followed him home. She had been there before, so she knew where he kept the towels. While she was getting Xander a clean shirt and towel, Xander dumped his coffee in the sink. He put the plug on the drain so whatever was in the cup would not go down the drain. When he emptied his cup, he noticed a ring. He grabbed the ring, pulled the plug and washed the ring off. It was a green ring with a weird symbol on it. He thought he recognized it, but he could not remember. At that moment Harley walked in with a clean shirt and a towel.

“There you go, Xander. What’s that you got?” Xander showed her the ring. She immediately recognized the symbol. “Uh, Xander. That’s the ring of the Green Lantern. And like the Slayer prophecy, the ring will only leave after the latest bearer dies.”

Xander ran to his bedroom to get the communicator that Clark Kent gave him last month. He turned it on and started talking into it.

“Hello? If anybody is on the other end of this line, please pick up. This is Xander Harris in Sunnydale, California. I need to talk to whoever picks up this transmission.”

“Mr. Harris? This is the Flash. What’s going on?”

“Well, I got something while having coffee with my girlfriend. I’d rather show you in person. My apartment building is on Boulder Street. I will be outside waiting for you. Since it is public, would you please not be in costume. I do not want to attract attention.”

“Ok, I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. I’m in Vegas. Luckily for you, I’m not on my honeymoon.”

Fifteen minutes later, Xander sees a red blur go by him and into the alley by his apartment. What exited the alley was a red-haired blue-eyed man wearing a red shirt and black pants.

“Mr. Harris? I’m Walter West. You can call me Wally. I understand that you have something you need to tell me?”

“First off, you can call me Xander. Second, I think one of you lost this.” He tossed him the ring. Wally caught it easily. When he looked at it, he was confused.

“This isn’t right. I just got off the phone with Kyle when you contacted me. Last I knew, he wasn’t dead. I’ll find out what is going on. Hey Kyle. Have you died recently? No? Well, there is a kid here with your ring. Or, there might be a dead lantern out there somewhere. Have you heard anything about this? Man that sucks. So, what do I tell him? Ok I’ll do it. You are not going to like this Xander. Apparently, the ring has chosen you to be it’s new bearer. You are stuck with it. Kyle will be here in a couple of hours to teach you how to use it.”

“Why was I given this ring?”

“Well, some planet that had a Green Lantern on it blew up, along with it’s bearer. And the ring came all this way and chose you. Clark told me about you and your situation. Judging by the look on your face, you’re not liking this idea being chosen. Why not?”

“Wearing a costume and being a superhero is just like putting a target on your back. And if any of the idiots that you superhero types fight, then it will be just more work for me and my friends. Could you imagine what would happen if one of them opened the Hellmouth? All of us combined would not be able to stop them.” So Xander took the ring, and threw it away as far as he could. It came back to him and hit him on the head. “Ouch.”
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