Date: February 7th 2002
Memo to Self: Shaving a Sasquatch to look like a poodle is a very bad idea.
Secondary memo to self: dying the remaining hair of said Sasquatch pink is also to be avoided.
Tertiary Memo to self: Ideas concerning punishment for overactive Sasquatches should never be made while inebriated.
Well Black Lake turned out to be a bust, I spent a week there and aside from a really freaky old woman that lives near the lake I didn’t see hide nor hair of a monster.
I did get the funny feeling I was being tracked on the last day though, even went so far as to warn the local Sheriff and the Fish and Game guy who were headed out to tag beavers.
The Sheriff looked like he was just humoring me but the FaG man was a total ass, I really felt sorry for the Sheriff, so I gave him my last package of Twinkies before heading back to town.
Got back to the shop for less than a day when these reports of Bigfoot sightings started to pour in.
It seems a young adult had decided to leave the reservation and have a little fun by scaring campers. (Sort of a supernatural version of ‘Cow Tipping’ I guess)
Since technically the Hairy guys fall under the jurisdiction of Special Unit Two I would usually pawn it off on them and let them deal with it. (Idiots are actually calling the damn Bumps ‘Links’ like there all some short elves or something.) The problems arose when SU2 sent back notice that they were ordered off by the Oversight Committee and a ‘Special Team’ was being dispatched to handle the situation.
This of course had Cluster Fuck written all over it. Fortunately I don’t work for the oversight committee and as such I could handle the situation as I saw fit. (For the protection of innocent civilians of course.)
Well, I made it out to Colorado in record time and you’ll never guess who met me at the airport.
That’s right, Captain ‘I’m married to someone with an actual personality’ Finn.
I first thought he was the special team sent to the area.
Unfortunately Riley warned me of a team already in the area, some NID group that had orders to capture the Sasquatch for dissection.
Now I’m fine with the NID’s General Plan, I mean I have NO PROBLEM with people saving the earth.
I do have a problem with them dissecting an innocent creature on the POSSIBILITY of it helping them save the planet, but both Riley and I had very strict orders NOT TO HARM The NID Agents.
We’ll we didn’t like that at all, presidential orders or no, that’s just plain rude.
But being the good soldiers that we are, Riley and I agreed and swore we would in no way harm the NID Agents.
Tranquilize them, yes. Drug them, maybe. Ship them overnight to an East Indian Hospital for some sex change operations…
No… we would NEVER Do such a thing as that!
Anyway, after we made sure the other team was otherwise… occupied, Riley and I set out to find our wayward Wookie.
It took Finn and me two days to track the Sassy to his cave and another to catch sight of him long enough to tag him with a tranquilizer.
Then of course came the mad hunt through the woods as we tried to find a drug drunk Sasquatch.
Needless to say, by the time we had found him again and caged him up for transport back to his people, Riley and I were in serious need of inebriation ourselves.
Settling down in a bar Riley got to talking about some of the more… colorful operations he had been on over the last couple of years.
One drink turned to two, two turned to six and before we knew it Riley and I had come to the conclusion that the Sasquatch needed to be taught a lesson for thinking he could get away with scaring humans for fun.
After more drinks than could possibly be good for the decision making process, Riley and I finally settled on a suitable punishment for the hairy young Bump.
We of course set our plan into motion immediately and the next thing I remember was waking next to a thoroughly traumatized Bigfoot as he blubbered repeated apologies in his own language.
Riley and I managed to get all the ribbons out of his remaining hair before we let him go (On the promise of good behavior of course.)
After we talked it over, Riley decided to stick around and watch for any attempt at reprisal from the Sasquatch nation.
Only thing is, I hear the entire group has packed, up lock, stock and barrel and is currently making tracks for Canada.
Well, I guess I can’t complain too much, but I’ve got this O'Malley character from SU2 begging to know what I did while a Colonel Harry Maybourne is screaming bloody murder about his ‘Team’
I don’t know what he’s so angry about, I even made sure the surgery was covered by their Medical Insurance Plan.
I have a few days before I have to head out again, something about a monster fish that’s eating boaters off the Carolina Coast.
Something about electrical attacks and being larger then a whale.
Don’t really know what it’s all about but I have a few days before I can head over there.
(A/N) You have no clue how hard it was for me to write this chapter out.
I hope you all enjoy it and please review?