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Fammily Matters

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Summary: Apparently father *doesn't* know best

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Spike-CenteredTazzyFR131749443,84615 Apr 0515 Apr 05Yes
Family Matters

By: Tazzy

Disclaimer: I don’t own ‘em but I wish I did.

Summary: Apparently, Father *doesn’t* know best.

Author’s notes: This is a drabble challenge and since I couldn’t decide how to write this one, I did it two ways: a pure dialogue story and one that’s a regular third-person omniscient story. I also changed the wording of the challenge a bit since the challenge was to use “Father Knows Best” in a story. The other wording just fit better.


Well, well, well. Was wonderin’ when you were gonna wake up, ponce. Can’t really teach my childer anything with an unconscious body that just hangs there an’ doesn’t say anything. After all, the screams are half the fun.

*smirking as a cigarette is lit and the smoke blown into the air.* But then, ya know all about that, don’t ya? After all, ya trained him ta be a tool fer yer so-called Lord an’ Master, or ta at least take him out so you could take over.

Or rather, you tried.

See, he decided early on that he didn’t like you or even what that scaly git stood fer so he took a few matters inta his own hands. He, like so many others, believed th’ rumors ‘bout Harry Potter bein’ spoiled rotten by his relatives an’ tried ta use that ta get himself in with Harry, but it backfired on him due to wrongful information.

*glares and grabs a fisful of hair, jerking the head back.* Are ya listening ta me, Malfoy, or am I usin’ too big of words fer ya?

So now, he had a slight problem, but Draco, bein’ a true Slytherin an’ able ta plan things out, decided that if he couldn’t teach Harry himself, he’d play th’ part of th’ snobbish bully ta train him.

An’ it worked.

Only, somewhere along th’ line, Draco fell in love with th’ boy an’ now he was stuck in a dilemma. How do ya tell th’ man ya love th’ truth after treatin’ him like shit fer six years? So, he did th’ only thing he could think of. He wrote a letter ta Harry on truth-charmed paper, an’ confessed everythin’. At best, he expected laughter an’ ridicule. At worst, his confession used against him.


Imagine his surprise when two days later, Harry walks up ta him in Potions, announces before all gathered that he loves Draco, and then kisses him hard enough ta curl toes.


How did I happen ta get m’fangs inta them? Now *that* is an interestin’ tale. I sorta stumbled inta th’ last battle b’tween wizards, an’ saw th’ two of ‘em workin’ together an’ fell for ‘em hard. It wasn’t that difficult ta sneak up behind th’ snake-faced bastard an’ rip his head off while Harry distracted him.

Imagine my surprise when one of th’ so-called good guys shoved six inches of poisoned metal inta Harry’s kidney. Th’ idiot at yer ministry was afraid of Harry takin’ over fer snake-face. So, they managed ta find a very rare an’ slow-actin’ poison ta use that not even a phoenix can cure.


Bein’ th’Master Vampire an’ greedy bastard I am, I talked ta Harry, Draco, Snapes an’ Dumbledore b’fore turnin’ Harry an’ Draco an’ claiming them as my childer.

*thoughtful look*

Y’know, b’tween Draco’s cunning, Harry’s determination, an’ my experience, we could give Angelus a run fer his title as part of th’ Scourge of Europe, but knowin’ m’sire, once everythin’s been explained ta him, he’ll welcome th’ boys with open arms.

*whimper of fear and the smirk grows*

That’s right. Yer son an’ his mate are th’ childer of Spike, William th’ Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, Favorite Childe of Angelus an’ the meanest bastard you’ll ever meet.

*the door opens and strong arms slip around his waist as he places gentle kisses on each forehead.*

‘Ello, pets. Yer mum settled in?

“Yes, Spike. Professor Snapes had been kind enough to give her a sleeping draught before casting a privacy spell on her suite.”

Thoughtful of him. We’ll be sure ta give ‘em a huge wedding when they finally decide ta marry. Now, how ‘bout yer first lesson in torture?

*slight fidgeting and nervous looks.*

What’s wrong, ducks? You can tell me. I won’ be mad.

*whispers* “I don’t want to learn that or see it, Sire.”

*soft kiss against dark hair.* Then you won’t. There’s been enough darkness and misery in your life that I won’t add to it. *small smirk on pale lips.* Draco here will probably enjoy it for a while but then grow bored of it as his toy slowly diminishes. Then we’ll tour the world, just like I said we would. No worries. No troubles. Between the three of us, we have enough money, wizard and regular, to enjoy the next few centuries and I’ll teach you everything I know.

Cause, after all, sires know best.

The End

The End

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