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Summary: Answer to the challenge to describe how Dracula met Spike and Anya. It's supposed to be funny. Beware: Harsh Language! Revamped second chapter.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Comedy > Spike-CenteredScooterFR1521,447041,05128 Apr 0528 Apr 05Yes


Revamped this chapter. Noticed it was slightly empty, and I just wanted to redo it. Hope you like it!


Anyanka, vengeance demon extraodanaire, bane of men, rolled her shoulders and stretched. The full moon cast a romantic light onto the trees, piercing the nearly empty branches to light the clearing below as if it were a spotlight. And Anya was very satisfied. “Hmm,” she hummed happily to herself, “all’s well that ends well.” She walked away from her latest victim, who had ended up with a rather severe flatulence problem and an unending desire to pick his nose and devour the, uh, findings. Not her usual rip-his-heart-out-and-make-him-watch, but the scorned party wanted more to humiliate than to actually kill.

“That vas impressive,” a smooth, deep voice said from behind her. Anya spun around and found herself face to face with a very attractive, albeit slghtly pale, man. Swallowing hard, Anya couldn’t help the grin that split her features, nor the way her legs decided to turn to goo beneath her.

She stared up at him, his eyes, bright blue and seemingly endless, held hers. Raising a pale hand, the man, dressed in an extremely attractive, sexy black cape, traced the back of his cool hand down Anya's cheek. That was the final straw on the camel's back. Or, in this case, on Anya's control of her legs. Collapsing, Anya felt strong arms around her waist, holding her up. “Uh, hi,” she said, rather intelligently seeing as the most coherent thought in her head was SEX!

The man, if he was that, set her on her feet, his blue eyes, almost black with shadow, sparkling.

Glancing toward the cursed man, Dracula curled his nose at the man’s stench and antics. Looking down upon the little demon in front of him, Dracula smiled, raised an eyebrow, and said, “Shall ve talk somevhere else…more private?”

Anya swallowed and began to nod vigorously before a beeping interrupted. Anya’s shoulders slumped and she rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Uh, could you hold on a sec?" she asked politely. When he nodded, Anya gave him a bright smile, turned, and walked a bit away behind a tree. When she was safely out of sight, she pounded her fists against the bark, holding back a scream of frustration. "Goddamn you, Dehoffren," she hissed between gritted teeth, "first time I feel anything for a guy and, poof, there you go, ruining the fun." Hopping about little in frustration, she stomped about a bit and silently cursed everything within range. Except the sexy guy with no tan, sexy eyes, weird black cape, and sexy I-wanna-tie-you-to-the-bed bedroom voice. After venting, she finally took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and came out from behind the tree.

Flipping her hair casually, she said, slightly breathlesly, “Um, I would…would really like to, but, um, I have…another job to…do.” As he stalked, yes, stalked, closer to her, her breathing became more laboured, her gasps for air having nothing to do with the previous exertion, but having everything to do with the exertion his eyes had promised her.

The man smiled and said, “Ah yes, a voman to see, a man to curhse. I do not mind it, sweetling, you haff much potential. That one,” he gestured to the cursed man, “vill suffer forever. Vhen you become more accomplished, maybe ve shall see each other again, yes?”

Anya smiled again, her amber eyes adoring. The beeping came again, more insistent, and she sighed in defeat. “I have to go,” she said. Biting her bottom lip, she gazed at him longingly, then huffed.

The man nodded. “Of course. Please, do not let me keep you.”

'Oh Goddess,' Anya thought, 'keep me all you want.'

Smiling, the man traced his hand down her face once more, ending just above her breast. Giving her a quick smile and that come hither eyebrow, he turned and walked away, Anya reluctantly going the opposite direction.

The vengeance demon stopped, then turned around. “Wait!” she called, hand out as if she could stop him from this distance.

The man turned, watching her and Anya felt another shiver of longing go through her. “What’s your name?” she asked,

The man smiled and said, “Dracula,” then disappeared into the mist.

Anya felt her jaw drop. “Wow,” she whispered, “what a guy.” Growling again, she snapped her fingers and disappeared. The evening air was quiet, except for the occasional rude noise from the poor man.


The End

You have reached the end of "Dracula". This story is complete.

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