title: Anya's O
disclaimer: Not mine. Anya's Whedon's. Remus is Rowling's.
summary: Anya decides what the world needs is a new holiday for celebrating.
AN: For Amy because you need this right now. Everybody hits rough patches.
Remus was feeling haggard. Just haggard. What a horrible day at work, but he was pleased that someone had been willing to hire him. It got him out of the Black house for a few hours five days out of the week. Not being in that house was always a good thing. They had been working on magically cleansing it, but the doom bred there still tainted the air. This war in the wizarding world that was not yet an official war was taking its toll on all involved. There had already been casualties. Reinforcements had already been called. The Order had been growing by leaps and bounds lately. Remus never realized how many people were willing to honestly back a good cause... even if it meant their lives.
Dangers and mortal peril aside, they still had allies. Some of them were even staying in the Black house with him because, like him, they had nowhere else to go. He didn't mind it. One of the guests had been particularly helpful in cleaning out the place. He liked her. Nothing was too dirty for this woman. And she'd come from almost nowhere. She didn't have much of a name.
She had no past to speak of. Everyone was leery of her at first save Dumbledore. That trust carried more than it had previously. Albus Dumbledore trusted her implicitly. That gained her quite a bit of trust with other members of the Order. The other thing was how quickly Moody had come around on her after speaking with her just a few times. He trusted her. If Moody trusted her, she had to be worth trusting.
Remus spoke with her often. All he knew of her, which was more than anyone else did, was that she had died helping to save the world not too long ago. But something had brought her back. She wasn't finished. There was still more for her to do apparently. She'd ended up here. With them. Remus could hardly forget the weeping woman Dumbledore had led into the house. She had been asking tons of questions about watchers and slayers. Dumbledore had asked around for her. Remus was not sure what the old man had been asking, but apparently his answers pleased Anya.
Because after that she had not cried anymore.
After she had her answers, she had set herself to beginning again. She had done her best to become one of them. If anything could be said about her, it was that Anya certainly was a hard worker. Especially if a monetary reward was involved. Sure, there were those who had issues with her brash attitude, tactless way of speaking, and her misunderstanding of some of the most basic human nuances. Snape, for instance, had many MANY issues with her. Issues that he was quite vocal about to anyone within hearing distance, but Snape didn't like most of the members of the Order, so he didn't count. Anya was liked and respected now, if anything, for her 'go get em' attitude. She was always up for anything if it was going to help. And though she had been flirted with, by many members of the Order, both male and female alike, she had shown no interest in anyone.
So Remus was a bit confused to find her almost nude in his bedroom.
"Er... yes actually."
"Check me out."
Oh he was. She was wearing a pair of.... what were they called? Boy-cut underpants? Well, at any rate, they were pale green with an emerald green trim and a green cartoon something on the crotch. She had two green tasseled pasties on her breasts. They were all sequined and sparkly.
She raised her arms and did a funny little move that caused the tassels on her chest to start swinging around like propellers.
Remus couldn't breathe let alone move.
"And this...." She shifted her movement. One started swinging clockwise, the other counterclockwise. "Seen Karate Kid? Sand the floor? Or is this wax on wax off? Wax off... now there is a naughty comment. Especially in this situation."
He couldn't have formed words right now even if he wanted to. So there was no agreeing or disagreeing to her statement of a naughty comment.
She started moving oddly causing the tassels to spin one at a time. This went on for what seemed like an eternity. Then she just stopped and did a little hop with her arms still up.
He swallowed. Though his mouth was so dry, he wasn't sure there was anything there.
"Well, say something, Remus."
Say something? Oh that was a laugh. He was certain if he tried to speak only gibberish would come out. Or perhaps a very unmanly squeak.
"Er... not that I'm not... um... appreciative of your newfound... um, talents, but what's all this about?"
"Well, I've dubbed this Anya's Orgasm Day."
"Really?" He squeaked out in a manner not befitting a man.
"I-is it then? I wasn't aware." Was it really hot in here?
"Well, of course not. This is the first official Anya's O Day."
"Ah. Naturally." He tugged at the collar of his shirt.
"Mmmm, and I've decided that you're the one."
The one? Was that as naughty as her purr was making is sound? "The one what... exactly?"
"The one who's gonna give me my orgasms now."
She certainly didn't mince her words.
"Yes." She said in a matter of fact way. "So if you'll just remove your clothing."
"I know I have a pleasing body. I believe my body could please yours greatly."
"Of that I have no doubt."
"Then proceed to an undressed state. Orgasms await you."
"I've watched you." Anya said moving closer. "I know that it has been a long time for you. You fear your lycanthropy will get in the way of things. I won't allow that though. It doesn't frighten me, and your celibacy insures that orgasms will come. No pun intended."
"We... what was that word she used... mesh. We mesh."
"Mesh with me?"
As if he could resist such a cute plea said in such an adorable tone. "Go easy on an old man."
She snorted. "You are not an old man... just seasoned. And I want orgasms, so I think I'll be very easy."
Remus was chuckling at her blunt way of speaking.
Until she snapped at him. "Pants off now!"
So he complied.