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Not Another Kidnapping

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Summary: Dawn gets snatched, Faith gets mad, and SG-1 is there to witness it all. Just a fun one-shot, similar to 'A Hacking Good Time'.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > Dawn-Centered > Theme: HumorKeiFR1312,95382812,82710 May 0510 May 05Yes
AN: Just a one shot. Mostly Buffy/Stargate with some passing
mentions of others for the heck of it. Buffy is Post Chosen,
Stargate- anytime Daniel is present and Jack a Colonel, my usual.
I'm out of school now by the way. This means free time. This means,
yes, finally, updates to Trick or Treat.

I wrote this first to get me back in the swing of things. I'm
terrified of endings (for those of you who haven't read me anywhere
else) and thus, of Trick or Treat right now. :)

***************** Not Another Kidnapping ***********************

Okay, okay, so the kidnapping thing was getting old. Dawn flexed her
ankles and tried to wiggle the numb toes inside of her tennis shoes.
She had been helping some of the mini-Slayers chase an
inter-dimensional demon around when she had been snatched by a bunch
of hacks wearing gold plated cobra wear and waving sticks around.
Not only had they gone with the predictable bounded and gagged
approach, they had hung her upside down by her feet.

Sure, she'd gotten a bit of a thrill out of being kidnapped when she
was younger. There had always been something a little flattering
about being considered important enough to be taken- or so said the
inadequate 'little sister of THE Slayer' aspect of her persona,
especially when no one got killed in the attempt. But Dawn had grown
up a lot since good ol' Sunnyhell got swallowed whole.

She might still watch Saturday morning cartoons with the youngest of
the mini-Slayers, but she was almost done with a PhD in history, and
was living a comfortable double life of graduate student and Council
liaison. She was definitely getting to the point in her life where
getting strung up like a prize fish was a little dated. Not to
mentioned having Buffy lecture her yet again on being careful when
hop, skip, and jumping across different dimensions when she got back.

Dawn loved her sister because, duh, they were SISTERS, but sometimes
Buffy could still be really insufferable. Maybe, if Dawn was lucky,
Faith would get to her first. The brunette Slayer would just make
bondage jokes while she was killing things, and maybe, if she was
feeling really frisky, grab her ass. That, Dawn could deal with.

The cobra guards who were stationed at the doorway of her way tacky
prison stirred and brought themselves to attention as the heavy tromp
of metal feet from down the hallway signaled the arrival of Dawn's
latest kidnapper. She rolled her aching shoulders the best she
could, folded her arms across her breast, and flicked her hair out
of her eyes. She had a paper due on Monday, and had promised Giles
to go over some of his Jirlich demon's translations. She didn't have
all the time in the world to hang around and look annoyed.

A significantly taller cobra dude sauntered into the room, looking
unaffected and regal, though his eyes were glued to her. Yeah, yeah,
she could do unaffected and regal too, even hanging upside down in his
secret lair or whatever. She had lots of practice and only one thing
to say.

Bring it.


"Bring it on... come on you rat bastards, bring it on," he muttered
fiercely as he clutched his P-90 tighter from his team's hidden
position near the floor of the Goa'uld strong base.


Colonel Jack O'Neill looked over at Carter from their crouched
position. He grinned wildly at her. "Aw, come on Carter, you're
going to tell me you won't enjoy bringing this particular snake down?
He took out more than his fair share of Tok'ra operatives, not to
mention his particular practice of taking some of the prettier local
girls for himself. Plus, no guilt on the host front since we have
confirmed records that his host was willing, and just as twisted as
he is."

Her smile was a bit smaller, but no less pleased than his. "All
right, all right, I'll do a little dance when we get back to base
because yes, taking Thr'all down will feel good after chasing him all
over the galaxies for the last couple of months, but first we have to
survive this little assassination mission."

"We'll be fine Carter, at least we aren't on a ship blowing up a sun
this time."


"Besides, once Daniel and Teal'c get the explosives planted, all we
need is some transport rings and we'll be set to blow up this Popsicle

They watched as Thr'all and his entourage clanged their way down the
hall before, ducking behind outcroppings followed. All they had to
do was make sure he stayed on the base. Piece of cake. No problem.
What could possibly go wrong?


What more could go wrong? Faith scowled and resisted the urge to
wring Andrew's neck, barely. The Powers to Be had a sick sense of
humor. Oh, let's give the most useless, incompetent person alive the
gift to detect and track magic. Would have made it a breeze to find
Dawnie if their magical equivalent of a bloodhound hadn't been such

"Which way," Faith ground out between clenched teeth as she, Andrew,
and a small group of mini-Slayers stood at the inter-dimensional
portal Wills had called up for them. It REALLY would have helped
to have had Xander come along, but the one-eyed Watcher was off
merrily hacking that Kreechan demon down the girls had missed when
Dawn had been snatched, again. He and Andrew shared the geek bond
and Xander could usually keep the imbecile on the right track, hell
ANY track- a feat the rest of them seriously lacked.

Except for Buffy. Andrew would still wet his pants if Buffy looked
at him cross-eyed. Unfortunately, Buffy was out on a date, the first
date she'd been on since Spike had gone all non-corporeal, and then
dead for good when LA went, to, well, hell. Faith hadn't wanted to
spoil her fun. B really needed to get laid and Jason Bourne seemed
like a nice, normal guy, if a little quiet.

Probably as good for her as Mr. Riley Iowa, "I like sheep" had been,
which, before the whole working for the corrupt government
organization thing, had been worlds of good. She'd tell Buffy about
this little escapade when they got back. If Faith didn't kill Andrew

"Which way geek boy?"

Andrew rolled his eyes and sighed gustily. "I will have you know
that doing magic is VERY taxing. I don't think you understand the
kind of demands you're putting on me. I have asthma!"

Faith growled and took a menacingly step closer. "I'd start picking
dimensions, NOW, or you're going to have a lot more wrong with you
that has nothing to do with asthma." She cracked her knuckles
meaningfully as the girls snickered behind their hands.

Andrew sniffed but backed away covertly. "I just wanted to point
out that I'm under a lot of pressure and that it wouldn't hurt you
to be a little more understanding."

"So help me geek boy..."

She was going to kill him. So help her, she was going to kill him.


"Tell me what I ask, or I will kill you."

Dawn yawned and glared at the glowy-eyed cobra dude. "Man, cliché
much. I don't know what the gate thing you're talking about, I don't
know who these Tau'ri folk are, I've never met a Jack O'Neill, and I
have about as much power as a toothpick." A toothpick that could at
one time open and close universes, but tall, dark, and pissed off
didn't need to know that last bit.

The eyes flared once as the bad guy's voice deepened. "Very well,
perhaps this will jog your strangely silent memory."

Dawn watched warily as he raised his left hand. There was a pretty
metal bracelet curled around his hand, with a ruby red gem in the
center of his palm. If she'd have to take a guess, she would bet
that it wasn't just for show though. The pain slammed her like a
stack of bricks in a very thin pillowcase agreed.

"Damnit," she whispered as she tried to curl into herself and minimize
the pain, "I hate it when I'm right."


"Okay, okay," Jack muttered, "I was wrong because this is definitely
something going wrong."

Daniel, who was crouched next to him, on the other side of Carter,
was tense and white as a sheet as they watched Thr'all torture the
young Tau'ri woman. The explosives were all nice and planted,
Thr'all was in one place, and things were ready to go, except for
the small complication which was, who in the HELL was the snake
trying to get information out of?

The woman dangling like a worm on a hook in the middle of the room
was certainly no one Jack recognized, and he should, if only because
he knew EVERYONE who went through the gate. He liked being there
when people saw it for the first time. She was very clearly from
Earth also, if only because of her clothes. They'd yet to run across
another human civilization where people wore Nikes and jeans.

Thr'all lowered his arm, looking distinctly satisfied with himself,
the bastard. The woman uttered a particularly colorful oath and
slowly uncurled from her near fetal position. Jack would bet she
was usually pretty when she wasn't nearly purple from a mix of anger,
pain, and blood flow from being upside down. "Now, are you feeling
more talkative?"

The woman's took a moment to collect and gather herself. Jack was
impressed. Most people were pretty incapacitated by the ribbon
device, himself included. "Not particularly."

Thr'all growled, audibly, and took a step closer towards the hapless,
helpless woman. He reached up with the hand wearing the ribbon
device and stroked one of the woman's pale, tear streaked cheeks.
"Your people have grown arrogant in the time since our dominion. I
will not tolerate arrogance."

The woman snorted and used the opportunity to spit in the snake's
face. "Yeah, well, I don't tolerate bad breath in my bad guys.
Can't you at least use a Tic Tac before threatening me?" Oh yes,
she was definitely from Earth.

SG-1 flinched in unison as Thr'all smiled malevolently and the woman's
screams echoed in the room as the ribbon device flared to life again.


The portal flared to life yet again and Faith stood up in the newest
world, pausing to brush her leather pants off as she regarded the new
portal with some distrust. The rest of the mini-Slayers were
staggering around, still trying to get their portal legs. You'd
think the jumps would get easier to recover from the more you went
through them but, oh no. They didn't.

This was their eighth world, dimension, whatever, and Faith's already
short patience was reach nonexistent. Dawn could take care of
herself, but even super experienced captives had a limit on stalling
kidnappers. Plus, Dawn tended to get mouthy when she was stressed.
She had inherited their bad habit of taunting the bad guys, and while
this worked well for B and herself, Dawnie didn't have superpowers.
If Faith returned Dawn minus some important Dawn bits, B would NOT be
happy, and frankly, neither would Faith.

Despite herself, she'd grown fond of the brat over the years.

"So help me Andrew, you better guide that portal to Dawn on this next
try or Giles is going to be finding bits of you around the library for

Andrew ignored her threat, face screwed up in concentration. Geek
boy was weird enough, but when he was working mojo, he got down right
wiggy. Clouded eyes, a distant voice, the whole shebang. "No, this
next one is the right one, I think. Dawn's hard to find because
she's like this big neon sign. Sometimes I can't tell which
dimension she's actually in... but this is it. I can tell."

"Really Einstein, how can you tell?"

His unfocused gaze drifted to her and he frowned, as if he was just
registering the words he was saying. "Because I can hear her

Andrew hadn't even finished the sentence before Faith was diving
through the newly directed portal.


Her screams died slowly as the bracelet thing was lifted away from
her brow. She could feel the sweat running up her back to dampen the
Sesame t-shirt near her neck and under her arms. Her brain had to be
goo by now, which was unfortunate because she had really grown fond
of her brain. It had been nice to be smarter than Buffy, at least
when it came to book-smarts.

She really, really hoped she was still conscious when the cavalry
arrived, because she wanted to see the cobra dude get his ass kicked.
On the list of kidnapping, this one was staring to rank up with the
one where that Fuloid demon had wanted to impregnate her. Of course,
she'd gotten a free candlelight dinner out of that one. This one was
just causing unbearable agony. Mind numbing, brain going agony.

Poor brain. Poor gooey brain.

Dawn closed her eyes, and therefore missed the purple portal that
decided to open itself over the cobra guys. Faith's pissed off yells
were enough to make her risk opening her eyes again, just in time to
see a troupe of mini-Slayers and Andrew drop to the floor from the
ceiling after the older Slayer.

Ahh, Andrew. That explained the delay nicely. Dawn was SO kicking
his ass later.

Faith took one glance over at her before throwing herself into the
fight with a ferocity that even surprised Dawn. The brunette Slayer
had to be really pissed because she wasn't even taunting the bad
guys, just killing with a swift efficiency that seemed to shock the
other Slayers. Andrew, wisely, stayed near the wall.

In a couple minutes, numero cobra dude and all his little henchmen
were in groaning, or too still crumpled piles on the floor, and a
sweating though easily breathing Faith was helping Dawn out of her
chains. Her legs were numb enough that she stumbled and needed to
be held upright when she was finally down.

All the blood that had been pooled in her head rushed down to her
feet like Niagara Falls.

"Whoah, you okay Dawnie?" Faith's calloused hands gripped her cheeks
as the older woman stared into her eyes carefully.

"Yeah, yeah, no worse than usual."

"Oh yeah?" Faith replied casually as her hands left Dawn's face and
searched briskly for life threatening injuries. Yup, Faith was
definitely worried- not even a hint of playful groping. "Usually
you're not that fetching shade of green. Now what'd the bastards
do to you?"

"Just one bastard mainly... He had some bracelet thing. Brain
torture. I'd shed some of my own blood for an Advil."

That brought a ghost of a smile to the older woman's face. "No
hiding things like internal injuries, right?"

Dawn managed a weak smile of her own. "Nah, just another run of the
mill kidnapping."

"Any idea why they went after you?"

She sighed. "Just dumb bad luck. A group of them saw me and the
girls out hunting that inter-dimensional Kreechan demon that was
causing so much trouble in Australia last month. They 'sensed my
power' and decided to grab me. Same old, same old. We really need
to get Wills to work on that masking spell because this is getting

Faith ruffled her hair and was totally unrepentant when Dawn flinched
at the contact and glared. "Oh, after this little fiasco I bet she
tears herself away from Kennedy long enough to concoct something."

"Be nice about them," Dawn muttered, though her heart wasn't in it.
You'd think after eight years the two would be a little less involved,
and annoying, but "old" age hadn't mellowed Kennedy a bit, pity that.

"Come on, let's get you home and some Advil."

"Fine, fine," she grumbled, "but you're going to have to carry me
until I get feeling back in my legs."

Faith scooped her up easily, a smirk on her full lips. "Well, I
could always rub them to get the circulation back in them..."


And up they went.


The purple portal, gate, whatever, closed with a pop, leaving the
torture room of Thr'all's top secret base eerily quiet, and full of
dead and dying Jaffa, plus one super bad and evil Goa'uld. SG-1, as
a whole, took in the wreckage. "So," Jack finally said, breaking the
silence, "anyone care to tell me what in the HELL just happened?"

Carter's mouth was opening and closing but sound wasn't coming out.
Daniel was a little green himself around the gills, and Teal'c merely
looked mildly impressed. "Those girls were quite skilled in combat."

As always, understatement of the century.

Carter's mouth opened and closed again.

Daniel finally blinked.

"Aw hell, let's go blow up the base."

Carter finally spoke. "But why? I mean, Thr'all is dead..."

"But there's still his sarcophagus," Daniel finished quietly.

"Plus," Jack drawled, "do any of you really want to try to put all
this," he waved around the room, "in an official report?"

They considered the proposed feat, as a whole, and stayed silent.

Colonel Jack O'Neill nodded once decisively, scratched his head, and
rose. "All right kids, let's go set some explosives off."

There was weird, and then there was weird. They'd come to a similar
unanimous group decision when they'd stumbled across that group of
teenagers with silver handprints a couple of years back. Saving the
world was enough. Trying to solve the mysteries of the universe could
be someone else's job. They had enough on their plates.

The End

You have reached the end of "Not Another Kidnapping". This story is complete.

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