The Bored Clown
Batman/Buffy: The Slayer Prophecy
Disclaimer (a.k.a. Statement Made To Cover My Own Ass): I don’t own the Scooby Gang. Joss Whedon does. I don’t own the Batfamily either. DC Comics does. Please don’t sue me!
Rating: PG-13 for right now, but liable to become R for swearing and sexiness.
This is the beginning of a crossover that I’ve had in mind for a while now but haven’t had the guts to write until now.
Batman Timeline: It is set after “Hush” and “War Games” but before “Identity Crisis” (which rocked in some ways and sucked in others, but now is not the time for a rant). Two of the main antagonists in this story have two different ‘first appearances’ in this story: one from 1939, the other from the ‘80’s. Only the 1939 appearance is in continuity here- forget about the ‘80’s story.
Buffy Timeline: Buffy S6 until the middle of “Seeing Red.” See, Buffy really caught Warren and threw him, Andrew, and Jonathan in jail so Tara is still alive and back with Willow. Oh, and the attempted rape? Never happened. In the real world that would be called denial but this is fanfiction. Isn’t it fun?
If at any time you the readers want something like a character guide then don’t hesitate to ask. One will be provided. If you think my voices for the character aren’t quite right or if you think that the characters are OOC with no good reason please tell me.
Summary: Enemies from Batman’s distant past team up with the Joker and attempt to bring trouble to both the Bats and the Scoobies, leading to a team-up. Hilarity may or may not ensue.
Author’s Note: Many thanks to my incomparable beta, Scott Claybrook, without whose input this story would be much less than it is.
As for writing conventions:  indicates thoughts, and ** indicates telepathy.
With that done we may proceed with the story.
Prologue: The Bored Clown
Gotham City. The name evokes many emotions: chiefly fear but also lust. Not only physical lust, but lust for wealth, power, and adventure. In the case of one of its most… unique citizens, the most prominent lust at the moment was the lust for fun, or at least a reprieve from boredom.
“Knock-knock?” a voice asked.
“Who’s there?” the man on the other end answered.
“Joe-ker!” the Joker cackled as he pushed his way into the house. As expected, the man he shot was lying on the ground. What he did not expect was the moaning. “Oh, did I shoot you?” the Joker grinned. “Want some help?”
“Yes…” the man moaned.
“Well, it’s the least I can do given the circumstances.” He leaned down close to the man and pressed a hidden trigger. Greenish gas spewed from the flower on his lapel. The man gasped, and then began to giggle. The giggle became laughter and the laughter soon grew until it just stopped.
“Oh, did you mean for me to take you to the hospital? Oopsy! My mistake.” He leaned down next to the man’s face, which was contorted into a hideous grin. “What’s that? You want me to help myself to all your stuff? Why thank you! Put ‘er there!” He grabbed the man’s hand. The corpse began to twitch as thousands of volts of electricity coursed through it. The man’s home then rang with the Joker’s mad laughter.
Half an hour later he was back at his hideout but he was bored again. “Ooh!” he cheered. “I know! Why don’t I try to market a line of special Joker-ized fish?”
“Uh… because you already did that boss?” one of his henchmen offered.
“Who asked you? I know! Where’s Harley?” Silence greeted him. “I said, where’s Harley?” He pointed the gun at one of his henchmen at random. “Danny, do you know where Harley is?”
“Uh, she’s still in Arkham where she got sent the last time you left her behind after Batman got us in mid-job, boss.”
“And are you blaming me for that, Danny?”
“No boss! I-”
“That’ll teach you to take her side,” the Joker muttered. “I’m so bored even randomly shooting people and taking their stuff has lost its appeal.” He pointed his gun at another henchman. “What do you think I should do to have some fun, Larry?”
“Um, er, uh, well…”
“Well what?” the Joker snapped as he cocked his gun. “The day’s getting old Larry!”
The doors of the hideout suddenly flew open. “Well that was fast,” the Joker exclaimed.
“Why don’t you go see what that was boss?” Larry asked.
“Are you telling me what to do Larry?”
“No boss! Never!”
“You’re a good man Larry.”
“Of course I hate good men.” The Joker looked at the warehouse doors. He saw the silhouette of a slender figure toss his henchman around like rag dolls. The figure appeared to get shot but it didn’t stop. Finally the figure got close enough for the Joker to see clearly. “Well hello, gorgeous,” he purred. “I hope you weren’t too rough on my boys. Good help is so hard to find these days.”
The woman looked at the three fresh corpses. “I wonder why,” she muttered dryly. “Let me get straight to the point, Mr. Joker. I have a proposition for you.”
“Not that kind of proposition, thank you. How would you like to make Batman’s life a living hell?”
“Been there, done that, got the T-shirt,” the Joker sighed. “Don’t get me wrong toots. I’ll do anything I can to make Batman even battier, but it would be pretty hard to top what I’ve already done in the past.”
“What if I told you that my plan involves your… payment from the “Hush” affair?”
The Joker’s eyebrows rose in surprise. This woman was very well connected. Nobody but Bats, Eddie and Bandage-Boy (whoever he was) knew about that. “I’m listening,” the Joker grinned. “Wanna drink?”
“Vodka, please. As strong as you’ve got.”
“Larry! Larry! Where- oh right.” The Joker poured the woman a shot of vodka. The woman picked up one of the dead henchman and hauled his body onto the table. Holding her glass in one hand, she made a small slice in his throat with the other, and the blood that came out dripped into the glass.
“Bottoms up,” the woman smiled, and her face changed. It… crumpled, and looked bestial. Her dark eyes turned yellow and her eyebrows all but disappeared. She took a sip, and her lips puckered. The Joker stared at her in shock, and his eyes narrowed. Well, well, well…
“It’s a good thing you killed this one when you did,” she told the Joker. “He’s been doing things without protection.”
“Vampire, right?” the Joker asked.
“Correct. You seem unsurprised.”
“Lady I’ve worked with demons, devils, zombies, you name it. I’ve met this really scary guy called Neron. You heard of him?”
“We’ve had… dealings,” the vampire scowled. “And I know that you have as well. But that’s not why I’m here. The Batman took something from me a long time ago. I intend to see that he pays for it. With interest.”
The Joker leaned in. “Will there be blood.”
“Eventually,” the vampire smiled. “But first- he suffers.”
“Ooh I like the sound of that.”
“I thought you might, Mr. Joker. That’s why I came to you.”
“That reminds me- you have me at a disadvantage.”
“Ah, of course. You may call me Dala.”