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Until I Wake

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Summary: She wasn’t always Buffy. Once she was Alice, and after the events of Empty Places a more seductive Wonderland starts calling her back.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Literature > Childrens/Teen > Alice in WonderlanddragonfireFR1821,5972183,11530 May 0510 Jul 05No

The White Rabbit

A/N- I was asked if this story is going to follow American McGee's Alice or Lewis Carroll’s Alice. I don't really know much about McGee's game and only found out about it when I read some stories on The back story mostly follows Carroll's version, but some elements I got from McGee. This doesn’t mean the story won’t get bloody or disturbing of course. I got the idea for this after reading the book and a review in it asked what if the characters were more human and in an adult perspective.

This chapter didn’t go exactly as I wanted, but I needed to get Buffy to Wonderland. I promise the chapters will get longer.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed and please do so again.

See note at bottom after reading.


“How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the water of the Nile
On every golden scale!

“How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in,
With gently smiling jaws!”
-Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

“Hello, Alice,” hissed the White Rabbit.

‘Dammit,’ Buffy thought futilely, ‘why couldn’t it have been Whistler?’ Though she knew it was useless she tried to reason with this specter from her past. “My name is not Alice.”

The White Rabbit snorted. “Entirely arbitrary. I could care less if you call yourself Alice or Buffy. Do you think it changes who you are?”


“Impossible .You cannot change who you are, only what you are.”

“Same thing.”

“Is not. The March Hare told you so. Humpty Dumpty may fall off his wall into pieces, but it is still his pieces. You may not be the gigantic monster who destroyed my house and ran off without an apology, but you are still Alice.”

Buffy almost growled in frustration. “And I’m no longer seven.”

“And I’m not late to see the Duchess. Though I see you’ve learned to leave off at seven.”

She laughed bitterly, “Oh yes, Wonderland taught me a lot; right into a mental institution.”

“No, you got yourself there; Wonderland tried to protect you.”

“Protect me!? Try distract me.” Her voice lowered to a whisper, “so I couldn’t save her.”

“What could you have done?” his voice gentled. “Is it not better a child not see a loved one destroyed?”

“Don’t, just stop.” Buffy wiped her eyes even though she wasn’t crying. “You don’t care. If you did, you wouldn’t act like you want to hurt me, and then act like you’re a friend. When monsters act like that it means they’re about to kill me. So why all this?”

“Because it is what you expect!” Surprise, surprise, the Rabbit was pissy again. Anya was right. “I don’t belong to this reality and in truth neither do you. But you were here first, so it is you who must tell the tale.”

“And I suppose if we were there you would ‘tell the tale’?”

“Of course not,” he smiled amicably. “I am just the messenger.”

“Oh gee. I thought that was Haigha and Hatta.”

“Silly girl. There is quite a difference between cards and chess. As a crowned queen you should know that.”

“I am not a queen anymore.”

“Of course you are, you never left the eight square. You must move forward or backward to lose the crown and you did neither. Leaving the game doesn’t count.”

“I woke up.”

“Do you suppose now that you are the dreamer of Wonderland?’

“That’s it forget this,” Buffy threw up her hands and started to walk away.

“Oh yes, just forget everything. Go back to the merger existence you’ve conjured for yourself. By the way, where are you going to go now that your so called friends and family have abandoned you?” The White Rabbit asked as though none of it mattered.

Buffy knew he was trying to mess with her mind. “Why does it matter, they all leave eventually.”

“We never abandoned you, nor did you ever leave us. Had either happened you wouldn’t be able to still hear Wonderland’s call.”

She felt him at her back. “What do you want?”

His tone turned kind again, almost condescending, “Come home, Alice.”

“I am not Alice,” she barely growled out. “Why are you here, to drive me insane? Is that Wonderland’s purpose?”

“Your insanity has nothing to do with Wonderland’s purpose. Wonderland exists for its own designs.”

“Thanks for confirming the insanity,” Buffy just wanted this to end. Had she brought a weapon she would have killed the rabbit… if she thought it would have worked. At this point she wasn’t too sure she wouldn’t have hit thin air.

“Of course you’re a little mad, how else would you have found Wonderland last time?” the White Rabbit asked as if anything else was preposterous .

“Actually I followed you.”

“Semantics. I was sent to gather those who would answer and you did. Wonderland brings those who are different.”

“Wonderful. It’s like a queller demon. Let’s just kill off all the insane people.”

“Hush child. First off, Wonderland never tried to kill you, you were in no danger. Secondly, I said a little mad not insane. There is a difference. I’m not insane and I live in Wonderland. Lastly, Wonderland collects those who don’t belong here.” This time the White Rabbit was serious in his gentleness. “You know you don’t really belong here. We would never cast you out, come home.”

Buffy really wanted to. But she couldn’t forget her duties here. “I want to Rabbit, I do. But I can’t just leave. While my mind takes a trip, my body would be a sitting duck for the First. While I’m not part of them anymore, the Scoobies don’t deserve what would result.” She pretended not to hear the Rabbit’s murmuring of ‘yes they do.’

“Your body wouldn’t be here. Wonderland exists time and place separate. Haven’t you learned about different dimensions? Besides, your absence here would defeat the First’s plans. You are an anomaly now, gone the balance is restored, the gateway closed, and the Slayer line continues. You are the key to its success and defeat. Don’t just go out when victory is close.”

She really considered this. “Would be nice to defeat the First so easily. What do you mean by time and place?”

“You exited Wonderland fifteen years ago, but there it has been barely a year. A long vacation more like, and while the friends you made there miss you, they have not felt your absence to have anger or regrets.

“Will you come home, Alice?” He raised out his hand err paw to her.”

Next part: the past

If you're bored think about this: if the Rabbit lives in Wonderland how does he know about the First? Gasps of shock! Stay tuned characters aren't always what they seemed.

If you wondered I'm going to update Misplaced next. I want to update every story soon.

The End?

You have reached the end of "Until I Wake" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 10 Jul 05.

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