rated Y-14, similar content to the source materials
main characters: Xander and Ash (Army of Darkness)
disclaimer: I do not own anyone from BtVS or the Evil Dead movies.
distribution: any lists that I send it to, otherwise please ask.
note: FfA #515, post Evil Dead - Ash has lost his hand, but is in the modern time, an employee at S-Mart.
The last thing that Xander had expected to hear on a stormy Tuesday was the sound of his doorbell. Actually, on most Tuesdays, he'd already be at work, but everything at the Construction site had been called to a halt due to a combination of the near-tornado-like weather and the mysterious death of the other foreman due to what the police had called an attack by wild dogs.
The storm had taken out the cable, so the only thing on the television was seventeen different patterns of static, three of which kept doing that annoying weather advisory beep that was supposed to be followed by written warnings across the bottom of the screen. As if that was any help when the whole screen was static. He sighed, considering that while this wasn't good, things could be a lot worse, and got up to go towards the door. Just in case whoever was there was unfriendly, he grabbed the crossbow.
"Xander?" The voice that came through the door was muffled but sounded vaguely familiar.
Cautiously, Xander tried to look through the little peephole, wondering if there were any vampires out under the storm clouds. It had to be thick enough to block the sunlight, but who would be out wandering around in it? "Yeah?"
"Do you remember me? It's Ash." The shaggy dark hair outside seemed familiar. "I had... it's a long story, and I'd rather come in to tell it."
Xander started to unlock the door, hoping that he wasn't making a big mistake. Granted, the crossbow was still pretty close, and he could pick it up before he opened the door, if Ash didn't force it open, but still... "I'm unlocking. This story better be good man, I haven't seen you in years."
Opening the door with the crossbow at his side, Xander stepped back in unspoken invitation. "It's been a long time, and I know that either one of our dads would be saying you need a haircut."
Ash stepped inside, edging against the wall at the sight of the crossbow. "If now's a bad time, I can go somewhere else."
"That?" Xander nodded towards the crossbow as he shut the door. "It's nothing personal. There's a lot of unsafe things around this place, and I wanted to be ready if it turned out that you'd joined that count."
"No, not really." Ash moved towards the living room, and it was only then that Xander noticed that something had happened to his hand. There was a bad replacement, looking like something from a low-budget horror movie. "It was close, and it's a pretty wild story."
"Considering this place, I think I can handle it, however wild the story gets." Xander settled onto the couch, laying the crossbow on the coffee table.
"We... there was a group of us that went on a camping trip." Ash looked as if he was reliving the ugly memories. "It was the summer cabin of this archeologist, and he'd found this book. It was all about Sumerian demons..."
Xander groaned, already knowing that this would not only get ugly but freaky. "Someone read the damn book, didn't they? You never read that stuff, only badness can come of reading old Sumerian books, there's got to be a reason why they died out."
"It got recorded, and someone thought it would be a good idea to play the record." Ash looked unhappy. "Things... happened. You can't imagine how ugly..."
"Ash, pal, this place was originally called La Boca Del Infierno, or Mouth of Hell for those of us who aren't Spanish. It's a big draw for the magical and the scary. Lots of vampires, demons, we've had a few cases of zombies, some ghosts, and more bad after effects of reading the wrong books than I ever wanted to imagine."
"Vampires and zombies?” Ash looked thoughtful, “ Ever get any Deadites?"
"Not yet," Xander admitted. "How bad are they?"
"Basically, you have to hack them into bits and then burn the bits to get them to stop coming after you." Ash sank in the chair, and sighed. "Everyone else died. I lost my hand. Now their family's are convinced I had something to do with their disappearances, and I have to go to LA to talk to the only lawyer in the state willing to consider defending me. Some guy named MacDonald."
"Okay, hands down that sucks worse than anything I had to deal with here. At least I never got accused of killing the people I lost." Xander agreed, and then sighed. "It's not like you can tell the lawyer that there was a nasty Sumerian book that conjured up evil spirits that killed everybody, you'll get locked in an nut-house for the rest of your life."
"Yeah. I've got to figure out what I can tell this guy. I mean, even in LA, who's going to believe a story like that, even if every word is true?"
They just sat there as the storm raged outside, each thinking of the ways the supernatural had ruined things for them.
"So, let me tell you a not so funny story about Parent-Teacher night back a few years ago..." Xander began.
end Hands Down.