all copyrighted material used w/o permission.
contains spoilers for an episode from either season one or two. i think it is called 'lucky 19'.
Buffy looked at Spike.
Spike looked at Buffy.
"I clawed my way out of my own grave, Spike. I was in a coffin and used my fingers to move six feet of earth!"
Spike growled. "I know, pet. I've done it too."
"Like you needed the oxygen when you crawled out!" Buffy snorted. "I was still alive! Spike," Buffy said, blinking away tears, "if i didn't get out I would have died. In my own coffin."
"Harsh, pet," Spike said, taking a puff from his fag. "But you did get out; friends still haven't shut up about how wonderful it is."
Buffy laughed so quickly and coldly it sounded like a bark. "Friends my ass! I came back to life in my own coffin, surrounded by the decay of my own body!"
Spike looked directly at the slayer. "It was an accident, love. A terrible, cruel, mind-fucking accident."
"You don't get it!" Buffy screeched. She was becoming hysterical and didn't care. "When we were still in high school this thing happened where all our nightmares, our worst fears, started being real!"
Spike felt himself growing nervous. There was no way that the slayer's next words would be plesant.
Buffy continued, "The Master, the one who killed me, was there. And he turned me. Pushed me into a grave and filled it up with dirt while I was weak and couldn't do a damned thing to save myself! That was the first time I crawled out of my own grave, Spike. I was burried alive and had to dig out!"
"He turned you?" Spike asked.
"Not really. Just pushed me into the hole and burried me alive. But I came out of the grave fully vamped out," Buffy answered. "Giles, Willow and Xander were there. It was Giles' nightmare to see my grave. To lose his slayer. It was mine to be a vampire." After several seconds of silence passed Buffy looked up and pinned Spike's gaze with her own. Her eyes begged the vampire to understand.
Spike threw his fag to the earth and ground it out before closing in on Buffy and putting his hands on her shoulders. "But that wasn't really what it was," he said softly. "Slayers don't become vampires. It just don't work, and you knew that."
Buffy nodded. "Every night I go to the cemetary and watch graves erupt and the dead crawl from them. It's hard work and not a single fledge is happy to realize where it is."
"Being turned isn't the worst part because your soul leaves and the demon lives in your body," Spike continued. "The vampire isn't the human."
"Right!" Buffy cried. "But they all scratch and claw and dig out of their own graves. Out of tiny boxes full of their own remains. Every night we stop them!" Buffy cried.
Spike stepped forward and hugged the crying slayer close to his cold, dead form. Buffy knew that being turned was death and that the body was not
the person who had occupied it in life. Buffy knew
that. Slayer's aren't afraid of death; they come to yearn for it. But Buffy's friends witnessed what she did fear. And what did they do with that knowledge?
Brutally sever a beloved hero of humankind from heaven and her eternal reward only to thrust her into one of her oldest, worst nightmares.