An Ooops Love Spell
Disclaimer: The Buffy characters and Connor belong to Joss Whedon, and the Potterverse and its characters belong to J.K Rowling. I own nothing.
Summary: There was always a reason why Faith was not allowed to do magic.
A/N: Sorry, this came up in the midst of thoughts surrounding my next chapter.
Faith sat crossed legged in front of the cauldron. The spell should've worked by now. Six months in a school full of mojo and she was ready to pop. Things had ended well with Robin but the whole fluey thing that was the only way besides the porthole of going to see him and neither rated highly on the must do again front.
Xander was probably the next best bet although he was attempting to badly seduce the pink haired chick who seemed to be turning up at the school a lot. Faith grinned. He was trying to seduce, it was Anya's ghost making it go badly. The dead ex-fiancée had major issues with the one-eyed even contemplating moving on. 'Still I got there first' she thought.
Then there was G-man. Nope that would be wicked weird. Doing the dirty with him would be like doing it with.. She shuddered. Not going there.
No one was being in the least bit obliging to her needs. Heck even the freaky space boy Andrew was looking good to her right now and that was not good. Nope. He'd have her halfway to happyland and then decide that he was missing something else which was much more important. Tall, dark and broody was always lurking the corridors but he'd be no good. Too much of a eunuch figure (Note to self. Check in with Angel.) Then there were the redheads. Nope, that'd be too much like popping with Red. 'Course Red was having fun looking at Wood. Damn that name. Damn the fact he was teaching the slayers how to effectively fly and attack whilst riding.. a broom.
The only other option was the students and she wasn't going there. No, no, no , no. She refused. Not even the ones that were the same age as D. Not that they hadn't offered. Damn Blaise. If he hadn't have been swatted by his slightly frightening, big-eyed girlfriend of a moon, she may have eventually come round to the idea. He was Head boy after all and she could claim it was to improve teacher-student relations. No. Bad, bad Faith. Hot Damn she was sounding like B now. Damn, Damn, Dammity Damn.
Hell, that's why she done a spell. Bring to her a popping buddy. Someone who would just come a visiting for that. Red had one in her spellbook that was nice and neatly written with the appropriate sections underlined. (Note to self. Get Red out more.) Of course, that was more of a love spell so she'd re-worked a bit. Same a cooking she had originally thought, (Not that she could cook.) it was more about the experimenting.
Faith got up and started looking in the stalls of Myrtles bathroom. You couldn't really call it hers anymore. The ghost was spending way too much time with Anya's spook. Damn no one. She marched over to the large window. Nope, no Faith-Express broomsticks, with specially wrapped parcels for her to unwrap. Damn.
She stormed out of the bathroom and headed downstairs towards the dungeon to sneak out some more ingredients from the storeroom. Broodmeister had questioned her about the first lot after Slayer stealth had been rudely interrupted by the youngest Summers. Nothing was going to keep her from her goal this time though. It was super-slayer-stealth mode all the way.
She rounded the corner, and took in the sight before her. "Crap." Was all she said as she watched Buffy launch herself at the startled potionsmaster, with a fevered passion, and pulling him into the potions storeroom. "Nice move though B." She mumbled to herself. "Way to get your nasty on."
Faith was beyond a bit peeved after she'd encountered her sixth Scooby related couple in the training room. Vi had taken it upon herself to wrestle with Connor on the training mats. Being that she was a slayer she had him pinned and seemed to be what can only be described as kissing the poor destructive boy senseless. Not that he looked like he was minding but still.
So far she'd encountered a variety of couple swaps. When she'd found Draco Malfoy under the Slytherin Table she'd half expected to see Ginny Weasley under there with Peroxide Junior. Instead she found a mound of brown bushy hair in the form of book-girl 'Moine. Not that that would've bothered her boyfriend seeing as he was otherwise engaged with D in Filch's store cupboard.
In the library she'd found Pansy with Andrew backed up in a quiet, cosy corner. The poor boy looked quite stunned as the raven-haired spitfire launched herself at him, bringing down the nearest bookcase with her, blocking any likelihood of escape except for Scotty finally beaming him up.
What had really disturbed her was a visit to see Dobby, and finding the houselves all huddled in a corner while the table in there was currently being occupied by an intense smooching sitch involving Molly Weasley and Dog-boy. That one she couldn't stand. Problem was now however solved due said Dog-boy now being locked in the stock-cupboard with strict instructions to the elves to 'zap' anyone who makes a move to unlock him.
It was now time to visit G-man. Sure he'd be a bit..well..british and clucking about the problem but still he'd be the man with the mojo to end the stupid spell.
She approached his chambers door and knocked. "G-man. Red caused a bit of a sitch."
"Faith." A rather dishevelled Giles answered. "Not a good time right now. Can I get back to you?"
"No. Something wicked freaky is happening. Buffy jumped Tall, Dark and Cranky. D's smooching away with Ron while Junior-but-female you is in the great hall with Peroxide-Junior. Not to mention the wicked nasty I caught in the kitchens."
"Faith. I really must insist that I am quite, quite busy at the moment."
"G. Freaky sitch is your department. I just hit stuff. Isn't this the point where you take of your glasses and say 'Dear Lord' over and over again? Where are your glasses?"
The next thing she knew a blonde woman opened the door wrapped in a sheet, pointing a wand at her.
"Cissa, please lower your wand."
"Dammity Damn, Damn, Damn."
"Faith." The blonde woman queried as the brunette marched out towards the main chambers door, pausing at the weapons cupboard to find Luna and Neville in there, a crossbow pointed straight at her. Slamming the door she carried on her march.
Faith was practically fuming by the time she'd reached the great hall again. So far she'd found everyone bar Willow and all of them were up to their eyeballs with the wacky mojo.
If she'd thought the Molly Weasley encounter was enough to weird her out she had been wrong. That award had to go to Professors D and M. She'd had to threaten the gargoyle blocking the route to the office before it finally had let her in and she could safely swear that the red and gold budgie that Professor D had referred to as a phoenix was trying to block his eyes from the spectacle going on in the room.
There was also the issue with Blaise and Susie. Bones was definitely Slytherin made, not packaged as proved by whatever was going on in that classroom that had Anya cackling and a whiny noise coming from Myrtle. Some things are better left unknown.
Miracle boy was found floating with mini-red, somewhere near the divination room. Again with the not knowing except that the floating may have had something to do with the wand which somehow was pointed directly at her. What was with witches and their mojo sticks, and the pointing at innocent slayer types?
At least Xander had some sense of restraint with Pinky the pink haired witch. He and Tonks were still whispering quietly to each other. She had to talk to that witch about her intentions towards her pirate, and tell her to get a move on and stop making him attempt the moves. Heck he still needed to be shown round some of the curves, no matter how many mad skills she had taught him, during their brief encounter years ago.
After opening the main doors she looked out to spot a pair of redheads making their way towards the school.
"Yo, gruesome twosome. What's the sitch?"
The pair just looked at her.
"The sitch. Situation. What's happening?"
"You seen Buffy?"
"Last seen ravishing Sev. Why?"
"Eeeww." Came the joint response.
Faith sniggered. Six months exposed to the Scooby gang, had that effect on your language. She remembered then that she was mad.
"You guys wouldn't have made any changes to Snape's ingredients would you?"
"Not me. Fred?"
"I'm George. You're Fred."
"You sure. I could've swo.."
They were both were silenced as Faith grabbed then and knocked their heads together. She grinned. She'd always wanted to do that. Now back to being mad.
She took off towards the Quidditch pitch, where Red was supposedly meant to be having a flying lesson. She could fly anyway but give her a broom and she went all wonky, hence the separate lessons. Shortened the risk of someone getting 'Hecated'.
Faith watched as she was spotted by Willow and a body was pushed into the bushes.
"H-hey Faith. What'ya doing out here?"
"Dawn did some bad mojo. You have to fix it."
"Can it wait? I'm in the middle of a lesson."
"Er, No. Giles is getting jiggy with Mrs Malfoy, and Buff’s jumped Snape. Seems like he's not so eunuchy. Things are getting wicked freaky weird."
"Still, I'm busy."
"Yeah. With what? No broom."
A moss and leave covered Oliver Wood pulled himself out of the bushes.
"Workin' on the theory. I wasn't a professional Quidditch player for nothing Faith."
"Sure Woody. Look the mojo has gone wacky, Red. Giles is getting some. Isn't that usually a cause for concern?"
"No that's Xander."
"Pirate may be getting some too. Concerned?"
"Fine. But I know the perfect place that would be quiet for you if you wanted the you and a guy sitch kept hushed."
She started towards the school with Willow and Oliver in tow. This was really too easy. Lock her in the bathroom until she finally managed to get her lift the spell. They passed the unconscious forms of the Weasley twins and continued into the school.
An hour later an awkward group sat within the Scooby common room staring at Faith. If she weren’t sitting as the focus point in the room she'd be cackling with Anya at this point. Snape and Buffy were currently shivering after an incident with a freezing potion in the storeroom. The shivering was enhanced every time the pair managed to catch each other’s eyes. She was pretty sure that was revulsion.
Dawn and Ron were currently throwing guilty glances at each other, while the occasional glares were heading from Ron towards Harry and Draco, In fact there was a lot of glaring between the previously established couples. The only person who looked completely at ease was Blaise. Damn.
Willow just looked awkward. Sure she had a thing for the Quidditch boy but the fact that she'd acted on it made the awkwardness seem multiplied. Faith tilted her head and looked at Giles. He now had his glasses, at least and looked to be formulating his lecture. Narcissa on the other hand was smirking at her. Okay maybe there was going to be someone in her corner. Two against the school. Yay.
"It was Reds fault."
"No it wasn't."
"In your book."
"It shouldn't have had that effect."
"Well it should be clearer."
"It was underlined near the amounts, highlighted and believe I put sparkles round the 'Dangerous' word"
"Look, someone told me spells were like cooking.."
"Uh Faith." Vi raised her hand. "You can't cook. The last time you tried to cook, the smoke and burning attracted lots of demons and we ended up having to call the fire brigade and ..oh."
"What?" Asked Dawn thinking. "Oh you wanted a fireman."
Giles was grumbling something about tracking of minds, causing Narcissa to chuckle trying to hold in a full strength laugh.
"Look so I changed some of the ingredients to compensate for things. It's not my fault that the twins Weasley are evil and have switched things in Cranky's storeroom."
Snape just raised an eyebrow.
"Faith, please understand that the effects of magic.."
"Hold that thought G-man. Where's Space-boy and fire-cracker?"
The room looked blankly at her.
"All I got was Andrew." Shrugged Dawn.
"That's what I said." Groaned Faith. "And Firecracker."
"Pans?" Suggested Draco.
"Crap." Said Faith as she stormed out of the room and headed towards the library.
She found Pansy unconscious in the corner of the room with Andrew sitting on top of one of the stacks. Madame Pince was trying to coax the feral looking boy down without damaging any more of the books.
Andrews face changed as he leapt down into the arms of the slayer. "You rescued me. She just went crazy. One minute I'm asking her if a teleportation spell would work and the next she's leaping at me."
"Yeah. Look monkey.." She set him down on the floor. "..It was a spell. She didn't mean to."
If it was possible the boy looked a cross between hurt and relieved. She swung an arm around the younger boys shoulders and led him out of the room and back to the common room. "Yo, Pincey. Call Pops up here. Pans needs some help with being unconscious an' all. Also send her out front. Trouble and his clone are out."
The common room was empty later when Faith finally dared return. All except a blonde woman sitting in the chair by the fire. She tried to turn to sneak back out.
"I wouldn't do that F."
"Sure thing B."
Faith slumped down in the chair opposite her sister slayer.
"Do you want me to start?"
Buffy cocked an eyebrow but continued. "Faith. Did Giles really y'know?"
"Huh." Faith was a little confused. "I thought you were going to lecture me?"
"That's so Giles thing."
"Okay. Well Mrs Malfoy was wrapped in a sheet, and she kept grinning at me."
"Totally smitten but, denial.."
"So not just a river in Egypt."
"I call it like I see it, yo."
"So we have two potential smoochie parings."
"Three if we count you and Broody-britches."
"Damn B, I saw you pounce."
"Do you want me to get Giles?"
"I think I'll save that 'til tomorrow B. I've had enough excitement today."
"Really." Buffy wiggled her eyebrows.
"Freaky." Faith replied getting up and heading towards her chambers. "'Night B."
"Night F. Oh by the way, Molly's on the warpath."
Faith closed her door, and looked at her desk piled with a variety of parchments to be marked. She saw a note attached to the top of the pile.
No more spells for the moment Missy. I've taken the offending cauldron, as for you not to get any more ideas.
P.S. Top Drawer.
Faith frowned at the letter taking in the flashing stars around the word 'ideas'. She shrugged opening the top drawer taking out a book of spells that hadn't been there before. She smirked. Red obviously was up to something. She slipped the book back in the drawer and headed towards her bed, finding another note on her bed.
Next time, warn me. I'll give you a hand.
Faith grinned. She was really beginning to enjoy living in a world of mojo, even if at times it was a bit wicked freaky.