The Hyena and the Pirate
Hey, I thought of a name! Go me.
*For those who have not seen Washuu's lab, picture an extradimensional space
roughly the size of Jupiter, filled with levels upon uncountable levels of old
experiments, projects, strange and unusual creatures, and really really big
guns. It currently resides in the broom closet underneath the stairs. :P
"He was conscious outside the Lab?" Washuu asks, again, still puzzling over
the odd genetic combinations. Most cultures used large felinoids for primitive
super soldiers, not virtually extinct fish. Okay, it was a big fish...maybe
they were attempting to develop an ocean-going hybrid soldier?
"Yeah. And talking." Ryoko looks at the guy in the medtube. 'Stupid
bartender. I was having fun.'
"Strange. Judging from the pain reaction level he's exhibiting now, he should
have been unconscious from the pain. Not to mention the collapsed lung and
perforated heart." Washuu blinks absently at the DNA sequence. "The level of
sophistication in the gengineering is strange, too. Notice, here," Washuu
pulls out a laser pointer and indicates a stretch of genes, "This is where the
dolphin DNA was spliced in. See here, and here," indicating two seperate ends
of the dolphin strand, "the dolphin DNA is bordered by rhinovirus markers." At
Ryoko's blank look, Washuu elucidates. "They likely spliced the genetic
sequences they wanted onto the rhinovirus to use it as a primitive retrovirus.
Notice where it's removed the stop markers that typically prevent DNA sequences
from replicating endlessly up and down the line. The mega-shark DNA has the
same signs. However, the Hyena DNA doesn't appear to be 'spliced' in at all.
It simply is there, which is usually one of the signs of a stable, long term
supersoldier program where the soldiers themselves breed true...except for the
fact that the Hyena DNA hasn't crossed the somatic line, which means that the
modified DNA won't be passed on to the next generation. It's almost as if this
kid was used in two entirely different gengineering projects, one by what would
have to be at least an A-class savant to insert the Hyena DNA that accurately,
and the other a fairly typical low tech super-soldier program." She frowns at
the screen. "One that was taken out of simulation too soon." A loud beeping
noise from the med lab interrupts Washuu's monologue.
"What's wrong?" Ryoko asks, quickly. Not that she was concerned, no, it's
just that she didn't meet a lot of people able to put up a clean fight against
her. Fucking 'Lord Kagato' second-guessing her combat tactics. She growls at
"His body's shutting down. Very strange. I've repaired all the gross
physical damage already, he should be recovering swiftly..." Washuu hmms
pensively a moment, then pulls her 'Super Deluxe Aura Reader and Scalp
Massager' out of nowhere and places it on her head. Switching it on, she
examines Xander for several long moments. "That's fascinating..." Washuu
murmurs, wavng a hand and rotating the tube that Xander lies in.
"Uh...Washuu-chan..." Ryoko says, pointing to the monitor displaying Xander's
still falling vital signs.
"Yes, Ryoko dear?" Washuu asks, absently, now going in close to examine part
"Shouldn't you be doing something to help him?"
"There's five minutes left before he'll be unable to pull out of it without
additional medical support." She says, still intently examining something
through the Aura Reader. "My, my, my..." She says, in a self satisfied tone.
"I haven't seen someting like this in the last nine thousand eight hundred
sixty years." She pauses, and then shouts, "Outside! Move it!" A portal opens
up beneath Ryoko and swallows her up, followed very shortly thereafter by two
more portals opening up underneath Xander's med tube and Washuu herself.
Once outside, Washuu checks Xander's vitals to see that they were, indeed,
rapidly improving. That done, she leans back against the tube and begins
examining Funako, the ancient cherry tree. "As I thought..." Washuu murmurs.
"I wonder..." She jumps to her feet, and spins to face the med tube. Her eyes
get really big and sparkly. "If he'll be my new guinea pig!" She shouts.
Ryoko temporarily loses control of her flight, and slams to the ground in
disbelief. "Is that all she ever thinks about?" She whispers to herself.
"Alright, Washuu, what's the big deal?" She asks. Suddenly, she backpedals,
flinging her arms up over her face and cries out "Washuu-chan! Washuu-chan!"
"Much better." Washuu(chan) tosses the Five Tera-Watt Particle Beam Cannon
carelessly over her shoulder. A portal swallows it before it goes five inches.
"Now!" She exclaims, going into dramatic presentation mode, "it appears that
this man here has been through not one, not two, but Three! That's right,
Three! Illicit super-soldier projects. The first appears to be the Hyena
modifications, apparenly intended to increase strength, speed, and fighting
instincts to superlative levels! Incidentally, it's increased his healing
speed tremendously. Second, the dolphin and mega-shark, seems to have been
intended to increase endurance, strength, swimming speed, and make oxygen usage
much more efficient. Fortunately, he'd already been through the Hyena program,
so the shark and dolphin DNA aren't replicating as fast as they would normally
be, otherwise he would have turned into a horrible carnivorous fish mutant and
regressed to an animal level intelligence roughly thirty thousand two hundred
seventy-four hours and thirty-three minutes ago. Plus or minus thirty-six seconds." She
pauses to take a deep breath. "Very sloppy work on that one. Shameful,
especially compared to the subtlety of the other." Her eyes shimmer in
excitement. "And Third! He was linked to the core of this planet, a link
somewhat similar to the link most Jurai have with their tree. However, it's
not quite as sophisticated. The Jurai Trees are tied to Tsunami, who as an
extradimensional being exists simultaneously in all places, thus making it
impossible for you to be truly seperated from your tree. This poor fellow, on
the other hand, doesn't have the benefit of a sidereal link, explaining his
reaction when he entered the lab!" Washu nods firmly.
Ryoko stares at Washuu unseeing, and her eyes clear. "Those don't sound so
bad. You said they were illegal?"
"The first two are illegal on this planet, and aren't commonly done elsewhere
because of the expense. The third was banned by intergalactic convention nine
thousand eight hundred fifty six years ago, as a result of a large scale
attempt. The Empress Selenity of the Silver Empire of Alpha Centauri attempted
to forge links between her Royal Guard and nine of the planetary masses in that
system. Four of the planets were reduced to rubble, three were ravaged by
earthquakes and volcanos, and the final two simply vanished. Of the Nine who
had been linked, four died in incredibly violent explosions that reduced a two
mile radius to rubble, three were literally torn apart, one was at the
epicenter of something...one of the few survivors said that what he remembered
most was the absolute silence while everything was being destroyed, and the
last was caught in a convergence of time, where she remains to this day,
unreachable, aging forwards and backwards so rapidly that between the flicker
of an eyelid she can go from newborn to her third centennial. Empress
Selenity's soul was consumed by a warp-demon from an alternate plane that
called itself Met'l'a, who was in turn destroyed by the cataclysm. In short, a
very, very bad day for all involved." She sighs heavily. "In the end, it
resulted in the deaths of thirteen trillion sentient life-forms." Shaking her
head sadly, she continues. "I told them and told them to install limiters and
power regulators in the links, but noooo, they knew what they were doing, go
about my business..." Washu trails off, ranting in a low tone for several
"Uh, Washuu-chan?" Ryoko waits for a few seconds. Washuu did this once ina
while, it was what she called one of her more charming flaws. Ryoko called it
"What?!" Washu asked, whirling to face Ryoko.
"This planet isn't going to detonate, is it?" Ryoko asked, kinda nervous. It
wasn't much of a planet, but it was Tenchi's home world.
"Oh, no. Things were going wrong with that experiment long before they did
the low-power tests, which was when things went seriously wrong." Washuu nods.
"Besides, this planet is much younger than those that were used in Selenity's
experiment. While that limits maximum output somewhat, it also means that the
planets energy field is much more mutable." She looks pensive, and sits down
on a large, floating cushion that appeared beneath her. Her holographic
computer interface appears before her, and she starts typing at a blisteringly
fast pace. "I wonder how the energy link was established, not to mention
stabilized. The technology of this planet is far too primitive to have
accomplished it in any of the five hundred and sixty two ways previously
discovered...no records of sufficiently advanced 'mysticism,' so that's not
the...hmm...no _surviving_ records... maybe..." Washuu trails off into
Ryoko blinked a couple of times, then quietly calls Washuu. Then calls her
again. Satisfied with the lack of response, she checks the kid's vitals.
Sastisifed that he is out of danger, and merely asleep instead of unconscious,
she silences the alarms, and decants him. Then she disappears. So does he.
He yawned, and blinked muzzily. "What a weird dream." He said as he yawned
again. He set up and stretched, then started to work his shoulders to get the
kinks out. He frowned, confused, when the expected kinks failed to, well,
kink. "Good mattress?" He asked, semi-rhetorically, as he swung his legs out
and stood up, ignoring the brief moment of vertigo imposed by his lack of depth
perception. That reminded him of his eye...which wasn't throbbing quite as
much as it usually did until he dropped some aspirin. Cancel that, it wasn't
throbbing at all. "I haven't felt this good since..." He stopped for a
moment, eye closed, thinking. "I dunno when I've felt this good." His gaze
passed, mostly unseeing, over the hotel room, looking for a phone. Seeing one,
he padded over to it. Dropping down into the comfy chair, he dialled the
thirteen digit number for Council HQ in Cleveland. Catching a glimpse of a
pizza box out of the corner of his eye, he flipped the lid open while waiting
for the phone to start ringing. 'Hey, most of it's still here! But what kind
of weirdo puts corn flakes on pizza?' Was the refrain, and then the phone
started ringing. Xander hastily gulped down the slice before someone answered
the phone. 'Not bad.'
"Speak to me." That was Buffy's voice. And man, did she ever sound pissed.
Lotsa background noise, too...the slayers must be organizing for an assault.
"What's up, Buff?" He hoped nobody'd been hurt.
"Oh, God! Xander! Are you all right?" She sounded intense.
He heard, faintly, Faith in the background. "Everybody stand down for now,
Xander's been found."
"Where on Earth are you?"
"Uh, Africa." Xander said, trying not to laugh. "Exactly...uh, I dunno,
actually. A hotel room of some sort." He looks around. "A nice hotel room.
I think I might have gotten lucky last night. But I must have been blitzed,
cause the last thing I remember was heading into a dive of a bar for info on
that demon I've been chasing."
"Uh...Xander," Buffy hesitates, wondering at the location the 'enhanced'
caller ID is showing. "Why are you in La Digue Island Lodge on Seychelle?"
"I'm not in Seychelle, Buffy, I'm on the mainland." He walked over to the
window and drew open the
"Well, that's what Willow's special Caller ID says." Buffy said impatiently.
"Uh.." Xander said, swallowing. "I'm on an island, Buffy."
"Yes, I know that." She replied impatiently. "How did you get there?"
Xander's gaze flitted about the room, picking up details his subconscious had
edited out the first pass. The pile of torn, blood covered clothes that looked
a bit too familiar. The pizza box with weird characters on it. The photo,
laying on the bedside table, of an all too familiar demon in a victory pose.
The little index card, folded in half, with a phone number and the words 'Call
me' written on it. "I'm thinking maybe my dream last night wasn't a dream."
For those who may be curious, the suffix '-chan' that Washuu demands on her
name has no direct english translation, like many japanese terms, which is why
I've chosen to preserve it. It is typically used for prepubescent children,
and is also used by teenaged girls when referring to each other. It can also
be used by couples when referring to the other. It can be insulting if used by
one boy to refer to another boy. Its meaning varies depending on context. In
the context demanded by Washuu, it means either Little(Young), or possibly
Little Cutie. The dictionary defines it as a suffix for familiar (female)
person. '-Kun' is the masculine suffix.
There's a whole big thing about why Washu wants to be called that, and why
precisely she looks about 12 or 13, but I'm not getting into that. Go buy the
OAVs. They're quite good.