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The Hyena and the Pirate

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Summary: Challenge: Xander and Superpowered S/O. Should be...entertaining.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Anime > Tenchi MuyoFallenDruidFR1338,52852112,4738 Jul 058 Jul 05No

Ch 1

Unnamed Challenge
Get Xander Together With Superpowered (or just plain aggressive as all hell)
Fem and Her Over Protective Parental Unit

Disclaimer: I own neither Tenchi Muyo or Buffy the Vampire Slayer


He'd been in Africa for a few months now. For a couple weeks, right when he
first got in, he'd felt weird. Jazzed, wired with immense amounts of caffeine
weird. The hyper period had passed, though, and he was back to normal again.
Well, as normal as he ever got, anyways. Now he pondered on weighty things as
he passed through the tiny port 'town' on the ass end of Africa. Such as how
much this place reminded him of Mos Eisley, and whether or not their beer was
any good. He usually didn't drink much, but in towns, the beer was usually
safer than the water. Medically speaking, anyways. He stopped outside the one
cantina in the town, and pondered it for a moment. And then a body came flying
out, through the wall, and collapsed, moaning, on the street. A bright,
actinic light flared, and a scream of agony sounded from within the bar.

That pretty much decided it for Xander. He grabbed a chunk of two-by-four,
and jumped through the hole in the wall. Inside was a scene almost straight
from the Cantina, except there was no Luke and Old Ben was most decidedly not a
Buxom, drunk, apparently demonic woman who could make a lightsaber out of
nothing. There was, however, a scuzzy looking piratey type (not Xander)
kneeling on the ground, clutching at his cauterized wrist while his hand,
complete with gun lay, sizzling still, on the ground before him. The demon
snorted, and turned back to her drink, ignoring the man whimpering in pain
behind her. A strange animal looking thing, sorta like a demonic rabbit,
meowed in a reproachful manner at the woman. "Oh-kay." Xander sayed, feeling
like an idiot standing there waving a two foot piece of two-by-four, so he
dropped it. The demon said something to the demon cat/rabbit in a weird
language...not that that was really a surprise. A couple of eyes shifted to
him when he dropped the lumber, but most returned to watching the demon at the
bar. Shrugging uncomfortably, he stepped up to the bar.

Facing the demon, he shrugged, and kinda wished he looked more respectable.
"Excuse me..." he said in his best 'I am a Watcher, Demons fear me' voice. "Do
you understand English?"

The demon looked like it was considering something. Xander really hoped it
wasn't considering how his head would look on the mantelpiece back in Hell.
"Yes," the demon said, seeming somewhat puzzled. "I understand English."

Xander pulled a little card that Willow had made up out of a pocket. Sure,
they were questions he was supposed to ask his dates, but he'd found long ago
that many of them were applicable to any situation with only minor alterations.
"Are you bent upon world domination and or devastation?"

Now she seemed really puzzled. "No..."

Xander nods and makes a little checkmark. "Planning any ritual sacrifices of
humans, or any other mammal over the weight of twenty-five kilograms?" He
looks up and sees her looking at him as if he was a complete psychopath. He
quirks an eyebrow at him. "Right, I'll just mark that one as a no, then. Now,
are you planning on opening any holes in the fabric of reality to allow your
lord and or master to invade this plane of existance?" She continues staring
at him. "Right, no again. Do you require the blood, brain, heart, any other
organ, and or the psychic, biological, or metaphysical energy of any sentient
beings to maintain your life force, and if so, are you required to take
sufficient amounts of same from any one person to kill them and or drive them

"What the fuck you think I am? Some kind of monster?" She demanded.

"It was a thought." Xander replied, cautiously. "I'm just here to determine
if you're a threat to life as we know it, or a threat to the lives of any

She was beyond listening. "I am not a monster!" She shouted, clothes
converting to her skin tight battlesuit as tiny stars ignited in the hollows of
her wrists and throat.

"Ah, shit." Xander says as he drops back a step and takes a quick look
around. The fine tuned survival instincts of everyone else in the tavern had
told them to flee, and they had. Even the bartender was gone. An irreverent
thought wanders through his skull. 'Damn but she's hot.' "Now is not the time,
Brain." He mutters, casting about for a weapon. Finding nothing, he prepares
to live another day. Some instinct prompts him to dodge, and he does so, just
in time to see a searingly bright blast of something plow through the space he
was just in and penetrate deeply into the earth. "That is so not fair!" He
shouts, backing away from the demon. The demon rabbit mews energetically as it
jumps up on the larger demon's shoulder.

"Life isn't fair," she shouts, "human." sneeringly, darkly. Another ball of
plasma forms in her hand, and as her fist clenches about it, it coalesces into
a bar of energy. "Allow me to demonstrate how unfair life is." Another orb of
plasma forms above her other hand, and lightning jitters about it.

"Gaah!" He shouts, as he somehow manages to avoid the lances of fire bursting
towards him. One dodge lands him near the two by four he dropped, and he grabs
it and throws it towards the demon, only to see it incinerated in mid-air.

"Stand still and let me slaughter you!" She shouts, doubling her rate of fire.

Time seems to go in slow motion for Xander, as he sees a plasma bolt on a
direct line for his face, with no time to dodge. Slowly, his hand drifts
upwards...after all, better his hand than his head. The bolt strikes, and pain
fills Xander. Dropping to the ground and catching himself on his good hand,
incidentally avoiding the three follow up shots, he springs forward, arcing
over the next four hits, and rams his stiffened fingers into the demon's side,
right underneath where the short ribs would be on a comparable human. He
snarls in frustation and bounces off of the bar as his blow fails to do more
than rip her suit and cause her to grunt.

"The hard way it is!" The demon hisses as she clenches her fist around the
orb and it, too, coalesces into a solid bar of energy. She charges forward,
engaging Xander in close combat.

Xander dodges furiously, savage laughter filling his throat as he tries to get
inside her reach, wishing desperately that he hadn't trimmed his claws so
recently. His good eye flashes amber, and the pupil develops a vertical slit.

Unseen by the two combatants, now fully involved, the bartender stands up from
behind his bar, shotgun in hand. The demon rabbit sits on the bar, staring
sadly at the brawl in the middle of the room.

There's a sudden pause in the brawl, the demon staring at her opponent, who
just caught her energy blades, one in each hand. Shocked out of her rage, she
has no time to react as Xander, single eye glowing amber almost as brightly as
one of her gems, thrust kicks her brutally in the stomach. She grunts as the
impact forces her back almost six inches. "Foolish!" Xander howls as he moves
in to capitalize on her distraction, only to see her vanish from in front of
him. A slight pop some distance behind him alerts him and he spins to see the
demon grinning at him, her eyes no longer glowing red, but instead the amber
they had been.

"That almost hurt." She says, almost wonderingly. The demon rabbit hisses
warningly, and a shield of some form pops into existance around her, small
pieces of fast moving silver shot glowing as the shield forces them to an
abrupt halt, heating them almost to the melting point. "Hey!" She shouts at
the bartender. "No interference!" She grabs the shotgun out of his hand even
as the bartender tries to bring it to bear on her again, and twists the barrel

"Guns are cheating." A pained voice informs them from behind, and Xander
falls to the floor as the demon turns to look. Blood covers most of his side,
one arm, and his hands have third degree burns.

"Dammit." The demon mutters. "I'll never hear the end of this from Sasami."
She casually floats over to Xander, picks him up, and winces at the gasp of
pain he produces. "Sorry kid. You pissed me off. I'll take care of you, get
you all fixed up. Ryo-oh-ki! C'mere, furball." The demon rabbit jumps to her
shoulder and looks down at Xander.

Xander glares at the demon, ears ringing. He coughs up some blood, and says,
wetly, "Doesn't matter. Others coming. Will stop you." He gasps for breath.
"Never win."

"Yeah, yeah." The demon says, barely paying attention to Xander as she steps
outside of the building. "Whew. Really trashed this place, didn't I." She
looks around a bit.

A gut wrenching sensation, like he was falling and spinning and rising, all at
the same time, overtook Xander, and he almost passed out from the combination
of pain and sense distortion. When he became aware a few moments later, there
was a confusing babble of voices, and he was apparently in a wood paneled home
in front of a small door. The demon holding him was kicking the door and
yelling something. The door swung open, revealing a large, blank space. The
demon grunted in satisfaction, and stepped forward. "Fucking hell
dimensions..." Xander whispered, pained.

"Oh." The demon gave a fanged grin down at him. "You've been to Washu's Lab
before, I take it." And she stepped through.

"Gyaaaaarrgh!" Xander screamed as the demon completed the step and some
intangible _thing_ was ripped away from him, and slumped downwards, unconscious.

Meh. Was probably pretty obvious.

Ah, the problems inherent in this cross...I've actually attempted this once
before...hopefully I'm a better writer this time. Also hopefully, the
horribleness of that fic has been expunged by now...but knowing the internet,
someone will have thought it was good and made an archival copy. Main problem
is the horrible dues ex that you have to take to get Ryoko out of Japan, and
still on Earth, not to mention interested, even vaguely, in a relationship.

Continuity: First two OAVs of TM (haven't seen Third OAV yet, may not
acknowledge it even if I do see it), Daughter of Darkness (Altered to fit OAV
continuity), Kiyone Is Alive (albeit Lost In Space). Post Final season Buffy,
never seen much Angel, but Xander goes to Africa anyways)

"Gah." Ryoko winces as the scream echoes throgh her. "I know it's bad here,
kid, but you don't have to scream like you've just taken your deathblow,
either." She looks down. "Shit! Washuu, Medlab, now!" The kid dissappears
out of her arms and the two of them reappear in a sterile bay that looked like
a cross between an Emergency Room and a mad scientist's lab. Probably because
it was an ER in a mad scientists lab.

Washuu, busy behind her typical hologram computer screen, said in a distracted
manner, "Now Ryoko, what have I told you to call me."

"Washuu-_chan_, is he gonna be all right?" She asked, staring worriedly at
the medical bed.

Washuu looks up momentarily from her work, carefully teleporting the chunks of
metal out of the brunette on the bed. "Ryoko..." She whispers nearly silently
to herself, before shrugging and accepting that that was as good as she was
going to get. "Ryoko's going soft!" She exclaims in delight. "Worried about
some poor little earth boy!" Ryoko glares at her. "Ah, he'll be fine. What
the heck where you doing to get shotgunned?" She asks.

Ryoko blushes. "Bar fight. I know, I know, don't get in fights with the
local yokels. I was having a bad day. The people in the bar couldn't keep
their hands to themselves, and then he comes up and asks me all these weird
questions, all but called me a monster!" She exclaims, then quiets. "I dunno
who he is, Washuu-chan, but he isn't a local. He blocked an energy bolt with
his bare hand, and -caught- my energy blades bare handed."

"Oh?" Washuu asks absently, setting the dish of metal chunks to one side, as
she pressed the button to encapsulate the boy in 'Washuu's Super Secret Healing
Gel and Barbecue Sauce - For people who like their steak rarer than legally
allowed!' She grabbed one of the pieces of buckshot and dropped it in her
'High-Speed DNA Analyzer, Resequencer, and Microwave Oven.' "Well let's just
find out then."

"He was conscious and talking until I took him inside the lab." Ryoko added.

"That's odd..." Washuu says, while the HSDNAARMO beeps completion of the
analysis cycle. "His vitals are still dropping. You say he was conscious
until you took him inside the lab?"

"Yeah, and then he screamed."

"I heard that..." Washuu thinks for a moment. The DNA Analysis flashes up on
the screen, where it blinks 'Sol/Colony 317/Native Sophont/Homo
Sapiens/'Ireland' 96.85% match' followed by 'Junk DNA *RESEQUENCED* Type Match
Sol/Colony 317/Native Mammalia/Crocuta crocuta/'Kalahara' 02.15% match, Type
Sol/Colony 317/Native Pisces/Charcharodon Megalodon/'Mediterranean Ocean'
0.05% match, Type
Match Sol/Colony 317/Native Mammalia/Stenella Clymene/'Atlantic Ocean' 0.05%
Below that, in big, bright red letters, it read '*WARNING.* DNA sequence
*UNSTABLE.* Estimated time before uncorrectable genetic collapse:
6353:22:00:26.1547' "Fascinating. You seem to have found what passes for a
Terran gengineered super soldier."

Ryoko scoffs. "Right. Like this backwater planet has the tech base to do
gengineering good enough to even slow me down."
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